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Archive for January, 2011

Sunday Sundries …

Courtesy: Parkway

Sunday night is almost over. It was a quiet day 0f homework and errands. Dinner was a tasty affair. Now some NATGEO tv, more shows on space.

I got out to the literature discussion meeting earlier tonight. The topic was the 1st Tradition.

“Our common welfare should come first, personal recovery depends on AA unity.”

I heard a lot of good things from the people there. How much can you talk about this tradition. The traditions were written in a way to keep AA in tact and to keep it from getting too messy.

“Each member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but a small part of a great whole. A.A. must continue to live or most of us will surely die. Hence our common welfare comes first. But individual welfare follows close afterward.”

Our whole A.A. program is securely founded on the principle of humility–that is to say, perspective. Which implies, among other things, that we relate ourselves rightly to God and to our fellows; that we each see ourselves as we really are–“a small part of a great whole.” Seeing our fellows thus, we shall enjoy group harmony. That is why A.A. Tradition can confidently state, “Our common welfare comes first.”

“Does this mean,” some will ask, “that in A.A. the individual doesn’t count too much? Is he to be swallowed up, dominated by the group?”

No, it doesn’t seem to work out that way. Perhaps there is no society on earth more solicitous of personal welfare, more careful to grant the individual the greatest possible liberty of belief and action. Alcoholics Anonymous has no “musts.” Few A.A. groups impose penalties on anyone for non-conformity. We do suggest, but we don’t discipline. Instead, compliance or non-compliance with any principle of A.A. is a matter for the conscience of the individual; he is the judge of his own conduct. Those words of old time, “Judge not,” we observe most literally.

“But,” some will argue, “if A.A. has no authority to govern its individual members or groups, how shall it ever be sure that the common welfare does come first? How is it possible to be governed without a government? If everyone can do as he pleases, how can you have aught but anarchy?”

The answer seems to be that we A.A.s cannot really do as we please, though there is no constituted human authority to restrain us. Actually, our common welfare is protected by powerful safeguards. The moment any action seriously threatens the common welfare, group opinion mobilizes to remind us; our conscience begins to complain. If one persists, he may become so disturbed as to get drunk; alcohol gives him a beating. Group opinion shows him that he is off the beam, his own conscience tells him that he is dead wrong, and, if he goes too far, Barleycorn brings him real conviction.

So it is we learn that in matters deeply affecting the group as a whole, “our common welfare comes first.” Rebellion ceases and cooperation begins because it must; we have disciplined ourselves.

Eventually, of course, we cooperate because we really wish to; we see that without substantial unity there can be no A.A., and that without A.A. there can be little lasting recovery for anyone. We gladly set aside personal ambitions whenever these might harm A.A. We humbly confess that we are but “a small part of a great whole.”

Bill W.

The A.A. Grapevine, December, 1947

*** *** *** ***

Suffice to say … That in AA in Montreal, there are assholes. I don’t think that common went over well at the meeting. I heard it mentioned by a newcomer that people and personalities were getting in the way of opening a new meeting.

That there are some who are trying to reinvent the wheel…

Well if it ain’t broken, then don’t fix it …

There are some newcomers in AA with less than a years time, that think they own the market on interpretation of traditions and the remodeling of the program to their standards. Hell, there are even adults who spout this kind of shit as well.

Group unity…

We have it. At my home group. With the few members that we have today, most of them are old timers and myself. We have had the problem of egos and attitudes at our group, young people who insist they can keep their egos and get sober at the same time. ** Note ** You can’t keep your ego and get sober at the same time.

These young people, well, a couple actually, came, sat, tried to take over and dictate traditions and there were words, screaming, yelling,foul language,  keys being thrown and in the end the group survived them.

Thanks be to God.

Back when I got sober more than 9 years ago, when I came to the meeting for the first time, there were rules to follow to get into the group. Rules set down in conscience and voted on by the members. Long standing members of AA.

I followed the rules. Made every benchmark in order to earn my place at the table. It took a couple of years before I became a full member of the group and get into AA business positions at intergroup and in my group.

These days, nine years later we have forgone the rules set down so long ago, because they just don’t apply to today’s AA, it has changed that much over the last almost decade.

AA has changed in the last ten years. Things that were important are not any more. People have come and gone. But egos and attitudes still persist in some bastions of the city. I avoid them, we avoid them, we don’t invite that into our group. I’ve been to some pretty heated business meetings over the last ten years. Personal recovery depends upon group (AA) unity.

That was far from the norm for a long time, in many groups here.

Maybe that’s why some of the longest running meetings have failed to persist. Was it over people and personalities? Or just a failure of enough people to support any given meeting. People have become lackadaisical about meetings.

People just don’t care like they used to. Sobriety was an earnest goal back in the day, and that seems to be lacking from the meetings across the board.

I know that personalities have caused strife in our city. Sobriety means different things depending on where you go to meetings in the city, on or off the island, West, East or Dorval. I’ve run into egos and attitudes and i stay away from that now.

You can’t get sober and keep your ego…

Post a Day #31 … Tech

Courtesy: Shredder

What’s one piece of technology you can’t live without?

The one piece of technology that I can’t live without would most definitely be my computer. It is my point of contact with the rest of the world. Everything I do, is done on my computer from news and email, to schoolwork and Facebook.

The computer is on from the moment we wake up in the morning until late at night before we go to bed.

The other item that is important nowadays is my cell phone. However I don’t use mine as much as hubby uses his, everything is synced on hubby’s phone. He does everything on that item.

You’d think with a cell phone I would be all up in twitter, but I am not. Neither is hubby.

The computer is our one stop shop for everything electronic. We watch news, and our news shows, television and movies, and music and the like. All of my electronic shopping is done on the computer, all the banking, and Ebay.

I spend an inordinate amount of time every day reading my blog list, watching You Tube videos and I play on my Facebook. I mean really, we live for this technology because it connects us to other people around the world.

If I think about what it was like in the 80’s growing up, how simple things were. I had a stereo and a record player, a car and friends. Who’da thunk it that we would be immersed in this world of technology just 30 years hence.

And the kids of today have everything at their fingertips. With cell phones, and twitter to Tumblr and I pods and I phones. I watch the young people at school and all they do walking here and there and in class is play on their phones. It is like a third appendage.

That’s all I have for this topic.

More to come, stay tuned …

Things we do for friends …

Courtesy: LifeHarryPotter

I got up at 7 am this morning … I don’t do 7 am in the morning usually. The only way I do 7 am in the morning is if I stay up all night and not go to bed, I do that on occasion to make the 7 am Wood Meeting or the Saturday St. Matthias Meeting.

I don’t regularly do morning meetings, since I live on the circadian night cycle as of late. But we had a mission today.

Our friend Katie was taking her One Year Cake today at her home group, St. Matthias Saturday Morning Meeting. My sponsor was like, we are all going to go support her.

So Dave, myself and Rick went. Rick gave us both a wake up call this morning to get us started. And it was – and still is – snowing outside and it is a little on the cold side with the wind chill.

I got up and took a shower and did some internet stuff, checking email and farting around until I had to leave to make my bus. I got to my stop early, because you never know if the bus is going to come through early. It was right on time.

I got to the meeting with plenty of time to chill and have some coffee. Karen was chairing and she asked me to read How It Works. And the topic was “Act as If.” I’ve talked about this topic before here on the blog.

The meeting was packed. (More than 30 people showed for the meeting) Wish we could get that many at our meeting.

Dave and Rick showed up too. The three amigos.

I sat and listened to newbies talk about Acting as If and Faking it till you make it. Since at this meeting the format speaks of allowing newcomers to share first, and that is how the meeting progressed.

At the end of the meeting Katie took her cake from her sponsor and we all cheered and clapped for her. Her husband and two daughters came with her cake, it was all very special.

It was good to get out and do something nice for someone else. She supports our meeting on Tuesday’s and so we pay it forwards as well.

Rick drove us all to our respective stop points to get home. Dave asked me if i was going to make the Saturday night meeting in Verdun tonight, I don’t know if I want to go back out again.

*** *** *** ***

Here is my rant about our mailman. I live in a high rise building. And I don’t think we have the same mailman every day of the week. I was expecting a package yesterday. The office was notified to take the package for me if he came in early.

On the box was my apartment number. Sometimes mailmen/women bring up packages for us. And then there are the lazy ones. They leave a drop slip in the mailbox telling us that we have to pick up our packages at the drop zone post office up the street.

I was home all day yesterday, but the mailman decided to drop my package at the drop spot instead of coming upstairs. UGH !!!

So today after I got home from the meeting, I waited for the post office to open at 11 so I could go pick up my package. While I was at Pharmaprix I picked up some dinner for later tonight. We really like the Pasta Bowl in a bag, Farfalle pasta with chicken and spinach. NOM NOM NOM… Add to that some freshly baked garlic bread and you have a great meal.

So that’s was the day as it happened.

More to come, stay tuned…

Brain Zaps …

I’ve been having this experience every now and then. It doesn’t happen very often and always at night before bed. I don’t know, every few days or now and then.

The only way I can explain it is like this. I lay in bed with my pillows and I get this feeling of a surge, like an energy surge in my head (Zaps), it comes like a wave and peaks at some point, and then there is a snap, like the snap of a rubber band. And the wave recedes.

This happens a few times in succession. I don’t know if it is connected to my diabetes or something HIV related. I’ve never told my doctors about it because it only started happening not long ago.

Maybe my sugar is too low and my brain is reacting to that, but in checking my numbers when it happens, the numbers are all nominal.

I don’t know if it is a medication thing, because I dose at night before bed.

Have any of you ever felt something like this?

I’m reading on this forum for people with MS, and it seems that this occurrence is a familiar thing. Hubby tells me that the zaps can come from withdrawl from medication, but I am not coming off any medication.

But the ZAP is the best way to explain whats happening.

From the Blonde Pharmacist …

“Brain zaps” are said to defy description for whomever has not experienced them, but the most common themes are of a sudden “jolt,” likened to an electric shock, apparently occurring or originating within the brain itself, with associated disorientation for a few seconds. The phenomenon is most often reported as a brief, wave-like electrical pulse that quickly travels across the surface of (or through) the brain. Some people experience these “waves” through the rest of their body, but the sensation dissipates quickly. They are sometimes accompanied by brief tinnitus and vertigo like feelings. Immediately following this shock is a light-headedness that may last for up to ten seconds. The sensation has also be described by many as a flashbulb going off inside the head or brain. Moving one’s eyes from side to side quickly while open has also been known to trigger these zaps and sometimes causing them to come in rapid succession. It is thought to be a form of neuro-epileptiform activity.


Post a Day 29 … Living forever …

Courtesy: Milkybarkid

If you could live forever, would you? Why or why not?

Even human science hasn’t cracked the code to live forever even if we tried. I’ve always maintained that if I could I would go backwards in time to relive some of the things I had from the past. Caveat, with the same people that were there as well, seeing most of those people are long since dead.

If I could live forever, would I? Yeah, I think I would. Who wouldn’t?

Why? I would want to see how far technology would progress, if we could all live forever that means that all of my friends would be here as well.

I’ve lived a good long life, longer than most doctors would have imagined for me, so that is a plus. Most of the good things that happened in my life are now in the past, so I don’t know how much life would change in the future from how it is going today.

The old are ignored and unwanted. In gay terms, I am already far over the hill, based on the current standards of gay viability. anything over thirty is over the hill. I am well into my 40’s now and marriage is a good thing, because I don’t know what I;d do if I was single at this age. Probably be like some of the odler men I see at meetings. Alone and lonely…

If I could live forever, then I would want technology to help me NOT age any further first off. And maybe technology could help us reverse the aging process and regain some of our youth, once again.

What would us old people contribute to society? Wisdom, thoughts, experience? What would we do in a bright new aging society? Something BIG and exciting would have to happen to really make living forever useful and fruitful.

I think that that exciting thing for me is coming in the next years time, that I am hopeful of. Sobriety has its perks.

That’s all I have for now.

more to come, stay tuned …

Post a Day #28 … Music

Courtesy: Oriental Tiger

If stranded on a desert island, and could only bring one music album with you, which would it be? What is it about this music that never gets old for you?
When I saw this topic I posted to the feed a question. “Would there be a record player on the island to play it on?”

Somebody else posted another question about “electricity and batteries?”

When Gilligan and his friends were stranded on that island there wasn’t any electricity, but if memory serves the Howell’s had a record player, something funny like that. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a single episode of Gilligan’s island.

What good would an album on an island be if you couldn’t listen to it?

The album on my phone at the moment that I listen to constantly is Seal’s 1991 album. I can’t get enough of it.

Music never get’s old. It is timeless. I listen to music that I listened to when I was a boy. For instance Sonny and Cher’s music played in our house when I was really young.

We also had The Jackson 5 records. And lots of French 45’s. How long has it been since you have seen a 45 record?

My grandparents had an old 78 record player, that my parents have in storage at their house. With a stack of old bandstand music.

I love music. I have en entire cabinet here at home that is packed with CD’s that I have collected over the last 12 years. However new music comes on the scene, I tend to rely on standards that I have been listening to for years.

If you played me a song I could probably give you a distinct memory attached to that particular piece of music. When I heard it first, if I owned the album as a boy, what I was doing at the moment.

You could paint my life with the music I listen to. That’s why music never gets old. Instead of going to a record store downtown, I can within a few clicks find what I want online.

Music will never get old. Even if I do. I worked in Nightclubs for many years and as a light man I was tasked with painting rooms with light, it was the best job I ever had in my life. I can listen to a piece of music and close my eyes and see my lights flashing in my minds eye, panning and spinning, flashing and pulsing. It was the most magical time in my life.

So that’s my take on music for tonight.

D’ oh …

Sometime you just got to scratch your head.

A good day was had by all. The day went as usual. It was cold, but not as cold as it has been over the last few days. We hit lows, unseen in our history here and electricity consumption was so high that there were sites in the city that went without power overnight.

The numbers were low tonight at both meetings. It was snowing earlier and you know, when it snows, people won’t come to the meeting. We had our group business meeting and only three of us showed up.

We only had 9 people show up for the early meeting. The topic was step One. the discussion was good. I heard lots of good things. We always have robust discussions.

The second meeting was very light. Only a handful of people came. One of our members bought us a gift for the meeting. We have been without a piggy bank for spare change for a long time, since the last one was stolen from our locker. We have been robbed twice over the last 5 years. It is a cute little piggy bank.

Our speaker came from the Point. A member with time. But once again tonight, he was all over the place. But I find that it is important to listen to the message and who the message is coming from. Age brings wisdom. And our speaker came with a lot of wisdom. It is important to hear the old timers speak.

Things have changed in the rooms in the last 10 years. Some may scoff at the idea of cross addicted coming to AA. There are those who only want to admit alcoholics into meetings. Some still think that way. I’ve heard it said before the cross addicted people pollute the message of AA when they explore their addictions from the chair. I disagree.

Many of the folk in AA at our meeting have had addiction problems across the board, and we don’t ban anyone from coming to our meetings.

I don’t know what was in the coffee this evening, but one of our guests at the meeting got the shits and giggles in the middle of the share and got up and walked out of the meeting. It was quite rude.

It took us a while to break down the room because the few people who came to the meeting left right after the meeting ended.

It was a successful night.

More to come, stay tuned…

Post a Day #26 … Perfect Sunday …

Courtesy: Lostandfoundlove

What’s your idea for a perfect Sunday? How would it differ from a typical Sunday? If it’s Sunday where you are, what kind of day is it so far?

On a perfect Sunday … That will come in the Spring. The sun is shining and the birds are singing. The grass is green, one of those special days, as the first days of Spring arrive post snow.

We take the train to Mount Royal Metro on the Plateau and follow the crowds from the station to Park Mount Royal and the Obelisk. We window shop on the way across town and stop in the IGA for some drinks and munchies.

The crowds are gathered at the park, like every Sunday from this point on. They call it The Tams … Lots of people, drums, cymbals, percussion, dancers and a lot of dance. The beat starts with one drum, the rest follow along and the park erupts in a cacophony of beats.

The chant of the drums, it echoes all over, as far as you can hear it. Up the mountain around the park from one end to another. We spend a few hours joining the dance.

This is a usual event for visitors to our house to take them to the Tams.

After a few hours we are satiated with the music and we decide to climb the mountain. Yes, there is a mountain here in Montreal. There is a dedicated trail you can walk up or ride up on bicycles.

If you are like me, my first visit to this particular park was at night, early in my sobriety, with my then sponsor. We were close, very close. I was single and we spent a great deal of time together.

One night we went to the mountain and we climbed the mountain from the park to the cross at the peak of the mountain. It was dark, pitch dark, but we climbed anyway.

Now, today, I take people up the mountain by the same path. It’s a little dirty and a lot of work. There are trails all over that side of the mountain. Fenced in walkways around the mountain from one side to another. It’s a very circular path from the park to the lookout chalet.

This is the view from the Chalet House on the Mountain.

You climb the mountain, you get to the chalet, you wash up and get some drinks and munchies and you enjoy the view. This is an afternoon event. You spend the day at the mountain.

You walk around the trail to the Cross on top of the Mountain. At night, this is what the cross looks like. During the interregnum, the period of time between the death of one Pope and the election of a new Pope, after the death of John Paul II, the cross was purple.

We actually climbed the mountain at night so we could get photos of the cross in history setting purple. There is a time capsule at the foot of the cross. There are time capsules all over the city.

There are pick nick tables at the summit where you can have meals, it is also where they stable the horses that the police use in the city. There is a lake and large green spaces that one can enjoy all season long.

The end of Winter won’t come soon enough. But a perfect Sunday would be spent on the Mountain. With an evening meeting Sunday Nighter’s.

That is a perfect Sunday here in Montreal.

Post a Day #25… Sound …

Courtesy: Alexander

What is your favorite sound?

That is a good question. Can I have more than one? There are several sounds that I like to hear.

Seasonally, I love the sound of Winter. Standing outside on a cold night, waiting for it to snow, there is a particular ring in the air – the sound of the breeze just prior to a snowfall.

I also love the sound of silence. That peaceful moment lying in bed at night it is a quiet of quiets. The world is shut out and it is just peaceful.

I love the sound of Fall, the wind blowing through the trees, leaves falling, branches being buffeted by the breeze.

I love the sound of my sleeping husband lying next to me in bed. He sleeps in a state of listening, because just at the sound of my voice I can move him from here to there. He doesn’t snore very much, it’s more the breath moving in and out of him at rest.

I love the sound of music. My phone is literally connected to me whenever I am out of the house, going places, setting up for a meeting, walking to and from school.

I love the sound of a choir singing in service on a Sunday morning, the voices are heavenly and I find myself soaring into the rafters listening to the choir sing.

I love the rush of the sea on the beach at midnight. When I lived down south and would actually get to the beach at night, the sound of breakers breaking on the beach is the sound of the ocean, it breathes and moves across wide spaces and oceans.

I guess that’s a lot of sounds …

Post a Day #23 Truth …

Courtesy: Notgunnachangenuthin

Is it always better to know the truth, even when it hurts? Or is ignorance bliss? Or are they both true some of the time?

Is it always better to know the truth, even when it hurts?

I guess I have to answer yes to this question. Living a sober life means that you live in the moment and in the now, which doesn’t give a lot of room for doubt and lies.

Truth is something that we strive to keep as a society. But sometimes the truth hurts. When it isn’t something we want to hear or say to someone else. I try to live my life in truth. I might keep my mouth shut at times, and not say anything if what I have to say is critical or hurtful.

I think as we grow up, we move from a place of ignorance, due to age or education into adults. But let’s be honest, there are a segment of the adult population that strive to live in ignorance. And some of them have often come here to read and give me shit about truth or on some subject that I talk about here on the blog.

There are ignorant people in the world. That is a given. I have a choice on a daily basis whether or not I plan to engage that kind of ignorance. Sometimes I have no choice. And ignorance is not bliss. Not in today’s day and age.

Having an education in certain areas gives me the ability to talk truth to the people. Even if they think certain things about me. Being sober so long gives me certain perspective on life at this stage of the game, in relation to what life has been like over the last 9 plus years in sobriety.

For some ignorant people, and education flies in the face of their ignorance on many fronts. Topics like Homosexuality, Religion, and Christianity are lightening rods that make ignorant people go crazy. And for some ignorance is bliss.

Be that as it may, I live a life of truth. In all things. In my years in school, truth is something that is mandated from the institutions that I learn at. And I had a situation arise over the last few months where my writing was criticized as false… I maintained my innocence because for every quote I used in my papers, I gave specific citations for them. I still paid a price for my paper and so be it. My conception of truth may be a bit skewed in certain cases. Shit happens by the by.

We strive to be truthful. Even when that truth hurts.

When it comes to relationships, I don’t usually have problems when dealing with hubby on a daily basis. Sometimes it is better to keep ones counsel rather than say something that will cost you days in the proverbial dog house.

When it comes to sobriety, I would rather quote you truth based on my education rather than argue with an ignorant fuck on my blog. And at age 43 and years of university education under my belt, and almost 10 years of sobriety, I’ve earned the right to speak my truth.

And that is that on truth …

Keith Olbermann leaving MSNBC, suddenly exiting nightly show; no further explanation given

NEW YORK, N.Y. – MSNBC TV host Keith Olbermann announced Friday that he is leaving the network and has taped his last “Countdown” show.

MSNBC issued a statement that it had ended its contract with the controversial host, with no further explanation. Olbermann hosted the network’s most popular show, but his combative liberal opinions often made him a target of critics.

Olbermann did not explain why he was leaving.

“MSNBC thanks Keith for his integral role in MSNBC’s success and we wish him well in his future endeavours,” the network said.

A spokesman said Phil Griffin, MSNBC’s president, would not comment on Olbermann’s exit. Spokesman Jeremy Gaines would say only that the acquistion of NBC Universal by Comcast, which received regulatory approval this week, had nothing to do with the decision.

Olbermann was suspended without pay from the network for two days in November for donating to three Democratic candidates, which violated NBC News’ policy on political donations. Olbermann complained that he was being punished for mistakenly violating an inconsistently applied rule that he had known nothing about.

The host apologized to fans — but not to the network.

Olbermann, before leaving the show with a final signature toss of his script toward the camera, thanked his audience for sticking with him and read a James Thurber poem.

“This may be the only television program where the host was much more in awe of the audience than vice versa,” he said.

He thanked a series of people, including the late Tim Russert, but pointedly not Griffin or NBC News President Steve Capus.

Olbermann’s prime-time show is the network’s top-rated. His evolution from a humorous look at the day’s headlines into a pointedly liberal show in the last half of George W. Bush’s administration led MSNBC to largely shift the tone of the network in his direction, with the hirings or Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O’Donnell in primetime.

But Olbermann was known for a mercurial personality behind the scenes and he was almost fired last year for the political donations. He quit a prime-time show on MSNBC in the late 1990s, complaining that management was making him report too much on President Bill Clinton’s impeachment scandal.

He was particularly critical of Fox News Channel and his direct competitor, Bill O’Reilly, frequently naming him his “Worst Person in the World” in a segment popular with his fans. Bosses at NBC had discussed trying to keep the tone of the vitriol down.

MSNBC announced that O’Donnell, who had frequently filled in for Olbermann before starting his own 10 p.m. show, will take over Olbermann’s time slot starting Monday. “The Ed Show,” with Ed Schultz, would move to 10 p.m. Cenk Uygur of the Web show “The Young Turks,” will fill Schultz’s vacated 6 p.m. time slot.

Olbermann had signed a new four-year contract with MSNBC two years ago. It’s unclear what his plans are now.

He could give a boost to struggling CNN’s prime-time lineup, but Olbermann would mean CNN would make an abrupt shift in its nonpartisan policy. It was not immediately known how quickly Olbermann could switch to another job if he wanted to.

*** *** *** *** ***

I have read through all the blogs. The Huffington Post and The Daily Kos. There are theories and speculations about what happened and why, and what may happen next. Suffice to say Keith is finished at MSNBC, it is possible that Keith made a lump of money if they bought him out, but certain specifics may hamper being told what those finer points are.

Keith was a nightly event in this house. MSNBC as a whole network ran every night here, he will be missed. I hope he got away with enough money to keep him happy for a long time.

You can visit The Daily Kos or The Huffington Post. I am sure they will be updating as news leaks out.

The theory that Comcast fired Olbermann to calm the heads at Fox is something I am sure of. We hope that Lawrence and Rachel and Ed keep their jobs, if they fall, then you know something is up with the stifling of political opinion …

Rachel was on Bill Maher tonight and she did not have much to say about the end of Countdown.

We shall see what we get over the weekend. Stay tuned…

Diabetes … Things change …

Courtesy: ToonMonk

Pardon me for a few moments while I compose my thoughts in a manner that is presentable for general audiences. I am beginning to get terribly frustrated with my body.

There are certain things I must do every day. Like stay away from sugar, take my pills and eat a good diet of food rich in all those things my clinician drills into my head every time I go to see her. God love her, she is an angel really.

My numbers have been nominal with the occasional post dinner sugar spike, but with the amount of medication I am taking, Januvia, Metformin and Glyburide it all seems to be evening out.

So here it is in black and white.

Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction is a consistent inability to have an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse. The condition includes the total inability to have an erection and the inability to sustain an erection.

Estimates of the prevalence of erectile dysfunction in men with diabetes vary widely, ranging from 20 to 75 percent. Men who have diabetes are two to three times more likely to have erectile dysfunction than men who do not have diabetes. Among men with erectile dysfunction, those with diabetes may experience the problem as much as 10 to 15 years earlier than men without diabetes. Research suggests that erectile dysfunction may be an early marker of diabetes, particularly in men ages 45 and younger.

In addition to diabetes, other major causes of erectile dysfunction include high blood pressure, kidney disease, alcohol abuse, and blood vessel disease. Erectile dysfunction may also occur because of the side effects of medications, psychological factors, smoking, and hormonal deficiencies.

Men who experience erectile dysfunction should consider talking with a health care provider. The health care provider may ask about the patient’s medical history, the type and frequency of sexual problems, medications, smoking and drinking habits, and other health conditions. A physical exam and laboratory tests may help pinpoint causes of sexual problems. The health care provider will check blood glucose control and hormone levels and may ask the patient to do a test at home that checks for erections that occur during sleep. The health care provider may also ask whether the patient is depressed or has recently experienced upsetting changes in his life.

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Some nights – I operate like a machine. Then the fire goes out in the belly and there is no more juice for the mixer. It has been happening more often as of late and it is really starting to bother me. My personal few minutes at night has turned into a torturous attempt at normalcy that has continually failed to reach orgasm… FML !!!

I don’t know if there is a direct correlation between blood sugar levels or hormonal issues. I spoke to my doc about my hormone levels on my last visit and he told me that I would have to be tested over a number of months because you can’t get a valid total on levels on one shot. You have to monitor the levels over time to see if there is a pattern. I may bring up this discussion again in March on my next appointment and also talk to my diabetes doc about it as well.

I would like to know if any of my readers are diabetic and if you are experiencing these problems yourself, either men or women because these issues strike us both.

I HATE when my body defies me and says … Not tonight buddy … It just ain’t happening…

So Speak to me … leave a comment down below, I would like to hear from you.

More to come, stay tuned …

Post A Day … Bonus Topic …

Courtesy: Milkybarkid

If you only had an hour to live, what would you do with those 60 minutes?

Death … If you knew you were going to die, what would you do? I’ve been here before, I’ve done this before.

Could I choose the day that the 60 minutes fell on? Or what season it would be?

If I could choose the day and season, it would be Spring here in Montreal. I would go to the Tams on a Sunday afternoon and I would bang my drum and dance with everybody else.

The I think I would climb the mountain to the big rock on the East side of the mountain that overlooks the St. Lawrence and the Big O. I of course would pack my favorite food and drink.

Hmm … Would I drink if I knew I was going to die? I’m not sure about that. I think that I would rather go to my death a sober member.

My friends would be with me and we would spend the rest of the hour enjoying the day, the weather and each other. I do not want to die at home, in any case. It is not an energy that I would want to leave behind for my husband.

You’d have to see what I am looking at from this spot to appreciate fully the amazing view that is afforded at this point on the mountain.

So that’s what I’d do with my last 60 minutes on earth.

Post a Day #17 – Does everything happen for a reason?

Courtesy: Famoose

Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Why or why not?

Do I believe that everything happens for a reason?

Who created the universe? And where did we come from? They say that we have been created from stardust. That all the things that make up the body came from the universe. And everything evolves, as it does.

Do we make things happen? Or are things just moving forwards as the universe decrees in its wisest vision.

For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction.

Every body remains in a state of rest or uniform motion unless it is acted upon by an external unbalanced force.

Can we control the outcome of any/every situation? Or are we powerless over people, places and things?

I like to think that I am familiar with fate, and that I believe in fate. Whatever happens happens. Whether it be good or bad. I can take action and try to control every outcome, or I can let go and allow whatever to happen.

Life moves forwards, we grow up, we grow older and our lives change. There are aspects of life that we cannot control. Not yet at lease. Things are in motion all the time. And everything may happen for a reason?

I am powerless over people, places and things. Therefore I cede control to the universe or the power greater than myself.

People are going to do what they do. In any case. Certain things have been set in motion and the outcomes are unknown at this time. But whatever happens, the outcome of certain events are dictated by the primary action that took place at an earlier time.

I think that’s how it works. I believe in fate. I believe in destiny. Everything happens for a reason, not sure. If we act, the universe responds. It may not be what we wanted, but it may be what we needed.

If someone says something, and someone takes action because someone said something or did something to spur that action forwards, they are responsible for their actions. And so is the one who posed the idea.

Isn’t that what people are talking about today. A picture went up online. An idea spoken by a political person. That photograph was seen by millions of people, now we wonder if that action/photograph online was responsible for heinous crimes against humanity in the last week. Or is the person who acted heinously personally responsible for his actions? I think the politician is responsible for her actions and what she says to the general public. Just like the man who took action – he is responsible for what he did …

(If everything happens for a reason, to what do we attribute these goings on?) Fate, or everything happens for a reason?

Can we attribute every action and outcome to the idea that everything happens for a reason?

Do natural disasters fall under the category that everything happens for a reason? Or does this idea only apply to human interaction? Does everything that happens on the human level happen for a reason, and natural disasters occur on a different level?

If everything happens for a reason, then there is no responsibility for the outcome. How do you explain the killing of innocents – if everything happens for a reason? Can you justify things like this happening to “everything happens for a reason?”

We are responsible for our words, our actions and responses to whatever is going on around us.

I am responsible… Whatever I give to the universe, the universe is going to respond one way or another. If I act, something happens. If I say something lets say “here” I am responsible for those words.

But if you act, you are responsible for your actions.

I believe in responsible actions. If I am of sober mind, and I say something I am responsible for what I say. Just like you are responsible for what you say and for what you do. If you choose to act in an irresponsible way, then your circumstances will happen in return, just the same.

What comes around goes around … The universe is listening …

Everything happens for a reason … Not So Sure …

All Over the Place …

Courtesy: Onyourknees

It’s Tuesday. It snowed tonight. It is a bit frigid outside. But I got everything done that I needed to do. Our bathtub is backed up and we have dumped an entire bottle of Drano down and a bottle of crystals and I just sent hubby down to get another bottle to see if I can get the tub unstopped so I can take a shower before bed.

I’d go tell them downstairs that our drains are stopped up again, but that would only cause them to go ape shit, they have some kind of acid drain liquid that works better than over the counter draino fixes.

The numbers were nominal tonight. We finally counted the kitty for the anniversary meeting and we made a months rent in collection. That is great news. At least we are keeping prudent reserve in the bank. Which means the meeting stays open.

We talked about Step 3 tonight. We had a dozen folks show up. Turning it over. Something I have to do every day, and sometimes more than once a day.

Our speaker came to us via Verdun. He has considerable time, but listening to him tonight, it was apparent that he doesn’t speak very often. He was all over the place. People on the speaking circuit usually follow the same logic, what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. Tonight’s speaker was stuck in what it was like a little too long. He missed what happened, And he briefly touched on what it is like now. It was what it was. Sometimes I think that some of the old timers who don’t always get asked to speak should if only to hear their stories.

This man was one of the people who got sober at our room, many moons ago. And the universe gave us a familiar soul to share tonight. I often think about documenting the stories of men and women who got sober at our room over the last fifty years. Collecting stories, always a good effort.

So hubby went down to the market to get more upstopping stuff and finally I think I can shower in a little bit. God damned plumbing. That’s what you get living in a building that is more than 25 years old. The pipes are old and don’t work like new ones.

So that was my day. School starts tomorrow. I am not excited … UGH !!!

Goodnight from Montreal.