There is an angel…
“I don’t like watching him hurt. I want to fix it. Imagine that.”
The Junky’s Wife
In my ministry and in my life when I can’t make heads or tails of a certain situation, I stop, go out on my balcony and I talk to God and then I wait. And I come back from outside after watching the snow fall, to a little show we like to call “Touched by an Angel.” And I remember why I chose to walk this journey, because the angels told me that I would live and that to help another person was my calling.
If we could fix everything right from the start, that would be too easy. Where is the work that God calls us to do in walking through the darkness, to find the light? For everything there is a time and a season. And we know in recovery, that everything operates on God’s time, not our own. Sobriety calls us to walk together to find solutions and to Recover!!!
Sobriety weeds out the weak from the strong, the real people who walk the walk and talk the talk from those who spout off platitudes and empty promises. You find like minded people who will walk with you through the dark, because we are out here, inviting you to walk with us for a little while, because we know where the oases are, and we know where to find the God of our understanding.
This is a harsh lesson in sobriety, when we see pain that we know is fixable, we can’t fix others, because we are powerless over people, places and things. So we choose to walk with folks through the darkness, because the dark is not so dark, if someone is there, holding a candle for us.
When it seems so dark, go outside and look into the heavens, and what do we see in the darkness? The stars… It’s not so dark after all is it?
When I got sober this last time, and the time before, the mention of drugs and treatment came up in many meetings that I attended. I take pills, pills and more pills, and some think that I am not clean because of the massive amounts of medications I take on a daily basis, I beg to differ. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.
I must take certain medication every day to keep my body, my mind and my soul in sync. And anyone who has an opinion to offer on my medical treatment, I offer them the choice to become HIV positive and walk my journey with me. I can sero convert you in moments, not having to wait for a test, I can give it to you if you’d like to know the life I live in the body that I am trapped in at this moment.
These were my vows: on that day I promised to have and to hold:
From the first day I met you there was something that set you apart from anyone I have ever known. There was light in your eyes and love in your heart. Your spirit spoke to me and said “here I am.” It was an angel that brought us together on that cold rainy night at St. James. Our faith and spirituality was something we both knew existed. There was a bond from day one that has only gotten stronger over the years that we have been together. We believe angels walk the earth, and it was THAT angel, that has made this day possible.
I kept our light aflame when everything seemed so dark for you. Over the past year, I have learned to love you from the depths of my heart, I will never forget “Who” you are. Our relationship has taught me to love in ways I never knew I could. Caring for another goes beyond anything the world could have taught me, for i walked this path with you alone. In return, I have grown to love myself more, and have faith in my abilities to be a proper husband who loves you because he wants not, not because he has to, and that is forever.
And I am grateful to say that you helped shape the man I am today. I’ve loved you into the man you’ve become. I am so proud of you, for this has not been an easy journey, for either of us, yet we stand here, before our friends and family, in this moment, Together, before God, triumphant.
I am grateful that we have achieved so much and received “Promises” that only could have come from a power greater than ourselves. Let’s continue this journey as partners and beloved, before these our family and guests, in this sacred space, before God in his heaven.
I love you so and always will.
I, Jeremy, join you Peter in marriage, to take you as my husband.
To share all of my life with you, I will love you as with my own soul, to share the rest of our journey together. I will go where you go. I will laugh when you laugh and weep when you mourn. I will be your helper and partner as long as we journey together, to grow with you in love, serving one another in humanity in peace and hope; as long as we both shall live. I will protect the home we call our “Sacred Space.”
I will love you as God loves you, I will respect you above all others, and cherish every moment as if it were our last. I will protect you and stand up for you and be proud to call you my beloved. I will be faithful to you alone and forsaking all others till death us do part.
Once you say the words, you cannot take them back. Once you speak those vows to your beloved and before God, they are sealed in the covenant that God has blessed for you. There is no going back. You either choose to [stay] or you choose to [go].
If was so easy to up and say I am finished and that I have had enough there would be no marriage. It is too easy to walk away and say I can’t, but it is hard to stand and walk and to face the hardship with courage and steadfast love. That’s why only the strong survive the roller coaster that is marriage in it good and bad periods.
But you FIGHT, and Fight Hard…
You are never alone, because God sees you and hears your prayers and your sorrows and he sees your pain, you must walk through it to see the grace that comes from the experience. GRACE is a gift from God, when we have seen the worst of pain, grace comes when we least expect it, and it blesses and sanctifies us as people of God.
If you took your vows as serious as I have, then you stand up and you fight. You fight for your beloved before all others. You protect your beloved before all others, and you support your beloved before all others. Love as God has loved and you cannot go wrong.
Find that power greater than yourself and lay your burdens on his shoulders for He can carry them, Let go and Let God, and know that to Live – Easy – But – Think – First, works because “this too shall pass…”
The darkness exists, but the light at the end of the tunnel also exists and for those who have the courage and faith to walk the journey, the view on the other side is beautiful, I have seen the light, and I have seen the pitch black darkness too, so I know what it feels like to come out the other side of sorrow and pain, into joy and health. And wouldn’t you want to walk that journey with him because I know that when all is said and done, when I stand before my god, wouldn’t I want to hear him say
“Well done good and faithful servant…”
I should mention that this is Downtown West Montreal, Quebec, Canada…
Our 4 day snow event has begun. I thought I would share with you the view of snow fall from our place. They say that BIG SNOW is coming this weekend into Monday. It is snowing like mad out tonight at 5:00 p.m. Here are a few shots of the area. Enjoy…
- from my friend ron hudson at international carnival of pozitivities:
Tomorrow is World AIDS Day. Please remember to wear a Red Ribbon for solidarity with those of us who are living with or affected by HIV/AIDS and to remember those of us who have died from the disease. This virus may have gone underground in the media (except in the weeks surrounding World AIDS Day, December 1), but it is raising its ugly head in increasing infection rates among gay men, women, minorities and the poor. We need to stress prevention methods that are known to work while educating about how the disease is spreading. AIDS in the developing world is a dire situation, but sadly, it is just one more problem that many have to live with. Poor nutrition, lack of clean water, malaria and other tropical diseases contribute to a cauldron of misery that we have to address in addition to the infection and death rates due to AIDS.
Stigma associated with HIV/AIDS is one of the most pernicious aspects of this condition. You can help out by talking openly without hesitation about HIV/AIDS to those who might not normally see people living with HIV/AIDS in a positive light. You can share your personal stories with others about those you know and love who have been affected. You can wear your red ribbon and not just on December 1st. Please do whatever you can to dispel the negative perceptions about people living with HIV/AIDS and help us recall the need for compassion, prevention and education. The virus is the enemy, not those who are infected.
HIV/AIDS related charities around the world need your help. You can volunteer your time, or you can make donations of goods, services or money. Perhaps one of the most rewarding ways you can help is to visit those who are in need of companionship and to spend time getting to know them and their life stories. Bring them dignity by listening, by holding their hands, and by sharing your hugs and compassion.
AIDS is not a one day event for those of us living with HIV. Please keep us in mind year round.
The Canadian Press
November 30, 2007 at 6:17 AM EST
TORONTO — Health Canada has granted licence approval for a new HIV-AIDS drug, the first in a promising new class of medications.
Drug maker Merck Frosst says it has been given permission to bring Isentress to the Canadian market for treatment of HIV-positive people whose viruses are resistant to multiple other HIV drugs.
AIDS expert Dr. Mark Wainberg says there is tremendous optimism about the drug in the community of HIV patients, doctors and researchers.
The drug’s generic name is raltegravir.
It is the first in a new class of drugs known as integrase inhibitors to hit the global AIDS drug market; another drug, eltegravir, is in development by Gilead Sciences Inc. of Foster City, Calif.
New classes of AIDS drugs are critical because viruses can develop resistance to existing classes of drugs over time.
Raltegravir works by blocking an enzyme called integrase that the virus needs in order to be able to insert its DNA into the host cell’s chromosome.
“The amount of virus in the blood stream goes down much faster with this drug than with other drugs,” says Dr. Wainberg, a professor at McGill University who practises at Montreal’s Jewish General Hospital.
“I think it is a drug that has the potential to do so much good. You know, there are even things we hope we can do with it that we don’t want to talk about [yet].”
Health Canada licensed the drug for use in combination with other antiretroviral medications for the treatment of HIV-1 infection in “treatment-experienced” adult patients who show evidence of viral replication and drug resistance.
The release from the company says the marketing authorization comes with conditions, pending the results of studies to verify the drug’s clinical benefit.
Merck Frosst says a notice of compliance — essentially a licence to market — with conditions signals “the promising nature of the clinical evidence in patients with this serious disease and the need for further follow up to verify the clinical benefits.”
Clinical trials have shown that raltegravir, in combination with other antiretroviral drugs, was effective at reducing viral load and increasing CD4 cell counts, the two most widely accepted measures of efficacy against HIV/AIDS.
The drug was given a priority review by the Food and Drug Administration, which announced on Oct. 16 that it had approved the drug for use in the U.S.
Callie – Dana – Cheena – Pedro – Bobby – Karl – Edward – Rob
David – Mark – Paul – Kenneth – Dennis
Peter – Ed
And all those whom I’ve forgotten…
Angels in Heaven Pray for us
and Protect us…
Today is the 1st anniversary of The Evolution of Jeremiah.
I wrote about the blog last week, so let’s look at the stats once again.
Today we have had 61,963 page hits
Our best day was 475 hits
We have 917 Posts
And 380 Comments
Akismet has blocked 86,418 spam
We have been on quite a journey over the last year. Many changes in life have come to pass, the biggest change was my graduation from University with my Bachelors of Arts in Religious Studies in June. I have to say that my graduation was the biggest let down of all time. What a waste of a day’s time…
This should be a time of reflection to look over the past year and see where we have been and where we see ourselves going in the next year. I am working on my Pastoral Ministry Certificate now and that will continue over the next years time. I am in no rush.
We have welcomed a bunch of new blogs to our blog list –> over there on the sidebar. Lots of stuff to read from a myriad of writers from all over the world. I’d like to think that The Evolution is like the United Nations of Blogging, because we have writers from Iraq, the UK, Australia, Oceania, Canada and the United States, and several European countries.
We have added many new pages to my autobiographical history also –> over there on the sidebar, which as of late has generated a huge amount of traffic. I am amazed at just how many of you are interested in life stories, aside from my daily ramblings on here. I just hope that you are making good use of my life history to help YOU or people that you know in your life. I mean that’s why I have spent hours upon hours writing for this blog. To make sure that a record of me exists and to help another human being on their life path.
We have celebrated our third wedding anniversary this month. What has changed in our marriage? Well, not much. We both have our lives in school and our particular friends and events that go on, on a weekly basis. The longer I am married the more I learn about living with Bi-polar depression [my husband] and my life with HIV [now going on 15 years]. Life is just a collection of days and hours compounded daily. I think we have seen the worst of life as it was lived, and now we are doing all right, I guess.
The only issue that we cannot seem to get a handle on is financial security. Although we are paying off our debts, the bills have just snowed us under. Keeping money in the bank has become a real struggle as of late, that is the biggest hurdle in our relationship is to manage money better, this has been a struggle since we got together, with all the bills, taking care of medical and putting food on the table. UGH!!!
The clinic has bombarded me with a bag full of pills that I am supposed to take for this scientific study, and I am SO NOT going to take any more pills than I have to seeing that the last two lab draws came up so great with numbers like we have never seen and I have been on 1/2 the dose for the last five months. I don’t think I need to pound my body with mouthfuls of medication just to please some lab technician. I am just not going to do it, when I can achieve the same results with half the prescribed medication, although I have six bottles full of pills in my medicine cabinet that I am clearly not going to clear though before February, which is my next check in point.
So let’s talk of the end of year review…
My sons are doing well, they both have good jobs and are making enough money to see themselves through. They both have great apartments that they live in and are able to put food on the table. Several of our blogger boys have made the move out of their respective nests at home, and several more are in the process as we speak. There are MANY reads over there of men who are or have been in relationships for a long time, so if you are wondering how we do it, please by all means go check them out.
- East Meets West – Truvy’s West [Shane]
- Jason in the Nati [Jason TT]
- Joey Destino
- The Adventures of Ed
- Meanwhile back at the Ranch [Timbo]
- Queer Deviations
- Real Euphoria
- Single in the City
- Yani Blog
- Scott O Rama
- Sweetie let me tell you [Curtis]
- Cooper’s Corridor [Cooper]
- The Mrs. Astor
- The Malcontent
- Wild Money Dance
- Show Your Gay Pride
- My Life [Rob]
This is just a raw list off the top of my head of people you should be reading from my life, these are the people I think can offer you, my readers, insight into relationships, the single professional life, adoptions and to add to this list, there are several [sober] marked blogs on the list for those of you who are in recovery, not to mention my own blog…
They say that we shall have a wet, white and wild Winter, well, we shall see about that. We are off to a good start with snow already on the ground here, and things are only going to get worse as time goes by. I will hold off on my predictions until the end of December, as I know that Word Press will be asking us all to add our predictions to the data base then.
So that is what I have to say on my 1 year anniversary here at the Evolution. I welcome you all to continue reading and please by all means participate in the journey by your comments and suggestions. Thank you for reading and being a part of my life.
Good evening from Montreal…
I have my big hair on and my best house coat and a bottle sitting here on the desk, [what was that he said, a bottle?] you know a girl has to have her props to sit and listen to Miss Amy Winehouse on the player… I forgot to buy my rolling papers and I am out of weed [what was that he said, he's out of weed?] well you know, if I am going to get stoned on music, I want the full frontal effect!!!
Those were the days…
I’ve never spoken of my using days because I’d rather forget them than sit here and tell you my war stories because I am a really bad junkie. I am too nervous and preoccupied with everything else going on to worry about just getting stoned. But I have had my share of close calls and acting out with behavior that was clearly out of character for me, save that I was tainted by the company I chose to keep.
Those people involved in my little circle were really great human beings, save one. Do I miss them, maybe I do. Do I want to go back there, no I don’t. Do I think about them, on the odd occasion, whenever I smell the scent of pot on the street or if someone mentions Mary Jane. I guess I am reminded because I am sitting here listening to Miss Winehouse sing about addiction and pot, and the bottle. Things I have up long ago, it just strikes me odd that I enjoy her music so much.
Tell your boyfriend next time he around
To buy his own weed and don’t wear my shit down
I wouldn’t care if brave would give me some more
I’d rather him leave you than leave him my draw
When you smoke all my weed man
You gots to call the green man
So I can get mine
And you get yours
Once is enough to make me attached
So bring me a bag and your man can come back
I’ll check him at the door make sure he got green
I’m tighter than airport security team
When you smoke all my weed man
You gots to call the green man
So I can get mine and you get yours
I’m my own man
So when will you learn
That you got a man but I gots to burn
Don’t make no difference if I end up alone
I’d rather have myself and smoke my homegrown
Its got me addicted, does more than any dick did
Yeah I can get mine and you get yours
Yeah I can get mine and you get yours
It is a quiet night in Montreal. We are expecting a light dusting tonight on the fair city and it is quite cold out. Nothing like curling up under my duvet and reading a little before bed. I have canvased my reads for fodder to write about tonight, and I didn’t find anything topical that I could address. Maybe I did…
The boys have been talking about relationships as of late. And I comment that once you get ‘hitched’ and you learn a routine and life starts to follow a certain routine, those topics of love and sex and commitment fall by the wayside. Being married has severely changed the way I live my life.
Not drinking and drugging changes many things. We do not bar hop like most couples do, one because it costs money to bar hop, taxis to and from the village are costly in the middle of the night because our metro doesn’t run late night. If we do go out to a club, it is a late event, and even that is rare, because of our daily schedule and the time we always go to bed.
Is there a relationship possibility outside the sexual consideration of a partner? Does sex have to be the deciding factor in choosing a mate? Yes and No. The first thing one has to think about is compatibility. I think two people have to know they can get along before they can have a relationship. You have to work past your foibles and shortcomings, and I think it is important to take a look at a persons character, class, their moral center and their connection to their world.
I think that when I met my hubby [then] we were on a similar road, getting clean and sober and all, so we had commonality. [There's a word for you 'commonality']. Like attracts like, and sometimes the universe puts the right person in front of us and if we have eyes to see them, then so be it. But how many of us are looking for universal clues to love, most boys are looking for one thing, SEX, and good sex at that.
When the universe gives us a twirl, we must dance, and if we don’t we might miss out, so big dick aside, if Mr. Right appears it might be a test to see where YOUR heart and character lies. Do we settle for Mr. Right Now or do we wait for Mr. Right???
It is not all about sex, but we did have good sex in the beginning, before all hell broke loose and the universe fucked us royally with a challenge that should have killed us both, alas, I rode the wave on my best board. I fought the tsunami of depression and sorrow and I came out ahead on the relationship side but we got fucked on the sexual side. God damned pills that are designed to help you in one area of life, fuck you in other areas, so we had to restructure our relationship based on what was important and meaningful.
What have you done today, to make you feel proud???
Everybody has to leave the nest at some point of life. My sons had particularly big problems like I did like money, people, and knowing how to set up house. I was missing a very specific and necessary skill set when I moved out on my own, but I was moving because I knew I was gay and that life was waiting for me and my parents were not going to involve themselves in my gay life. So I had to go, and I chose the moment, the hour and the day that would happen on my terms, whether I was ready to go or not, I had to go.
The scent of alcohol, the promise of a career and all the sex I could have was a huge aphrodisiac to a young gay boy. I made all the wrong choices for what I thought were all the right reasons. I made a series of well placed decisions that took me on a journey of self discovery and on the journey I hurt myself and I hurt others.
Was I worried about being Outed, you bet your ass I was. My father would have killed me had I stayed under his roof, as I have written before on many occasions, my father’s internalized homophobia created the wrong atmosphere for a son to come out to his parents. God forbid the family or his friends find out there was a queer in the family.
My problems were just compounded by my sexual issues and my naive sense of self and the world around me. I guess that I thought that if I showed up the world would part and I would be shown the way. [ WRONG] I take a very different stance for my boys today.
For those of you facing coming out and moving out of the house, let’s forget the labels and the identification of sexual orientation for the moment, let’s find a place to live, let’s find a good job, what nobody knows won’t hurt them or you. Get settled in your life find your way into the world. MAKE 5 friends, those 5 people you are going to trust with your life and your secrets. If not 5 then ONE.
You need One Good Friend, the other four are incidental. Find a safe place to live and a job that will keep you in the financial bracket you are accustomed to, and don’t get caught up in the [pretty faggot, tight ass, good drugs and heavy alcohol] way of life. DO NOT become what some of my reads have become. People who do nothing but drink, drink, and drink, then complain to the rest of us that they are anxious, nervous, fucked up or worse sick with HIV. Remember that once you make your bed, you will lie in it as long as you want to lay there. I don’t drink, so I am not short on words for some of my inebriated reads, over there on the list.
Find charity, a cause that you believe in, find like minded people who will help keep you grounded and whom will fight for you and protect you. You want a community model, the go check out The Mrs Astor. Alexis is someone I respect highly and encourage you to go read, if you are looking for the right model of community action, personal pride and loyalty of friends that is incomparable to many people I know. They are good people, they are loyal to the core and they are active in their community in ways that make me proud to have been a part of that great city during my illustrious career as a young gay man in Miami Beach.
Spend time taking care of others, do something for someone else, just because it is the right thing to do. Take care of your friends, and they will take care of you. If you are in recovery, then find a home group where you live and get active. Find a home and make some coffee, shake some hands, and chair a few meetings.
Get out of yourself each day and do something that is totally not for you, and the universe will reward you in spades. Tuesday has been my day for me for six years now, I don’t take classes on Tuesdays, I make time to give back to my community. I spend time with the people who matter the most to me in my life. I host a meeting here in the city core. I do this because they have helped me stay sober and SANE over the last six years. I don’t know where I would be had it not been for my home group at Tuesday Beginners.
Ok I’ve spent the past hour writing, I think I am done for the moment.
Goodnight from Montreal…
By ARTHUR MAX, Associated Press Writer
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – After more than 60 years, Nazi documents stored in a vast warehouse inwere unsealed Wednesday, opening a rich resource for and for survivors to delve into their own tormented past.
The treasure of documents could open new avenues of study into the inner workings of Nazi persecution from the exploitation of slave labor to the conduct of medical experiments. The archive’s managers planned a conference of scholars next year to map out its unexplored contents.
The files entrusted to the International Tracing Service, an arm of the International Committee of the Red Cross, have been used until now to help find missing persons or document atrocities to support compensation claims. The U.S. government also has referred to the ITS for background checks on immigrants it suspected of lying about their past.
Inquiries were handled by the archive’s 400 staff members in the German spa town of. Few outsiders were allowed to see the actual documents, which number more than 50 million pages and cover 16 linear miles of gray metal filing cabinets and cardboard binders spread over six buildings.
On Wednesday, the Red Cross and the German government announced that the last of the 11 countries that govern the archive had ratified a 2006 agreement to open the files to the public for the first time.
“We are there. The doors are open,” said ITS director Reto Meister, speaking by telephone from the Buchenwald concentration camp where he was visiting with a delegation of U.S. congressional staff members.
Survivors have pressed for decades to open the archive, unhappy with the minimal responses — usually in form letters — from the Red Cross officials responding to requests for information about relatives.
“We are very anxious,” said David Mermelstein, 78, an activist for survivors’ causes in., who wants to scour the files for traces of his two older brothers whom he last saw as he passed through a series of concentration camps.
“Now I hope we will be able to get some information. We have been waiting, and time is not on our side,” said the retired businessman.
The U.S.in Washington and the Memorial in began receiving digital copies of the entire archive in August, allowing survivors and historians more access points.
Izzy Arbeiter, 82, the head of a survivor’s organization in the area of., said he hoped to go to the museum next month to browse the files.
“My goodness, I don’t know where I would start, there are so many things I am interested in,” he said. “The history of my family, of course. My parents. One of my brothers is missing. We never knew what happened to him.”
Yad Vashem said the opening of the archive was “a breakthrough” for survivors and others.
“Our understanding and knowledge of the personal story of thewill be deepened,” said Yad Vashem’s chairman Avner Shalev.
The records are unlikely to change the general story of the Holocaust and the Nazi era, probably the most intensely researched 12-year period of the 20th century.
But its depth of detail and original documentation will add texture to history’s worst genocide, and is likely to fuel a revival of academic interest in the Holocaust.
Among its files, seen by The Associated Press during repeated visits to Bad Arolsen in the last year, are the list of deportees from theto on which ‘s name appears, the list of employees of Oskar Schindler’s factory who were sheltered from death, medical records showing the number of lice on the heads of prisoners, the list of inmates evacuated by the Nazis from the who later died on prisoner boats mistakenly bombed by the British air force.
Defying its orderly appearance, the archive is a labyrinth of paper that has never been organized by a historian or even by a professionally trained archivist. Its main database comprises 50 million entries of names, often duplicated in different spellings, referring to 17.5 million victims of Nazi persecutions.
The Bad Arolsen facility, which has received 50 applications this month alone from researchers and institutions seeking to examine the archive, has opened a visitors room with 10 computer terminals to enable searches of files that have been scanned. But less than half of the 50 million pages have been digitized and are available on computer.
Though the archives are now open to the public, Erich Oetiker, the ITS deputy director, said anyone seeking specific information would need professional assistance and all visitors are asked to make an appointment in advance.
While it is not set up to receive unannounced visitors off the street, he said, “we will refuse nobody, but we have very limited staff to provide support.” Guided tours are also available.
Visitors have to show ID and cannot access a special category of documents — correspondences between the ITS and private or official inquirers that are less than 25 years old. Researchers must sign a waiver stating that they are personally responsible for respecting privacy laws.
The ITS gets about 700 requests each month for information about relatives, and has not yet cleared away a backlog of inquiries that reached nearly half a million a few years ago.
The Tracing Service, the Washington museum andintend to hire new staff to help to ferret out specific documents.
“The challenge now is organizing the material in such a way that people can easily find what they want and what they need,” said Paul Shapiro, director of the Center for Advanced Holocaust Studies at the Washington museum.
The museum took the first step by creating a database to search an inventory of more than 21,000 collections of documents, each ranging a few pages to thousands.
Allied forces began collecting the documents even before the end of the war, and eventually entrusted them to the Red Cross. The archive has been governed since 1955 by a multinational commission that normally met once a year.
Access to the archives had been closely guarded by Red Cross officials who viewed requests for academic information as a distraction from what they saw as their humanitarian task of answering requests about individuals.
In 2001 the State Department, urged on by the, began pushing the 11-member governing commission to open the doors to the rapidly dying survivor population and for research.
The decision was adopted in May 2006, but it took 19 months to complete the required ratification process.
Investigative researcher Randy Herschaft contributed to this report in.
Vast Nazi archive opens to public
The archive contains details on the fate of millions of the Nazi’s victims
A vast archive of wartime German documents on the Nazi Holocaust has been opened to the public. The 47m documents, kept in Germany, contain detailed records on 17.5m forced labourers, concentration camp victims and political prisoners.
Previously, the files were only used to trace missing persons, reunite families and provide information for compensation claims.
The International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) manages the files.
The whole archive takes up some 26km (16 miles) of shelving in the town of Bad Arolsen in western Germany.
The files are not expected to shed dramatic new light on the Nazi regime – already one of the most researched periods of modern history.
But it will provide historians with more details about the murder and exploitation of millions of Jews, Roma (Gypsies) and other victims.
The Nazis kept records on the smallest details – from the number of lice on a prisoner’s head to the exact moment of their execution.
Allied forces began gathering the records from concentration camps and other Nazi prisons as they swept across Europe at the end of World War II.
The move to open the archive came after the last of the 11 countries that sit on the body managing the archive ratified a 2006 agreement to allow public access.
“I would like to invite all researchers to make use of this, and work through this dark chapter of German history,” said Guenter Gloser, Germany’s deputy foreign minister for Europe.
Back to Black
Rehab- featuring Jay Z
Don’t walk… RUN, and buy Celine Dion’s new CD Taking Chances.
What a superbly fantastic Cd. Her vocal range and the styles of music vary from track to track. A truly refreshing Celine, coming off her Las Vegas show run. If you have been a fan of Celine, as I have been for so many years, working in the nightclub business, you will not be disappointed by her latest Cd. I am sure that this new disc is going to skyrocket up the charts.
Her musical styles on this CD are a distinct departure from her known voice, which is truly refreshing. Distinct influences of other continents on Eyes on Me and her almost haunting Shadow of Love bespeak of Cold Play and even U2. I know she must have tapped some musical genius on this newest work. Both these numbers have a haunting quality about them, once you hear them you will repeat them over and over, because you get drawn into the rifts, the notes and the words. Having heard this cd on a small scale player, I have to hear them inside a nightclub where one can hear all the specific tones of song. It will be truly magical.
There are three songs that I would want to see fast tracked to dance mixes:
- Eyes on Me
- Shadow of Love
- Surprise Surprise
I almost fell out of my chair [read:I almost peed myself] listening to this new music by Celine. She did not fail to totally WOW me out of my seat. I am just besides myself. Shadow of Love and Eyes on Me, have to be my two favorite tracks on the CD.
Like I said, RUN, do not walk and BUY this CD!!
Amy Winehouse – Back to Black
She may be a lush, and she may have canceled her upcoming shows and public appearances, but the girl can sing. I just love me some Amy. Her raspy voice with the old style track music, that take from rifts, you think sound familiar, she spins this great disc of music, to delight her listener.
The first track offered is “Addict” where she talks about buying pot, I just laughed out loud. [ having been one who has purchased pot in his lifetime] I wonder if she was stoned when she recorded that track, suffice to say, this remarkable woman would be a gold mine, if only she “cleaned up” a little bit.
I just want to lite up and sit back and listen to this woman sing to me for hours and hours. Amy is a true songstress and she sure can croon. Her music harkens an almost 1950′s black and white 78 record playing scene in my head. This cd is haunting and ethereal. Once you listen to it, you will be wanting more and more.
- Tears Dry on their Own
- Back in Black
- He can only hold her
These are just a few of my favorites. Big Bee Hive Hair, gogo boots and frilly dresses with my 78 record player spinning. The DooWop 1950′s rift in her music is a great distinction from any other recording artist. Ms. Amy is a true old soul and her music is just amazing.
Let us pray she cleans herself up and comes to Canada to tour, because she is one show I am sure one cannot miss. She is true genius…
Guess what was on tv as I walked in the door from the meeting tonight… Last week it was A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, now tonight, we are already into Christmas specials, and it isn’t even December yet! Aren’t we rushing this a little bit? Not that Christmas Trees are already up in all the stores in Montreal, and the malls are all decorated and have been for more than a week, but still…
We are waiting, tonight, for more snow…
Another ‘Stay in your day’ meeting tonight. Live in the moment, one day at a time, and I relate this story once again. One of my friends, when she got sober was so miserable, that dark cloud hung over her head for such a long time. She would come in and complain that she was tired and that she had had a series of bad days, and she would say “I just wish that the day would end.” And she would repeat this phrase week after week. Until after a few months of moaning about the day not being short enough, she walked into our meeting with a smile on her face, as if she had seen God himself and she spoke with a voice we had not heard yet “There are not enough hours in the day…”
In that moment, God was there amongst us. She learned how to stay in her day and how important living in the moment really is for those of us fighting day after day to stay sober and clean.
I was thinking about Danny this afternoon. I can’t tell you how blessed I am to have him in my life today. When people come into my life, for one reason or another, I think that I have something to learn from them, and they from me. It all begins with hello. And once the conversation begins, I work very hard to continue that conversation. I may be far away, but I am always here. And You are Loved…
I left Dustin a message on his blog about a dream I had about him. It was two nights ago and I was in this really great apartment in some city, I was inside so I couldn’t tell you where we were. But anyways, the apartment was lavishly decorated with fine things and a Christmas tree. The bedroom was beautiful, with a sleigh bed and big comfy duvet and pillows to match. There was an antique clock on the table and tables to the sides of the bed and against the wall, with little antique boxes and such. I remember going out to the kitchen and there was a fire escape outside the window.
But I digress…
It was late and Danny, Dustin and I were there after a night of sitting by the fire, and the dream ended with the three of us snuggling beneath the duvet all comfy and cozy and that’s when the dream ended. I don’t know how the three of us ended up in this dream together, but we did. Hmmm, go figure… I haven’t seen Danny in twenty years, and I’ve never personally met Dustin, but I found it oddly comfortable to be in the dream with them, and I asked whomever, what are these people doing here, to which I got no answer.
And that’s the kind of day it’s been, this 27th day of November 2007.
You know how we waited for Winter to come, and we talked so much about snow and wanting cold weather when it was so hot outside. Well, I forget how miserable it is in the ‘in between’ times when it is rainy and wet between the snow events…
The gray overcast, maybe it will rain or maybe it will snow today, gives me pause to reconsider whether or not I like the cold. They say it might snow tonight, if the temperature falls juts a few degrees further…
So until tonight after my meeting I bid you adieu…
Leaving the nest is a daunting task
Labels are useless and pointless, they only limit the person you are meant to be
There is a lot to learn from the world
Mentoring young people into the world is what we do here
Ask and ye shall receive
I will write more on thee topics tomorrow, tonight I am tired
Stay Away from Labels
To Thine Own Self Be True
This too shall pass
Live and let live
Easy does it
But for the Grace of God
Think, Think, Think
First things First
Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior
I Heard the Owl Call my name
The Tao of Pooh
“Do not weep and be distressed nor let your hearts be irresolute. For his grace will be with you all and will shelter you. Rather we should praise his greatness, for he has prepared/united us and made us human beings.” [Gospel of Mary 5:5-8]
The beginning of the end is at hand. This morning I wrote my final exam for Christian Origins. 33 questions, multiple choice. Lickety split, it took me all of ten minutes to complete, and I got my paper back on Mary Magdalene, Paul and the Gospel of Judas Iscariot, and I got a [B+] on the paper, which I am very pleased with.
I went to the library to pick up some books for my paper that I am writing on Celtic Christianity, and early monastic practices of St. Columba. I have two weeks to complete that task.
It is wet and cold outside and this week we should see more rain and maybe some snow here and there for Montreal. I have two more Monday night classes and I am finished for this semester. YAY !!!
If you look above in the Header, I have put up my paper so you can read it, for those who are interested in reading about Gnosis, through the persons of Mary Magdalene, St. Paul and Judas Iscariot. It is one of my finest papers I have ever written.
Courtesy of Mr. Lewis Black…
“They have the color coding like we are in fucking elementary school, there’s no need for that. Because every time they tell us the color code, they have to explain it to us. They should just eliminate them. There should be THREE levels of Security”
- JESUS CHRIST
- GOD DAMMIT
- FUCK ME !!!
I laughed my ass off and almost fell out of my chair listening to Mr. Black.
This was found on: Single in the City
Which comes first: sex or relationship? It is the gay equivalent to the chicken or egg dilemma. Does one come after the other? And if you have one can you have the other? What about only having one?
I was having a discussion with my friend Rob. He reckons that you should try out a man before you make any type of commitment. He believes that sex is the first relationship men have with other men…if it is good…dates, a relationship and even friendship follows. If it’s bad…you never see them again! He advocates that in the gay world, sex always comes first…and anything else follows. Most of Rob’s friends are guys that he’s had sex with.
I could not help and wonder about this dilemma…so much of my interactions with gay men are sexual. When I first came out, I thought being gay was only about having sex. I remember my first few years as a gay man were all about getting close to men and I inevitably would have sex first and hope an emotional connection would follow. It usually never happened. Gradually, I learned to differentiate between sex and emotion. I am now able to have sex with no feelings or emotion with a total stranger. Of course, sex is better when you have an emotional connection with that person.
After a few years I realised it was not just about sex… If I liked the guy or thought it has potential of a relationship, I would wait to have sex with them. Usually I would wait 3 or 4 dates, although pashing on the first date was allowed. Delaying sex in some instances led to a relationship…at times it led to realising that I was not sexually compatible with the person.
Rob does not wait. He says you can’t make gay men wait. You need to know if both of you are sexually compatible. Even if you like the person, if the sexual chemistry is not there….nothing will happen he says. It’s true that in gay relationships sex is a priority…but many couples do stop having sex and open their relationships..so some couples make sexless relationships work.
Others only have sex…no relationships (hello..fuckbuddies). So maybe neither has to follow and you can have both sex or relationships.
This is my answer to this post from: Single in the City
So what happens when you meet a cute boy, you date and have really phenomenal sex and you start building a relationship. Months go by all is well, until…
One day the planet shifts on its axis and cracks in half. And the man you love, is no more. For months he is sick and down for the count. There is no sex, no discussion, no words.
You love this man totally and wholly. Yet like I have said, sex takes a back seat when medical and financial issues come up. Now years later, the sex is here or there, and not regular because of the medication he is taking, yet a marriage is solid based on love and not sex…
When we are young it is all about looks, sex, men, money and alcohol and/or drugs, and then some.
The older we get, we change physically. Looks go first and what is left is what is inside. For us our relationship is not based on sex, no matter how much I would like it to, but I am older now.
In the end life is not about sex at all, I think it is about two people deciding to be together because two together is better than two men alone in the world. Hopping from boy to boy to man, and from bed to bed… it gets old, and pretty damn quick.
You’ve read much of what I’ve written on love and marriage. This discussion will continue, and this discussion will change the older you all get. One day you will reach the point where one might be happy just being with someone for the sheer ability to NOT be Alone.
I lament the loss of a fully functional sex life, but I wouldn’t change the man I married save that one thing. But you can’t get back what mental illness and drugs took away. I would not leave him because of our sexual issues, because I don’t think I would ever re-enter the field so to speak.
I don’t think I could compete with you young boys being much older than you now. I love sex, and sex is necessary and important.
But remember what drew two together may die and faced with that question “should I stay or should I go” may arise. Then you must ask yourself, Why did I get in this relationship, what matters the most?
The answer will tell us just how superficial you really are, or it will tell us just how much you have matured in your life.
[Port Bridge to Dodge Island] Downtown Miami in the background
They say I am just a garden variety drunk, in recovery. That doesn’t make me very different or unique. So let’s look again at the question of definition. A, E, A E I O U- U, and sometimes Y!!! Can you tell I am listening to music at this moment? The Virtual DJ is on the player and I am sitting here trying to put together something witty and smart.
There is a discussion about piercings over on Jonathan’s blog, and I left him a comment about my own. So I guess I am going to talk about body modification. Before you even think about modifying your body in mark or piercing, you really should have a reason to get it done. When I was contemplating my own piercing, my friend David took me to Black Sun Studios where I had it done and I met with the piercer and looked at jewelry. He asked me to meditate on my body piercing because of where I wanted it [my PA].
So I took a month and I meditated on my body modification, I visited the Church of Body Modification and I talked to my friends who had piercings done on themselves. I went as far as to seek knowledge from the Master in modification [Fakir] because that was the extreme body modification site to visit.
My piercing, my first one is connected to my first [sober] anniversary. That was six years ago. It was a religious experience for me. I bathed that day and took myself up to the parlor and I sat and waited for my turn. I was a bit nervous because I had never done anything to my body before, but I was well used to needles and blood. I was taken into the room where I was prepped and the procedure took all of ten minutes.
My 14 gage ring is a theme on the captured ball – it has three [captured balls] instead of one, and cannot be taken out, without a special tool to un-crimp the ring. I haven’t had any reason to take it out, although I have to say that first night, when the anesthesia wore off from down there, I bled like a pig. I thought I was going to die.
Taking care of your piercing is very important, you never want to get an infection because it is extremely painful, depending on the site that is pierced. I cleaned my piercing every day for the first three weeks. Then I moved to a weekly cleaning, which I use a mixture of sea salts, betadyne solution and warm water to soak, to remove gunk and to keep the stainless steel clean. It takes a little work to clean. If you are HIV positive like me, you must keep your piercing clean because God forbid you get an infection that makes you sick, that is dangerous. And cleanliness is next to Godliness.
Before you alter your body, make sure you know why you are doing it and what that modification is going to say about you, to [others] and to [yourself]. Never get bodily modified while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, because once it is done, it is done. You might be able to laze away a tattoo or remove a piercing, but once you’ve done it, your body is changed. So if you are going to spend a [chunk] of money on a tattoo or a piercing, you should have a good idea why you are doing it.
For me, my piercing was an extreme spiritual expression of my submission. It is a marking I carry with me, it keeps me mindful of my sobriety, and of the people who were instrumental in helping me reach the point that I got mine done. Sadly, the people involved in my piercing, David and the other people, have not been in my life for some time, but every time I touch myself or visit the bathroom, I think of him, because he is eternally connected to my in a very emotional and physical way.
Nothing was more funny, when I went to Ottawa one Christmas with my hubby and we visited Parliament Hill and I walked through the metal detector and I set the thing off and the young boy started ‘wanding’ me and asked me where the metal was and I told him and he just about fell over. It was so funny…
We don’t have to run with the crowd, and we don’t have to follow the pack. Don’t change your body to make someone else happy, because whatever change you make to your body, you are going to have to live with for eternity. Not to mention the financial investment you are making in that body modification. Don’t be stupid and do something that you are going to regret. Be smart and make wise decisions. You only have one body, so be good to it. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. If you have sex, do it safely…
In the community [the leather community] a piercing is a marker of position or status. Anything on the left side of the body designates a TOP, and anything on the right side of the body designates a BOTTOM. Like the key code and the hanky code. Everything there has meaning.
And since I was born in a leather bar, I wanted to share this little thought with you, since it means so much to me. I tilt more to the bottom side of life, and I am proud of that designation. Because everyone knows that the BOTTOM controls everything. You might be a top, but unless I give you permission, you aren’t coming close to me or my person. Mu hahahaha….
This week marks a years time, since this little blog began, from the ashes of Blogger, we convened on Word Press, ready to upgrade our writing to a more professional platform that was really, the best blogging platform I had ever seen. So let’s give you some stats about this little anniversary.
Our Anniversary date is: November 30th
The Evolution of Jeremiah has had: 60, 085 hits
Our best day was a few days ago with: 475 hits
The Evolution has archived: 904 posts
We have: 371 comments in the hopper
and Akismet has blocked 84,255 spam messages to date…
We have welcomed thousands of visitors over the last year. And I have met so many wonderful writers around the world with one common vision, to share their lives with all of us from around the globe. Gay, Straight, Minister or Laity. Men and women sharing their messages to the world. A new blogger has emerged into community this past week, and he has cross posted one of my entries from a few days ago.
Is getting upset avoidable??? maybe.. The Buddhist teach us about the path [this is a visual cue] you walk down the center of the road, down the middle line. [see it] life goes past you on the [right] and [left] you have a choice whether or not to engage something in that lane or not. it is your choice. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be sad.
You can visit Jonathan’s Blog here [Look Into My Life]
This is what we call a shameless and gratuitous plug for CHAD FOX…
Shall we talk about young gay life? This post that Jonathan has found interesting, let me explain in a little more detail. When I was younger, a LOT younger, I was a fine and beautiful specimen of a young man, far from the man I am today. Age will do that to you every time. It was pick of the litter days, we could pick and choose who we would want to be with for a night, a week, a month, but in those days, if a relationship got past three weeks one was considered lucky.
I made a lot of mistakes. I hurt a lot of people, I didn’t know any better, and even today I am connected to someone from that very past of which I am speaking of right now, today. We remark, how we have aged in twenty years, can you believe it, someone I knew twenty years ago, as a young gay boy, is in my life today!!!
What did I know of gay relationships? I knew nothing. I had no street smarts. I had no knowledge of what I was supposed to do or how I was supposed to set up a home. When I left the nest, I was 21 years old. I had a moving truck full of furniture and a car. My brother helped me move and that was that… into the world I went, with not a word from my parents on how I was going to get into that world.
Being gay in 1987 was far different from being gay in 2007. What we didn’t know then hurt us in ways I cannot warn you more sternly to pay attention to today. Those little factors that make all things gay like [money, looks, alcohol, drugs, disease] all these factors thrown into the big melting pot of life and we were supposed to make heads or tails of it in our twenties! Who Knew???
It took me 13 years to learn how to have a [right] relationship, from age 21 to age 34. I was an alcoholic who got sober twice before he got it right and stayed sober, in a few days, December the 9th, I will celebrate [SIX] years of [SOBRIETY] who knew gay men could go without alcohol and drugs – and survive…
I burned a lot of bridges – I alienated my friends and family when I was diagnosed with AIDS in 1994, well, I didn’t alienate them, I think the disease alienated them from me. You can read those entries in my [Pages] over there on the sidebar. When I turned 26 was the years I was diagnosed with AIDS and was told I was going to die. A young gay boy either falls apart and he dies, or he grabs the horse by the reins and he decides to ride that bronco and he GROWS UP and he lives.
I don’t think I would ever want to change the series of events that happened because they taught me many things about growing up, I had to do it quicker and I was alone, save for my Master at the time who saved me from imminent death.
WE DO NOT REGRET THE PAST NOR WISH TO SHUT THE DOOR ON IT…
Had I known [then] what I know [today] I would never have reached this specific point in my karmic journey. Had I made one choice different, I might be coupled with someone else, and I may not have been infected with a disease, which eventually will kill me in the end, and I might not have ended up in Canada, where I am today.
I GREW UP
DO NOT DO WHAT MOST OF US DID. LEARN THE LESSONS FIRST, AND DO NOT REPEAT OUR MISTAKES. STAY AWAY FROM DRUGS AND ALCOHOL. IF YOU HAVE SEX, DO IT SAFELY, DO NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED THE BOYS YOU KNOW TODAY BECAUSE ONE DAY THEY MAY FIND YOU AND TELL YOU HOW YOU HURT THEM SO BADLY, AND THEN YOU WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT FEELING…
LOVE THE ONE YOU ARE WITH AND FEEL GRATEFUL THAT WE THOSE MEN WHO WRITE FOR YOU TODAY PAVED THE WAY FOR YOU TO LIVE FREELY AND OPENLY WITH GREATER FREEDOM TODAY THEN WE HAD IN THE EIGHTIES…
MAKE WISE CHOICES. MAKE GOOD CHOICES. DO NO HARM…
Those mistakes you make are lessons for you to learn, and the sooner you learn your mistakes [read: lessons], the better, because if you don’t learn them, you will be destined to repeat your mistakes until you do… There is only one life you have to live, so make it count.
WASTED TIME IS WASTED TIME, TIME IS A PRECIOUS COMMODITY ONCE WASTED IT CAN NEVER BE REGAINED…
Like I told you in that earlier post, it took me 30 years to be ready to settle down and further 4 to meet the man that I would eventually marry. That made me 34. I was 37 when I got married. That makes me 40 today… ugh!!! That boy became a man, through adversity, challenge and destiny to be the best man I could be.
That boy is who this man is today.
Much has changed in the arena of Gay Relationships, with the passages of gay legislations all over the world, Rights for LGBTQ peoples, Protection from hate crimes for LGBtQ peoples, and new marriage laws that have been passed in many countries around the world. but the message remains the same for you young readers.
I find that relationships [to begin with] are difficult. The pull and tug of [what about me] and the sensitivities of life are numerous. It is hard to reconcile getting involved with the functions of every day gay [friends, bar hopping and sex] and the ‘coupling’ of a couple. There are many distractions and issues that face young love [gee do I want to be with that person in a monogamous relationship] or not, can I commit [There’s a big word] COMMITMENT…
It took me over 30 years to be ready, and then another 4 to find it, and it has been six years for me, three in marriage next Tuesday. It is not easy, and I can tell you that sex takes a back seat when it comes to finances and medical issues, in our relationship.
Should I stay or should I go are two very serious questions one should ask, I have always said that [monogamy] would be the death knell of gay community, because the living of life will change for all when many begin to couple. The ways that were will be no more. And I think that is the biggest impediment to ‘coupling.’
Finding the right mate is hard, staying with that mate is even harder when you are still young and in the [candy store] phase of life. There is too much choice to settle down too young and say [this one is it, I am sure of it.]
We live and we learn, I think that rushing a relationship is detrimental to the cause. It takes work and thought and selfless maintenance. [less what about me, and more thought to the other] that’s what separates the men from the boys, so to speak.
I am sad when I read young people coming and going from relationships, I think, well, they haven’t learned the lesson yet, so try, try again… One day they will learn and the hunt will end, and everyone will be happy for them. So we sit here and wait for people to come and ask us what shall we do now!
There is music on the player and it is nice and cozy in my house. I wish all of my American readers a warm happy Thanksgiving. We had our holiday last month, so I didn’t have to cook today, and since I am home alone I get to hang out and read my list and shop on my IMVU for my room.
There is a nice blanket of fresh white snow on the ground here, it snowed all night long, and I went to bed around 4:30 this morning after talking to a friend and totally forgot that I had a coffee date with my academic adviser, ugh!! I was too warm and cozy in my bed to get up and So I missed him.
Everybody is celebrating and eating and so I don’t have much to write at the moment.
What am I thankful for:
- I have a roof over my head
- There is food in the fridge
- I have a warm bed to sleep in
- I have great friends
- Someone who loves me unconditionally
- I have my health – which is in great shape
- And I’ve reconnected with an old friend
- What more could I ask for…
What a beautiful day it was. I went to class, saw a film, and came home and hung out all afternoon doing nothing. I took a late nap and spent five hours talking to Danny! Life could not be any more sweet, unless of course we move him to Montreal. So tell me, isn’t he CUTE!! God I wish I was that pretty!!
I feel blessed that I could make an amends 17 years later. Geez the way I was way back then was not pretty, thank God for second chances and the fact that karma is paying me back for good behavior I think… Or was it my bad behavior, I am not sure…
It has been snowing for the past 8 hours and there is a heavy snow warning up through Thursday night, God help us all, the city is not prepared for this much snow so soon, last winter we did not get our first snow until Valentines day 2007. We are off to a pretty good start, don’t you think! Maybe those deep white, cold and wet winter warnings were for real!!
So I will see you all later, time to sleep.
Goodnight Danny, I love you…
Everyone is freaking CRAZY! Holy Shit, first they send me TWO god damned virgins for triage and I am like, WTF!! After waiting almost an hour in an exam room, a whole troop of virgins come in with the study director and my doctor and they are freaking out!! WTF!!
I know a full moon is coming but for the Love of Christ!
I am doing fantastically well, here are the raw numbers:
TMC – 125
CD4: # 1296 “A New HIGH”
CD8: ABS: 1584