Joyful Discoveries …
Courtesy: Sean Klein
“Fear of people and of economic insecurities will leave us…”
We read these promises at every meeting, well, not all meetings, but I hear them at least once a week in a meeting. It goes without saying that not all the promises come true right away, and for some, they might not come at all at first. But if you stick to the rooms and honestly put yourself into the steps, promises start to materialize, sooner or later.
This is my next INK project. I like it, but my artist has altered it a bit so that they are not the same. This is part of my summer project. It is a 4 hour job and at $100.00 an hour, may take a few sittings. I am in no rush.
Today’s Daily Reflection is Joyful Discoveries …
Great events for this recovering alcoholic are the normal everyday joys found in being able to live another day in God’s Grace.
Grasshopper would have read this reading this morning at the Wood meeting, so reiterating it is pointless. But I wanted to write my take on the reading for you.
This week has officially begun the next stage in hubby and I’s life. And he said to me that now we are in our forties we should be able to live comfortably and without stress. We’ve spent the better part of ten years in school collectively.
We both have several degrees under our belts. I saw a video last week by Philly D, who spoke about the top ten looser degrees you can attain in college.
Religion, Theology, English and Sociology were all in the top ten looser degrees.
Was it all a waste of time and money, I guess you answer that question by what the degree has done for you since graduation. None of my degrees have done one iota thing for me since spending all those years in school, spending countless amounts of money to attain them.
For Hubby, he is an English Major, a Sociology Major and a MA in Sociology that is coming over the summer. They say if you get an MA you have a better chance at a real paying job, than without one. And as we being this next stage of our lives getting a good job over the summer is going to be the big payoff.
When I wrote The State of Our Union some time ago I set forth the plan of action that was going to take place this summer.
I have been pondering what life is going to look like as I count down the last days of my educational career. And if you watch enough Canadian television and see all those commercials for Newfoundland and Labrador, it speaks of making sure that one chapter of your life is exciting…
That’s the plan.
I’ve learned a lot of things over the last ten years. I am still vulnerable. And I still feel. And tonight I felt angry and stepped on. And almost resentful. The resentment from tonight flitted through my brain on the way to the bus stop and I dismissed it after it settled in my brain, because he is not worth my time…
I have heard friends talk about learning to love themselves. To grow past hurt feelings from family and friends. Learning how to break free of that which brings us down and to break from that and move on into a life one would be proud of.
I think I have attained a modicum of pride for what I have achieved in the last ten years. And I have poured all that knowledge out here for you to read. There is, I think, a healthy dose of pride one can have without getting a big head.
Hubby has attained such high high’s in the last seven years that I just can’t begin to explain to you how hard he worked to get here. He has truly trodden to road of happy destiny, and with my father in laws donation to his education yesterday, it just made the uphill climb that much sweeter.
A few of my friends have had the opportunity to travel to far flung destinations around the world in the past few months. And their stories have inspired me to dream big for myself. I have an outstanding invitation to go to Cape Town South Africa when I can get there. And come hell or high water, I will get there one way or another. Kilimanjaro is also on my Africa to do list. As well as a gorilla trek. I don’t know if that will ever happen, one destination at a time.
I finished reading 1000 Years Of Sobriety last night. 20 stories of folks who are 50 plus years sober. It is quite an amazing read, to hear the stories of people who have been sober longer than I have been alive. Where they came from, what happened and what they are like now. I know that I never want to drink again, because if I do, I may not make it back and from hearing the stories about drunks, slips, jails, institutions and insanity, I don’t ever want to go back there.
Grasshopper is making his own way into the world today. He has come upon one of the greatest mysteries of his life in learning some things about himself, and I must be here to help him along the spiritual path. We are all moving forwards in one way or another. I forsee life changing events coming over the next few months for us and for him.
And what a joy it is to be on this journey sober and joyous and free.
Discoveries are just over the horizon. I hope you will all stay tuned for the next chapter of the journey.
I always hoped that at ten years sober that something exciting would happen, I’ve been praying for it, and waiting patiently for it. Waiting for God to “HIT ME!”
One day at a time.
We’ve turned the corner and the world is our oyster. I can’t wait to share the future with all of you. Let’s see what we can do together.
Time for bed.
Goodnight.
We are Not Meant to Be Alone …
Courtesy: Stuart Parmley TGKW Flickr
A little while ago, a follower left a comment on one of my entries and I wrote him back and talked about what he had said to us. Today I received a response to my note. And I thought that I would write to you and share some things with you from my life in the hopes that you might see things a little differently in yours.
The Neon Sign Theory:
Everybody has a neon sign that sits above our heads and displays the feeling or emotion of the moment to those of us around you, that is, if you have eyes to see it. This is a theory that I coined a few years ago watching people come to my home group to get sober. This is something that took years to perfect. I recall a few particular people who came in those days.
There are 12 steps from the main church door to the hall where we hold our meeting. Through two sets of double doors and into the room, which is lit by halogen lights in the ceiling. It is a very appealing space. Not too bright, not too dim. It is a very hallowed room. Because God has moved in the room over the years.
So people come down the stairs and I see the neon sign. Some say lonely, some say angry, some say depressed, some say looking for love… In any case, these are just ideas. Watching people come week in and week out, over time, they change, some fight it tooth and nail, and some really sink into it looking to be reborn in what ever way they can, because let’s face it – coming from hell – is a long journey.
The best experience I can tell you about is Miss Nancy. Miss Nancy was a quiet and humble woman who used to come to the meeting and she was so down on herself about her problems, and it took a long time for her to get comfortable in the room. But little by slowly she got better. And one day low and behold, she was sharing in the group and I saw the light go on above her head and God moved in the room, and in that moment she got it. Witnessing someone “Getting It” is one of the most powerful experiences. And I’ve seen it happen many times over.
Sometimes people are so troubled when they come that the sign is dark and scary. And I think that by just being present and supportive is one of the best tactics to use when you don’t know someone very well. It takes time to get to know someone. And that goes for any relationship you might have with someone.
And if they stick around long enough and they are open to the stirring of the spirit, transformation happens, despite ourselves.
The train of thought is that we are not meant to be alone in this world. I mean what kind of God would there be if he put us here to spend eternity alone or forever searching for the one we are supposed to be with. I don’t think that we are meant to be alone.
And sooner or later that neon sign will change and say “OK I AM READY!!!”
Sooner or later, we spend some time getting better. Now this is universal and can be applied to everyone in life. Not just the sick and addicted. We spend our lives learning about ourselves. Some spend hours upon hours reading self help books, watching Oprah talk about becoming the person we are meant to be, and that the Best of Times is Now …
No matter where you live or in what ever social circle you run in, eventually we will run into someone that may complete the other half of our life.
If I look at my life, when I turned 21 – I wasn’t ready for a real relationship, because I was too busy trying to drink and party at the bar night after night. And that took up many years of my life. I had no idea what it meant to be responsible. I had no idea what it meant to be in “relationship.”
I was still looking for myself, in other people. Sex was something that was there. We were all young, and nobody really cared about things Long Term. It was get it now, get it quick and live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse.
We weren’t afraid of anything during those years. The scourge of AIDS had not hit our community yet …
But it was coming …
AIDS hit us when I turned 25. The first time I heard that word came soon after I lost a boyfriend to suicide. They told me after the fact that he had AIDS. And it would hit me less than a year later. The boy I was dating took off the hour he heard my diagnosis. The friends I had all took off and never spoke to me or came to visit me for any reason. It was harsh. It was terrible.
I watched people turn from Humans into Animals over night. I’ve never seen so much hatred and condemnation in all my life. What the straight and religious community did to those of us who were sick and dying was reprehensible.
In the gay world, you have to be young, pretty, wealthy and buff. And that is the way that most gay men in their 20′s live like. And then the older you get, the harder you try to hold onto your twenties. But as we all know, eventually we grow up. Sooner or later time marches on and eventually you realize that it is marching across your face … (Movie – Anyone ???)
I had survived AIDS. I lived past my death date three times. I was still alive, but so many friends I knew were dead. Hundreds upon hundreds of people were dead, and I was still alive …
What the hell was I going to do?
I lived In South Beach for a number of years post diagnosis. South Beach is still a nightclub – live fast – drink copious amounts of liquor and look devastatingly beautiful. Hit the beach, then the gym, and at night you hit the club to find Mr. Right now.
By now I am in my thirties. And I am changing. People who live by the beach, never go to the beach, because they have work and lives. So that’s what tanning salons are for. It is a dog eat dog world. The whole focus of existence is to look devastating. No matter the cost.
I thought that I should do things like this. Tan, Gym, looking buff and trying to fit into a world that I knew I no longer fit it. AIDS had morphed my body into a pear shape. I’ve got a belly, that I couldn’t get rid of to save my life. I am not as agile as I once was. And I surely don’t look like I did when I was 21. But for the life of me, I thought that that’s what I needed to do to attract Mr. Right Now.
I was wrong.
I’ve told this story before countless times. I had had my last drink. Nobody noticed me. Nobody cared that I was there. Fags are ruthless. Especially when it comes to social groupings. Nobody wants to love a sick person…
That would terribly inconvenience a healthy persons pursuit of life having to care for a sick boyfriend, God Forbid …
I knew I was beat. I was 34 when I got sober again. The gay group I hit the first meeting didn’t even notice I was there. They all ignored me. So I waited for the next meeting and that’s when I met Fonda and the rest of the Sober on South Beach Group of AA. She hugged me and welcomed me and she was the face of recovery. She was the proper transmission of the program.
In Just Being Present.
I was no longer alone. For many months I toiled and fussed. I got sober and I worked on my life, getting better, despite living in a city of fags who had no concern that I was there. It didn’t matter. I was no longer vying for a spot on the “chosen” list. That just wasn’t me. Any more.
I stuck and stayed. And I stayed stopped. I never took a drink again. And so my quest to “fit in” ended. I knew that I would never find myself there again. I had to make the decision that I was either going to pine the past and try to hang on to something that wasn’t me and fail, OR I was going to grow up.
I had hit that Twenty going on Thirty wall.
I grew over that wall. Ever so slowly.
I decided that I needed more than I was getting. It cost too much to live. I had to choose between buying food and paying rent / and or / buying medicine. I couldn’t do all three at the same time. That’s healthcare in the United States.
People with AIDS paid a hefty price for being sick. And drug companies made a mint off the backs of sick and dying people. And they still do today.
I came here and found a place to live. And found a meeting I liked. I had found a doctor who would treat me, who treated patient Zero, the first AIDS patient, the French Flight Attendant. He’s a big wig in the AIDS treatment game.
Here I am in my mid thirties and I have been sober for almost a year, I am rooted, doing aftercare and going to meetings. I wasn’t looking for love, I really wasn’t looking for anything.
But love came looking for me.
A chance passing in a doorway, a brief look at his face, And I knew, He was the one. And It came to pass that he was sober as well. I’ve been living with AIDS for now 9 years. I survived.
You never know when love is going to approach. And I think the thing we need to be aware of is Love is out there, and sometimes it comes to us, and we might not be present to the experience to notice it. You just have to learn to see it when it comes at you.
I knew from that very first moment that hubby was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I guess I grew up enough and I had done enough work on me that the universe conspired to help me.
Because you know that when we give something to the universe if the universe thinks we are ready for it, that it responds in kind.
I don’t remember ever giving that thought up to the universe. That I was looking for love, but I think the universe decided that I was no longer supposed to be alone anymore.
I was ready for responsibility. I was ready to fall in love. I was still alive and when time came for me to disclose, hubby did not blink, he did not shy away, he did not turn away. And I will be forever grateful for that.
There is learning to be had at every generation decade. From our 20′s into our 30′s. Well into our 40′s. I got sober, met my now husband. I went back to school and got an education twice over. And now in a matter of weeks I will end my long education career. I’ve spent the better part of 10 years working on my education. And in the next decade of my life, I will figure out what I am going to do with that education.
I don’t know what I am supposed to do in my forties. Or what lessons I still need to learn. So I will continue doing what it is that I do… I am a husband, a friend, a sponsor, and member, and a participant in my community.
I will continue to write here and respond to you and write for you to tell you what I have learned, and what you can learn about yourself.
There is a whole world out there waiting for each and every one of you. Be the person you are. And if you don’t fit the gay mold of your community, then so be it. Gay communities are fickle and harsh to many. Those who are just out to party, have sex and make whoopie never once stopping to see the damage they are doing to others, You Have My Permission to Be Who You Are.
At some point we all grow up, No matter how hard gays think they can beat the clock, they really can’t because eventually, the beach bunny will become an old hasband.The party boy will realize that partying is not a way of life any more. Eventually we all grow up, despite ourselves.
Ten more years have passed. It is 2012. I was diagnosed in 1994. You can do the math. Coming here was the best decision that I ever made in my life.
There is someone out there waiting for you to find them.
I was Here. I survived. I have a story to tell you. Don’t forget me. And remember that I took time to write to you and to encourage you to never give up on your dreams. Never settle. Never say Never. Get out there and Live.
Live Live Live, Life is a banquet and more poor suckers are starving…
We are not meant to be alone. Believe me. It is true.
I Thirst … The Year that was 2011 …
“I thirst,” Jesus said on the cross when Jesus was deprived of every consolation, dying in absolute Poverty, left alone, despised and broken in body and soul. He spoke of His thirst – not for water – but for love, for sacrifice.
Jesus is God: therefore, His love, His thirst is infinite. Our aim is to quench this infinite thirst of a God made man. Just like the adoring angels in Heaven ceaselessly sing the praises of God, so the sisters, using the four vows of Absolute Poverty, Chastity, Obedience and Charity towards the poor ceaselessly quench the thirsting God by their love and of the love of the souls they bring to Him.
Mother Teresa writes:
Jesus wants me to tell you again … how much is the love He has for each one of you – beyond all what you can imagine … not only He loves you, even more – He longs for you. He misses you when you don’t come close. He thirsts for you. He loves you always, even when you don’t feel worthy…
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This will be my 2,582nd post…
We begin this tale of the last 365 days at nearly the end, because that is where I think we need to begin. I re-read my end of year 2010 report to try and get a sense of what I need to write about this year. So many things have happened this year and I haven’t written out an outline, I will then free write …
First, we need music. Barbra Streisand … A Piece of Sky …
The winter 2010-2011 school season was a success. I did very well in my courses and finished at the top of my game. Not much happened over the summer so I took off those months. There wasn’t much in classes that I really wanted to take. I went to an inordinate amount of meetings over the summer.
This past Fall, I pursued my education at CeGep this year with as much zeal as I could muster. After two semesters of French, I decided that I would no longer pander to the language police here in Quebec. I would rather eat glass then study French another day in my life. So I gave it up on the first day of the third semester. I sat in the chair and the prof started in and I sat until the break and then I left. Never to return. I had had enough of that …
That night I decided to study Western Civilization instead. So the Fall Semester I studied Sociology, following in my husbands footsteps. Added to that was Western Civilization. Both courses I did fantastically well. I had great teachers and a little help from my friends in the form of free textbooks and occasional coaching from the side. That’s what you get when you go to meetings. People truly want to see you succeed and if they can, play a part in that success. So thanks to Eric and Hubby for their help.
Last year I spoke of Hubby’s doing well in University. And today I can say with a proud heart that he has more than exceeded all of our expectations. He not only was a student in the Graduate Studies program for Sociology, he taught a section of tutorials this past semester. Something he worried about – but to me, looking at it from the outside, it was effortless. He just is the most fascinating man I know. He did it all like a Master…
On the medical front, I lived another year. All my numbers have been above the 1000 mark. My good run has been extended this past year. My doctor never varies from his talk to me whenever I see him. He says the same thing like a litany that never changes. Loose weight, stop eating junk food and exercise. The theme never varies. However I can report that I did lose some weight over the last year. I changed up my diet – hubby is a very health conscious cook.
My diabetes numbers have been nominal to the degree that the last time I saw my doc for that it was for five minutes. He has dispensed with the whole triage, dietician and extensive medical history and check up for a brief looking at the number on my meter – signing off on refills and sending me on my way.
The other night at a Christmas dinner at a friends, I met a man who is diabetic and we talked about our respective situations. I seem to be doing so well and he has all but given up he says “you only get one life, so might as well live it” and not in the good way either. You see this happen with certain people who can’t be bothered to take care of themselves correctly and follow medical advice, and at that I shake my head, I keep my council and I let it go. He takes pills to control his diabetes, but he doesn’t test daily, nor does he do what he is told. Which is a shame, because in the end it may kill him one day and that would be a loss.
The same goes for people with HIV. I get them newly diagnosed and I talk them into a life plan and we find them the next step to survival. Most of the men I have worked with in the last calendar year have dispensed with my advising. It is not something they wanted to continue, so I must let them go. If they live or die is entirely up to them.
Another of my fellows on the HIV train was dumped after a long term relationship by the man who fell out of love with him and over a steak dinner divulged that he did not love him anymore. This sent my friend into a tailspin that almost killed him. I warned him not to use or drink. But what did he do? He went out in a blaze of glory.
Where everyone was pissing and moaning about lost love, I was the only one to warn him of the consequences of a major slip in recovery after being sober for so many years. My counsel fell on deaf ears and he used heavy narcotics in a haze that almost killed him. And with that I took my leave of him. He ended our friendship over this.
One of my guys got sick, ended up in the hospital and had a near death experience. That experience sent him out the door into a drunken drug filled stupor for a few months only to end up in rehab, and in a haze of forgetfulness calls me one night begging my help once again. I can proudly say that today that man is sober and clean. He has a few months sobriety and is actively working his steps with me in a 12 step intensive. One of the only success stories I can talk about on the HIV front.
Another year in the books as year 44 came around this past summer. I am soon heading for fifty. Can you believe it??? Me at 50. Who knew. But we are not there yet. One day at a time … I read the book Aging with HIV, and in the book I am at the near beginning of the scale, not so old as the men in the book, but I am getting there slowly. In reading the book, I learned what concerned men going into their 50′s. Most of the issues I read about, I have already dealt with in my sobriety.
This past year has been one of disappointments in people. As I stated above the theme is recurring several times over. When people show you who they are the first time believe them…
A long time friend who I had been counseling, listening to and confiding in for the last ten years trying to be her friend just pissed me the fuck off. After 23 years of sobriety, she admitted after the fact that she was drinking and lying to me all the time, prior to her return to Montreal this past fall. I am beginning to learn just who is my friend and who paid me in lip service over the past year.
Suffice to say that I held my tongue quite well when she picked up a desire chip after 23 years at my home group. I sat on my feelings and stuffed them until they almost choked me. And one night words were spoken. Words I can never take back. It all came out one word after another …
I am not ashamed that I caved. I mean what are we unfeeling cyborgs? Can’t I feel an emotion and put it out there? Well, that was another ending. I said my piece and she felt victimized and reported me to her sponsor as a bad man. I ended that friendship in a blaze of glory. She went back to Florida. If she is sober is up to her and God.
I am beginning to find my voice as a man who knows himself. I have spent the better part of the year taking care of me and learning all those lessons that Oprah had to offer in terms of Life Class. And I put to practice all those things that she says will help us become who we are meant to become.
Being true to ones self. Knowing and being responsible for the energy we give out and what energy we bring to ourselves. When people show us who they are the first time, believe them. Things like this …
Every day of my life is book-ended with meetings. That formula for success is what I attribute my successes. I have this year crossed a huge mile marker which I will touch on a bit later. If I have a night free, you can usually find me at a meeting somewhere. Tuesday Beginners has been a part of my life for more than ten years now. And it served me well.
Over the summer, my sponsor and my friend Dave, who is a proud daddy today used to travel to different meeting on Friday night. From the South shore to the West End to NDG. We did this for weeks on end until I had enough of traveling from here to there. I wanted to invest in somewhere certain. You can’t invest in a meeting and their people if you are not a weekly attendee. So I decided to go to Friday West End by myself.
I set a goal for myself and that goal was to go and wait for God to tell me what to do. I went, week after week until the voice gave me direction. And I knew it one night when after the meeting I felt the urge that this is where the next chapter of my sobriety was to open. So I joined the group a few months ago. I needed three months of service to become a proper member, and so I did that gladly.
I would go and set up chairs and make coffee. I sat in the same chair week in and week out. People began to notice me, not because of what I was doing, but because of my presence in the same spot week after week. People started talking to me, I learned their names, and made some friends. An old timer and his wife from Dorval. I have spoken about them before.
The next chapter of my sobriety was opening up. I did my time and got into the rotation as a full member. And then everything changed. And it was the greatest gift I have ever been given in sobriety. Firstly there was the night we were in the church for the meeting – it was the first time I was responsible for setting up and doing all the grunt work because most of the group was out of town that night, and the hall was being used the next day for a church bazaar so we were in the church proper and that night we all had a spiritual experience. It was the most beautiful night on my life, listening to a young lady play the piano. It was angel speak. The night was a HUGE success. And it did not go unnoticed.
The fall came and went. I am still doing service every week. Now I am the designated coffee maker. That along with minor set up skills I am an upstanding member of Friday West End.
Weeks before my 10th sober anniversary, I had been in a really deep conscious contact with my God. My prayer life I stepped up. I was reading holy texts and I came across Mother Teresa once again. A book I had once dismissed, I picked up again, just by happenstance. And I was convicted … The story of how she began the Missionaries of Charity with “I Thirst …” I knew that was going to become the marker for my anniversary.
On certain big anniversaries, I was taught in early sobriety, you make an offering to God for your sobriety. I did it on my first anniversary with a piercing. And now at ten, I needed to do something big. I made a few calls and visited a few tattoo parlors in the core and settled on Adrenaline. I talked it over with hubby and he gave me the green light to get the tattoo I wanted. I prayed about it for a week. And on the Friday prior to my anniversary, I got that tattoo. It was all the rage at Friday West End. Since I Face booked it everyone wanted to see it, and so it went. I was really proud of myself.
And also as it came to pass that I was approaching my 1oth sober anniversary, is when God stepped in and gifted me. The Friday before my anniversary, the chair asked me to speak, ON my anniversary. On that same night our matriarch asked me if I would take my cake on that next Friday night. (Now I was prepared to wait until the 13th at TB’s to take my cake) But she had other plans for me.
She asked me if I had my 2 year silver oval medallion. Yes, it was in my wallet. I gave it to her and she took it and sent it off to the jewelers to be Gold Plated and engraved with whatever I wanted on it … “I Thirst…” is on that medallion now.
I talked to my sponsor about sharing. And he said as long as I keep my ego in check, all should be well. That Friday came to pass. I got up there and knocked it out of the park. I don’t remember all of what I said. But whatever I did say made a difference in my life and the lives of the members of the group and others as well who came to hear me speak. It was the most exciting night of my life in recent years. Then I got my cake and my GOLD medallion. It was the most exciting moment in my sobriety so far.
The people of Friday West End gave me a gift that I could never repay. They gave me a memory that I can take to my grave as being had. And I am forever grateful to them for that. We are a great happy bunch of drunks that do good things every Friday night for every person who walks in our doors.
We had our anniversary the following week and we had over a hundred and some odd people. We had food galore and fun, fun, fun. I even got to thank that speaker because the chair thinks I am so eloquent in thanking capabilities. I don’t know if it went over as good as I wanted because of the man I was thanking. Some stories are tougher than others to thank because of content and experience. And he was rough trade… But I did my best.
On the 13th of December I took a second chip and celebrated with Cake at my original home group. To show to newcomer that it can be done. Many old friends came to help me celebrate. We had lots of cake and conversation. So I have a ten year medallion to keep forever, and one to share with someone coming along to their tenth… December has been one very exciting month.
The holidays have come and are nearly gone. The weeks are just flying past, as if to say, let’s get this year over already !!! Christmas was a big BLUR on the radar screen. And it is Tuesday late night once again as I write this. I was so busy over the holidays that I forget that the day came. Our home Christmas was sandwiched in between cooking for home, setting up for an evening meeting and attending a second Christmas dinner all on the same night.
And with great effort the world is going to welcome in the New Year in the way they know how to do… With lots of liquor and celebrations. I talked to a friend on Tumblr earlier and I said that all those young people won’t know what hit them after imbibing copious amounts of liquor and smoking the best weed out there. What a waste … But what can you do???
We will take in the New Year as we always do. With our Crystal Goblets and a little non-alcoholic bubbly. We will watch the ball fall and kiss on the moment and then we will go to bed and listen to Coast to Coast AM and the yearly predictions show for 2012. This year proves to be exciting, with Armageddon knocking on our doors on December 21st 2012.
PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDAR. TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE SOMEWHERE SAFE BECAUSE IT IS ALL SUPPOSED TO END. WE CAN ALL KISS OUR RESPECTIVE ASSES GOODBYE BECAUSE THEY TELL US THE WORLD WILL COME TO AN END.
At Least the Mayan’s have given the preacher world something to go on about for the last year. And needless to say it will only get worse as the date draws nearer. So we will see who the forgiven/saved are and who is going to suffer damnation, hellfire and sorrow.
And that is how we will close out the year that was 2011.
What did you do this year that is noteworthy? Share those thoughts with us.
I really want to thank all the people who have subscribed to this blog, and to all my readers out there. From all over the world. Especially, Bear Toast, Rod, Vincent and the rest of you. Thank you for a great year. It has been a joy writing for you – and you have helped me polish my voice so to speak.
I am in touch, so you be in touch.
I love your faces.
WC: 3,173 Post 2,582
Your Coffee’s too Strong !!!
Israel, Hamas announce deal to trade captured Israeli soldier for 1,027 Palestinian prisoners …
“Netanyahu said the captured soldier, Sgt. Gilad Schalit, would return home within days. Mashaal, portraying the agreement as a victory, said the Palestinian prisoners would be freed in two stages over two months.”
I have been following this story for years since Gilad Schalit was captured. Finally this young man is coming home. Well done… It is about time he was returned to his family and country. This is fantastic news.
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Today October 11 – Is National Coming out Day
A big decision in any gay person’s life is the decision to come out. It marks the day that we come to terms with who we are and where we are in our lives to come out and openly declare what we are to the world. It doesn’t happen over night and is a process that takes a lifetime. Times have changed in the past 20 years for the LGBT community.
But teens and young people have been targets of concerted bullying and demeaning behavior by family, peers, conservative media and countless numerous Christian communities and their preachers and bullies.
This behavior must not go unpunished.
There should be definite consequences for bullying.
Today we celebrate all those who have decided to make a stand and share with the world that the LGBT community is expanding. Where ever you are and who ever you are, take your time, and do it on your own timetable. We are here for you every day and any day.
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Courtesy: Flickr Jamescg
We now we return to our regularly scheduled programming …
Good evening Peeps !!!
We are sitting at a cool 14c. One more day of clear skies and rain is to follow for later in the week. The trees are turning. Our neighborhood is covered in a fine layer of yellow leaves. Some of the maples by the church have begun to turn.
It was a beautiful day today. It was an early start out to the church. Have tunes will crank out chairs and tables. I was done by 5:45, and people started arriving soon after. We gained another member tonight rounding out the member count at ten. We had visitors from the U.S. at the meeting tonight. Our women take really good care of visitors. Our visitors go home with more than they came with which is a good thing.
So I make 40 cups of coffee every week in the big industrial coffee pot. There is a cup count of how much coffee I put in the hopper each week. And people rave about how good the coffee is. I had to step up the amount of coffee I make when the numbers spiked over the last month.
Tonight, I was sitting at table and a woman who rarely comes to the meeting, who never participates when it comes around to her, goes to get a cup of coffee and she says to anyone who was listening, “You need to put water in the coffee pot to weaken the mix because I can’t drink this strong coffee!”
What do you mean, put water in the pot? Everybody in the meeting already have their cups and I haven’t heard one person complain in all the years I have been making coffee that there is anything wrong with it. I grabbed the tea kettle and poured half the kettle into the top of the pot, sending coffee grinds all over the place. Like that was going to make a difference in HER cup of coffee.
I said to her … You know nobody ever complains about coffee, they are grateful that we even make coffee. You are the first person I’ve ever heard complain! If your coffee is too strong then put some water in your cup and water it down. Sheesh !!!
When it came time for her to share, she sat there silent and passed. God grant me serenity !!!
Our topic for the night:
“The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.” Big Book, pg. 24
With some sober time under my belt, most of my own personal observations come in hindsight. When I was first sober, I got to a point that I was free falling. I did not have a sponsor and I made a fateful decision that took me out the door.
In hindsight, during my slip, I drank and drugged. First I put down the drugs and I left them by the side of the road, I walked away, and never picked up another drug again. The funny thing was that it was easy to put down the drugs. I changed geography, I moved away from those people and places. So even if I went looking for them again, I wouldn’t necessarily find them.
But it was very different with alcohol. I could have put down the drink. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I don’t know that I needed the alcohol. But it was wired into my system. I don’t know why I needed that weekly binge. And it wasn’t until I hit the wall and my bottom, that I decided that I didn’t WANT the alcohol any more.
I walked away from alcohol. The club I drank in closed its doors shortly after I got sober. And I did not go looking for another drinking establishment, oh, they were out there, how could you miss the myriad of clubs on South Beach.
I had my meetings. I had new friends who went above and beyond the call of duty to help me. Over the last 10 years I have worked on that buffer zone that now exists in my field of vision, that keep me from ever having to take another “First Drink.” Because we all know that if I take one, more will follow…
We read, we go to meetings, we work with others, and we work on our spiritual condition. Because nothing guarantees me sobriety than working with another alcoholic. I do service every week. I follow the same routine every week, week in and week out. I’ve followed the same path for the last 10 years, and to date I have never had the compulsion to even contemplate a “first drink.”
And for that I am grateful.
Two more months and I hit double digits. One day at a time.
More to come, stay tuned …
Ten years ago, did you expect that your life would be anything like it is today?
Courtesy: Pasdechance
Question: Plinky
***NOTE***
It is the eve of my tenth year of sobriety, So I am sticking this to the front page until I post my debrief at the end of tomorrow night’s festivities.
Milestones … Milestones are important. These little signposts that we stick in the ground as we walk the path we are on are useful. I walked through the gate into this land and have been traveling this path for almost ten years.
I could not have told you then, that I expected to be anywhere other than where I was in a dead end position scraping a life together trying to figure out how I was going to stay alive with all the money that was required to be paid out to fund this little life I was living.
Getting sober was the first step in making this life possible. And the group of people that I got sober with were instrumental in getting me to the point that I could look forwards. Last night I tried to pin down some dates to tell a particular story and my memory is too far gone to remember the finer details of the dates to plot on a map to say I was “here” and I went “there” and I did “this” and ended up “there.”
Suffice to say the beginning of this long journey into life began in 1994 when I first attempted to get sober. I held onto that for more than four years and a few months. That’s as close as I can get to the specific date of when I fell off the path.
There was the errant few years of uncertainty and my eventual re-arrival back at the starting point where I had been living to begin with. There are a series of memories that fall in this time period. When I arrived back in Miami – the summer of 2000. The last time I saw my parents – New Years Day 2001. Living in my studio and being called on the morning of 9-11 by Ricky to turn on the television because something was going down. But what I was doing from the summer 2000 until the summer of 2001 is missing.
I remember where I was, I think. All these points on the timeline can be confirmed. I’ve written about all of them before. I know what I was doing the months leading up to my return to the rooms. And then my final drink occurred and we reach the 9th of December 2001.
I was living. I was sober. I was hitting meetings every night with my friends. I made some connections online that ended in me coming to Montreal to visit over Easter of 2002. I came for a week, I stayed for two. Thus began the second chapter of my life in a new city, far from where I was.
If you told me then, that I would live – not just survive, I don’t think I would have believed you. But sobriety had its perks. There were a group of people in my life here in the city that were instrumental in me getting where I am today. And those people are still in my life today.
The meetings have changed. People have come and gone from my life. People are only meant to be in your life for a specific period of time. I know that some of those people were not meant to be with me longer than they had. But I had a good foundation in the program by people with some serious time in the program.
The first year and a half were spent learning to stay in my day, and live one day at a time. It took me a long time to learn that lesson. And as I remained sober and also stayed rooted in the series of meetings I was attending everything was coming as it would, in God’s time, and not my own.
Nobody tends to remark that I am still alive at this stage of the game. I think people take it for granted that I live on borrowed time. I don’t know who’s life I am living but someone has granted me this time for some strange reason. The god’s must be crazy. Why they took so many lives from me and at the same time allowed me to go on living is still that mystery I have yet to solve.
I am a medical anomaly. If you looked at my numbers you wouldn’t know that anything was wrong. These little med students I get to meet along the way are humorous. My doctor prides himself in telling the same story every time we get a student in the office. He grins and shakes his head as they look at me with skepticism. They don’t get it at all.
For the last ten years, as the years pass by, new abilities came to pass. New lessons to learn, new experiences to have. And all of it came by way of the rooms. Nothing I have today came from outside. All these years of gifts and lessons came by way of the program, because I did what I was told to do.
I had no idea when I got sober this time around that anything that has happened to me was foretold by anyone. The only exception to this story is the man I met on the beach so many years ago who gave me some sound advice. “Don’t wait to die to ask those questions in your head.” Ask them now. Find the answers now.
I guess it was fate that when I got sober, it must have been a sign from God, but the dance club I used to get drunk in closed its doors for good just after I got sober. It was a sign that I would never have to go back there and drink. But I walked by that building every day on the way to the meeting on South Beach.
All these achievement that I have been blessed with are gifts of the program. Canada has become the land of plenty. The passage of civil rights for LGBT people was a massive score for Canadian gay and lesbian men and women. We are a forwards thinking country. And many of the rights I have today came after I had moved here. Thank god for lies and people who told them. Because I have them to thank for this journey into life.
It’s amazing that so many years later, I haven’t spoken to my family at all. And in the end it was my family that made all of this possible. I know where they are and if I needed to I could go looking for them. Facebook is a useful tool, and I had my dalliance with family on facebook, that never materialized anything but silence.
But I have reconnected with family here in Montreal and the outlying areas. I had a relationship with my late great aunt Georgette before she died of cancer a number of years ago. That was a gift that came from my mother of all people. She was the one who told me that sister was still alive somewhere. And had I not visited the Mother House in Old Montreal on that fateful day, none of that would have happened.
My parents may not support me because I am gay. And they don’t, let’s not make bones about that. Their Catholic upbringing did nothing to assuage them into becoming friends with me at any point. There is error on both sides of this story. And one day Sometime maybe in the future I will get to make my amends, which has been long since overdue. but until then, all I can do is pray for that situation and hope one day it will resolve itself. But it is not on my radar of expectation.
I remained true to my heritage. I live the life I set out to find when I came here in the beginning. I followed that spiritual path that I was introduced to very early on in my life by my grandmother Camille. It was her faith and determination that fed this journey from the beginning. Had she not taught me all that I know about today, I would never have ventured into this without something to go on.
I’ve learned a lot over the last ten years. Probably so much that I could possibly fill a book, if I ever decided to sit down and write it. But all the stories that would go into it, are here on the blog. You can read all those stories here.
We are about to begin the Fall of 2011. Lots to do and life will progress. We live only for the day. We hope for the best and we strive for the truth. Hubby’s career in teaching will begin not too far down the road. And he is looking forwards to that. I have my studies and you know I do my best and hope for the best as well.
The seasons will change and the fall will come. And soon we will celebrate the coming of the silence. That is the most important day in my yearly observance of the seasons. That night always comes, but you never know it is there until it is upon you. So watch this space. It is one of the most blessed days in my spiritual observances. We welcome the mother maiden of the silence for her season. And it is always glorious. This time of year is truly magical.
Because we see the outwards changes in our surroundings like no other place. I love the seasons. The ending of Summer, the coming of Fall, the welcome of Winter. It is all magical and blessed. Life will move with the rhythm of the seasons. We shall get there – my 10 year anniversary.
I am having conversations with an old timer from the West Island at Friday West End. I may end up joining that group and quite possibly take my cake there in a few months time.
But we are not there yet. God willing and one day at a time. This has been a brief look at what ten years of sobriety has brought to my life.
More to come, stay tuned …
Made a Decision …
Courtesy: Alt XY Tumblr
It was a beautiful day today. Not too hot, nor humid. A little breezy and light. I didn’t get to bed this morning until close to 6:30 in the morning. I was up late farting around the interwebs and on Tumblr looking at photos uploaded.
Then I decided to link up all my Tumblr pages on this blog, and I entered all the information into the site, and realized after I had finished linking 34 Tumblrs, that I had reversed the link and page name, which meant I had to go back and correct all the links in my sidebar. Then you know, if you’re up at 5:30 in the morning, you have to watch Willy Geist and “Way too Early” on MSNBC. It’s a good show. And since I am a night owl and can sleep in for the time being, why not.
I set off early for the meeting and got in and finished in 30 minutes, and had about 45 minutes to sit and read in peace and quiet. My friend Mitch showed up early and we got to talking about life. He hung for the meeting and after wards we talked about getting together for coffee and some talk later on in the week. If you aren’t doing anything for the time being, better find yourself something to do in the meantime. I haven’t had a bite on any of my resume searches online. I guess employers in Montreal don’t use anglo job search sites. Oh well.
Tonight was step 3 – which Mitch highly recommends, “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.” Essentially … we made a decision …
“God, I offer myself to Thee–to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do thy will always …
We had a good crowd for the early meeting 16 people, and we had close to twenty people for the later meeting. Numbers are up and there is money in the piggy bank. That is a good thing. Our speaker for the night was fresh in the program, at 14 months. The program works, and tonight’s share was incredible. I was really impressed with this young man who spoke tonight. He said this to the room tonight …
“Montreal AA is like the CIA, we have people everywhere in the city.” and the people all laughed…
So now I am home, I’ve been through my tumblr accounts, and I linked up some new photos.
“BE THE CHANGE”
This week in You Tube circles is Be the Change week, supporting the Trevor Project’s youth assistance programs for LGBTQ kids. What do you do to be the change in our community? I am involved in online communities. I participate in You Tube events and through this blog I work with others, like I work with others in a meeting.
On the side bar –> over there you will see a widget for the Trevor Project. Click it and participate in community. Everyone can “be the change” you want to see in your immediate community. This is pride month in many places in the U.S. and Worldwide. Go out to pride, march if you can, be the change in your community. Our pride does not come until the end of July in Montreal. Coinciding with the Black and Blue party around my birthday July 31st.
A good day was had by all…
Time for dinner.
More to come, stay tuned…
Go click on the links in the sidebar and visit some of the reads that I really enjoy on a daily basis. The Tumblrs are really great sites. There’s a lot of reading in the links…
Obama victory sparks cheers around the globe
From the Associated Press:
PARIS – Barack Obama‘s election as America’s first black president unleashed a renewed love for the United States after years of dwindling goodwill, and many said Wednesday that U.S. voters had blazed a trail that minorities elsewhere could follow.
People across Africa stayed up all night or woke before dawn to watch U.S. history being made, while the president of Kenya — where Obama’s father was born — declared a public holiday.
In Indonesia, where Obama lived as child, hundreds of students at his former elementary school erupted in cheers when he was declared winner and poured into the courtyard where they hugged each other, danced in the rain and chanted “Obama! Obama!”
“Your victory has demonstrated that no person anywhere in the world should not dare to dream of wanting to change the world for a better place,” South Africa’s first black president, Nelson Mandela, said in a letter of congratulations to Obama.
Many expressed amazement and satisfaction that the United States could overcome centuries of racial strife and elect an African-American as president.
“This is the fall of the Berlin Wall times ten,” Rama Yade, France‘s black junior minister for human rights, told French radio. “America is rebecoming a New World.
“On this morning, we all want to be American so we can take a bite of this dream unfolding before our eyes,” she said.
In Britain, The Sun newspaper borrowed from Neil Armstrong‘s 1969 moon landing in describing Obama’s election as “one giant leap for mankind.”
Yet celebrations were often tempered by sobering concerns that Obama faces global challenges as momentous as the hopes his campaign inspired — wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the nuclear ambitions of Iran, the elusive hunt for peace in the Middle East and a global economy in turmoil.
The huge weight of responsibilities on Obama’s shoulders was also a concern for some. French former Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin said Obama’s biggest challenge would be managing a punishing agenda of various crises in the United States and the world. “He will need to fight on every front,” he said.
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev said he hoped the incoming administration will take steps to improve badly damaged U.S. ties with Russia. Tensions have been driven to a post-Cold War high by Moscow’s war with U.S. ally Georgia.
“I stress that we have no problem with the American people, no inborn anti-Americanism. And we hope that our partners, the U.S. administration, will make a choice in favor of full-fledged relations with Russia,” Medvedev said.
Europe, where Obama is overwhelmingly popular, is one region that looked eagerly to an Obama administration for a revival in warm relations after the Bush government’s chilly rift with the continent over the Iraq war.
“At a time when we have to confront immense challenges together, your election raises great hopes in France, in Europe and in the rest of the world,” French President Nicolas Sarkozy said in a congratulations letter to Obama.
Poland’s Foreign Minister Radek Sikorski spoke of “a new America with a new credit of trust in the world.”
Skepticism, however, was high in the Muslim world. The Bush administration alienated those in the Middle East by mistreating prisoners at its detention center for terrorism suspects at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and inmates at Iraq’s Abu Ghraib prison — human rights violations also condemned worldwide.
Some Iraqis, who have suffered through five years of a war ignited by the United States and its allies, said they would believe positive change when they saw it.
“Obama’s victory will do nothing for the Iraqi issue nor for the Palestinian issue,” said Muneer Jamal, a Baghdad resident. “I think all the promises Obama made during the campaign will remain mere promises.”
In Pakistan, a country vital to the U.S.-led war on the al-Qaida terrorist network and neighbor to Afghanistan, many hoped Obama would bring some respite from rising militant violence that many blame on Bush.
Still, Mohammed Arshad, a 28-year-old schoolteacher in the capital, Islamabad, doubted Obama’s ability to change U.S. foreign policy dramatically.
“It is true that Bush gave America a very bad name. He has become a symbol of hate. But I don’t think the change of face will suddenly make any big difference,” he said.
Obama’s victory was greeted with cheers across Latin America, a region that has shifted sharply to the left during the Bush years. From Mexico to Chile, leaders expressed hope for warmer relations based on mutual respect — a quality many felt has been missing from U.S. foreign policy.
Venezuela and Bolivia, which booted out the U.S. ambassadors after accusing the Bush administration of meddling in their internal politics, said they were ready to reestablish diplomatic relations, and Brazil’s president was among several leaders urging Obama to be more flexible toward Cuba.
On the streets of Rio de Janeiro, people expressed a mixture of joy, disbelief, and hope for the future.
“It’s the beginning of a different era,” police officer Emmanuel Miranda said. “The United States is a country to dream about, and for us black Brazilians, it is even easier to do so now.”
Many around the world found Obama’s international roots — his father was Kenyan, and he lived four years in Indonesia as a child — compelling and attractive.
“What an inspiration. He is the first truly global U.S. president the world has ever had,” said Pracha Kanjananont, a 29-year-old Thai sitting at a Starbuck’s in Bangkok. “He had an Asian childhood, African parentage and has a Middle Eastern name. He is a truly global president.”
Roll call of honour: Canada's medal winners
Canada’s Carol Huynh celebrates after defeating Japan’s Chiharu Icho during their women’s 48kg gold medal match at the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games on August 16, 2008. (Toshifumi Kitamura/AFP/Getty Images)
Kayaker Adam van Koeverden’s silver-medal performance on Day 15 of the Beijing Games pushed Canada’s medal tally to 18 — three gold, nine silver, six bronze.
With no Canadians scheduled to compete Sunday when the Games close, Canada’s medal haul equals the total from the 1992 Barcelona Olympics.
The Beijing Games marks the country’s third-best performance at the Olympics — Canada won 22 medals in 1996 in Atlanta and 44 in 1984 in Los Angeles, which were boycotted by the Soviet Union and several Eastern Bloc countries.
Here’s a look at all of Canada’s medal winners:
Day 15: Van Koeverden paddles to silver
Canadian Adam van Koeverden won the silver medal in the K-1 500 on Saturday, finding some redemption after a dismal performance in the 1000 metres the day before.
“It was a great moment and the feeling is mostly relief,” he told CBC Sports. “Yesterday, I just didn’t feel like myself. Today, I was climbing back up, getting it back a little bit, but that last 200 still didn’t feel like me. It was a struggle, a well-fought struggle, and I’m really, really happy.”
Van Koeverden had a commanding lead for most of the race but, with about ten metres remaining, he was edged out by former training partner, Australian Ken Wallace, who clocked a time of one minute and 37.252 seconds.
Tim Brabants (1:37.671) of Great Britain claimed the bronze.
Day 14: Canada’s Sergerie kicks to taekwondo silver
Karine Sergerie fought her way to Canada’s best-ever finish in taekwondo, winning silver in the 67-kilogram event.
The 23-year-old from Ste-Catherine, Que., lost a close gold-medal bout to the defending and reigning world champion, South Korea’s Kyungseon Hwang.
The bronze medallist at the 2004 Olympic Games, the South Korean beat Sergerie 2-1, scoring her final point in the last 30 seconds.
“The gold medal was the dream for me. I’m happy that I have the silver and I hope my country is proud of me, but this silver just pushes me even harder to come back and win that gold medal,” Sergerie told CBC.
Day 14: Canada’s Hall wins bronze in C-1 1,000 canoe race
Canadian Thomas Hall won a bronze medal in the C-1 1,000 canoe race, moving from fourth to third in the final 200 metres. He finished in a time of three minutes and 53.653 seconds.
Hall caught Vadim Menkov of Uzbekistan in the final 200 metres and finished about half a second ahead of him to reach the podium.
“I’m ecstatic. I don’t know what else to say,” Hall told CBC Sports. “I knew I had the ability but I didn’t know if I really had it on today. I’m really thrilled and I couldn’t be happier.
Day 13: Lamaze wins equestrian gold for Canada
Equestrian Eric Lamaze of Schomberg, Ont., won the gold medal in the Olympic individual show-jumping competition.
Riding a horse named Hickstead, the Canadian defeated Sweden’s Rolf-Goran Bengtsson in a jump-off to earn Canada’s third gold medal of the Beijing Games.
The victory was sweet redemption for Lamaze, who missed out on the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta and the 2000 Sydney Games due to positive drug tests. He’s also a member of the Canadian team that won silver in the team jump competition in China.
“When you give people chances and allow them to come back from their mistakes, great things happen and I’m a perfect example that you shouldn’t give up on people,” an emotional Lamaze told CBC Sports.
Day 13: Heymans wins silver in 10-metre platform
Canadian diver Emilie Heymans turned in her best-ever individual Olympic performance, capturing a silver medal.
Heymans, who hails from St-Lambert, Que., secured her second-place standing with a stellar fifth and final dive at the National Aquatics Center, for a total score of 437.05.
“I’m just really happy. It’s hard work for my entire life that came through now,” Heymans told CBC Sports after matching fellow Canadian Alexandre Despatie’s showing in men’s springboard. “I trained really hard for this and I’m just really happy that I finally get a medal in my individual event.
Day 11: Canada’s Lopes-Schliep wins hurdles bronze
Canadian Priscilla Lopes-Schliep won a bronze medal in the 100-metre hurdles final, a race won by Dawn Harper of the United States.
Harper was timed in 12.54 seconds, with Sally McLellan of Australia taking silver.
Lopes-Schliep, of Whitby, Ont., ran in 12.64 seconds, the same time as McLellan, but officials ruled that McLellan was ahead by mere thousandths of a second.
Day 11: Despatie wins silver in men’s diving for Canada
Alexandre Despatie won Canada’s third medal on Day 11, finishing second in the men’s three-metre springboard diving competition.
Despatie, a 23-year-old native of Laval, Que., finished with a total score of 536.65 points from six dives to claim the silver medal.
He also took the silver medal at the 2004 Athens Games.
“My silver medal is gold to me because of all the bad things that happened to me this year,” said Despatie. “I was able to get it together.”
Day 11: Burnett wins silver in men’s trampoline for Canada
Canada’s Jason Burnett won silver in men’s trampoline.
Burnett, 21, was the second finalist on the trampoline and earned a score of 40.70 for his routine, which featured a degree of difficulty of 16.8 – the highest in the final.
The three-time Canadian champion from Toronto told the CBC that playing it safe with an easier routine wasn’t even a consideration.
“No, definitely not,” Burnett said. “This is the Olympics. This is it. Why play it safe?
“You might as well put it all on the line and go for broke, and it paid off today with a silver medal.”
Day 11: Canada’s Whitfield takes silver in triathlon
Canada’s Simon Whitfield captured the silver medal in the men’s triathlon.
Whitfield, who lives in Victoria, mounted a furious rally to briefly take the lead late in the closing sprint before being overtaken over the final stretch by Germany’s Jan Frodeno.
“I kind of fought my way on there, and I thought there’s no time like the present,” Whitfield said. “I tried to make it a battle of pure willpower. I gave it everything I had.”
Day 10: Canada wins silver medal in team jumping
Canada earned a silver in the team jumping competition, giving veteran rider Ian Millar his first medal in his ninth Olympic appearance.
Canada was tied with the United States with 20 penalty points at the Hong Kong equestrian venue, but three American riders went through the course perfectly in a jump-off.
Millar, 61, led Canada into the tiebreaker round with a perfect ride on In Style. Millar was due third in the jump-off, but the Americans ensured he didn’t have a chance to go again.
“The support we’ve had all year, everybody’s recognized that we had a shot at this thing, such enthusiasm, such support, and that’s a big motivator to us,” Millar told CBC Sports. “We all say thank you very much to those who support it and those who believe in us.”
Jill Henselwood of Oxford Mills, Ont., and Eric Lamaze of Schombeg, Ont., also competed for Canada. Henselwood rode Special Ed, with Lamaze on Hickstead.
Day 10: Canada’s Cockburn lands silver in trampoline
Canada’s Karen Cockburn won the silver medal in the women’s trampoline, her third Olympic medal in the event.
Cockburn, of Stouffville, Ont., earned a score of 37.00 for her routine, which had a degree of difficulty of 14.4, to earn Canada its eighth medal overall of the Games.
“It feels amazing,” Cockburn told the CBC. “I was just honoured to be here competing in my third Games for Canada and to come out again on the podium with a silver medal… I don’t think it’s sunk in yet, but I’m really happy.”
Day 9: Gold-medal redemption for Canadian men’s eight
The men’s eight rowing team finished the job they started four years ago by winning a gold medal.
Canada led wire-to-wire in the final race at Beijing’s Shunyi Olympic rowing park. Taking the silver was Great Britain and taking the bronze was the U.S.
Canada finished in a time of five minutes, 23.89 seconds.
“We never stopped, we just kept on pushing, every stroke,” said coxswain Brian Price.
Day 9: Women’s double sculls win bronze in photo finish
Canadian women’s lightweight double sculls rowing pair Melanie Kok and Tracy Cameron clinched the bronze medal in a photo finish.
Kok and Cameron finished in six minutes, 56.68 seconds, behind Kirsten van der Kolk and Marit van Eupen of the Netherlands, who won the gold, and Sanna Sten and Minna Niemenen of Finland, who took silver.
The race came to such a close finish that the result was in doubt for several seconds before the Canadians realized they had beaten the Germans by 0.04 seconds.
“We had to find a little something extra to get beyond them,” Cameron told the CBC. “Just close your eyes and go.”
Day 9: Men’s lightweight four win Canada’s 2nd bronze of day
The Canadian lightweight men’s four won Canada’s second rowing bronze.
The crew of Iain Brambell, Jon Beare, Mike Lewis and Liam Parsons finished in five minutes, 50.09 seconds at Shunyi Olympic rowing park.
Canada used a late surge to grab a medal, and almost moved into second place in the final leg
Day 9: Canada’s Ryan Cochrane swims to bronze
Teenager Ryan Cochrane won Canada’s first Olympic swimming medal since 2000, taking bronze in the 1,500-metre freestyle.
The 19-year-old from Victoria finished third in a time of 14 minutes 42.69 seconds.
Fourth-place finisher Yuriy Prilukov mounted a furious campaign for the bronze over the final few laps. But the Russian was held off at the end by Cochrane, who had battled Hackett for first place for much of the race.
“I knew that [Prilukov] could catch me because he did in the 400 [freestyle],” Cochrane told CBC Sports. “I knew I just had to give my all.”
Day 8: Wrestler Verbeek captures Canada’s third medal
Canadian wrestler Tonya Verbeek won the second Olympic medal of her career and Canada’s third of the Beijing Games on Day 8.
The Beamsville, Ont., native won bronze in the 55-kilogram weight class, beating Ida-Theres Nerell of Sweden by a score of 1-0, 1-0 in one of two bronze medal matches.
She was smiling after the match, despite finishing one medal position below her 2004 Athens result. “I won a match to get the bronze and you’re losing a match to get the silver,” Verbeek said. “So it is a different feeling.”
Day 8: Canada’s Huynh grapples to gold
Wrestler Carol Huynh of Hazelton, B.C., won Canada’s first gold medal on Day 8.
The 27-year-old captured gold in the 48-kilogram freestyle weight class over Japan’s Chiharu Icho by a score of 4-0 and 2-1.
“This is unbelievable,” she told CBC Sports following the medal ceremony. “I knew I wanted to go in with supreme confidence in my abilities, and not doubting myself one second. That’s what I did, and I wrestled the match of my life, and it was awesome.”
Day 8: Canadians row to silver medal
The Canadian men’s rowing pair Scott Frandsen and Dave Calder ended Canada’s Olympic medal drought on Day 8.
The pair won a silver medal on the water at Shunyi Olympic rowing park on Saturday, the first Canadians to reach the medal podium in Beijing.
“It was a tough race, we tried to ignore the fact that we haven’t had a medal yet as a country, and just focus on our two [kilometres],” Calder told CBC Sports after the race.
“We can come off the water knowing we had a great race,” said Frandsen.
OLYMPIC GOLD FOR CANADA
Canada’s Carol Huynh, of Hazelton, B.C., celebrates her semi-final win over Olga Smirnova, of Kazakhstan, in the 48kg weight class of women’s wrestling at the Beijing Olympics in Beijing, China, Saturday, Aug.16, 2008. Huynh will compete in the finals later in the afternoon Saturday. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jonathan Hayward
CAROL WINS GOLD IN BEIJING. CANADA’S FIRST GOLD MEDAL OF THESE OLYMPICS…
WELL DONE – I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT TO SEE THIS MATCH …They played the national anthem and I sobbed like a little girl… tissues please…
Wrestler Carol Huynh of Hazelton, B.C., has won Canada’s first gold of the Beijing Olympics.
The 27-year-old captured gold on Day 8 of the Games in the 48-kilogram freestyle weight class over Japan’s Chiharu Icho by a score of 4-0 and 2-1.
Huynh threw her hands in the air and covered her mouth after winning Canada’s first gold medal, before being paraded around the stadium by her coaches while holding the Canadian flag.
Canada’s first Olympic medal came from rowers David Calder and Scott Frandsen, but it was Huynh who secured the country’s first, cracking the gold medal final earlier in the day Saturday.
Huynh earned her way to the gold medal bout after defeating Kazakhstan’s Tatyana Bakatyuk in the semifinal match by a score of 1-0, 4-0.
Canadians row to silver medal
The Canadian men’s rowing pair Scott Frandsen and Dave Calder are the first Canadians to reach the podium in Beijing.
The pair won a silver medal on the water at Shunyi Olympic rowing park on Saturday, finishing in a time of six minutes, 39.55 seconds. They went up against a tough field, including Australian pair Duncan Free and Drew Ginn, who took the gold.
This is the first medal for Canada at the Beijing Olympics. Wrestler Carol Huynh advanced to the gold medal match earlier Saturday, guaranteeing Canada either a gold or silver, but had yet to compete when the men crossed the finish.
Canada's Frandsen, Calder ready to row in final: WINNERS Silver Medal…
CANADA WINS the Silver medal in the final race at 4:43 a.m. Saturday morning…
Officially the First Medal Winners in Beijing…
Four years ago at the Athens Olympic Games, many may have thought Scott Frandsen and Dave Calder an unlikely pair.
Frandsen was a member of Canada’s men’s eight, a team strongly favoured to win gold, and Calder was in the men’s pair competition. A class apart, but the two would come to share a heartbreak that only Olympians could understand.
Frandsen and the men’s eight finished a crushing fifth place, and Calder, though he and teammate Chris Jarvis came second in their semifinal, was disqualified when their boat touched into the lane of a South African opponent.
Two dreams, two defeats. On Saturday the two will sit in the same boat, with the same dream set on the same finish line.
Seeking redemption
On Saturday, Aug. 16, Frandsen and Calder will race in the men’s pair final of the Beijing Olympic Games at 4:30 a.m. ET. That they’re after redemption isn’t the storyline Frandsen wants told.
“We’re trying to write our own story,” said the 28-year-old Kelowna, B.C. native. ” It’s totally different this time around.”
While many teams have been training together for years, the Canadian duo only linked up months before Olympic competition. By June, they’d already posted results of a seasoned crew.
At a 2008 World Cup in Lucerne, Switzerland, the new match-up turned heads by pushing past the 2007 world championship gold and silver medallists Australia and New Zealand.
CBC analyst Barney Williams said the Canadian pair have a legitimate chance to reach the podium.
“They’ve got a ton of momemtum carrying them into Beijing,” he said before the Games. “And they have both got a lot to prove this time around following disappointing results in Athens.”
Under the radar
Also working in their favour is past Olympic experience and less pressure, since few even knew the talented pair would surface in the first place.
“If they hadn’t competed in the Lucerne World Cup, they’d have been completely under the radar,” Williams said.
Noting that the expectations on him were far less than they were in Athens, Frandsen said, “No one was even sure we’d even qualify.”
“We’re going for a medal, but it’s not like we’re the top contenders going in,” he said earlier this spring.
But since the Games began, that may have changed. The Canadian pair won their semifinal race on Aug. 14, defeating an impressive lineup that included New Zealand, the pair they beat in Lucerne, and a team Williams predicted to win a medal.
That Frandsen and Calder are now sitting with a credible chance to win an Olympic medal almost didn’t happen.
Tried different partners
Four years ago, unable to shake the frustration of Athens, Victoria’s Calder, now 30, stepped away from the world of rowing. It was only in August 2007 that he picked up an oar again.
His love for the sport came flooding back, and his Olympic dream was suddenly back on the table. He tried different partners throughout the winter and by spring 2008, coaches eventually decided Frandsen was a good fit.
What makes them a solid unit, Frandsen said, is their matched power and instincts.
“We’re both really aggressive, you know, we both push at the same time,” he said.
It’s Calder’s third time competing at the Games. Along with Athens, he also raced at the Sydney 2000 Olympics, where he competed with a men’s eight crew that failed to advance.
Media frustration
Coupled with Frandsen’s well-documented disappointment in 2004, the two have had more than their share of media attention.
This year has been a refreshing change, Frandsen said earlier this year. Not being thrust in the media spotlight they have been before has meant more ability to focus on the task at hand.
Williams predicts Saturday’s showdown will see a fierce battle for medals between New Zealand, Australia and Canada. Looking to squeeze in will be Croatia, France and South Africa, Williams said.
He noted Frandsen and Calder’s early burst of speed could see them at the head of the pack for the first half of the race, but that Australia and New Zealand would attempt their attack in the third 500 metres.
Overheard in a Sermon…
“That reminds me of a time in early recovery, and I had spent all day long in a House of Bishop’s Meeting and I was going off to an AA meeting, grateful that I was actually going to get to go someplace that they were going to talk about God.”
+Gene Robinson
Listen to this Sermon: At The Gene Pool
Silence = Death …
As summer begins I am often reminded that I live on borrowed time, that for the last 14 years I have lived on borrowed time. In a few weeks, we will cross the 15 year mark on July the 8th at 12 noon. I have been spending time at night reading books by one of the first authors that I met shortly after my diagnosis, his name is Paul Monette, he is the quintessential writer of the early AIDS experience, he later died of the disease, but not before penning some of the most important works of literary genius.
Last night I finished reading Halfway Home, written in 1991, three years before my diagnosis. Every time I read it I remember just how fragile life was in the beginning, how every day was planned for the most efficient use of time and energy. I remember how protective my friends were of who got into the circle and who did not. I always dreamed that I would find myself in some house on a bluff, overlooking the sea, like Tom Shaheen.
Every year Pride comes along and we remind ourselves why it is important to be seen, why it is important that we unite and why it is important to remember those who have gone before us. Because if we forget, there is no use to pride any more, because those men and women who went before us gave us this period of time to tell the world that we are here, we are queer and that we will not go quietly into that good night.
It wasn’t so long ago that this picture was seen all over communities, on placards and on buttons. I was lucky that I did not suffer the strains of AIDS that many did, I did not get cancer or lesions or all those painful killing strains of AIDS. The one thing that I did get is a virus that seems to be resistant to every known drug on the market, hence the reason that I am on experimental medication as a last ditch effort to keep my alive.
Every year that I live, puts more distance between the boy I was so long ago and the man I am today. I keep this library of old books that are starting to yellow with age and crumble at the turn of the page. Yet, at times, I long to be back in the thick of it – back in the days when life seemed so much more urgent. Death was very imminent.
When we read the stories of old, they are sprinkled with little seeds of truth and honest angst. Back in the day, men and women had love, the men who were sick and the women who helped them fight, men had an undying love for each other in the absence of drugs to save themselves. We read these stories and we are reminded of just how different life was just a few short years ago, and how the emergence of drugs has changed the story line of AIDS in such a drastic way.
Our lives have been transformed. In North America you do not find disastrous stories of mass deaths like we saw in the early years. The face of AIDS has changed. We are running marathons and climbing mountains, we aren’t sitting at home connected to IV poles looking sickly, dying. Have we forgotten about them? Has life happened so that we don’t take the time to remember what it was like? What happened? Because what it’s like now, is so different from the way it had been.
Aids is still a killing disease, but with all the designer drugs out there to combat the disease our preoccupation with death is lessened. The focus on what is important has changed. Yet we still see today, young people who aren’t worried about getting infected. And there are some called [Bug Chasers] those who actively seek out HIV positive men to infect them for the “thrill of it.” In their ignorance they forget that once the thrill is gone, a lifetime of medicine and waiting begins.
Death may be imminent, but not as imminent as it once was.
I hope that where ever you celebrate pride this year, that you take the time to remember the history, the pain and the achievement of so many, and that you pay proper respect to the angels in heaven that watch over you today.
Heart…
It is late as I write this, I haven’t been feeling all that well, since Tuesday when I walked home from the meeting in the rain, with no umbrella. So I am a little sniffly, sneezy. As you can see I’ve changed the header of the blog to recognize June as Pride Month all over the world. Pride doesn’t happen in Montreal until late July, my birthday usually falls during Pride events here [REMEMBER: JULY 31st] I will be 41 years old this year!!!
I will write more tomorrow I think. I don’t know what else I can write about being Gay and Pride and AIDS that isn’t already —> over there in PAGES. The stories are already written. So stay tuned for more tomorrow. Hubby informed me tonight that we have beauty appointments tomorrow at noon, now didn’t he have a heart attack over money last week yelling and screaming about not having enough, and now we have enough money to get our hair done tomorrow! Miracles never cease to amaze me. I don’t know where he got the extra cash, and I am not going to ask him.
That’s the way love goes…
Opening to Spirituality…
“Spirituality is more about whether or not we can sleep at night than about whether or not we go to church. It is about being integrated or falling apart, about being within community or being lonely, about being in harmony with Mother Earth or being alienated from her. Irrespective of whether or not we let ourselves consciously shaped by any explicit religious idea, we act in ways that leave us either healthy or unhealthy, loving or bitter. What shapes our actions is our spirituality.”
Spirituality concerns what we do with desire. It takes its root in the eros inside of us and it is all about how we shape and discipline that eros.
Medieval philosophy had a dictum that said: Every choice is a renunciation. Indeed. Every choice is a thousand renunciations. To choose one thing is to turn ones back on many others. To marry one person is not to marry all the others, to have a baby means to give up certain other things; and to pray may mean miss watching television or visiting with friends. This makes choosing hard. No wonder we struggle so much with commitment. It is not that we do not want certain things, it is just that we know that if we choose them we close off so many other things…
I repeat this introduction to begin my discussion and exploration into that which is spiritual within me, around me and is every breath that I take…
I have often said that my relationship to the divine began well before I knew what the Divine was, but the memory of that first introduction to God and the ‘church’ is so deeply ingrained in my soul that to ignore it would be to deny that God exists.
That first day, as a small boy, my grandmother took me to the church and we lit the candles and she stood me before the altar of the church and presented me to God, it was as if, in retrospect, my grandmother knew more about the Divine than anyone else in my family. And she did. I think she knew the odds I was facing at home, with a father who always said that ‘I was a mistake and should never have been born’ she knew that only Divine intervention could have saved me. And in the end it did…
Going to church was something we did. It was part of our existence, the church. Back then in the 1970′s church played a pivotal role in the maintenance of family and the living of daily life and the raising of Catholic children inot pious and holy lives. I reflect that my parents were religious to a point until they themselves broke a cardinal rule and were excommunicated from Holy Mother Church.
That did not stop other members of the family from making sure we were present in mass every Sunday for as long as I remember. Being Catholic was something that was a mark of distinction and pride. The vision of the family going to church on Sunday morning was something you never took for granted. My Aunt and Uncle made sure that whenever we visited them that we would go to mass each and every week during vacations.
I was never raised to fear God or spurn religion. It was endemic to who I was, who we were as family. To know that we practiced our faith to the death. That the march through the sacraments as young people would ensure us our rightful place in the church and guarantee us a blessed death and funeral in the church sanctified by our practice of right and correct faith in spite of everything else going on in the world.
When I made my confirmation in tenth grade, I came face to face with God in my studies to learn the prayers and take the classes necessary to guarantee me a place in the graduating confirmation class. My parents were absolved of their cardinal sin by the pastor of the church we belonged to. Times had changed from Catholic 1970 to Catholic 1982. And the view of such archaic rules of old holy mother church had softened because numbers were down and priests knew that as times changed forgiveness and absolution of parental sin would guarantee that their children would continue to come to church and be guided in the ways of all things holy.
Remember when my grandmother presented me to God on the fateful day? Her prayers were realized when I was accepted into the Seminary in 1986. She knew that I would follow the faith that kept me alive as a child, and it seemed I knew it too. All I wanted was to serve God and his church. But the establishment was tainted and in the end I left the seminary, a failure as a candidate, but a winner in that I did not participate in the deceit and lies that were propagated by the men who called themselves priests. I knew what went on behind the gates of higher learning and I was not going to be complicit in what they were teaching to young boys…
After that my spiritual life was finished. My failure to become a priest was the downfall that took me to the gates of hell. So began my odyssey into the world. I grew up and became a numeric adult. Which means I turned 21… But I was still a child.
My life as a member of my family ended, and forced to make decisions that were clearly premature, I left the nest and entered the world. Ill equipped to know what the next right thing was. Add to that that something was different and I knew it, and so did my parents and nobody did anything to help me or to point out the obvious, because all the adults knew that I was an odd boy, but nobody had the decency to tell me. My bad I guess…
In 1987, I took a trip to Europe. I saw some great capitol cities and I even visited the Vatican and I climbed the cupola of St. Peter’s Basilica and saw the Pope. I stood on top of Holy Mother Church, literally. I looked down on the Vatican gardens and attended mass in the basilica. I had ascended from small town church to Holy Mother Church. I stood in St. Peter’s Square and marveled at the grandiosity of it all. I had made the physical and spiritual pilgrimage that every good Catholic should make in their lives, to visit Holy Mother Church once before death. It is not as grandiose as the Hajj, but pretty close.
I think that my Spiritual Life began with the words, “Jeremy you have AIDS, you are going to die, you have on the outside, 18 months to live, so make it count…”
I was 26 years old. That was in July of 1994. That was then, This is now…
I was sitting in class listening to Fr. Ray talk about spirituality and what was required of us for the term. We have a term paper to write for this class, and I sat there and I thought to myself, ‘what am I going to write on?’ Well, I am reading Mother Teresa’s Come be my Light, I could write about her. Then he mentioned LGBTQ spirituality and how it has become a force to be reckoned with. I agreed with that assessment.
I know for the first 18 months after my diagnosis, I counted the days. Every last one of them ad nauseum. I lived every day as if it was my last. My Master held me as I wept in his arms, because my family could not and would never. When I did not die, I began my spiritual quest. I was the ‘Boy who Lived!!!’
For a few years after that initial diagnosis, I was running on endorphans until I was confident that I could let go and I knew that I was NOT going to die tomorrow. When I met the doctor who would take up my case and he guaranteed me that I would not die under his watch, I began to live. These first five years after diagnosis were terribly difficult. I was so sick, I was loosing weight and after many close calls with death, I had my only Near Death Experience. I have since that day, have had many out of body experiences. But after sitting in the garden and the fact that they sent me back, set the fire within me to find out everything that I could about what was on the other side.
My spiritual journey had begun. I was getting sober at the same time so the 12 steps played a crucial role in jump starting my spiritual experience. So began my search into all things spiritual. Every book, every story, every experience. Every path available to me to find, explore and follow.
Tomorrow part II of the story…
My Interview …
1. Tell me about yourself. Something I can’t read from your standard
bio.
Well, you know, I’ve been in a religious community somewhere all my life, The Christ Church Cathedral has been my home parish for some time as the Reverend Canon Joyce Sanchez has been my spiritual director for over two years now. I work with the HIV community in post diagnosis situation and aftercare and life skills management and education about “how to live” once you’ve been diagnosed.
I mentor young people and I am a foster parent as well. I have spent years in religious formation through the Catholic church and I still attend masses at parishes that welcome me, but on principle (due to my gay lifestyle) the church as an institution does not want me. So the Cathedral does, and the Bishop Barry B. Clark is one of my greatest supporters as is the entire church body including our Reverend Canon, Joyce Sanchez
2. How long have you been studying in religion?
It seems, my entire life…Seminary (1 year) Concordia University I have a 4 year degree (B.A.) in Religion, and now my first year in Theological Studies…
I spent a year in Catholic seminary and left because of politics and secrets many years ago and now I have since graduated from Concordia with a B.A. in Religious Education majoring in Christianity and “Women and Judaism” as my minor concentrations. I am currently working on my certificate in Pastoral Ministries in the department of Theology. And I do a lot of volunteer work in the gay community through the Cathedral. I am also a presence in the Montreal sober community of AA.
3. Why did you start your blog last November? What is its purpose?
My Blog – It is my lifeblood. It is who I am. I have spent years working on my manuscript for a book I am going to publish in the coming months – so much of my writing in “Pages” is my experience. My blog is running really well, I have a modest readership. And I write for my constituents and my readers. I talk about real life issues to the gay community but I am also now a days writing to a wider audience since involving myself in the LGBT Issues of the Anglican Church worldwide. Many of my readers from the communion come by way of other sites (Fr Jake stops the world) on my blog roll, If I help change one life or I help a gay person come out and live to tell the tale, or I help an HIV positive person live another year after diagnosis, then I say I have done my job.
Amongst all the gay reads I have on my blogroll, I am the only one who writes about life and religion. So that makes my blog unique [on my read list] people are awash in critical politics, complaining about life and what we don’t have as a gay community. Here in Canada LGBT issues are on the forefront of change and I write about that change since I read the worldwide gay community through other blogs that I write for. Someone has to write about what is changing and informing the rest of the world [at large] that LGBTQ rights and issues are important and that Canada as a nation is on the forefront of LGBTQ change. I think it is crucial that I write about our successes as ‘church’ and as a ‘nation.’
I have seen so many NEW changes come to the LGBTQ community since coming to Canada, and that I have lived now 15 years being HIV positive, and now being 40, I see the world differently so I write about life, the church, being gay and POZ. Things like these are so far off in the U.S. I think it is important now that I can get involved and write about what I feel so passionately about. Since my marriage to my husband in 2004, through the United Church of Canada, I have lobbied and wrote about marriage issues. The Anglican church has made strides, seeing the negative shit that is being said by the African church, which only forces me to write about every step that the Canadian Church makes in the area of LGBTQ issues.
4. What do you write about?
You will find writing about sobriety, since I am in recovery, I reach a sober audience as well, I write about being HIV Positive and my medical progress as I am a test patient for the Montreal General HIV clinic. I test medications for Canada and the world at large, so what I am doing will become available to others in the coming months and years.
I write a lot about myself, and sometimes I am a little profane and sometimes I am a little bit sacred. I belong to a circle of writing pastors from around the world so we talk about prayer and spirituality a bit. I also belong to the [Avanoo] community so I pen little stories, tales and I write for that community and cross post those reflections on my blog too.
5. Do your friends and family know about your blog? What do they think?
My friends know about my blog. My family does not speak to me. When I moved to Canada they disowned me – add to that I am queer and HIV positive, they don’t want to know from anything. So no sweat or love lost on them. My friends come to read because I write about current issues and my life.
6. What do you not blog about? What do you have absolutely no interest
in?
I refuse to write about my husband because we had issues with insurance companies trying to use my writing against us in the past, so I don’t fuck with assholes like that. I won’t post some personal info for that very reason. There are assholes out there trying to screw the common man. When my husband left his job because of a nervous breakdown, and was diagnosed as Bi-Polar I wrote about the abuse heaped upon him by his employer and they sent the cops to my door with a cease and desist order they tried to silence me for writing about them. And I backed off…
Just to say, Some companies go to great lengths to silence people who talk about bad treatment. And they tell us we are slandering them…
You won’t find on my blog celebrity gossip. I try to stay away from subjects or photography that might be construed as pornographic. As a gay religion writer I do write along a line of social conduct and ethics. Since my readership has skyrocketed in the last year I keep to a fine line about what I present – Word Press as a platform is huge and at any time I can loose that standing if someone clicks my blog as adult content and I loose my standing on the main frame of blog share.
I have no desire to get into the drama of gay life, although I write about my experiences growing up, [ I refuse to get into the piss and moan of LGBTQ writing]. I offer a way out, a hand up and a way of life to others who want to know what it is like to be a 40 year old gay hiv positive Married sober man who is studying for possible ministerial work in the coming years. [ I often fancy myself a minister] in the future and if I play my cards right I might get there one way or another.
I don’t write about hate, unless it directly affects my community, hence my desire to write about church and its progress. I stay away from the drama of life, because in sobriety that does not serve me or the people I work with in the community. Studying religion has taught me a lot about myself and others.
7. How has the blog changed since you first started it?
Wow, my blog has changed so much since I started school in 2003. I have become more confident in my writing, since my graduation I have become more scholarly and I try to uphold “responsible writing” I don’t want to write something that will negatively impact any of my readers or push them to do something stupid in their lives.
8. Who reads your blog?
Ministers and priests read my blog. Laity read my blog. I reach the LGBTQ community and I have a good number of straight readers as well, who are Christian whom I’ve come to know personally. My friends read, and really, right now, the world is reading my blog since I write so much about the Anglican Church. I have readers from as far away as Asia, Africa, and Europe and of course the U.S. I got the Vote out first on Friday night after the Synod closed I got worldwide release of my news reports across the world wide Anglican press online (through Fr. Jake stops the world).
9. What else should people know to understand your blog?
I practice “responsible writing” in that I believe this: That what I write can be used by anyone gay or straight. I write about life and I don’t bullshit or lie about the reality of living with addiction, hiv or any other issue I write about. I don’t ever want to be put to the fire for writing something that negatively impacted someone or hurt them.
When we write we are giving of ourselves. God forbid I write something that pushes someone to do harm to another or to themselves. Take for instance unsafe sexual practice that leads to someone getting Aids or writing something that might spur someone into making a decision that would hurt them. I am responsible for every word I write and I take that very seriously. Nobody can say I gave bad advice or the wrong advice, because I don’t write about anything that I have not experienced myself.
The gay community is at odds with my responsible writing – I don’t cross this line in either life or fantasy. They have said, why should “I” [ read them] be held responsible for what they write? If someone chooses to do what they do, its on them, But my response to that is this: If you wrote on a subject and you [inadvertently or forwardly] led someone to make a decision that you might have contributed to – then you are responsible within that community. And as a writer I take that ethic very seriously.
Because I write about addiction and HIV let’s say, you want to give the proper advice when called upon to do so because my readers [ the addicted or hiv positive] readers come here to learn about life and how to survive, in essence I put my life out there for all to read, God forbid someone get or read bad advice from someone who is irresponsible to the greater conscience. I want to sleep at night after writing, and I do. I don’t post anything that would harm anyone. I am very Christian in my approach in “taking care of my neighbor” and I am very Buddhist in my way “as in stay away from suffering and to Do No Harm!”
I have evolved so much in my religious studies and I hope I present myself more responsibly and respectfully. And you see when I write today, from posts early in my writing career. I have been blogging for many years. I had several blogs when my husband was diagnosed with Bi-Polar depression – and we found that insurance companies were reading my blog and they attempted to use my writings against us, and we sued them and we won!
10.Any Future Plans?
Yeah, I want a job!! I want to publish a book, I want to work in my community for money. This free gig is nice and I get great exposure worldwide and in Montreal as well, since some of my readers are local. I would love all this work as a body to help me professionally with a degree now under my belt and my continuing Theological work, will one day pay off with big dividends. I will continue to write because life goes on. Every year that I survive AIDS I can share with the world how I did that, and that will help someone live as well. You give courage and you share courage and you get courage.
The world is not kind, but The Evolution of Jeremiah is an oasis of courage, faith and living. Soberly, Clean and Positively.
A Gay man can be Married, Sober, Positive, and Sacred.
That is my goal, to change the perception of gay men from dirty profane sexual promiscuous irresponsible “unchristian” people. I show the world that gay men can be married to one man, make wise choices, and to live respectful loving lives in Christ. We cannot have the sacred without the profane and I push that adage when I can. A little profanity never hurt anyone.
But at 40, I am a different gay man then I was when I was diagnosed at age 26. Much has happened since then and I have written at great length to tell the world that I was here and that unlike all of my friends who have died from AIDS I survived. My Blog is my living testament to the world at large.
Over Fifty Thousand
Thank you to all my readers.
The Evolution has had 50,527 hits as of today !!!
Our First anniversary is November 30th …
YAY!!!
Reflections on Motion "L" Blessing of Same Sex Unions
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.
John 14:27
This was our prayer before and after the Synod took place on Friday evening. Now that I have had a few hours to cool off and think about this momentous day, I want to share with you some thoughts, aside from my earlier posting. We knew going into the Synod where our Bishop stood on this issue, we also knew from many of the delegates at the Synod which way they would be voting.
Almighty God,
To you all hearts are open
all desires known
and from you no secrets are hidden.
Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts
By the inspiration of your Holy Spirit,
that we may perfectly love you,
and worthily magnify your holy name;
Through Christ our Lord. Amen…
This my first “Official Church Synod,” in the capacity of a Religion Degree holder, I was witness to the Spirit of God moving through the people of God. I listened with great enthusiasm my Bishop speak his charge from the pulpit.
We concelebrated a High Mass with the visiting dignitaries from all over the world. The Bishop of Ottawa was present as well as other parish priests, deacons, ministers and Arch-Deacons. I was quite smitten with a number of them because they were speaking for me. They were speaking for us. They were speaking for their churches.
Having studied Church History and Church Politics, and having been witness to other Synods around the world I was moved in ways my spiritual life had not seen until tonight. This is the first reason why I left the Catholic Church, because inclusion would come much easier in the Anglican Diocese of Montreal. Tonight I shared this victory of our diocese with the most important men and women in my spiritual formation team. We watched the Spirit of God move and rest upon the hearts of those who voted FOR this motion.
Our Bishop Barry Clark, had already told us, in the celebration of the OUTMASS 2007, that he cared about every soul that walked into his church. As I wrote in this post back on July 28th 2007. (Walk Humbly with your God)
“He talked about the Anglican Church at large and he set his staff in the ground and said that he welcomes everyone into his church, for what would Jesus do? Following his example, he stated emphatically that he 100% supports the blessing of same sex unions even if the church at large is still wrestling with the issue.
The church is ever more blessed for the diversity that finds comfort and truth under its roof. It is diversity that makes Montreal a truly special city. For what did Jesus do? He sat with the poor, he ate with them, he healed the sick and he loved those on the periphery, those on the margins of community.
In some churches you find that some are marginalized and kept out and away. But in Bishop Barry Clarke’s church everybody is welcome and everyone is free to pray, to worship and to come to the Lord. He told us to persevere, to be persistent in our prayers. Eventually, that door will open. And prayerfully and with a right heart we shall approach it when it does.”
We prayed, and we persevered, and we waited on the Lord, and he heard us and in his time, that moment arrived. We approached that door through the vehicle of Eucharist, and we celebrated the great memorial that Jesus left us, we prayed for wisdom and we prayed for peace.
“He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8
These scriptures were used by our Bishop to remind us of our calling to Church, our calling to community and our calling to each other. Our connection with the One True God. Times have changed since the first century. And the scriptures, written by man, so said, inspired by God spoke to nations dealing with first century problems. Can we divine a moral code from the Bible for today? I think we can, but my vision of Biblical Scriptures is a guide on how to live today, in the twenty first century.
Men, Women, Young people and Old, came today to lobby for their sides position, to plead the case of their constituents. Even in our own city, with men long respected and leaders of churches we attended here in the city, voted AGAINST this motion tonight. They walk away shamed from the rest of us, knowing that major leaders of the Montreal diocese were going to and did vote FOR the motion to be accepted.
I must say when all was said and done, we watched the members of the Synod stand and be counted, and those who stood against this motion, surprised us. Now we know for sure where the division lines are in our community. Needless to say, that might have an effect on parish life in the future.
Sadly, in today’s charge we find that there are about 16,000 registered parishioners in the Diocese of Montreal. These shocking numbers tell us that things are not good in mother church. Many people have left the church, many people only visit the church, and not enough members support the church.
We must address as well, the dwindling numbers of clergy in our churches, and we must find ways to encourage attendance AND vocations to ministry. We have failed at “recruiting” new blood for the church, and this is one issue that will be addressed in other Synod meetings this weekend. We do know from today’s charge that there are upwards of twenty new young people in the process of discernment.
We have several older members in the discernment process as I write this, who shall be ordained in the coming years. If all goes well, and the creek doesn’t run dry, I may count myself amongst those numbers, but the church would have to come to new heights. One step at a time they say…
This motion was a request to the bishop. It was not a ruling on gay marriage, but it affirms the Bishop’s ability to allow blessings of civil marriages including same sex couples. This would be a Pastoral Blessing after the civil requirements were met by the couple.
And I must say that having OUR civil ceremony in a Church witnessed by my friends and family in the University Chapel, officiated by a United Church Minister, made the ceremony no less civil, but in the eyes of God a blessed event in our lives.
I heard priests who had been priests for over 45 years talk about blessing guns and ammunition during times of war. Priests in recent years have blessed cards, dogs, cats, animals and anything else that was asked of them, SO why not be able to bless same sex couples on the most important day of their lives.
Just because we are LGBTQ people, does not mean that we take the institution of marriage any less serious than our heterosexual counterparts. I just think we will do it better than most of you, for the sole fact that for the whole of my life, and I am 40 now and I have that hindsight, we have fought for the same rights and benefits given to any straight person on the street, by rite of citizenship and of birth. There is no reason why the church should stumble on this issue any longer.
Let’s get this done, today and not a day later.
Let us look at the privilege of women in the church from the past, the church stepped up to that door on its appointed day, opened the door and walked through it and today I can count myself blessed to have a woman priest, The Reverend Canon of the Christ Church Cathedral as a spiritual director. Some men in the Anglican Church still have women in their cross-hairs. Get over it already.
The time to get over sexual orientation is at hand.
There are more pressing concerns that the church needs to face instead of quibbling over this gay or that lesbian. We are people, created by God in his image. Let’s get this out of the way here:
“So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Gen.1:27
I know that there were numerous older folk in the Synod committee who live in the past, they believe that same sex relations are nothing but sinful. That we do nothing but have sex, sex, and more sex, and that we spend our days and nights finding ways to abominate the name of God.
I can truly attest to you that my marriage is based on more than sex, but upon love, fidelity, respect, dignity, and monogamy. I married for the rest of my life or until God calls me back to his heaven. I can truthfully tell you that sex is not an issue myself or my husband sits and ponders day in and day out… We have better things to do with our time, like work with others, raise children, go to school and participate in our respective religious communities.
I’m sure that if you took sex out of the equation in considering the rights and privileges of LGBTQ people, we’d have no argument from you. We can procreate, the same way many heterosexuals procreate “creatively!” Just look at Cooper in B.C. he is 26 years old, gay and the other day was finally granted full adoption rights for his children. Let’s talk about Jonas, another blogger on my list, he is a father as well. We can be great people, just given the chance to BE.
In order to Do you must BE
In Order to BE you must DO
As the service progressed this evening the energy rose in the Cathedral. We were on a mission to pray, to consult and to talk. And talk we did, several times the commission stopped to take to task the amount of time we were taking to discuss the same sex blessing question. We would see if Montreal was ready to affirm same sex blessing, I can say tonight that Montreal was not only ready, she was willing. I stood and hugged my Reverend Canon, on a fight well fought, words well spoken, and prayers well said.
Blessing, defined as “The Sacramental expression of God’s Love in our community.” This was what we had hoped would be, and in the end it was. There is nothing more to be said about this issue for the moment. Let us bask in the wisdom of the Spirit of God and praise his holy name.
We waited on the Lord, and he heard us…
With steadfastness of heart and mind we came to him and we begged his blessing and called on his spirit to move within us. If this wasn’t the spirit of God moving through his people, I don’t know what is. The door presented itself and we knocked on it and the Lord opened the door and blessed us, that Anglican Church of Montreal.
Praise to you Lord Jesus Christ…
Montreal Synod 2007 – Montreal Votes YES to Same Sex Blessings
Anglican Diocese Of Montreal Site
I arrived at the Church just before the break for the Opening Eucharist at 3:45 p.m. The service was to begin at 4:00 p.m. There was an understated energy about the Cathedral as people filed in and we took our seats in the pews. The Cathedral is a beautiful space, lit up with all the pomp and circumstance of a High Mass. My friends were there, Judy she was a delegate who would later argue for the motion to be passed, David was there, and Donald my Academic Adviser.
I had never attended a Synod before so I bring you testimony of what I witnessed. There were Bishops, Clergy, Arch-Deacons, and priests. Something the Catholic Church lacks is the numbers of female clergy that were present at this Synod in Montreal. It was a beautiful experience. We listened to over three hours of testimony about the motion based on Same Sex Blessings. The motion reads as follows:
“The Bishop grant permission for clergy who conscience permits, to bless duly solemnized and registered civil marriages, including marriages between same sex couples, where at least one party is baptized; and that the Bishop authorize appropriate rite and make regulations for its use in supportive parishes.”
We heard the Bishop Barry B. Clark’s – Charge. He spoke about Money, Sex and Power.
This was the reading of Motion “L.”
At this years Synod, a motion will be brought forward asking that “the Bishop grant permission whose conscience permits, to bless duly solemnized and registered civil marriages, including marriages between same sex couples, where at least one party is baptized; and that the Bishop authorize an appropriate rite and make regulations for its use in supportive parishes.”
There have been some concerns expressed that this motion may not have met the deadline set for motions to be brought before Synod. However we need to recognize that, with General Synod meeting in late June and knowing full well that the decision taken there would have an impact on motions presented at our diocesan Synod, and without attempt at circumventing the process, the chancellor ruled that the motion could be entertained at this Synod.
“I think that it is essential that we understand what the nature of this motion is. The motion, as it stands now is asking the Synod to recommend to the Bishop that he/she grant permission. This is a “simple” yes or no question. Yes, Synod recommends, no Synod does not recommend. We, the diocese, are not asked to decide whether or not to allow the blessings. It will be my decision to take, should Synod make the recommendation; however, as a Bishop, I am also accountable to my fellow Bishops and will consult with the next week at our meeting of the House of Bishops, taking into consideration our accountability towards the wider church.
“The Challenge to our church is to maintain its unity while we seek, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, to discern the way of Christ for the world today with respect to human sexuality. To do so will require sacrifice, trust, and charity towards one another, remembering that ultimately the identity of each person is defined in Christ.”
“The Bishop grant permission for clergy who conscience permits, to bless duly solemnized and registered civil marriages, including marriages between same sex couples, where at least one party is baptized; and that the Bishop authorize appropriate rite and make regulations for its use in supportive parishes.”
The Votes fell thus:
The House of Clergy: 44 YES
25 NO
The House of Laity: 59 YES
32 NO
The Bishop Concurred… The motion passed.
I must say that both sides of the argument were eloquent and well spoken. Each person that stood at the microphones spoke from their hearts. There was much discussion about Doctrine, Scripture and Canon. But we were asked to vote our consciences. After many hours of testimony For and Against, those of us in the gallery were holding our collective breaths.
There was talk of the international implications of this vote, and the contention the Canadian Anglican Church would have with the wider Anglican Communion. It seems that the Nigerian Bishops did not negatively affect the outcome of the Montreal Anglican Communion, nor her Bishop, Barry B. Clark.
This is a win for the North American Anglican Church and a win for Anglicans world wide who want to see change within their church, for the voices spoke resoundingly. We pray for the Communion and for our Church…
There were many arguments based on Scripture, the Genesis writings of God’s creation, one man and one woman. We heard testimony from Leviticus, and Romans, and Ephesians. We listened to scholars, teachers, professors, clergy, bishops and laity.
Everyone in the room was respectful. I heard many men and women make impassioned pleas to NOT pass the motion. And I heard many impassioned pleas for understanding, teachings on “other” and “exclusion.” It was the most degrading experience listening to other human beings denigrate me and talk down to me, and demean my relationship, stating to the Synod that I was unacceptable, and that God does not bless same sex relations and that we are all damned…
I was moved at how critical people were in the negative column and how sure they were that scriptural and Doctrinal knowledge would further their causes, but the consciences of the greater Synod spoke loud, clear and humbly, through prayer…
I sensed a positive movement in the room, even though the No’s were pretty convincing, when it came time to vote – a hush fell over the proceedings. We prayed for guidance from the Spirit when we opened the discussion and in the end we prayed for the Spirit to guide us once again. Fr. Timothy was standing with me in the back of the hall when the votes were counted and he took a step towards me and said “please watch what you say now…” With that the votes were tallied,
In the End – WE WON !!!
We celebrated Victory with our Bishop and our Reverend Canon Joyce. It was true jubilation that this motion passed with such strong numbers. The No side attempted to break to vote into houses and that failed miserably. The No side attempted to amend the motion and that failed miserably as well. In the end the motion went before the synod as originally stated from the outset.
“The Bishop grant permission for clergy who conscience permits, to bless duly solemnized and registered civil marriages, including marriages between same sex couples, where at least one party is baptized; and that the Bishop authorize appropriate rite and make regulations for its use in supportive parishes.”
It takes little steps, and we moved through a great space tonight.
May God Bless us and keep us, and may God bless the members of our Synod, which continues tomorrow morning, here in Montreal.
I bid you a good night from Montreal.
The Early Years …
When I was in junior high, I played sports as well. I loved wrestling, soccer and swimming. But my forte was music. I had the gift of the “ear.”
While on the mat, or on the field or in the pool, I had to work for my position on the team. I had to wrestle my way to the top of the podium, and I competed for the ultimate position on the soccer field and I had to cut time off my stroke to stay on the swim team.
But when it came to music I was on top all the time. This gift came from family. My aunt Marge had the gift of the ear as well, and a grand piano to show for it and people to play for. She would sit for hours and play music, and somewhere along the way, the gift came to me.
I was musically inclined at a very early age. In fact I loved music, records and tapes. I could listen to a piece of music and sit at my piano and play. When my parents decided that I would be their performer, they made it possible for me to take lessons, and as well, in school music classes were also on the offering.
I started with a simple organ, a one level simple music maker and over the course of three years I astounded the best teachers and instructors with my ability to knock people’s socks off with my musical talent.
I took lessons at the local music dealer shop, I performed in musical recitals through those years and I was at my best behind the keys. I even competed at Superintendents Music festivals yearly. I was the pride of my family, yet we hid a great secret.
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I continued to wrestle and to play soccer because I loved the sports, the contact and I had begun my exploration of self through sport. That is where I realized I was “different” in more ways than one.
At one point I had competed for the “center” position on the soccer team, and I was injured pretty badly. I had a sling and a limp and my music suffered the cost of my chase to be number one. I never walked on the field again after that.
After my injuries healed I had to make a decision. What was going to get me further in the game of life and where did my parents want me to go because at that age I was at the mercy of my parents. My coach and I discussed my options and I eventually left the wrestling squad. But I remained a loyal supporter and fan to this day…
I dropped the swim team because my physical rehabilitation needed to be looked after. I could not afford to hurt my body any longer because that would have prevented me from playing music. So that was the final decision. I could not be all that I thought I could be across the sports world, but I could be my best at the music.
Every year my parents watched me succeed musically, they rewarded that progress with bigger and better musical instruments. My father went into hoc to buy me the biggest organ that would fit in our living room, and I would be his “entertainer.”
For years and years I escaped into music, it was my salvation. Because in order to keep my father from abusing me further, I would soothe his inner beast with song.
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In those six formative years from junior through senior high my father was in a downward spiral. I worked to keep him off my mother and my brother, and I would play to his weakness, my music.
Christmas was always the best time of the year. Because my father would don his best jacket and entertain the world, as if nothing was wrong under his roof, and like any good child actor, I played the part as well. Never tell, and they will never know…
It all ended one night. In an alcoholic stupor one night, my father picked up my organ bench and threw it at my mother. It hit her and she hit the wall. That was the day I swore off music forever. I walked away from that gift and never looked back. I would no longer play to my father’s weakness, because his other weaknesses were abuse and alcohol. I could not mend the broken with my music any longer.
I rejoined the swim team in high school and I lettered my senior year, and music lessons were not offered in high school, and my priorities changed.
Just the knowledge that I had the power to quell the beast with music was no consolation because I was no longer playing music for myself, it was used as a weapon against him. Because he would order me to play for him when he was at his worst. I finally attained the courage to tell him no…
I never played another note of music after that. My father had to sell the organ back to the music store and he was emasculated publicly. I had shamed him into submission by not playing any longer. My teachers were aghast. My mother was inconsolable. But I swore to God that night that I would never play music again.
And I never did…
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When I met my then boyfriend, he had a keyboard, in fact we still have it, it rests in our closet collecting dust because he doesn’t play it any longer like he used to, his priorities have changed.
Every once in a while when I go into our closet, I touch the keyboard and I think about playing it. I often wonder what I remember today and if I could ever resurrect the past? I don’t know. Do I really want to go there ???
Buddhist teaches say that we should get off the samsaric wheel of rebirth and that we should figure out and end suffering…
Life goes on around us as we walk the middle ground between. We have the ability to engage or disengage. It is our choice what we choose to act on or not. We are only responsible for our side of the street.
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Being first for me is no longer a goal, survival is my challenge in every day life. Living with AIDS is a challenge and many do not survive and I have. I no longer compete to be the best because I live at my best every day, and if I do that, then everything else is ok.
We do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it…
Amid many great memories lies the real truth, the horrible truth of how one man ruined the lives of his children and family because he could not control his actions nor his addictions, and the fact that he will go to his grave with a skeleton in his closet.
Children are resilient, but the scars of the past can sometimes be deep and memory tends to open those wounds to remind us just how resilient we really are.
The House of Bishops Decisions
From: Walking With Integrity
September 25, 2007
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
NEW ORLEANS—The members of Integrity have prayed unceasingly for their bishops as they met this week to consider a response to the primates’ communiqué. The bishops were pressured by the Archbishop of Canterbury and other international guests to comply with the primate’s demands. The bishops struggled mightily amongst themselves to achieve a clear consensus on how to respond. Integrity is gratified that the final response from the House of Bishop declined to succumb to the pressure to go backwards, but rather took some significant steps forward.
We are encouraged by their strong language against the incursions of uninvited bishops into this province, their commendation of the Anglican Listening Process, their unequivocal support that the Bishop of New Hampshire should receive an invitation to the Lambeth Conference, and their affirmation of safety and civil rights for LGBT persons.
Integrity President Susan Russell said, “In response to requests for ‘clarity’ the House of Bishops made it clear today that the Episcopal Church is moving forward in faith. I believe today’s response will be received as a sign of great hope that we are committed to working through the hard ground of our differences. I look forward to taking the support of the House of Bishops for the Listening Process with me when I and other Integrity representatives meet with Anglican colleagues in London next month to prepare for our witness at the Lambeth Conference.”
“Integrity is confident that The Episcopal Church will continue to move forward,” concluded Russell. “Integrity expects General Convention 2009 to be a tipping point for equality. We will be working hard in the months ahead to repeal B033 and to authorize development of a rite for blessing same-sex relationships as steps toward the goal of the full inclusion of all the baptized into the Body of Christ.”
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The Statement from the House of Bishops:
Read on Fr. Jake Stops the World
House of Bishops of The Episcopal Church
New Orleans, Louisiana
September 25, 2007
A Response to Questions and Concerns Raised by our Anglican Communion Partners
In accordance with Our Lord’s high prienstly prayer that we be one, and in the spirit of Resolution A159 of the 75th General Convention, and in obedience to his Great Commission to go into the world and make disciples, and in gratitude for the gift of the Anglican Communion as a sign of the Holy Spirit’s ongoing work of reconciliation throughout the world, we offer the following to the Episcopal Church, the Primates, the Anglican Consultative Council (ACC), and the larger Communion, with the hope of “mending the tear in the fabric” of our common life in Christ.
“I do it all for the sake of the Gospel so that I might share in its blessings.” 1 Corinthians 9:23
Introduction
The House of Bishops expresses sincere and heartfelt thanks to the Archbishop of Canterbury and members of the Joint Standing Committee of the Anglican Consultative Council and the Primates for accepting our invitation to join us in New Orleans. By their presence they have both honored us and assisted us in our discernment. Their presence was a living reminder of the unity that is Christ’s promised gift in teh power of the Holy Spirit.
Much of our meeting time was spent in continuing discernment of our relationships within the Anglican Communion. We engaged in careful listening and straightforward dialogue with our guests. We expressed our passionate desire to remain in communion. It is our conviction that The Episcopal Church needs the Anglican Communion, and we heard from our guests that the Anglican Communion needs The Episcopal Church.
The House of Bishops offers the following responses to our Anglican Communion partners. We believe they provide clarity and point toward next steps in an ongoing process of dialogue. Within The Episcopal Church the common discernment of God’s call is a lively partnership among laypersons, bishops, priests, and deacons, and therefore necessarily includes the Presiding Bishop, the Executive Council, and the General Convention.
Summary
We deplore incursions into our jurisdictions by uninvited bishops and call for them to end.
Discussion:
Resolution B033 of the 2006 General Convention
The House of Bishops concurs with Resolution EC011 of the Executive Council. This Resolution commends the Report of the Communion Sub-Group of the Joint Standing Committee of the Anglican Consultative Council and the Primates of the Anglican Communion as an accurate evaluation of Resolution B033 of the 2006 General Convention, calling upon bishops with jurisdiction and Standing Committees “to exercise restraint by not consenting to the consecration of any candidate to the episcopate whose manner of life presents a challenge to the wider church and will lead to further strains on communion.” The House acknowledges that non-celibate gay and lesbian persons are included among those to whom B033 pertains.
Blessing of Same-Sex Unions
We, the members of the House of Bishops, pledge not to authorize for use in our dioceses any public rites of blessing of same-sex unions until a broader consensus emerges in the Communion, or until General Convention takes further action. In the near future we hope to be able to draw upon the benefits of the Communion-wide listening process. In the meantime, it is important to note that no rite of blessing for persons living in same-sex unions has been adopted or approved by our General Convention. In addition to not having authorized liturgies the majority of bishops do not make allowance for the blessing of same-sex unions. We do note that in May 2003 the Primates said we have a pastoral duty “to respond with love and understanding to people of all sexual orientations.” They further stated, “…[I]t is necessary to maintain a breadth of private response to situations of individual pastoral care.”
Episcopal Visitors
We affirm the Presiding Bishop’s plan to appoint episcopal visitors for dioceses that request alternative oversight. Such oversight would be provided by bishops who are a part of and subject to the communal life of this province. We believe this plan is consistent with and analogous to Delegated Episcopal Pastoral Oversight (DEPO) as affirmed by the Windsor Report (paragraph 152). We thank those bishops who have generously offered themselves for this ministry. We hope that dioceses will make use of this plan and that the Presiding Bishop will continue conversation with those dioceses that may feel the need for such ministries. We appreciate and need to hear all voices in The Episcopal Church.
Incursions by Uninvited Bishops
We call for an immediate end to diocesan incursions by uninvited bishops in accordance with the Windsor Report and consistent with the statements of past Lambeth Conferences and the Ecumenical Councils of the Church. Such incursions imperil common prayer and long-established ecclesial principles of our Communion. These principles include respect for local jurisdiction and recognition of the geographical boundaries of dioceses and provinces. As we continue to commit ourselves to honor both the spirit and the content of the Windsor Report, we call upon those provinces and bishops engaging in such insurvions likewise to honor the Windsor Report by ending them. We offer assurance that delegated episcopal pastoral care is being provided for those who seek it.
Communion-wide Consultation
In their communique of February 2007, the Primates proposed a “pastoral scheme.” At our meeting in March 2007, we expressed our deep concern that this scheme would compromise the authority of our own primate and place the autonomy of The Episcopal Church at risk. The Executive Council reiterate our concerns and declined to participate. Nevertheless we recognize a useful role for communion-wide consultation with respect to the pastoral needs of those seeking alternative oversight, as well as the pastoral needs of gay and lesbian persons in this and other provinces. We encourage our Presiding Bishop to continue to explore such consultation in a manner that is in accord with our Constitution and Canons.
The Listening Process
The 1998 Lambeth Conference called all the provinces of the Anglican Communion to engage in a “listening process” designed to bring gay and lesbian Anglicans fully into the church’s conversation about sexuality. We look forward to receiving initial reports about this process at the 2008 Lambeth Conference, and to participating with others in this crucial enterprise. We are aware that in some cultural contexts, conversation concerning homosexuality is difficult. We see an important role for the Anglican Consultative Council (ACC) in this listening process, since it represents both the lay and ordained members of our constituent churches and so is well placed to engage every part of the body in this conversation. We encourage the ACC to identify the variety of resources needed to accomplish these conversations.
The Lambeth Conference
Invitations to the Lambeth Conference are extended by the Archbishop of Canterbury. Those among us who have received an invitation to attend the 2008 Lambeth Conference look forward to that gathering with hope and expectation. Many of us are engaged in mission partnerships with bishops and dioceses around the world and cherish these relationships. Lambeth offers a wonderful opportunity to build on such partnerships.
We are mindful that the Bishop of New Hampshire has not yet received an invitation to the conference. We also note that the Archbishop of Canterbury has expressed a desire to explore a way for him to participate. We share the Archbishop’s desire and encourage our Presiding Bishop to offer our assistance as bishops in this endeavor. It is our fervent hope that a way can be found for his full participation.
Justice and Dignity for Gay and Lesbian Persons
It is of fundamental importance that, as we continue to seek consensus in matters of human sexuality, we also be clear and outspoken in our shared commitment to establish and protect the civil rights of gay and lesbian persons, and to name and oppose at every turn any action or policy that does violence to them, encourages violence towards them, or violates their dignity as children of God. We call all our partners in the Anglican Communion to recommit to this effort. As we stated at the conclusion of our meeting in March 2007: “We proclaim the Gospel of what God has done and is doing in Christ, of the dignity of every human being, and of justice, compassion and peace. We proclaim the Gospel that in Christ there is no Jew or Greek, no male or female, no slave or free. We proclaim the Gospel that in Christ all God’s children, including women, are full and equal participants in the life of Christ’s Church. We proclaim the Gospel that in Christ all God’s children including gay and lesbian persons, are full and equal participants in the life of Christ’s Church. We proclaim the Gospel that stands against any violence, including violence done to women and children as well as those who are persecutive because of their differences, often in the name of God.”
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The above text was made available to us by epiScope. Many thanks to the Rev. Jan Nunley.
Thank You Fr. Jake for this information…
Monday Night …
I got some mail from London today and in it was a really wonderful gift from my Big Sis, needless to say I was amazed and overjoyed. I have really great family and friends, all over the world. It is far easier to love one another than to criticize or be hateful. So this little note starts off my gratitude list for tonight. Thanks Sis…
- I didn’t drink today
- I hit a meeting
- I had a great day in class this morning
- I saw some new friends
- I did some writing earlier
- I have great friends
- I have a great life
- Tomorrow is my Home Group
- And I am right, and I am happy!!
”Oh to be this young and beautiful – again…”
So I was trolling my reads today and I ran across this picture over on DAN NATION, it seems he’s got a new job in the valley and I spied me some Chad Fox, isn’t he a cutie? Kinda makes me want to move out to the coast and join the Sunday Brunch Crowd! I even got an invitation from Dan the man himself!! I love me some CHAD FOX!!
What could be better than a room full of beautiful men on a Sunday morning? I don’t know about you but we don’t have that many good looking men here in our fair city! OMG!!
The Forest, I love the forest. If you get a chance go over and take a look see at COOPER’S CORRIDOR, he has some beautiful writing and photos of his family from an outing this past weekend. Cooper is another fantastic read, no one should go without every day. He breathes such joy and wonder into my day, because he is such a gifted writer. I think this weekend we shall take a meander out to the green space and take some photos of our forest in the middle of the city (we call it Mount Royal). The real forest is far, far away from here up North.
From Cooper’s Blog: one of his favorite words, Forest:
“Because it is full of promise … because it is wild … because it is fragile … because it is strong … because it sings of simply being … because it is part of my bones and blood … The forest is in my heart”
You can go read my friends and show them some love. First we have Steve, we call him Dr. McCoy, because he’s a Trekkie! I wrote a piece earlier for Arkano, he lives in South America and he is new to our little “Bubble of Love.” My read list, over on the Blog Roll is getting ‘closer’ by the day, as I noticed that many of my friends here, read over there and they comment as well. So please, if you like to look at beautiful men, and you are interested in fantastic reads, check out my read list. I have updated all the links and I am sure everyone will appreciate your visit.
Fall is on it’s way, it is 19c here and rain is in the forecast for the next couple of days! AS is the custom here in Montreal, the weather cools off, the rain comes, then we have our fist cold snap “in the city” then the leaves start turning in earnest. This photo above is a wishful prayer for Montreal in the coming weeks.
Tonight’s meeting was an experience. I heard what I needed to hear. I spent an hour doing nothing but be present and to live in the moment. My Monday night commitment to support “Came to Believe” persists. Things I heard tonight:
- It’s all Good
- Live in the Moment
- Stay in the Now
- At any time of the journey, you are right where you are supposed to be at any given location and at any moment on the time line
- There are no mistakes in God’s time
- Live and Let Live
- Easy Does It
- But for the Grace of God
- Think, Think, Think
- First things First
I took a resentment to a meeting, and I left her there. But I will close with this little blurb on the Blog Nazi!! If you have a complaint about anything you see, read or perceive on this blog, please, by all means, let me know. If I have misrepresented Concordia University in any way, I haven’t heard that from any one. My disability and my student status is between my doctor, myself, my husband, my department, the government and the University and NO ONE ELSE! What I do with my education is my business. If you don’t like something on this blog, there are certainly other blogs for you to read. I am not changing my presentation or writing for anyone, even YOU Rebbecca.
They say in AA that acceptance is the KEY to all of my problems, and if someone has a problem with you, that – that is a direct signal that someone has a problem with themselves. And what YOU think of me is none of my business. If I have a problem with you then I need to look at me and find out what’s wrong with me. So you got a problem, first ask yourself what that problem is, and then fuck off…
I’ve never EVER had anyone complain about something I have shared on this blog, nor posted to this, my personal web log. AND I am not going to take horse shit from some chick who has an axe to grind with me so get the fuck off my blog! Oh, that felt good!
DO YOU GET THE PICTURE???
Temporal Shift …
Hello, my name is Jeremy and I am a Graduate Student in the Department of Theology at Concordia University… Try that one on for size…
Today was a big day … My first day of school as a Graduate Student. The beginning of the Fall semester is always fraught with drama long lines and insanity. This morning brought with it some sad memory, as my Monday-Wednesday morning class is in the Mother House in the West end of the house which has been transformed from living quarters of former nuns to classrooms and offices. I wanted to go visit the chapel this morning and spend some time in prayer, but that wasn’t in the cards today.
Christian Origins is my first class of the week, and it seems, because of certain technical problems, [read:no internet connections or electronic availability] in the room we are using, means a room change is in the offing soon. I saw some familiar faces from my summer as an independent student.
Thank God that none of the witches from the religion department are in any of my theology classes! There IS a God!!!
I took the afternoon to do some power shopping for books at the Diocesan Book Store in the core after class, and I even treated myself to a BK Lunch, Woo Hoo!! The Eaton Centre food court is really interesting at lunch time lots to see…
The Textbook for Christian Origins, Theo: 206 is called The Shaping of Christianity, and can be purchased at the Diocesan Bookstore at Place Cathedral at the McGill Metro. The book ran me $33.87.
I came home from my journey to the “Core” and took a short power nap before my evening class, hubby decided to join me for a nap… [he just can't nap by himself when I am home] … I had 3 hours to nap, and I was in the middle of this fantastic adventure dream, it was action packed and I was really into it, when the alarm clock went off at 5:15 and it startled me so bad and I was so groggy that I could not hold onto the visual to write anything about it… I know I was in a town with a above ground subway system, it was dark and I was running all over the place. So I washed up and left for class and I couldn’t raise the dream in the light, I hate when that happens…
This evening I went to my Theology 204 with Fr. Ray was quite interesting. I saw many of the same faces that were in my morning Christian Origins class, which was great because this class is a lot smaller – with about 45 students in a smaller intimate lecture room. I think it is going to be a great semester…
The University Book Store also has the course packs for Theo: 204 Christian Ethics with Fr. Ray. The texts books are available and are on reserve in the library.
We had some really great discussion, and it is really nice to have Fr. Ray teaching the course, since he is one of my spiritual advisers, on the Catholic side. I told him that I had one foot in the religion of my family [Catholicism] and one foot in the Anglican Church, having been given a green light by Bishop Barry. So now Fr. Ray calls me the Anglo-Catholic. I am hoping that I reach some place new in my spiritual journey.
We are going to play Word Association now:
Your three words are:
Ethics — Morals — Christian
We talked about Religious Studies being a study in culture, society, history and tradition and Theology having a different Methodology, it is faith seeking understanding. Will we agree on all issues in Theology, probably not. Especially with a GAY, HIV+, Married, Catholic Queer in the classroom. This should be an interesting semester. I can look into my crystal ball and see much discussion and choppy waters ahead.
We all introduced ourselves in class and shared our majors and reasons for taking that class, many of us are in Core Studies for Theology, though, many of the students are from many other departments like Psychology [YAWN] Applied Human Sciences [Double YAWN] and others… If today’s discussions were indicative of what’s to come, this class should be incredibly enjoyable because of the varied beliefs, opinions and ages of students in the class. There are a few Graduate and Master’s students in the class, which is really cool…
Tomorrow should be even better with Religions of Tibet. I have high hopes for this class because I have been studying Buddhism and other Eastern Religions over the past four years, last academic year I took Buddhism and Jainism [at the same time] which was a real challenge. I did better in Jainism because it was more writing and academic study into a tradition that is labor intensive, because of the scarcity of primary source material. I flubbed on my Buddhism final exam, which hurt my grade. I hate huge multiple choice exams with very little writing!!! I perform better when I write.
See I did learn something in University! I learned how to write Good Essays and I learned how to write academically sound papers. It took me four years, but I was successful in my writing career. Writing here as well, has enhanced my academic writing because I can work out my ideas here before I add them to a paper.
In The Montreal News:
The Strike at the Notre Dame de Neige cemetery is OVER!! Thank Bloody Christ, it is about time – for Pete’s sake! Now gravediggers go back to work on Monday and they have over Seven Hundred and Fifty Caskets to bury, that have been in cold storage for Months!!
I talked to Fr. Ray about this on the way home tonight, we walked to the Major Seminary where he was parked just up the hill from home, The Bishop of Montreal got involved to try to end the strike, we all admit he was a little late with his word, but it seems to have worked! The Religious Authority has some sway over our community thank God for that!
So we are at 1042 words… Have I gone on too long here???
Ok that’s all for tonight. More tomorrow from the world of Tibet…
Stay Tuned…
Oh, I forgot to mention that I am listed as an ALUMNI Blogger on the Concordia University Website!! Very Kewl!! We are also listed on the Religio Scholasticus website as well. I am really grateful for the support of my peers at Religio and as well from the University.
The End of a Season
“He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.”
Micah 6:8
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I make no bones about WHO I am, I make no bones about WHAT I am. I will not argue about sin or homosexuality again. I should have never engaged you in the first place, that was stupid on my part, but enough is enough. If you don’t agree with me then please, by all means, get the fuck out, I invite you never to come to this blog again.
I invite you, the Evangelical Christian, to choke on the scripture you read and I invite you to call God on the phone and ask him personally what He thinks of me, and I invite the first person who gets access to God to come and share with me what Almighty God has said to him or her about me. There is plenty of writing in my pages for you to consume, think about and understand about what makes me who I am and what I believe and how men of faith supported me when many of YOU condemned me. Who was right, and who was wrong? I am still here and my faith is all I have and that alone sustains and keeps me.
We shall agree to disagree on Sin and Homosexuality. Because until God drops out of his heaven to tells me to come home or stop, I will live my life, as I have lived my life, as it has been for years. I will stay sober, I will stay clean, I will continue my Theological Studies and I will be respected for WHO I am and not discriminated based on WHAT I am.
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I have meditated on yesterdays writing, and So I publish an abbreviated portion of that post for you all to read. Summer is at an end. And I am going to re-group and pull back my commitment to work with others, based on recent goings on. I am not pleased, but I will deal with it, like any sober member would. I stick to my base. I pray and meditate and I remember that I cannot help everyone, lest I loose myself in the process.
I’ve decided to add more academic courses to my schedule and that schedule is as follows:
- Theology 206 Origins of Christianity – Mon-Wed 10:15 to 11:30 a.m.
Lucian Turcescu - Theology 204 Introduction to XT Ethics – Wed 6:00 – 8:15 p.m.
Fr. Ray La Fontaine - Religion 398P (Special Study) Religions of Tibet – Thursday 6:00-8:15 p.m. Marc Des Jardins
I thought that I would add another class to my schedule because it is a special study section in the Department of Religion, and add to that Marc Des Jardins has spent time in the field during his Summers and I happen to like him as a professor, and I look forward to this class. I am taking care of me now.
What is said, has been said. What is done, is done. What is in the past is in the past. I have made my decisions, and thus my post written last night. Suffer the little children, they now rest in the hands of God. I am not going to suffer any longer.
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When I stay in my day and put the principles of AA into practice, I know that I am not alone in sobriety. This second chance at sobriety gives me insight/hindsight into the first attempt which failed. The first time I was living life – yet I was going to meetings. Both were mutually exclusive. With learning to live with AIDS back then, as life taught me, I did not incorporate the two worlds well enough.
This time around I did the right thing. I invested in my sobriety much more. I engaged the program like never before. When I came to Montreal, I had to invest time and life into staying sober because here you had to travel nightly to different places for a meeting. There aren’t many multiple meetings in the same location every night. They don’t exist except for two meetings, 7 a.m. Wood and 5 o’clock shadows.
I found a home group and I invested in that group. An investment that I honor today. When I got sober in Montreal, people invested in me, took care of me and gave me right guidance. Today I give back to that meeting. I invest my life around my sobriety. Life is worked around my home group and other meetings.
I do nothing during the hours I attend meetings. I do not usually make any decisions without first passing my ideas past another drunk. So it goes. Because I am invested in my sobriety, I usually stay ahead of the wave. And I have a bank of time and knowledge to draw upon when I need it.
I work with others and I invest in new comers. But I do not force my way into their lives, I have learned that force feeding an infant is pointless because they will only choke and throw up on you. I choose my battles wisely in sobriety. I hand off my number and my counsel wisely. And I sure as shit do not waste my time with people who don’t want it.
It is a waste of my time, talent and knowledge to try and work with someone who doesn’t want to get sober. That’s why I don’t have sponsees at the moment. I work best in the field where everyone has access before, during and after a meeting. I go to a handful of meetings and I serve others. I never say no to sobriety, because you must give it away to keep it.
With that said I have made a decision.
I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. I can lead a horse to water, but I cannot make it drink. I can lead by example, but faced with current situations, I should have taken a more cautious approach. I was put into a no win situation. There are just some things I know in sobriety that translate into the world I live in like ENABLING.
Abuse is unacceptable. Lying is unacceptable. Pushing someones buttons to see how far they will lurch is unacceptable. If we allow people, children, and spouses to run rough shot through our lives with no concrete action of circumstances, then we end up being victims of the situation we participated in.
If we enable a child to run riot through the house and we enable a child to be disrespectful and ignorant, then we have failed them as parents. If we enable a spouse to abuse us, and we don’t extricate ourselves from bad situations, then we suffer the consequences of our choices and indecision to act wisely.
If a wife allows her husband to abuse her, and she does nothing, then she suffers. If a partner allows their significant other to abuse drugs and alcohol or us and does nothing then we call that enabling them. We also call that insanity.
I cannot help anyone out of a hole if I am in their with them.
I was invited to invest time, talent and experience into a project this summer, that has disastrously backfired. So I am going to apply the rules of sober engagement to this situation. In order to keep me level headed. I gave freely of what I had, and I invested hours, days, weeks and months into working with others, and what did that get me?
Lies, Deceit, Abuse and Disrespect.
I was asked to take on a challenge that has occupied me for some time. And I gladly did it, in the hope that I would affect change, what did that get me? Heartache. If we allow children to run riot through our lives and abuse us and disrespect us, verbally, physically and emotionally, then we have failed at good parenting. We have failed to be good stewards of our children.
If we enable our children to run riot and we enable them to continue disrespectful behavior then that child will grow up into a disrespectful and abusive adult. If we cannot step up and demand that things change and set the rule of law in our home, thereby allowing children to abuse us, then why bother being a parent in the first place?
If we spend countless hours teaching our children right from wrong, good from bad, acceptable from unacceptable, and we spend hours trying to figure out their motivations for lying, cheating and deceiving and we fail to stop that behavior, then we have failed to be good examples. If our children learn that they can run riot and be disrespectful and ignorant and petulant, and we do nothing, but sit and let them run riot, it is our own fault.
Brilliant gifted children who know the law, know the truth and know that there are consequences for bad behavior yet STILL they push us up against the wall and test our resolve to be good parents, role models and authoritarians, they have failed at learning where they fit into the family dynamic. I can only lead by example.
Alas, I have failed to be a good example.
Like new comers in the room, they think they know it all, yet they stumble. And it sometimes takes years to teach them the same lessons we learned ourselves. And with those lessons we offer them “quickie passes” to avoid the pitfalls, yet many choose to take the long and hard road instead of the learned road. That is why I stay away from newbies because they are usually fucked in the head for the first few months of sobriety.
I allow them to see me exist, participate and share experience, strength and hope with others, in the hope that they will want what I have and in time, they may accept me into their lives and at that point they choose to engage, I did not force them to engage.
Henceforth, I am not wasting another moment working with others, who disrespect me, do not listen to me nor want to change their lives for the better, even if they are challenged. My investment of time and talent came at a personal price, my sanity.
And my sanity is worth more than I get paid for.
When you want my help – you let me know, and only when you want to change. Because I am not wasting any more time, placating you or enabling you either. Kelly never called me back. So I guess I am not that important.
