Will it snow, won’t it snow. Will it snow, won’t it snow … Nobody is sure.
It was a crisp night for an outing.
It was a good day. I was up early today for some supermarket safari which went quite quickly. Just the staples I consume on any given week is getting more expensive. Maybe because I bought a good looking roast, and some exotic juices and sundry items of apples and chocolate. I’m Canadian, I must have my Mars bars. And they were on sale today. squeee….
I forgot to mention that The Seville Project – Phase Three is now standing at 21 stories. Which makes it the tallest building on this end of downtown. I am sure there might be more to come.
Hubby was running here and there. So he was in and out all afternoon after doing the laundry. Like I have said here before, sitting in front of this box gets boring, and I thought I’d take a power nap before setting out, I instead hot into bed to read my book … “We Need to talk about Kevin…” It is a very tedious read.
I can only take this book in hour chunks of time. I usually just read before bed, but I am damned and I really want to finish this book soon, I don’t know where this book is heading, I want something from the book I am not getting right now and it is pissing me off … But not enough to put down the book.
I was prepared and ready to go early. I set off for the stop – a bus just passed as I crested the hill and crossed Sherbrooke. I walked down to the stop and as I turned my glance back up the street a second bus pulled up and I got on.
I arrived and helped set up chairs, and another member had put up the slogans in the wrong order. And you know I am a control freak, so I had to wait for an opportune moment to change them to the proper order … I just couldn’t walk up there in front of him to change them, I waited until he went into the kitchen to do my dastardly work.
Our speaker came from the West Island. Some more than twenty years sober. I had never heard him speak before because he lives on the other side of the island. So it was fresh.
“Where ever you go … There you are … ” you can never get away from yourself.
We shared a lot in common. I heard familiar settings and familial issues. Alcoholic family, alcoholic father, codependent mother, anger, never knowing what was going to set dad off.
Picking up the drink in his teenage years, always for effect. Not being able to just have one. Growing up on the outs with everybody, including those in positions of authority … “Johnny would be head of the class, if only he applied himself…”
I’ll show you, I’ll hurt me … watch and see …
That is a common thread I hear often. The common excuses we use to say that we aren’t really alcoholic. But alcohol is but the symptom for many of us. We were fucked well before we started drinking in one way or another.
Our man had a three stage life going.
Drinking, Recovery, or Preparing for the next drink. It was a vicious cycle.
But eventually, the moment of clarity came. Standing outside a bar one night, after hours of drinking, coming to realize that, how could he be drunk, he really wasn’t going to drink that night, yet he did. Finally he realized that he was out of control. That the drink had conquered him.
Something had to be done … He made that call that began the slow turnaround in life. He arrived at a meeting. He got connected. Found a home group, did service, found a sponsor, later worked his steps.
It was slow going for awhile. Little by slowly he came to, and things began to change, not immediately, and surely not on his own schedule, but things began to change.
There are gifts we get in sobriety, and we get them when we least expect it. We begin to work on ourselves, and that effort begins to seep outwards to our fellows, our employers, our families.
Two men stand at an issue. One steps back, and the other steps back. Then you take another step back, and they take a step back, then you get to re-engage and things happen.
Twenty years in things are really great. And for a moment I was captivated with this man. There is something I want now in sobriety. I don’t know how it is going to happen, but I have a little faith.
I took a step towards, and hopefully someone will take a step towards. But it isn’t my will, but God’s will be done with this. If it doesn’t turn out, then I need to let it go for another year. You never know when the right moment will appear or the right conditions present itself for synchronicity to happen.
One of my friends spoke to me before the meeting, and she is just a few months in and she remarked to me that she had seen changes in me and that they were good, that sobriety must be working for me, and I was like “who me???”
I think we all need to hear from God every once in a while to reaffirm that what we are working so hard for is working for us. You never know who God is going to use to send you a message.
Twenty years and good things happen. I have something to hold on to. As I am into my second decade of sobriety I hope for some things, maybe not BIG things, but things nonetheless. We shall see.
It was a good night. We came home by caravan.
I am baking a cake for a friends anniversary next week. I’ve never baked someone a cake – for an anniversary. So that will be exciting. A first for me.
It’s all good.
More to come, stay tuned …