A Dreary Tuesday
The pleasant weather has turned dreary today. And people were dodging rain across the city. However when I departed this evening it was just spitting rain here and there. The buses were doubled up on the route and at the time we departed there were three buses piggy backed jockeying for road.
As has been, the construction at Vendome has turned that metro stop upside down with the street all blocked off for two blocks.
I arrived and the good pastor was waiting for me to open the hall and wished me a good night. I made some serious coffee for a handful of folks who came tonight. The move of the group to a new space is in process but plans have not been finalized as of yet. But someone has to open the hall and prepare the meeting in any case. We set out enough chairs and we could have filled the table if extra chairs were not out around the circle. Most people chose to sit on the outer fringe rather than up front on the table.
We read from the Big Book and Chapter 3 – More about alcoholism.
When it came around and I spoke, my thoughts were all over the place and I was fumbling over my words, which really translates to, my thoughts were not in order and I should have kept my mouth shut.
The whole idea of conceding – in the process of surrender has to take place, because in any case, we are not normal drinkers and we will never drink like normal people. And we must concede to our innermost selves that we are alcoholics – this is the first step in recovery.
I keep returning to the truth that I had sober periods during the last year of my drinking, thinking I had it controlled, but when I went to drink, it was all or nothing, until I reached the point of no return. Once I put the drink down, I did not go looking for it again. And over time, the obsession to drink left me.
I had come to the point that I could not drink like I had been drinking, not knowing how I got from point A to point B. Missing time and accepting that this behavior was irresponsible and dangerous.
I made that concession that I could not drink any more, I had accepted that fact, and I think that my higher power knew I was ready to concede and moved heaven and earth to put the right people in my path to cement that decision.
The rest they say is history.
I have not had a drink since. And it is a goal, never to drink again. But we all know the thought that we should never say “never.”
I got to see my friends and spend some quality time with them before the meeting and that was good.
It was a regular meeting. People came, and we are grateful for them.
It was a quick ride home on the train.
More to come, stay tuned …