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Archive for June, 2009

Sky …

sky 002 copy

I just went out on the balcony to see the sky and I took this shot of a streak of blue light that was shining through the dark clouds over the mountain. I upped the settings on the photo to show the blue color against a dark sky…

Tuesday Update …

church windows randall

Photo Credit: The Good Pastor Randall Friesen

The sky is dark and the clouds are beginning to fall over the city at this hour. Ominous storm clouds mean one thing, rain, in the sense of cats, dogs and little fishes. I got home just before the sky opened up and the deluge began to fall.

OH SO Tuesday …

The day started off very early for me. I did not sleep well last night so I was up with the birds this morning. I hate when the birds start singing before I hit the pillow. You know the birds in this city know the sun is coming, I think before the sun knows its coming…

I had a tete a tete with hubby this morning which was not pretty, not a way to get up in the morning. We rarely argue if ever… His choice of friends is beginning to make me wonder where my husband went sometimes.

He is, as of late, re-friending people he swore off years ago. Me thinks he’s having a crisis of identity in his mid life. UGH !!! but that’s not for here.

I got in the shower and got dressed and got off to the clinic for labs and a blood sugar check. I see my HIV doc on the 8th of July – Anniversary day, it must be fate that I see him on that particular day to congratulate him on keeping me alive for the last seven years…

The weather was really nice this morning. The sun was shining and it was warm and breezy. Weather changes very quickly here.

Then I set off for the mall to pick up my stash of med’s from the pharmacy. That did not set me back too much today. Next week I get the Major Meds refilled, and that’s a $70.00 expense. UGH !!!

I was starved at 10 a.m. in the morning so I waltzed into the diner where we have coffee before meetings and ordered a HUGE cheeseburger with pickles, fries and a tall coke… yes, I know I’m not supposed to have soda… It did not spike my blood sugar – so that’s all good.

mall 002 copy

You see the mall is 3 blocks from home, it is a Metro Stop on the Green Line and has multiple stories in it with big box stores on each floor and a nice size food court and shopping mall, it’s also where we get our hair done.

THIS is the mall in the “center” of the photo. In the foreground on the right is the Old Pepsi Forum which is an AMC theatre and across the street behind it with the tall tower lit on the roof is Alexis Nihon Plaza – and the Atwater Metro Stop. I just went and took this picture from my balcony.

I spent the afternoon doodling on the computer and took a nap for a couple of hours before I left for the meeting. I went to set up, I am good at working by myself. My set up system never fails me.

I called my sponsor before I left the house to hear what she had to say to me about what would happen at the business meeting with the little nemesis newcomer, she told me to keep my mouth shut and not to say anything. So that’s what I did. We did not speak one word to each other the entire time I was in that room through the entire meeting. I did hear him say my name when it was my turn to share though, so the ice may be thawing…

OH BUT EXCITING… “What are the odds that someone from the city that you got sober in, who’s home group was your home group for a while would come to visit and land up in our meeting tonight?” A woman came into the meeting and introduced herself from Miami and the SOBER on SOUTH BEACH room of AA was sitting across from me, I almost fell out of my chair. After the meeting we went through a list of people we both know from the room, it was so exciting… she goes back in a couple of days – how cool was that???

So that was the night. Calm, Cool and Collected …

It seems that the rain did not fall as a deluge – it isn’t raining at the moment either, so it got dark so quickly for no good reason, dammit !!!

I need to eat so I am going to go now…

Stay tuned, more to come …

Sacrifice = Unity = Survival

where are you going

“The unity, the effectiveness, and even the survival of A.A. will always depend upon our continued willingness to give up some of our personal ambitions and desires for the common safety and welfare. Just as sacrifice means survival for the individual alcoholic, so does sacrifice mean unity and survival for the group and for A.A.’s entire fellowship”

As Bill Sees It, pg. 220

I have learned that I must sacrifice some of my personality traits for the good of AA and, as a result, I have been rewarded with many gifts. False pride can be inflated through prestige but, by living Tradition Six, I receive the gift of humility instead. Cooperation without affiliation is often deceiving. If I remain unrelated to outside interests, I am free to keep AA autonomous. Then the fellowship will be here, healthy and strong for generations to come.

Tonight is our monthly business meeting, and when there is meeting there is drama. Stay tuned for the update later on this evening. Let Us Pray !!!

Photo Credit: Shannon Boh

B Down Gobo – SOTB (redux)


Cue the music – start the fog machine – blue light GOBO slow pans across the floor through dimly lit space, and the first beat comes…

I am alone, it is early, the bar is not yet open, but I am there alone. Just me, the music and the spirit of God. Well, what little spirit of God there was at that time of my life. It is mid-summer in Ft. Lauderdale. I have just told Todd that I was going to die…

He wept.

Over the next few weeks, the teaching would begin. The team rose to the call, one of the boys was sick and was left on the side of the road with nothing but what little dignity was left in his soul. All I needed would be provided come hell or high water. Wild Horses would never stop the charge for life. We were all sick, we were all dying. Save for two people in the entire organization. My champions would save me, if I wanted it or not. Death was not an option and I would either get it or I would die…

So it began…

At that time, the temple of sin was alive and things happened so quickly that if you blinked you would miss it. The temple was filled with every earthly delight, Dante would have been pleased with our Garden of Earthly desires, carnal, profane and truly sinful. I loved every minute of it.

The rule was set…

You have a life, outside the temple. When you come to work, you leave your baggage at the door, do not bring it in here. No exceptions. Come to work, and you will serve me your Master and do whatever you are told without question without complaint, is that clear!

Yes Sir…

I took that time of my life as sacred and profane, but that is another story. You can read about the Sacred and the Profane over there in Pages… This is another thread to a long running story of how this boy was made a man, a saved man, a profane man, and in the same vein Sacred. You never know where your lessons are going to come from, and you are grateful for the wisdom and time people took out of their lives to care for you and teach you lessons that nobody else was going to teach you. So pay attention Little One.

This is your life we are talking about…

The gobos are tracking across the floor slowly through smoke and mirrors as the music plays just for you. I learned very early on, in that space that music would identify particular moods, paint particular pictures. Farkle and I had a ritual. He IS the only one left from the fray of men who lived and died from the temple of sin. We began each shift in our own way, begging god another night, another day, another minute. I was surrounded with warriors fighting their own significant battles with AIDS. I was not hit by the KS demon. I was not plagued by things I saw and witnessed, thank the creator. It was ugly. It was brutal and it was most importantly the fight of the century for all of us. Many men went to their deaths in our arms. We bathed them, clothed them and in the end we buried them.

Angry Larry…

When I got sober there was a man with AIDS named Larry, he was a drunk like me. But he was unique. He sat with a bottle on the table and a loaded revolver to shoot himself. He carried that gun with him and showed it to every one of us, and he told us relentlessly that he was going to kill himself. He got sober with the rest of us. Over the years following his spiritual awakening, he did something that no one else thought to do.

People with AIDS were being left in the streets. Mortuaries would not process sick people, they would not touch a body that had been infected with AIDS. Families would not bury their children. We did that. Larry opened his services to the community and he became another champion of the cause. I knew him. He eventually got rid of the gun, so I heard.

For a few minutes during transition, I would warm up the smoker, fire up the turntable and start the computer so that I could worship my God to the music of my soul. I did that every night. I worshiped whatever was going to save me.

I was servant to the men. I was servant to my Master. I was a slave for God, be he dressed or undressed. You never saw God until you witnessed true beauty of the soul in all its carnality. There is something sacredly profane about this part of my life. What went on inside the temple stayed in the temple. Many months would pass and I battled my demons of alcoholism before I finally fell into the pit of death, and there happen to be somebody watching from the sidelines.

Danny saved me that night. He was the man who cradled me in his arms, oxygen mask on my face and had called the paramedics to try and revive me. Danny took me home that night, and did not leave my apartment for a week. He fed me, bathed me and cared for me, under that watchful eye of my Master Todd. When the word was spoke, action was taken, and hell hath no fury if you did not jump when told to. Todd was very protective over his boys and men.

We were reminded that Todd had lost love to AIDS. Bob was buried across the street in the cemetery that faced our building. It was hard – it was painful, and it was sacred. Kevin and Larry did things for me that no man ever did for me in the real world. We were the three musketeers. We were the team to beat in bar management and service. We ran a tight ship and we were accountable, respectable and reliable. We proved a mighty force against the odds we all faced.

Let’s get it on…

Shift was begun at eight. The wells were filled the beer was stocked and the ice bins were full. Put your money in the drawer and let’s get the music thumping. Like clockwork at the strike of eight bells the first note hit the turntables. They were lined up around the building. Cars were parked all over the place. The temple worship had begun. Heaven was found amid the souls of suffering men who knew they were all marked for death, but for tonight, whatever you desired was fulfilled. You could drown away your sorrow and dip into the well of living water if you wished as well. You have never lived until you party like your dying with crowds of undulating flesh as far as they eye can see. The ghosts of those men now inhabit the fantasies and dreams I have still to this day.

One by one, two by two, they died in our arms. We held them until they took their last breaths. Memorialized in the careful and blood soaked threads of quilts, as the years went by, they started collecting by the dozen, then by the hundreds. If you’ve ever seen the entire quilt unfurled, all the men who were part of my life in those first years of my epidemic life, they are all together in death, as they were in life. Memorialized until the end of time. And we remember each of their names.

So many young boys torn from life before they knew what hit them. Men who infected them had died as well. Many of my friends were taken on trips that were detrimental to them, and just robbed them of life that was still left to live.

Todd saw to it that I would never go there…

You come to work, dress as you will, you obey me and do not waver from my eye, for I know your carnal desires and you are too young to tempt the devil with his dance. Because I surely did not know what could befall me if the right charmer enticed me into his web of desire, and they all knew I was fair bait. But in order to dine from my buffet, you needed explicit permission of my Master, who never allowed any man to defile me like many had been. I was off limits. I never crossed the line provided because that meant disrespect and I could never bear to break my Master’s heart with disobedience.

I loved Him, and He loved me – I had many problems. I was depressed and angry and resentful. I had the scars of traumatic visions of my dead lovers corpse in my head, and the words of his mother still ring in my ear today “I hope that every night until you die, that you see the corpse of my dead son in your field of vision.” That curse still lives with me and will go with me to the grave. Five day old corpses are not pretty. I had to identify the remains when all was said and done. Save that he was wearing jewelry that I could identify and part of him was still recognizable – God forgive me…

I remember that day, it was early afternoon the morgue called me from work to come and do the deed. I drove in and looked upon him in that room, I wept tears that burned into my soul forever. I just could not imagine – the pain was so hard to bear. I drove over to the bar. Bill was working behind the bar. I drank until I could not stand up on my own. I drank for a week, straight…

Todd and Bill needed to find me a solution and quick, because I was on the outs.

I started suicide therapy in a group setting that lasted 32 weeks. Nothing like rehashing death week after week, until the pain was purged from your soul, but is it ever? Months went by until I got my news.

But they cared for me in all my brokenness. A young angel would earn his wings back. Come hell or high water. In the end, when all was said and done, at the end of the day I survived, but so many did not. And each night I offer them prayers in hope that when I meet my death that all of them will be waiting for me in the Temple Of Earthly Desire in the promised land of the Kingdom of God, where the sacred and profane are mingled with the blood of the Almighty and the blood of my friends who have gone before me, on that day we will be cleansed of our sins.

And forgiven by God…


Goodnight angels of men

In a church,by the face,
He talks about the people going under.

Only child know…

A man decides after seventy years,
That what he goes there for, is to unlock the door.
While those around him criticize and sleep…
And through a fractal on a breaking wall,
I see you my friend, and touch your face again.
Miracles will happen as we trip.

But we’re never gonna survive, unless…
We get a little crazy
No we’re never gonna survive, unless…
We are a little…


…Crazy yellow people walking through my head.
One of them’s got a gun, to shoot the other one.
And yet together they were friends at school
Ohh, get it, get it, get it, get it no no!

If all were there when we first took the pill,
Then maybe, then maybe, then maybe, then maybe…
Miracles will happen as we speak.

But we’re never gonna survive unless…
We get a little crazy.
No we’re never gonna survive unless…
We are a little…
No no, never survive, unless we get a little… bit…

Oh, a little bit…
Oh, a little bit…


Amanda decides to go along after seventeen years…

Oh darlin…
In a sky full of people, only some want to fly,
Isn’t that crazy?
In a world full of people, only some want to fly,
Isn’t that crazy?
In a heaven of people there’s only some want to fly,
Ain’t that crazy?
Oh babe… Oh darlin…
In a world full of people there’s only some want to fly,
Isn’t that crazy?
Isn’t that crazy… Isn’t that crazy… Isn’t that crazy…

But we’re never gonna survive unless, we get a little crazy.. crazy..
No we’re never gonna to survive unless we are a little… crazy..
But we’re never gonna survive unless, we get a little crazy.. crazy..
No we’re never gonna to survive unless, we are a little.. crazy..
No no, never survive unless, we get a little bit…

And then you see things
The size
Of which you’ve never known before

They’ll break it


Only child know….

Them things
The size
Of which you’ve never known before


HIV Travel Ban To Be Lifted

Red Ribbon

Found on: Joe My God

It’s looks like the Obama administration is finally going to implement a directive signed by Dubya almost a year ago.

The first step to ending the HIV travel ban in the United States has been taken by the Obama administration. The Office of Management and Budget posted a notice on its site Friday afternoon indicating that the department of Health and Human Services could move forward with steps to change a regulation that has restricted HIV-positive people from gaining entrance into the United States. The proposed change will likely have an impact on both travel and immigration to the United States. Under current regulations, non-U.S. citizens who are HIV-positive cannot travel to the United States unless they are granted a waiver by the Department of Homeland Security. Immigrants have also been required to be tested for HIV. The actual regulatory change, however, will not be available until next week and advocates are waiting to analyze the exact language.

If implemented, the repeal should be in place by this fall.

Labels: , ,

I never had a problem getting into the United States. Nobody asked me, and nobody needed to know. This will be good news to travelers world wide. Hopefully this will come into effect sooner than later.

The Faith of the Centurion…

Do you believe in Love

Matthew 8:5-13

The Faith of the Centurion

When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering.”

Jesus said to him, “I will go and heal him.”

The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, “I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! It will be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that very hour.

The alchemist said, “No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn’t know it.”

The Alchemist, The story about dreams, pgs. 156-159

Scripture from the Gospel of Matthew

May all of those who rest tonight, rest in the peace of God forevermore.

Michael Jackson Dies


Posted Jun 25th 2009 5:20PM by TMZ Staff

We’ve just learned Michael Jackson has died. He was 50.

Michael suffered a cardiac arrest earlier this afternoon at his Holmby Hills home and paramedics were unable to revive him. We’re told when paramedics arrived Jackson had no pulse and they never got a pulse back.

A source tells us Jackson was dead when paramedics arrived.

Once at the hospital, the staff tried to resuscitate him but he was completely unresponsive.

We’re told one of the staff members at Jackson’s home called 911.

LaToya ran in the hospital sobbing after Jackson was pronounced dead.

Michael is survived by three children: Michael Joseph Jackson, Jr., Paris Michael Katherine Jackson and Prince “Blanket” Michael Jackson II.

King of Pop Michael Jackson is dead: report

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Michael Jackson, the child star turned King of Pop who set the world dancing to exuberant rhythms for decades, died on Thursday, the Los Angeles Times said. He was 50.

“Pop star Michael Jackson was pronounced dead by doctors this afternoon after arriving at a hospital in a deep coma, city and law enforcement sources told The Times,” the newspaper reported on its website.

Jackson had been taken ill at his home and found not breathing by paramedics who rushed him to a hospital, the paper said.

The paper’s report followed news of Jackson’s death first reported by the TMZ entertainment website, which said that the singer suffered a cardiac arrest. There was no immediate comment from spokespersons for Jackson.

Known as the “King of Pop,” for hits that included “Thriller” and “Billie Jean,” Jackson’s dramatic stage presence and innovative dance moves were imitated by legions of fans around the world.

His one-gloved eccentric style also earned him plenty of critics and another nickname, “Wacko Jacko.”

Jackson, who had lived as a virtual recluse since his acquittal in 2005 on charges of child molestation, had been scheduled to launch a comeback tour from London next month.

TMZ said on its website that Jackson suffered a cardiac arrest on Thursday afternoon at his Holmby Hills home and paramedics were unable to revive him. “We’re told when paramedics arrived Jackson had no pulse and they never got a pulse back,” the site said.

Earlier, the Los Angeles Times said the singer had been rushed to a Los Angeles-area hospital by fire department paramedics. The newspaper said paramedics performed cardiopulmonary resuscitation at the singer’s home before taking him to the UCLA Medical Center hospital.


Jackson had been due to start a series of concerts in London on July 13 running until March 2010. The singer had been rehearsing in the Los Angeles area for the past two months.

The shows for the 50 London concerts sold out within minutes of going on sale in March.

His lifetime record sales tally is believed to be around 750 million, which, added to the 13 Grammy Awards he received, makes him one of the most successful entertainers of all time.

There were concerns about Jackson’s health in recent years but the promoters of the London shows, AEG Live, said in March that Jackson had passed a 4-1/2 hour physical examination with independent doctors.

New Yorkers and tourists in the city’s Times Square were shocked at the news of Jackson’s death.

“I don’t know what to say. It’s sad, it’s really, really sad,” said Nicole Smith, an 18-year-old student from Brooklyn, New York, in Times Square. “My mother was a fan. I listened to his music.”

“I’m shocked. I thought someone was lying to me when I first heard it. I was a fan from when he was a little boy and then he got weird,” said Sue Sheider, 51, a teacher from Long Island.


Jackson was born on August 29, 1958, in Gary, Indiana, the seventh of nine children. Five Jackson boys — Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlon and Michael — first performed together at a talent show when Michael was 6. They walked off with first prize and went on to become a best-selling band, The Jackson Five, and then The Jackson 5.

Jackson made his first solo album in 1972, and released “Thriller” in 1982, which became a smash hit that yielded seven top-10 singles. The album sold 21 million copies in the United States and at least 27 million worldwide.

The next year, he unveiled his signature “moonwalk” dance move while performing “Billie Jean” during an NBC special.

In 1994, Jackson married Elvis Presley’s only child, Lisa Marie, but the marriage ended in divorce in 1996. Jackson married Debbie Rowe the same year and had two children, before splitting in 1999. The couple never lived together.

Jackson has three children named Prince Michael I, Paris Michael and Prince Michael II, known for his brief public appearance when his father held him over the railing of a hotel balcony, causing widespread criticism.

(Additional Reporting by Jill Serjeant in Los Angeles and Michelle Nichols in New York; Writing by Frances Kerry, Editing by Jackie Frank)

Where are you going?

where are you going

So often I ask myself “where am I going?”. It’s a question we all ask ourselves at some point in our lives. From the time we come into this life we are constantly being asked this question.

“where are you going to University?”,

“where are you going to work?”,

“where are you going to live?”,

“where is your career heading?”,

“where is my big chance going to come from?”.

We are conditioned to be looking ahead. We walk with our eyes forward on the horizon. We focus on our goals and seek and strive to accomplish them.

There is a question we often neglect to ask ourselves and that is,

“Where am I now?”.

It pays to stop and smell the roses. Ambition is not a bad thing. Forward planning is not a bad thing, but how often do we stop to really appreciate what we have? How often to we simply stop on our way to work and look around.

Next time you find yourself stressing over that meeting your running late for or fighting the traffic on your way home stop for three seconds. The world won’t end, this I promise. Look up at the sky and notice how blue it is, feel the breeze on your face, smell a flower in the garden next to you and then go on your way again. Remind yourself that there is no other moment but here and now.

The future hasn’t happened yet.

The past is gone.

All that matters is now.

Where are you now?

Farrah Fawcett, 1970s sex symbol, dies aged 62

farah faucett

By Jill Serjeant – Reuters News Service

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Actress Farrah Fawcett, the “Charlie’s Angels” television star whose big smile and feathered blond mane made her one of the reigning sex symbols of the 1970s, died on Thursday after a long battle with cancer. She was 62.

Fawcett, first vaulted to stardom by an alluring poster of her in a red swimsuit, was diagnosed with anal cancer in late 2006. It spread to her liver in 2007, proving resistant to numerous medical treatments in Germany and California.

“After a long and brave battle with cancer, our beloved Farrah has passed away,” Fawcett’s long time companion, actor Ryan O’Neal, said in a statement.

“Although this is an extremely difficult time for her family and friends, we take comfort in the beautiful times that we shared with Farrah over the years and the knowledge that her life brought joy to so many people around the world.”

Fawcett’s death in a Los Angeles hospital came just six weeks after the TV broadcast in May of a video diary she made chronicling her battle with cancer and her final months.

Called “Farrah’s Story,” the documentary was effectively a self-penned obituary by the actress, who was bedridden and had lost her famous hair by the time it was shown.

O’Neal said she had wanted to tell her story on her own terms.

Fawcett’s close friend Alana Stewart, ex-wife of rocker Rod Stewart, told Entertainment Tonight after leaving the hospital on Thursday; “I just lost my best friend. Her death was very peaceful.”

Fawcett, born February 2, 1947, in Corpus Christi, Texas, was an art student in college before she began modeling, appearing in shampoo ads.

She started guest-starring on TV in the late 1960s and appeared on the television hit “The Six Million Dollar Man” after marrying the show’s star, Lee Majors, in 1974. The couple divorced in the early 1980s.


Time Travel …

justin and brian

The Challenge of Failure:

In God’s economy, nothing is wasted. through failure, we learn a lesson in humility which is probably needed, painful thought it is.

As Bill Sees It, pg. 31

If someone told me that I could time travel right now, I would go back to the year 1994. I would want to relive my first sober experience with all the people and issues that were going on at the time. Had I not slipped I would be celebrating 15 years of sobriety this August… My first date of sobriety was the 23rd of August 1994.

On July 8th at 12 noon 1994, doctors told me that I had only, at best, 18 months max to live, I was dying from AIDS. They told me to kiss my ass goodbye and prepare to die. I spent a month trying to kill myself with excessive drinking hoping that it would take me first. I FAILED !!!

An entire year prior to my getting sober, my sponsor “to be” worked in the same nightclub that I did. He used to keep his Big Book on his cash register and I would ask him what that big book was for, and his answer was always the same, when I was ready, he would tell me, but not until then …

I found myself in an LGBT Room of sobriety with some pretty outrageous characters. I remember it well because I used to clean the floors and wash ash trays and make coffee. Smokers to the left and non smokers to the right of the room. During that first year of sobriety, there was a catty group of faggots who used to place bets on the new comers on how far they would make it and who would fail.

I was learning now to stay alive – failure was not an option. I used to make calendars out of poster boards and put them up on my kitchen wall and count off the days until I was going to die. My sponsor used to rip them off the wall and he would tell me that I needed to stay in my day … It took me months to learn that lesson the first time… Patty used to tell me to stick with the winners.

And I stayed sober that first year despite myself and the others who were betting against me. I remember getting my first year chip in August of 1995, and I stood up there and told them all to go fuck themselves, I stayed sober and got my year.

But I also lived.

While my friends and family were dying left and right of me. It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times. Out of all those people who were sick in that initial grouping 165 men, only Mark and myself are still alive today, so many years later.

My nemesis did not show up for the meeting today. We thank God for small graces such as this. Tomorrow is Jean Baptiste day(Fete Nationale), it is the SLIP day in Montreal for all those who are going to go out in the next 24 hours.

I would not wish a slip on anyone, mind you, or maybe I would…

I’ve done my time and I’ve earned the respect that I am due. nuff said …

I miss my friends. I miss the times, I miss the love. I miss Todd and Roy most of all. They are out there somewhere in San Francisco.

July is coming quickly. Will I go there again this year? We shall see just now deep into the memory funk I get… The stories are already written in the sidebar. You can all read them for yourself. I don’t think that I need to attempt to sit and write another memory out – but maybe one will come – we shall see.

I’m still alive …. July 8th is 15 days away … 15 years …

Kings June 20 …


I’m a few days late on this review, but I needed time to think about this episode because it was all over the place. Firstly, it was King Silas’s birthday and the party was just beginning when the power went out all over the kingdom. It seems the brother in law – his nemesis – was not invited, nor his son Andrew.

Meanwhile, the King is having flashbacks and the episode kept bouncing back and forth between the princess (Michelle) was in the hospital dying and the fact that (in real time) the princess was somewhere in the city lost (or alone) for that matter and there were assassination attempt threats on the king and company. And the King was freaking out thinking that she might be harmed or dead.

It seems that the princess (Michelle) told David that she could not be with him in earlier episodes because she was promised to someone else. Well, now we know who she was promised to … GOD !!! It seems that in the past when she was sick, the angel of death visited her and the king (in the form of Saffron Burrows) ala Boston Public and Deep Blue Sea. She, the angel of death, struck a bargain with the king for her life. When the time came, and the heir apparent made their entrance, the king would step aside, FOR the life of his daughter. The pact was signed in Silas’s blood.

Now in the dark, the king is freaking out because they can’t find the princess however hard everyone is looking for her. It turns out that she is running around the city with David, of all people. (ALONE) They end up at a house all by themselves and they get into a little porn photo shoot… David tells the princess (Michelle) that he loves her and they have the “promise” discussion yet the princess encourages him to take nude photos of her anyways…


Meanwhile, in the dark … People get to be who they really are. And we find good old Jack, running into his “friend” Joseph. Who he ends up in a kiss with on national television. They end up in bed together in the blackout. And Joseph asks Jack if the roll in the sack was real and Jack responds that

“the only real thing I touch is you” (Joseph)…

In the end, we see the brother in law trying to get his son Andrew out to dinner because they were not invited to the party. It seems the brother in law turned off all the power in spite of the king. He is such a prick… Finally at the end of the episode, the power comes back on. The King has killed an intruder in the castle, and the princess returns to the king, safe and sound with many thanks to David from the king. (Michelle tells him that David was a true gentleman)…

They must neve tell anyone of their love because of the promise to the angel.

It seems that the queen gets a phone call from Andrew, he turned on the power at the end of the episode. Trying to get into her good graces, the queen tells Andrew “that she would rather be in the dark, rather than owe Andrew anything.” what a bitch …

More to come on Kings, next weekend.

Monday Naughtyness …


Monday Monday … Sirens and fire engines and police OH MY !!!

Not an hour goes by in our fair city that the sirens aren’t blaring no matter what time of day it is … even in the middle of the night, like the police have to get through all the red lights in the middle of the dead of night… UGH !!!

I spent the balance of the weekend writing a 12 page paper for my Trinity class and I don’t think I hit it all very well, but I guess we’ll see now. Just how many quotes can you put in a paper and make it yours? And I added a little fiction to the end of my paper – which I posted the other night here, on the Theophany at the river Jordan.

This morning I dragged myself out of my warm and cozy bed to walk all the way to the Theology department to turn in my paper – and there was nobody there. I was like damn… so I left my paper in the secretaries box …

Now I am home and farting around the internets. You can go check out the newest collaboration channel on You Tube called THAT’s PRETTY GAY !!!

I have a whole list of channels that I watch every day. Nothing like free entertainment and some of the guys are really great, they are funny and come from all over the world. DO You YOU TUBE ???

Ok enough babbling …

More to come, stay tuned …

Now I have to write a 30 page Pastoral Ministry paper for my last summer class due at the end of August… God give me strength …

Theophany at the River Jordan…


The Baptism of Jesus : Mark 1: 9-11

At that time Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”

To close our discussion about the Trinity and the Theophany at the river Jordan, I would like to share with you the telling of the story of that day through the eyes of Jesus himself told by the writer Anne Rice from Christ the Lord, The Road to Cana.

Here we join Jesus at the riverside:

I moved down into the river. I passed Joseph and my mother, and the toll collector who stood at Joseph’s elbow ready to assist him, on account of his age, even as James was there. I moved up in front of John bar Zechariah. My way had always been to look down. The subject of whisper and insult through much of my life, I seldom confronted a man with my gaze, but rather turned away and sought my work as a matter of course. It was a quiet demeanor. But I didn’t do this now. It was no longer my way. That was gone.

He stood frozen, staring at me. I looked at him – at his rugged frame, the hair matted to his chest, the dark camel-skin cloak half covering him. I saw his eyes then fixed on mine. They were glazed, his eyes, the inevitable defense against a multitude of faces, a multitude of gazes, a multitude of expectations. But as we faced one another – he only slightly taller than I – his eyes softened. They lost their tight puckering, their deep distance, I heard the breath pass out of him.

There came a sound like the flapping of wings, gentle yet large, as of doves startled in the dovecote, and all struggling heavenward. He stared upwards, to the right and left, then back at me. He hadn’t found the source of the sound.

I addressed him now in Hebrew: “Johanan bar Zechariah” I said his eyes grew wide. “Yeshua bar Joseph,” he said. The toll collector drew in to watch, to hear. I could see the vague shape of my mother and Joseph nearby. I could feel the others turning slowly towards us, moving clumsily towards us. “It’s you!” John whispered. “You … baptize me!” He held up the conch, dripping with water.

The disciples to the right and left stopped in the very midst of what they did. Those coming up out of the water remained standing, attentive. Something had changed in the holy man. What had changed? I felt the throng itself like a great connected and living thing breathing with us. I held up my hands.

“We’re made in His image, you and I,” I said. “This is flesh, is it not? Am I not a man? Baptize me as you’ve done everyone else; do this, in the name of righteousness”

I went down into the water. I felt his hand on my left shoulder. I felt his fingers close on my neck. I saw nothing and felt nothing and heard nothing but the cool flooding water, and then slowly I came up out of it, and stood shocked by the flood of sunlight. The coulds above had shifted. The sound of beating wings filled my ears. I stared forward and saw across John’s face the shadow of a dove moving upwards – and then I saw the bird itself rising into a great opening of blue sky, and I heard a whisper against my ears, a whisper that penetrated the sound of the wings, as though a pair of lips had touched both ears at the same time, and faint as it was, soft and secretive as it was, it seemed the edge of an immense echo.

This is my Son, this is my beloved.

All the riverbank had gone quiet…

Origen of Alexandria…

Do you believe in Love

Matthew 6:7-15

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

“This, then, is how you should pray:
“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.’

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

This prayer is prayed at the end of our meeting on Tuesdays. I wonder if the people who stand in our circle really understand what this prayer is asking of us and of each other.

Last night was the last class on Trinity. And I come to find out that it was the last class that our esteemed professor Charles Kannengiesser’s last class. After teaching for more than 30 years, he is retiring from teaching. He will be working on several texts that will be published in the coming years.

He took attendance for the first time the entire semester to make sure we were all there on his list, so that he could have us present our papers to the rest of the class. I was up first. I am writing a paper on Origen of Alexandria – On First Principles and also taking about David Bentley Hart’s – on The Beauty of the Infinite. I don’t do systematic theology very well. Especially when the text is written well above my academic abilities. But I must persevere and write this paper, lest it overtake me.

Origen writes:

For whatever may be the knowledge which we have been able to obtain about God, whether by perception or reflection, we must of necessity believe that he is far and away better than our thoughts about him. For if we see a man who can scarcely look at a glimmer or the light of the smallest lamp, and if we wish to teach such a one, whose eyesight is not strong enough to receive more light than we have said, about the brightness and splendour of the sun, shall we not have to tell him that the splendour of the sun is unspeakably and immeasurably better and more glorious than all this light he can see…

Accordingly, to prove that God is almighty we must assume the existence of the universe. For if anyone would have it that certain ages, or periods of time, or whatever he cares to call them, elapsed during which the present creation did not exist, he would undoubtedly prove that in those ages or periods God was not almighty, but that he afterwards became almighty from the time when he began to have creatures over whom he could exercise power…

From all of which we learn that the person of the Holy Spirit is of so great authority and dignity that saving baptism is not complete except when performed with the authority of the whole most excellent Trinity, that is, by the naming of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and that the name of the Holy Spirit must be joined to that of the unbegotten God the Father and his only-begotten Son.

Paperwork …

MA Pic

I got an email this morning from the University stating that I needed to provide several documents for my application. I wrote my CV and my letter of intent and those have been uploaded to the system.I am waiting on responses from Prof. Gagne and Fr. Ray as to where they sent their copies that they wrote for me.

It has been a very busy day today. I had a morning appointment with the good reverend Joyce which was kool. Then we had our noon time service where I was able to light a candle for Adam once again.

The meeting tonight was uneventful. The topic was “acceptance” have you totally accepted your alcoholism? I kept my mouth shut and listened tonight. Sometimes it is better to be quiet than to speak. I like to listen now and then and ponder my thoughts on the way home with Louise.

Now we are heading to dinner… hotdogs and cassarole. Yummy!!!

That’s all for now…

More to come, stay tuned…