Pages 13&14 of 365 … And We’re Back !!!
And we’re back.
I am feeling much better than I have since last week. I think I’ve killed this cold/flu feeling. And I took yesterday off because the thought for the day, I have repeated over and over recently. I didn’t have anything worth writing about.
After a few days above (Zero) we are headed back down into minuses and it looks like snow is coming, I figured as much. I got up with plenty of time to fart around and prep for the meeting. I half pondered a nap in between, but decided against it.
I left a few minutes early and was rewarded by prompt trains and buses. I don’t see why folks have such issues with coming to this particular meeting, I mean it isn’t fucking rocket science … Get on the damned train and ride it up the hill and take the bus one stop down, or better yet WALK for Christ’s sake.
Tonight’s topic : Acceptance … And I will add … He Will Drink Again …
The sad fact of our Tuesday meeting is a good number of folks stopped coming long before the move. Some of those, after the fact, are going to other meetings, the rest have drank. I don’t know what we need to do to make these kids stick and stay, but we failed another newcomer.
I knew going into the holiday’s this year that it was going to be rough. And I should have given a number out and collected a few for myself. I addressed several Christmas Cards, that went undelivered because some were out of town, and others stopped coming to the meeting COLD.
I knew it, I KNEW it … You miss one meeting, well there might be a good excuse, then you miss a second meeting, and a third … Our guy has been on my mind for weeks and with no way to find or contact him, he showed up tonight, and he drank over the holidays. Fuck me !!!
People are just not connecting for some reason. It is far easier to go out and drink and drug, than committing to sticking and staying. And you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink…
This time I got my number out there and got one in return. Our young people are struggling with acceptance. How do I accept the person I was, and hope, on the other hand, to become the person I want to be?
How do I reconcile the two sides?
We can’t change the past. And they say that we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. Shit happened. But now we are here. It takes time to get to a place where we finally accept that we are who we are, warts and all. And that Life gets better, one day at a time.
There are no people to blame for my drinking and using. I made that decision. And in the end, I got out of that hell. I did not drink because of anyone or that it was someone’s fault that I kept drinking, until I got to my second Last Drink.
I have no one else to blame but myself.
When I relocated in sobriety, I left all that shit, all those problems, and all those people, thousands of miles behind me. Out of sight and out of mind. Grateful I am not them, by any stretch.
I am powerless over people, places and things. And if I accept that axiom, then, I am free to live. It would be my choice to entertain drama or pain from you, which I choose not to entertain drama or pain from anyone.
If I engage in your life, I choose to do so. And I accept whatever happens between us. I can’t save anyone, or get them miraculously sober.
However hard I would really like to in certain cases. All I can do is point the way to the light. And hope that they follow into the light.
We’ve done everything logically possible to get people in the door. If they don’t show up, we are powerless over them. What we’ve got is what we’ve got. At least we have the ones who show up.
I was overjoyed to see the folks tonight. We’ve reconnected to our base group, and hopefully they will now stick and stay.
Let Us Pray !!!
Acceptance is the key to all my problems.
More to come, stay tuned …