Major Fail …
I’ve never been one to fail at anything in my life. And surviving this long has been work. Hard Work. I don’t usually give up a fight without a fight in return.
But we could say that today was a great F A I L …
I know it’s over and I don’t have to worry about coursework for the near future. I did not do my best. And that is the truth. I could of cared less what I wrote on those two rewrites. This has been coming for months now.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Sometimes the answers come …
And sometimes we don’t want to see them as they come, not ready to accept the inevitable. But I’ve been praying about this situation for months. I have spoken to spiritual men in many places. And today I went to church and the sermon was all about “Change” and be able to accept it when it came.Your “MA career” has depended solely on your performance. We have done everything we could to assist you. Given that you are a first case in my tenure as GPD who has done so poorly in the MA, I have to check with SGS to see what the proper procedure to follow will be. Since I had an exam yesterday and had to be available to the students days before the exam, I could not follow up on your case. But I will contact SGS tomorrow first thing in the morning and inquire about the procedure.I don’t know what to say at this point other than we do not plan to support your continuation in the program. Of course, there are other steps along the way, including appeals, which you can consider if you feel that you disagree with our decision. The Graduate Calendar has information about those steps.Also, I do not know if it is a good idea for you to follow the courses you plan to take starting tomorrow. I will be able to confirm that only after I talk to SGS. Right now, you are still in the program and feel free to pursue the best course of action for you at this time.Sincerely,Lucian Turcescu, GPDTheological Studies
Friday Follies …
I did not sleep well last night, and did not nap well today either. My brain is spinning 100 km/hr and I am not sure what to do now. I spent the morning with my spiritual adviser, Rev Joyce. We talked and that was about it. Then we prayed and I set off for the Dept.
There was nobody in the office when I got there and so I just came home. I did get my other two grades. I got an (A-) in Hermeneutics and a (B-) in Samuel – Old Testament studies.
My MA adviser did not write me back. And I don’t know how to read his silence on my request from the other night. Are they going to help me stay on or are they going to toss me out???
I don’t know.
That’s all for now. What should I do now???
Never Write in the middle of the night when the commmitte is in session …
My spirits are sinking fast. I don’t know where I stand at the moment academically. The warning signs are there, but no contact has been made in the form of punishment, but I don’t think it will be very long before it happens. Maybe someone in the department will step up and lobby for me to continue. But I am not going to lobby, it just doesn’t seem right to do that. Seeing that I rewrote those two papers on a lark and ended up with C grades…
I had complained to one of my spiritual advisers that I was not enjoying what I was doing, and the more I pray and think about it I am coming to the conclusion that a change may be in the works like the inevitable.
I’ve sent a couple of emails to several ministers in the city to sit down and talk with them about what I should do next and to see if they can help me reorient my life in another direction and put to use the 2 degrees I already have in some pastoral ministry capacity.
I am going to be canvasing the AIDS groups here in the city, I also thought about going to Toronto to see if I could find a job there, which would mean a dual household, not sure if that is feasible at the moment, but an English province is better suited to me than a bilingual province that demands bilingualism …
I also am going to check with the hospitals in the area to see if I can find a position in the pastoral ministry field at these locations. Lots to think about and ponder over the next few days.
Summer classes start on Monday and I am not sure I should show up and face someone telling me that I am no longer welcome. So there are still two days this week for news so we shall see what happens.
I know that there are jobs waiting for me in other provinces, but I can’t ask hubby to uproot when he just got accepted into the MA in Sociology for the fall. That would not be fair. But maybe I can find a good job that pays the bucks we need to be able to work where ever I want to work.
Any of you with suggestions would greatly be appreciated.
More to come, stay tuned…
The "C" Rule …
I broke the C rule … I imagine that I will be withdrawn from the program shortly. Not sure if they will allow me to stay in the program. This could be the end of my academic career…
C Rule
Graduate students who receive more than one C grade during the course of their studies will be withdrawn from the program unless continuation in the program is requested by the student’s program or Faculty and approved by the Dean of Graduate Studies. Course-based programs in the John Molson School of Business apply a term-by-term GPA requirement. Students should refer to the section on Academic Standing in their program’s calendar entry. Students who have been withdrawn may apply for re-admission (see Re-Admission of Withdrawn Students in Graduate Registration section). Students who receive another C after re-admission will be withdrawn from the program and will not be considered for re-admission. Individual programs may have more stringent regulations; students should check their program’s entry or with the Graduate Program Director.
Re-Admission of Withdrawn Students
Students who have been withdrawn from a graduate program may wish to be considered for re-admission into the program. Normally, students must have been withdrawn from the program for a minimum of five terms in order to be reconsidered. If recommended by the program, these students will then be considered as a new admission, i.e., new application, transcripts etc.
Reinstatement of Withdrawn Students
Students who have been withdrawn from a graduate program may wish to submit a Student Request form requesting reinstatement to the program. This request is to be submitted for consideration during the same term in which the student was withdrawn.
Act as If (Redux) …
The weather right now is frightful. The snow began early this morning, on Tuesday. And at 10 p.m. this night, it is still snowing. It is cold, windy, rainy and snowy all at the same time. Just miserable. This is the kind of weather that keeps people from coming out to a meeting.
You really get to see who the dedicated people are on days like today. And just as I suspected my 10 core members of our Tuesday Beginners meeting people showed up for the early meeting. I can always count on them to come. As I was chair for the month of April. But at the business meeting tonight, things are not so rosy. Our numbers that have been down have taken a chunk of money from the kitty. We just barely made rent this month, in collection terms. We still have 3 months prudent reserve with about $100.00 extra in the bank, so we are good with that. But if our numbers don’t pick up in the coming weeks things may get dicey.
My topic for the night was “Act as if …” I had forgotten my beginners book on my way out tonight, so I went with what was in my head at the moment. So that’s what we talked about. Faking it until you make it.
I’ve been living on Acting as If for the last week. I am not a scholar, by any stretch of the imagination. I am not a writer of stellar papers, and I knew going into this last week, that my MA career was on the edge of being ended. My two grades came in that I was waiting on. The last one came in tonight. I made 2 C’s. That is not good news because I need to maintain a GPA of 3.0 to stay good in the program. I am hoping that the 2 grades for Hermeneutics and my OT class are above board. With this I am confident, because I have done well all semester so I should bump up my GPA with those 2 grades.
At least I know I passed, to a degree. Now I have to face my MA adviser and be told that I need to do better. I know what I have to do, if I want to succeed. I think I want to stay in school for the time being. I can’t afford to quit now. I am not fluent enough in French to get a job in this city. If I am truly honest, there are plenty of other cities I could move to tomorrow and get a job doing what I want to do with a career based on the two degrees I have at the moment.
We had a good speaker at the 8 o’clock meeting from the West Island. It was good to hear the message tonight. We had a good group of people show up, but the weather did not help matters tonight. My friend Dave was up from the States for the meeting tonight. It is always nice to see him. We get the odd “out of towner” now and then, more during the summer usually.
Other than than, there’s not much else to report.
More to come, stay tuned …
Completion …
Another productive day was had by all. Hubby is well on his way to completing his next task for his classes. And tonight I finished my last paper for my OT class on Samuel. It wasn’t as difficult as I had first thought. I had all my books and notes written down and all my citations listed. It went pretty easily.
Tomorrow I turn in my paper and return the stack of books that have been sitting on my dining room table for weeks. And the wait continues to see whether or not I make it to the next semester. Let us Pray …
The next set of classes begins on the 3rd of May. I am registered for two classes, one is a graduate course and the other is not. It’s all good.
More tomorrow, stay tuned…
Saturday Late Late Edition …
So it’s late. I should be in bed reading and listening to the radio. In a few minutes. It has been a quiet weekend for us. We did a little supermarket safari today and hubby cooked us a nice dinner.
The day was spent lazing around the apartment. I have been working on my final paper for Samuel, which is due on Monday. It is coming along nicely. I’ve got 9 pages typed up at this hour. My notes translated really well, from my in class presentation, it’s a good thing I noted where my citations came from. Tomorrow will be another writing day and I should finish it up by tomorrow night some time. I am riding a wave of inspiration for this paper, I am hoping to carry my gpa further in this class. I just need to stay focused and not ramble or make any stupid mistakes.
That’s about it for the moment. I think I should get to bed.
More tomorrow. stay tuned…
Act as If …
So after the day has come and gone, I had a long chat with hubby. My future is in the hands of the professors now grading my papers. I either make the cut or I don’t. So we both decided that we would act as if. So tomorrow I am going to Financial Aide to work out my tuition deferral so I can register for Summer classes. I have emailed the department secretary with my class schedule, because she has to put it into the system for me.
If all goes to plan and I make the cut then I will be taking the following classes:
Theo 639 – Augustine’s Confessions – We touched on this in Hermeneutics
Mon – Wed from 6:30 to 9:00 p.m. With Pamela Bright
May 3 – 16 June Session 1
Theo 202 Introduction to Biblical Studies -
Mon – Wed from 3:30 to 6:00 p.m. with Matthew Anderson
June 28 – Aug 9 Session 2
I need another course to fill out my credit requirements for Quebec Aide.
All I can do is wait, and Pray …
Act as if … a very sober lesson.
Stay tuned for more updates.
Goodnight from Montreal.
Monday Update …
Another productive day was had by all. Now we start praying for good grades. I turned in the 2 papers that were due this afternoon. I think they are both good papers, I was up until the sun came up this morning working on them, which means I did not get much sleep today. I napped during the afternoon to be ready for class tonight.
O M G … I just looked at my synchronic paper for Samuel. I got a B+
Holy Shit!!
I got a B on my annotated bibliography as well. This bodes well for me going into the final diachronic paper. This is very good news. Success this semester will help me along the path. Seeing that I did poorly last semester. I have been fearful of my progress all term. I have that one paper for Hermeneutics that I turned in today, I hope that she likes what I wrote.
Tomorrow I turn in my Origen paper. I sat down with hubby and I worked on it for three hours after class. It rounds out to 13 pages. Again I have an issue with quotations and being able to sort them out in my own words, which is my I had to rewrite papers for last term. Origen was a difficult task trying to put into my own words all the text I quoted. In the end hubby checked it over and said it looked good. Let’s hope that my prof sees it the same way.
Tomorrow is Tuesday. I have to turn in the paper, go to the store to get coffee and sugar and hit the meeting.
Please keep me in your prayers. Until tomorrow …
More to come, stay tuned …
Monday Madness …
It is 4:00 a.m. and Facebook was running SOOOO slow it took me half an hour to visit all my friends farms like I do every night after feeding my pup.
The weather has not been pretty, cold and rainy, although there was a rumor that we would have snow, but it is too warm for that. Thank God.
It was a productive day today. Paper wise. I finished writing my 10 page analysis paper for Hermeneutics. Pamela told us on the last class that after the productive class we had that the spirit moved everyone so much that all she said was that we would know what to do. So I went over my notes. I reread my journal entries, I surveyed the book a bit, and sat down and wrote. It took me a few sits to finish it, I hope I nailed the assignment. In the end I wrote what was on my heart about ecclesial discourse and with what’s going on in the church I spoke my peace, and for good measure I attached the open letter from Hans Kung to the bishops of the world. Let Us Pray …
I also finished working on Sophia. It is a much slimmer paper. I gambled on this project seeing that I was set on the Apocryphon of John. I didn’t find many sources that I had not already cited, so I got rid of the excess wording, I wrote a new introduction and added to the analysis portion and rechecked it for readability. It seemed to flow alright. It is 13 pages verses the 20 that it was when it was returned for a rewrite. Better to be safe than sorry was my logic behind it. I really hated this class and I don’t know how it will go over, if I fail, I fail. It would hasten the end of my MA career if it did.
Tomorrow I turn in these two papers.
I have to finish the rework on Origen tomorrow for a Tuesday deadline. Hubby is going to assist me in this endeavor. Once again, the sources that I used for the first paper came directly from a private library of the Origen Master at the Theology department. The library does not carry the books in community so I did not get to resource my citations. Another gamble. Once again, if I fail, I fail. The decision to continue in the MA program would be made for me, I would not have to ponder the thought any more.
But, you never know, I may make it through. I haven’t registered for the summer yet. There is only 1 course on tap that I could take on Augustine with Pamela Bright. If I pass then I will register, if I fail, then we will have to sort out plan B. And right now there isn’t a plan B on the table.I may need a job if I fail. Because we won’t be able to live here if I don’t bring in money via financial aide. So I am either going to get one huge gift or I am going to get royally FUCKED !!!
I am taking a huge gamble. Let Us Pray …
That is all, time for bed.
More to come, stay tuned …
Late Night Musings …
I bought a puppy in Farmville and his feeding time is 3:35 a.m. every morning. I have read through the Farmville forums and found that you can’t change a feeding time. So I am stuck having to sit and wait for 3:35 to come every morning to feed him (Bonkers).
I got a good portion of reading done tonight. I went to the library earlier on Wednesday to photocopy some chapters from a couple of books. I mean, really, what else can you say about Sophia from the Apocryphon of John. Everyone says the same thing. She was, she wanted to create like God, she didn’t get approval, so she did it anyway, it was an abortion, and was pushed out of the pleroma, she repented and was reinstated. that’s about it.
I am working on my 10 page paper for Hermeneutics, that should be coming along nicely in the next couple of days. I need to go back over some of the reading. She taught us the fine art of academic reading, so that will help.
That old song, “Should I stay or should I go” is playing in my head. I’ve been pondering a lot of thought these past few weeks. I haven’t made a decision yet on this front yet. People read this blog, so I can’t give it away just yet.
I’m getting comments from old friends lately and I am grateful to them for stopping by. I updated my links on the blog so they are all active links.
I think I am going to go to bed now.
More to come, stay tuned …
Courage to Change …
“When I was a newcomer I was one of those whom others “viewed with alarm” and so was my group. I was very young, female, dually addicted, and very socially unacceptable. And my group included every type of alcoholic that old timers feared most: young people, addicts, people with mental illnesses, minority races, those with various belief structures or no belief at all, bikers, convicts, gays and lesbians. The amazing thing is that most of us stayed sober, despite all the dire predictions. Why? Because the two things we had in common were more important than all our differences. We were alcoholics and we believed in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.”
Beginners Book, Getting and staying sober in AA… Stories from the Grapevine.
It was a beautiful day today. The sun was shining, it was neither hot nor cold, but a comfy in the middle kind of day. The kind of day that makes you wanna fuck off the whole day and go hang out in Old Montreal. The Old Port is a great place to hang out and do nothing. Sit by the water, watch the boats go by, walk around the old part of the city and window shop. There are some really great shops in Old Montreal. You gotta live here to get it though. These are the days when people start coming out of their winter hibernation holes and they come out to sit on the grass at the old port and people watch. Maybe this weekend.
I spoke to Louise this afternoon. She told me about her surgery and that after it was all over with, she didn’t remember it happening. Thank God for good drugs. The nurse comes every day to change the dressings and the drainage ports are working correctly. She is in good spirits and was very happy on the phone which was a good thing. One day at a time…
I got the the church with plenty of time to set up. It was a Madonna day today. I’ve been watching a lot of Madonna in Buenos Aires on the computer. I don’t know if I like Hard Candy better than the Confessions Tour. They are both good shows.
We had a good showing for the early meeting. Courage to change was my topic for the meeting. It went over well, people enjoyed the topic, we have a good group of regular folk who aren’t afraid to share what is on their minds.
We had a small group for the 8 o’clock meeting. The message was short and sweet and to the point. And Rick and I broke down and got out on time. It has only been us two for the last few weeks to break down. None of the other members hang around for the second meeting to help us. Although the attendees do help us stacking chairs and storing the tables.
I have 6 days to finish all my course work, hubby is helping me polish one of my papers, I am working on a second and my Hermeneutics essay is due on the 19th as well. Lots to do in the next few days.
If you are a reader of the blog and you Face Book, look me up.
That’s all for tonight. Time to go harvest…
More to come, stay tuned …
Extension
So I wrote my prof last night before I went to bed. I asked for an extension for my papers, and today they granted me just that. So my new deadline is April the 20th for final submission.
Wow, that is such a load off my shoulders, you can’t imagine…
Are we there yet???
We are halfway through the weekend, and I am still hacking and coughing. This cold is not going without a fight. I’ve been warned by my medical team to keep an eye out for fever. Haven’t had any of that yet. Just a lot of headaches and chest congestion.
Today I worked on David and Samuel. I got 6 pages written for my presentation and I have one more text to go through. Writing on the two David and Saul stories is very interesting. Each of the texts I have so far written on share different takes on the stories. I am supposed to stick with the text itself and not go outside (diachronic), I have to maintain a (synchronic) vision of the text.
The relationship between David and Saul is troubling. They are running after each other through hills, caves and fields. Saul wants to capture and kill David, and his minions want to help Saul do the deed, yet David continues to escape him by mere seconds and definite divine intervention.
Saul, on the other hand falls into the hands of David, not once but twice. And David is loathe to kill him because Saul is king and God’s anointed. David’s men step up and offer to kill Saul, yet David cautions them not to. There are conversations between David and Saul. The use of covenant language are apparent. It is all very tasking. Saul knows that pursuing David is wrong even if he keep on hunting him down. Then they meet, and David makes his pronouncements to Saul about being “anointed and king” and Saul weeps and humbles himself and repents of his evil ways and speaks wondrous words about David and they go their separate ways.
Both men have issues. Neither are perfect in the sight of God. Both have done dastardly things throughout the books of Samuel. But David will be king eventually, he may not be a perfect king, but king nonetheless. I wanted to share one perspective on the stories with you from my research.
The Open Rupture Between David and Saul.
The Forms of the Old Testament Literature. Vol. VII.
Antony F. Campbell, S.J.
Saul’s return to fight the Philistines is one of the few points in these stories, apart from his death, where we see him fulfilling his royal function. It also gives a momentary pause in the narrative, before the episode at the cave, in the wilderness of Engedi.
Early in any discussion reflection on the relationship between chapters 24 (the “cave in the daytime” story) and chapter 26 (the “camp in the nighttime” story) is unavoidable. There is widespread agreement that one tradition is coming to expression in both stories. That one tradition is present seems clear. Saul, in pursuit of David, is found in David’s power and is spared by the man whose life he seeks; full-bodied reconciliation ensues. More and more, commentators are agreeing that the interpreters task is to find a meaning for these stories in their context, rather than to debate their mutual dependence and age.
The version in chapter 26 is ready-made for performance. It is night. David and Abishai penetrate Saul’s camp and stand over Saul’s sleeping body. One spear thrust will kill him. David takes the spear, disappears into the night, and cries out from across the intervening valley. The version in chapter 24 requires a lot more work on the part of the storyteller; there is not a close fit between the deed and the drama. Saul has three thousand men with him as he pops into the cave – surely in daytime.
Why use a cave if it was night? David emerges from the cave, a bit behind Saul, and cries out to him. the storyteller has to make two aspects plausible. Saul, in broad daylight, asks the nighttime question: “Is this your voice, my son David?”
David in broad daylight, is not seized by the three thousand who are out hunting for him. A storyteller would have to have David slip out of the cave unseen and gain a vantage point where he could not be trapped and would not be visible. After has Saul “blinded with tears” ; but in the text the weeping comes after wards, at the end of the verse, and the three thousand are still there to be dealt with. (Alter) wrestles with the three thousand earlier, the text does not attend to them. The biblical text reveals faithfully where it has come from; Alter reveals brilliantly where it might be taken.
Inside the cave, there is a pointer to the complexity in the telling that again leaves options open for the storyteller. David’s men in the rear of the cave, seeing Saul in the light at the mouth of the cave, urge David to seize this God-given opportunity to do to his enemy Saul as it seems good to David – in a word, kill him! According to the text, David crept up sneakily and “cut off a corner of Saul’s cloak” The next verse is odd: “Afterward David was stricken to the heart because he had cut off a corner of Saul’s cloak.”
This is stretching credulity a but far. The guerrilla chief has remorse over a bit of royal garment snipping. Appeal to royal mystique and the sacredness of all that is associated with the king is a distraction; the central issue is life or death, to kill or to spare. Later David will wave the corner of the cloak at Saul as proof of his goodness.
The remorse is badly out of place in this context. But worse is to come. Having spared Saul’s life and cut the corner of his cloak off instead, David is portrayed berating his men for their wickedness in wanting to attack Saul. If Joab were present with a speaking role in this story he might well have pointed out to David that the heroics were in place before the garment snipping; they were completely out of place after it. So there is more to this scene than meets the eye. Storytellers, start your imaginations! Was there a version with no incitement to kill expressed in the cave? Was the incitement to kill Saul an extra option offered by the text?
There is little point in looking for a relationship of dependence between the two tellings. It is enough that there are two tellings of one tradition, each quite capable of standing on its own. As will be emphasized under “meaning” the involvement of both traditions in this narrative heightens the intensity of Saul’s enmity toward David and maked David’s move into exile utterly inevitable.
Exile among the Philistines is dangerous for David’s reputation as a loyal Israelite. We will look at this in treating chapters 28-31. For Davidic supporters, it is important that David had absolutely no choice and was forced into this exile. Reconciliation with Saul could not be trusted.
As to the episode in the cave, it is storytelling and popular storytelling at that. Such storytelling requires plausibility; it is unlikely that a performance had all David’s band lurking in the cave or conducting a noisy debate followed by a voice vote on the issue of killing Saul or snipping his cloak. As noted above, the implausibility inside the cave lies with David’s reproach to his men after he himself has done the deed for which he later takes moral credit. Outside the cave, the storyteller has to deal with the major difficulty that David peaceably discourses with Saul as though the three thousand chosen troops had never been mobilized.
*************************
In chapter 24: As told, this story moves a stage beyond its predecessors. The introduction sets up the preliminaries. Brought information, Saul’s force camps in the area where David is reported to be (“on the hill of Hachilah,”) We do not know exactly where David was (“in the wilderness”) apparently David did not know exactly where Saul was, but he was aware of Saul’s arrival.
The story proper starts with David sending out spies, moving in on Saul’s camp, and even observing precisely where Saul was sleeping. This information was is repeated in vv.5 and 7; v.7 specifies that it was night and that Saul was asleep. A storyteller might stress that, before night fell, what David saw in v.5 was the layout of the camp, the “place” where Saul slept, with the army camped around him.
The story moves in two stages: inside Saul’s camp and outside it. The first allows for the demonstration of David’s refusal to kill the Lords anointed. The second allows for both an insistence on David’s innocence and for Saul;s final commendation and blessing of David.
The story holds a challenge for both its hearers or readers and for its storytellers. The parallel story in chapter 24 in quite different. There Saul walked in on David territory. There. following the present text, David’s men urged him against Saul. David approached Saul stealthily, and then David was stricken to the heart. The problem at issue were discussed in chapter 24 and need not be repeated here. That Saul walking in on David’s territory is unproblematic. That David was “stricken to the heart” is equally clear, but its context is quite uncertain. The present text says because he had cut off a corner of Saul’s cloak. The context suggests because he had entertained the thought of killing Saul.
The story of chapter 26 is quite different. David intrudes on Saul’s territory, his camp. No mention whatsoever is made of David being repentant or “stricken to the heart.” The challenge of the story: Why did David risk his life penetrating Saul’s camp by night and putting himself at risk in the middle of Saul’s army? Certainly not with a view to killing Saul. That may have been Abishai’s intention; in the story, it certainly cannot be David’s, for two reasons.
First, the narrative so far has been insistent that Saul is the aggressor and David the innocent victim. Second, and paramount for the telling of the story, we know and all Israel knew that Saul died in a battle on Mount Gilboa. Why then did the story have David risk his life entering Saul’s camp at night? Certainly not to kill Saul. instead it has David risk his life to demonstrate his innocence and, within the story, to receive Saul’s blessing and commendation. The challenge of this story is to make this plausible.
In the context of Chapters 24 and 26, we need to recognize how inauspicious a start to royal reign it would have been to have killed a king who crept quietly into a cave, urged by a need of nature. How much more inauspicious to pin the sleeping monarch to the ground with his own spear in his own camp – not in battle but in bed. Neither matter, since Saul was to die on Mount Gilboa. Neither is likely to have been told at the royal court of Saul’s heir, King Ishbosheth (2 Sam 2:8-10a), or at the hearth of the last known claimant to Saul’s throne, the crippled Mephisbosheth (cf. 2Sam 9:16:3)
Oh Boy it’s 4 a.m. I’ve been typing for a long time…
More to come, stay tuned…
3 a.m. Train …
It has been quite a day today. Monday was Monday. Over the weekend I finished the first of three assignments due this month, my book review, which I turned in today. I am hoping that it meets with approval because I am not doing it again.
I spent the afternoon studying to start writing my Sophia paper, there is a book sitting by my bedside that I should be reading right now, but I am still here farting around.
We had class tonight, my Samuel (Old Testament) seminar. We ran through chapters 13,14, and 15. When you take apart a text to its bare essentials and you break up all the groups and you characterize the text by groups and location you learn a great deal about the text.
While the 4 students, and 1 RA do the breakdown, my prof is sitting with her Hebrew Bible following us. You learn that the Bible is written in pieces and edited together over time. When you strip a text down to its oldest literary strata you begin to see who wrote what and when it was written. It is all very interesting. You even figure out what is original, what is redacted and how the chapters fit together, or not together. It has happened that we find that some chapters were written before others then edited together, it is all quite fascinating.
Next Monday is my turn to present my texts that would be 1 Samuel chapters 24 and 26. I have all my notes that I have been working on and my books to do my narrative programs. I can tell from here that my chapters are easy compared to what we have been doing in class. I have to find a way to pump out 10 pages of text for my presentation, because I don’t think I will have that many. And failure is not an option.
I have two weeks to finish Sophia. God Help Me … I also have to finish Origen, but hubby is helping me on that one. I need to sit with him and see what he comes up with for my rewrite. My adviser is adamant that I keep to the rewrite schedule and if need be I should extend either OT or Hermeneutics and I don’t want to do that. I want to finish my classes on schedule this term and hopefully all of my work will be acceptable the first run through.
Nobody said that M.A. Studies would be a breeze.
I spoke to my friend Louise in Florida this afternoon. Her double mastectomy surgery is scheduled for April the 9th at 2 p.m. She will have a 4 to 6 week recovery with reconstruction being done in that time period. She sounded really good today, her spirits were high and she was on the ball. We should all keep her in our prayers.
Tomorrow is Tuesday and I have to pick up coffee and sugar for the meeting on the way out before I set up the meeting. I will have more for you tomorrow.
I should get to bed.
More to come, stay tuned…
Cranked …
Did I tell you that our modem died a very slow and painful death? The weekend was frought with intermittent signals from our modem to the central ISP, and our signal went up and down all weekend long. On Thursday they shipped us a new modem overnight and we were supposed to get it on Friday morning. Well, Friday morning came and went and no modem.
NOTE TO SELF… Canada Post does not know how to do overnight shipping.
Hubby was quite miffed at that and he fought the ISP to make sure that we were not going to pay the extra $40.00 for overnight post, when we did not get our package. (That came this morning).
Hubby hooked up the new box and ran the phone cable splitters and it seemed to work well all day long until earlier tonight when it dropped the signal, and hubby was cranked again. He called the ISP and we troubleshooted the issue and finally the signal came back. And we have had a steady signal since.
I spent the weekend at the library, hunting down books for my papers that I am working on. It will take me two trips to carry back all the books on my dining room table. I had to rewrite my bibliography and add more sources to it. That seems to be a theme of mine this term … REWRITE…
So that’s what I did. Who knew I’d be throat deep in books at this point. I did a lot of reading and I am zeroing in on my themes for my Samuel paper. We learned to night in class that presentations have been extended another week, which means I don’t have to present my paper until the 22nd. Gives me more time to work on it. I am finding my motivation lacking this term. Which is something I need to change. There is no turning back now. I am committed to finishing out the term. Then all bets are off…
I have to finish my rewrites of Sophia and Origen for the end of the month. I have a timetable on my board over the computer so I stick to schedule and I finish on time.
Tomorrow is Tuesday and I will have time to make my meeting and spend some time with my friends. On Wednesday I have a doctors appointment at 9:20 in the morning. I don’t DO 9:20 in the morning ever… I called to see if I could push it back later in the day, but that was impossible. So I get my new numbers then, I will keep you posted on those.
Tonight I bottomed out after class. I was feeling a little light headed and clammy walking out of the department, so I stopped off at the closest coffee shop for a hit of sugar and downed a can of pop in less than a block. So I stopped off at a pizza shop for another can of pop and a slice of pizza further on my walk home. In our neighborhood there are coffee shops and pizza places on every corner in the campus core. There are 12 coffee shops within walking distance of the main campus building and several coffee shops within the main campus building. We drink a lot of coffee …
Feast your eyes on my newest acquisition, AXO Prime Boots in black. These boots retail for $247.00 off the shelf. Waaay to expensive for my wallet. I happened upon these on EBAY the other night and the starting bid was $60.00, now you know I can’t pass up a good deal and occasionally I will gamble on an auction. The Buy it now price was $120.00. Still, a steep savings on them, seeing that they are so expensive off the shelf.
I bid on them instead of paying the $120.00. I posted my bid at $60.00 with a $30.00 pad which kept my bid under $100.00 in any case. That bid remained unchallenged for three days. So I got a $247.00 pair of boots for $60.00. The additional shipping to Montreal was $44.00 which I expected. All in all I think I scored a sweet deal. Sometimes you roll and you win.
Well that’s about it for now. I need to sleep.
More to come, stay tuned …
You want what ???
It has been a very trying week, to say the least. We are grinding our way to the focal point of this semester. The push to the final papers. I’ve spent the better part of two days trolling the library for books and combing through the data bases for articles for my bibliographies.
I turned in my bibliography for my Old Testament class, and I got it back today with a note that I needed to resubmit another god damned piece of paper because I did not have enough sources. So I am up to my ass in trying to find more books and articles for that one as well.
GOD give me strength…
I’ve got a stack of books on my dining room table which I have been reading through every day trying to glean from them useful information. I have papers that have to be rewritten and I am trying to remain calm and not loose my mind. I have been working on something every day, sometimes more than one thing at a time. It’s all very overwhelming.
Our modem is on its last leg, and we have been talking to the tech desk at our ISP to try and figure out if it was the phone line or the modem. But last night hubby and I decided just to order a new modem. Little did we know that by calling the local service number that we would be talking to someone in British Columbia, all the way on the west coast. So they shipped out the modem today and we will have it tomorrow some time.
As the modem crapped out last night, the cable went down as well. I think it was an omen. Videotron had a city wide FAIL last night that lasted until 6 am this morning. Talk about anxiety, having no computer and no tv at the same time. That was like having the power go out and being forced to sit in the dark with candles lit. Thank God for over night radio.
Hopefully by the time I finish this entry that the model will still be cranking away, flashing its little lights down there on the floor.
I spoke to Louise yesterday and she did not sound very good. The doctors confirmed that she had cancer in both breasts and that a double mastectomy was the only way out of this. She had further scans today in preparation for surgery which should happen sometime soon. It’s gonna be a big surgery because they will do reconstruction at the same time as the mastectomy.
She will have the surgery there at Mount Sinai Medical Center there in Miami, they are the best cancer hospital in Florida. I worked in the treatment clinic as a hospice and services counselor when I lived down there. We must keep her in our prayers.
I’m gonna boogie and not push this modem any further.
More to come, stay tuned…
Hunker Down …
Monday has come and gone. And I have had enough time to think about this entry and it has come to me in the last few minutes what I want to say. For the last two months I have been paralyzed with fear … Performance anxiety you might call it. After my poor showing last semester I ventured into another semester not knowing whether or not I would leave the program.
I finally got the chance to sit down with my MA adviser to talk about my paper that I wrote for him last semester, but he did not even have my paper in hand to talk about. He wanted to make sure that I had not decided to ditch the program. I think he was genuinely interested in my staying. He used words like “Anything you need” and “you may take all summer to complete your work if it becomes necessary” it seems that he is willing to make any concessions that need to be made to guarantee my remaining in the MA program.
I told him that I was paralyzed with fear and that I had spent a good deal of time freaking out about being an MA student. I still find it difficult. I find my peers to be somewhat standoffish. Many of my fellows from last term are less interested in being friends and more apt to talk to each other because they are in other classes. I don’t know if it is me or not. I go to class, I am cordial, always polite and accommodating.
We talked about my classes this term. He is watching me from afar and he is talking to my profs this term as well, making sure that I don’t fail in my task as a student. And I find that my Old Testament Prof is keeping me on a short leash, so to speak. She handed out the paper requirements to night and I almost had an anxiety attack.
We spoke about Hermeneutics and I told him what I was hearing and that although I may not agree with some of the comments I have heard, it does nothing but create animosity between the students. There is a divide between the first year MA students and later MA students. And I think that my being older and more amenable turns a few of my fellows off. What can I do, I am powerless over them.
I went to class tonight and I felt really odd. I am not an Old Testament scholar nor a student of but I took this class because it was necessary. I sit in class and I listen to the others talk and it seems, at times, that I am a world away. There are 5 of us in this class. One is the TA. I am the odd man out when it comes to Hebrew and Old Testament knowledge. But I must persevere. In for a penny, in for a pound.
I have a lot of work to do. And sometimes I don’t know where to start. So I am doing little things every day. Like researching books, working on bibliographies and getting my ducks all in a row so I can sit down and work straight on as “reading week (read: Spring Break)” is upon us next week and the library will be closed so I need to get all the books I need this week. I’ve reserved them online hopefully they will come in before Friday.
I need to see my Gnosticism Prof. again to touch base and get some direction, since the last time we talked was in December. For the moment all I can do is breathe. I have the resources of the department at my disposal, if need be. But for now I have to stay on target, and try to meet all my deadlines on time.
They say it doesn’t get easier. My adviser spoke about the MA thesis and Project, I am on for the project option right now. He made mention of that and I told him that I was far from that point and I don’t have the ability to think that far ahead at the moment, and he was good with that.
He wants me to stay and I want to stay, even if I am full of fear. At least I know that people are covering my back, who knew I’d need that at my age. We are all adults in this program, there are a few younger people who don’t necessarily want to get cozy with older fellows. I have more conversations with my profs, then I do with my fellows. I find that Odd. There is a lack of comradery amongst the troops.
Oh well, I think I’ve said enough now. Pray for me. We also need to pray for Louise who is having her breast biopsy tomorrow – I hope it’s not cancer again.
Let us pray …
Tomorrow is Tuesday. YAY !!!
Samuel …
I turned in my bibliography for my final paper tonight. I am writing on 1 Samuel Chapters 24 and 26. The stories of the two times David and Saul meet and David spares the life of Saul. Hopefully the paper I turned in is acceptable to my prof. I am on track to completing this project, and I feel confident that I can write an acceptable paper. We have been parsing Samuel chapters 1 through 11 in class. It is very interesting looking at the Hebrew translations of the Old Testament and reading from our own texts to see how words and phrases are translated.
Just a short note for now, I will write more tomorrow. My day off… We will talk sobriety and recovery… until then … toodles…
1 Samuel 24 -
David Spares Saul’s Life
After Saul returned from pursuing the Philistines, he was told, “David is in the Desert of En Gedi.” So Saul took three thousand chosen men from all Israel and set out to look for David and his men near the Crags of the Wild Goats.
He came to the sheep pens along the way; a cave was there, and Saul went in to relieve himself. David and his men were far back in the cave. The men said, “This is the day the LORD spoke of when he said to you, ‘I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.’ ” Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe.
Afterward, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. He said to his men, “The LORD forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the LORD’s anointed, or lift my hand against him; for he is the anointed of the LORD.” With these words David rebuked his men and did not allow them to attack Saul. And Saul left the cave and went his way.
Then David went out of the cave and called out to Saul, “My lord the king!” When Saul looked behind him, David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground. He said to Saul, “Why do you listen when men say, ‘David is bent on harming you’? This day you have seen with your own eyes how the LORD delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, ‘I will not lift my hand against my master, because he is the LORD’s anointed.’ See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. Now understand and recognize that I am not guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life. May the LORD judge between you and me. And may the LORD avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. As the old saying goes, ‘From evildoers come evil deeds,’ so my hand will not touch you.
“Against whom has the king of Israel come out? Whom are you pursuing? A dead dog? A flea? May the LORD be our judge and decide between us. May he consider my cause and uphold it; may he vindicate me by delivering me from your hand.”
When David finished saying this, Saul asked, “Is that your voice, David my son?” And he wept aloud. “You are more righteous than I,” he said. “You have treated me well, but I have treated you badly. You have just now told me of the good you did to me; the LORD delivered me into your hands, but you did not kill me. When a man finds his enemy, does he let him get away unharmed? May the LORD reward you well for the way you treated me today. I know that you will surely be king and that the kingdom of Israel will be established in your hands. Now swear to me by the LORD that you will not cut off my descendants or wipe out my name from my father’s family.”
So David gave his oath to Saul. Then Saul returned home, but David and his men went up to the stronghold.
Twofer Tuesday …
Over the past few days I have been pondering a few of my relationships with people. I am bothered by the way people treat each other and the way that some of my friends have just gone off the rail. People are responsible for the choices they make and it seems as of late that one of my friends is sitting in the corner of the bar BANGING himself in the HEAD with a HAMMER… And I can’t stand to watch it any longer. So with that I clicked the little (X) on their Facebook Profile and unfriended him. I can’t sit and watch this train wreck of a life continue. It is like watching an alcoholic DRINK…
Today was my day off to do with whatever I pleased. I went to see my spiritual director this morning and then went to noon service at the Cathedral. Sometimes you got to take it to the church to get an answer from the almighty. We spoke about school and my troubles this term with my abilities and no answer came to either one of us. And the more I ponder this topic and the more people I talk to about it I get the sense that I am in a growth period and I am learning to exist in a new pot.
There is more space to move and my roots need to grow into deeper soil. I may not like where I am, and it may be painful at the moment for me but a little pain won’t kill me and if I stick with the program it will pay off in the end. I think I am close to a decision on this matter and it all comes down to personal application. Do I fuck off and not apply myself or do I buckle down and get it done? Failure is NOT an option.
Today’s topic was: Staying away from that first drink …
The farther one is away from the past drink the more one tends to forget what it was like in the beginning – trying to stay away from that first drink in early sobriety. But I do remember what that was like. It was Jean Baptiste Day and I was at the Old Port during the party and hordes of people were walking around two fisting glasses of beer and wine and I was in the thick of it wanting to drink, but I didn’t .
It is good to hear the newcomers talk about where they are today. The meeting was packed and that only made the meeting much more rich. The more people the more shares. It was a great meeting. Remembering when it hurt reminds us of where we can end up if we take that first drink again…
I stayed for changeover and the second meeting. Tonight we heard a woman speak, and she was glorious. Sober now over 20 years she took us back into old Montreal years ago. It was good to hear her speak. You can hear it in their voices when someone really Gets the program. She is a reminder why even people with 20 years or more of sobriety need to keep going to meetings, because we forget what it was like and that is a very important factor in thinking a drink if one is not careful.
I did not drink today. I took care of myself and my sobriety. Now comes the work. I guess I need to ground myself into the ice and do the trek. I am here so I better do the work required of me.
Time to eat …
That’s all for now, more to come, stay tuned …
OH and one more thing I forgot to mention. Last night I was Facebooking and I got a message from my girlfriend Fonda. Now Fonda is my girl. She was the woman who welcomed me to my first meeting back in South Beach when I got sober this time around. She is a kool cat and she is well traveled. She’s been out West at Yosemite and California. So I called her and we talked for a while about where she is now and what she is up to. It was good to catch up with someone from my early sobriety. She was instrumental in helping me stay sober those first few months, especially over that first set of holidays in 2001. I spent a lot of time at her house with friends from the meeting there.
It is good to keep in touch with sober members…
Sweet Deals …
Where can you get over $600.00 in MX gear for cheap? EBAY … You never know when something is gonna hit that you can’t pass up. I’ve been looking at race gear to go with my boots that I got for Christmas and everything I have come across runs $100-$150.00 per pant and $50 – $100 per shirt to buy them right from a dealer or professional site.
So I jumped at the occasion to buy this lot of gear for a mere $55.00 plus shipping which is a steal. I am planning some new things for the summer here in Montreal and maybe take a trip to do some motorbiking in a foreign country, I’ve been mesmerized by ENDURO videos on You Tube from all over the world as of late, and I want to do something exciting this year. I guess you could say that that is one of my resolutions for the new year.
I had lunch with my mentor yesterday and we talked about my Grad Student career and he gave me some good advice that I have been following up on today. He said that I should get in contact with student services on campus and see when they will offer grad student writing courses, to help me work on my writing.
The second piece of advice was to consult the campus vocational director to see if there are any work possibilities for the future since I do have my two degrees. I also put in a call to the Monsignor yesterday to go talk to him to find out if I could get a break into diocese work.
I am still seeking answers to the question – What am I doing here? I need to sit down with my program director since I haven’t seen him since classes ended in December. Last night I went to class and we had a guest presenter to do a presentation on Hermeneutics and Biblical Scripture in Africa. What is the meaning of scripture in a contemporary setting. It was good. My friend Judy was the one to present her work to us. She is going to Kenya next month for a 4 month sabbatical to work and teach. THAT is Amazing … I want to do stuff like that.
We’ll see …
That’s about all for now … More to come. Stay tuned …
Monday Thoughts …
Monday has been exciting … The mail woman brought me a HUGE box this morning and I was all excited. Who knew boots could be so big, yet feel so snuggly and warm.
I went to class tonight and we talked about Biblical History and we also talked about the book of Samuel. I have to get used to reading code and learning what all the biblical codes mean when reading source material and commentaries.
We took a look at the Periods in Biblical History:
- Patriarchal Period – 1800 bce Abraham, Isaac and Jacob
- Pre-Monarchic Period 1200 – 1000
- United Kingdom (Monarchy) Whole of Israel N&S 1000-922
- Divided Monarchy North falls South a Davidic Dynasty 922-721
- Judah Alone – Babylonian conquer of Judah 721-587
- Exilic Period – 587-540 (539) Cyrus the Great
- Post Exilic Period – 539 – on Persians conquered by A. the Great
Some Manuscript Notes:
- LXX – Septuagint
- Q – QumRan
- MS – Manuscript
- MT – Masoretic Text
- GR – Greek
- Masoretic Texts – 1000 common era (most bibles come from here). 7th to 10th centuries Oldest MT 9th c.
- Codex Vaticanus – LXX-b Greek 4c. common era Translation of Hebrew into Greek, unique manuscript, closer to old Greek tradition, escaped many revisions (haplographies are numerous)
- Codex Alexandrius – LXX-a Evidence of systematic revisions, considered less value to Vaticanus
- Lucianic Codex – LXX-l Close to Qumran Manuscriot 300 c.e. Old Greek manuscript, second strata worked into it. series of additions by Lucian and influenced by Josephus
- Old Latin Translation – (OL) 2/3c. c.e. original readings from the old Greek, Proto-Lucianic second strata
- Targum Jonathan – Aramaic version of the prophets. Middle ages
- Syriac Versions – (Peshitta) 2c c.e. in Syriac close to MT translated from Hebrew. 250 manuscripts – Peshitta
- Vulgate – Latin Translation by Jerome. Early 5c. close to MT. Proto-Masoretic text vowels not added yet.
- QumRan – 3rd c. to 1c. Found 2 manuscripts of Samuel in the 4th cave 4QSamB – end of 3rd c. bce affinity to vulgate of old Greek translation into Hebrew. 4QSamA (B was studied before A) Close to MT – expansionist tendency affinities to Lucian codex
- Quotes from Scripture – Josephus 1c. ce Textual tradition from 4QSamA this is not so reliable.
My prof is big on writing, she hopes that by writing I will memorize more.
Better Days …
I really need to sleep. Maybe later. Maybe now. I don’t know.
They say if you pray, and your prayer is heartfelt and honest and comes from the right direction, then it will come to pass. So last night I wrote some letters to some people in my circle, then I prayed, ate and went to bed around 4 a.m.
Today I got up and started my day with calling my sponsor and this is what she told me “If you don’t know where you are going – best to stay right where you are till you figure it out.” Now, where did I hear that before???
Oh yes, My academic adviser, it is also one of my tools that I pleasantly did not think to use here until I was reminded of it today. She also said that maybe a change is coming and something new will come to pass. Something along the lines of what Randall said to me in his email yesterday.
Class was good. The seminar room was overflowing. There must be 17 or 18 people in the seminar class. The room is waaay to small for all those people. Any more than 10 people and it is packed. So next week we are going to be downstairs in the department instead of in the seminar room.
Pamela Bright is a brilliant woman. And I think this class will be ok. That’s what I am saying tonight, that may not be what I say in a weeks time, who knows. But I am going to sit where I am for now and watch for a bit and eat and pray.
I have to get with some more people before I make any decisions.
I need to eat, then I need to sleep.
More to come, stay tuned …






































