It’s almost over, and I think it is important to look back over the last year and see what happened over the last 12 months.
In January I began another set of classes to finish my Pastoral Ministry Certificate. It was a tough semester with Applied Human Sciences and the New Testament and my Pastoral Ministry Practicum, which I excelled at. January was a big month. It was all about Barack Obama, and the Audacity of hope that was coming to America.
My friend Sam was very pregnant with James. And his birth would come on inauguration day, January 20th. He has grown into quite a good looking boy almost a year after his birth.
Bishop Gene Robinson caused a fruckus because he was to give the invocation at the Grand Inaugural Concert – which was not shown on the HBO telecast, which caused a great deal of consternation to the LGBTQ community. Where +Bishop Gene goes, controversy follows.
On January 31st we buried a long time member of AA in Montreal, Sylvia was a fixture in Montreal sober circles and it was a grand day at St. Monica’s she was remembered well.
In February I learned that family members were on Facebook, and after several failed attempts at communication – that door remains closed. It was quite a drama for me in sobriety. That was a bitter pill to swallow.
March was up in the air… I want to share some writings from Adam during the month of March. This comes on March 29th 2009 …
My chemo had no effect on anything and although it died in one tumor, it spread to two new spots on my liver. My HCG is as high as it was during my initial diagnosis and the new chemo regiment is a pill that is more about quality of life than actually beating my cancer. I was given a timetable on my life and it was not fifty years, in fact it was not even five…two seems likely, months if it is left untreated.
I find out Monday if it would be safe to laser out the lesions (the liver is one organ they can literally burn cancer out of), then I go back on a drug I had a year ago and with good effect. My cancer does not respond to platinum drugs, meaning all the main drugs they use to treat TC were voided. This means I went through high dose for basically nothing and could have just had the other two with the same effects.
I am almost happy that I do not have to go through that chemo regimen anymore. It hurt, it was miserable, and it beat me up.
I am not quitting, or accepting this, and overseas I have learned of some therapies that involve stem cells and other therapies that cure cancer. I am looking into it because conventional medicide is just not doing the trick. It is too strong for chemo.
This is starting to annoy me more and more, the consistant failures. It is frustrating living like this, fighting hard and doing things right just for it to do nothing. Well, I guess I have to take things into my own hands and research the unconventional methods. They apparently work very well, and that is the next step.
Well, I was always unconventional…
On April 25th 2009 we lost Bea Arthur – at age 86.
The month of May was a tough month for me, as things in my medical circle began to change and I was diagnosed with Type two Diabetes. It was quite a shock, I got real sick and began to loose my vision. After some serious doping by my doctor they got my numbers under control. My diabetes is quite in check today.
Here is a letter from Adam – from May the 17th 2009 …
You know, I think things get darkest before they dawn. I just wish I knew how dark things would be. Until a few days ago, I was pretty bitter. Bitter, angry, frustrated, just pissed off at the situation. I am sure you can understand.
Then it hit me. Who am I to hold grudges. If God can forgive and let things go, why have I been holding grudges, some for years, some with poeple that do care about me. Some over things that are sort of outlandish. I had a moment in prayer and I vowed to let it go. I got the notion that God came in right there and a calm fell.
I told him I was sorry for my stubborness and rage and that I in fact wanted to be a miracle…for surely I cannot spread hope and love in a box. By days end I started feeling better. I started having night sweats…which is the number one symptom of a REGRESSING cancer. Maybe I needed to change my
goals and path to what he wants it to be.
From the little I know about you, you have been declared terminal and changed your path and seem to be doing ok. I think I needed to change mine, and maybe I just needed to be pushed to the breaking point and past it to realize that.
The month of June brought a spate of deaths …
On June 25th we lost two powerhouse people, Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett. We watched a lot of tv that day, it was all about Michael. That same day was the last time we had a torrential rain/hail storm in the city.
I also applied to the Department of Theology to pursue my Masters in Theology, and was subsequently accepted into the MA Program.
In July the world lost an Icon of Television broadcasting. Walter Cronkite died at the wise age of 92.
I turned the ripe old age of 42, without pomp and circumstance on July the 31st. It was a very sedate affair. My fourties has been all about hindsight.
August 24th was the 3rd anniversary of the death of my great aunt Sister Georgette. On August the 26th we lost the a lion of the senate U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy died after battling brain cancer.
I finished my studies over the Summer of 2009 – ending my pursuit of my Certificate in Pastoral Ministry with my massive missive of working in Task Groups for professor Bright.
With the start of the Fall Semester I became a Graduate Student in the Department of Theology. Do I regret that today? NO, but I am unsure of the future.
I started going to the gym at the new EV building something I enjoy doing and something that I haven’t done in a while because of school.
The month of September brought illness to my hubby who ended up in the Montreal General with intestinal issues. And after 48 hours spent in the ER and massive doses of morphine and being poked and prodded by this one and that one we brought him home with medication which seemed to be the ticket to good health. He hasn’t had another problem since then.
My friend Carmi lost him father on September the 22nd. The funeral was here in Montreal at Paperman and Sons. I went to pray with Carmi’s family and about 200 friends and family. The chapel was packed. His dad was well loved.
October brought another death to the world, that of Stephen Gately of the boy band BOYZONE. He was only 33 years old. So young and gone from the world.
In November the fear of Swine Flu invaded the airwaves worldwide and clinics were opened to inoculate as many people with the swine flu vaccine as possible to circumvent a world wide pandemic. I got my shot on November the 9th.
On November the 19th the world was shocked to find out that Oprah Winfrey told us that she would end her long running television show in September of 2011. The world took a collective gasp and television stations began to ponder how they would fill the void after her television departure.
December was a very rough month. I finished my first semester as a graduate student and I did not do as well as I had expected. In fact nothing I wrote was acceptable to either of my professors and now I have to rewrite all of my papers that are due in the coming months.
Christmas came and went – it was a quiet holiday here at home. Everybody got what they wanted for Christmas and fun was had by all.
Adam went into the hospital with breathing problems and ended up on a ventilator, he died on Boxing Day at 2:21 in the afternoon. Such a bright light gone so young.
Much happened in the year 2009. I learned a lot about myself over the course of three semesters in two disciplines. Pastoral Ministry and Theology. I learned a hard lesson from my Applied Human Sciences professor. I hated that class. I worked all summer in finishing my Ministry Certificate.
I hit a lot of meetings and worked my program. I celebrated 8 years of sobriety on December the 9th. I took my cake and it was all well and good. My academic career needs to be stepped up for the next semester so that I don’t make another failed attempt at a graduate degree. I can’t afford another fail report because I will be dismissed from the program if I don’t do better this term, not to mention rewriting all that work from the fall semester.
It was a year of highs and lows. We lost some good people from show business and we lost family and friends this year. So that is a brief overview of what happened this year…
Let us close with Adam … and pray for his soul…
True to his word, Adam went down swinging. 21 months after his car crash in March of ‘08, Adam passed at 2:21PM December 26, 2009.
“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
After I posted this to the blog over on Adam’s site and here, I have been informed that Adam has passed. We pray God’s blessing upon him.
Adam, has taken a turn for the worse, phone calls have been made, today we pray for Adam as the journey looks to be coming to an end.
For Adam …
Now is the time to say all those things that need to be said. Now is the time to let God be God. Now is the time that we pray for mercy. Now is the time we give permission to Adam to do what he needs to do with the understanding that he is not alone, and that all of us are here with him and with you. We all live on borrowed time. And if this is Adam’s time, then Let go and Let God. He has been a champion and a fighter for so long. Now may be the time we tell him that it is ok to let go now. If we give him that permission he may hear us and the end won’t be so far away.
We pray God that Adam’s life not be forgotten and that we all may take away some lesson for ourselves. We pray that the angels will protect him and carry him to the altar of God in heaven where there is no more sickness and no more pain. We know that God is merciful and that God hears the cry of the poor, blessed be the Lord. We pray that Adam is where he needs to be and will be going to where he needs to go. The fight has been long and arduous and those of us who have walked with him over the years, like I have myself, can say that he fought the good fight. But sometimes you can’t fight disease, no matter how hard we pray. Sometimes when we pray God says – no, I have other plans, but this is a time of learning and of faith. Now is the time to commend Adam to God and to allow God’s will be done. The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want …
We pray God’s blessing upon Adam and upon his family. We pray that God will bless him and make him whole once again in heaven. And we pray for strength to allow God what he needs to do to take Adam home. This is what, ultimately, faith asks of us, to know when it is time to die and to go to that death with the ultimate knowledge that God hears us and is with us even in the darkest of times.
We love you Adam, and we have been blessed to walk this journey with you. God’s peace to you on your journey. We will not forget you and neither will God.
Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty.
Here is to 2010 may it be new, bright and exciting…