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Archive for April, 2013

To Guard Against a SLIP …

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T minus two days and counting.

It was a warm day today. For some strange reason, my alarm clock was an hour fast. I don’t remember re-setting it last night, and I programmed a wake up ring for 4:30 this afternoon. It rang and I got up, I came into the living room and “The Cycle” was on. I was an hour off. I just reset the clock and farted around for an extra hour before getting ready to go.

The Tuesday meeting was well attended. I did some networking and invited the guys to the Thursday meeting. Each of them gave me an excuse as to why they could not come. Oh Well …

We read from As Bill Sees It and the slip.

Suppose we fall short of our chosen ideals and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half truth. The Tuesday meeting is a beginners meeting and we had them in spades tonight.

The sober time in the room varied from one day to double decades. And the discussion went – how to avoid the first drink.

We hear it often from newcomers how hard life is in early sobriety, because things were so upside down when they came in, that telling them to stick around and it will get better, (but not have a firm date as to when that will happen) is somewhat problematic.

The key here is to help them keep coming back, and to teach them to Act as If ! All those little key slogans that help us in the early years. For some, they are hard pressed to listen because the voices in their heads are vying for the ear.

I’ve been stirring up sobriety by going to new and different meetings, because the time came for change. I needed new voices and new stories. I have found that every one who shares in a meeting is either one of two things, (1) a warning or (2) a lesson.

Since I don’t have a drinking history here, I don’t want to start one. I came here sober and I want to die here sober. We’ve been hearing all the key warnings coming from old timers slipping, and newbies slipping, and folks in the mix of what one should NOT do and what one SHOULD do to guarantee sobriety.

You need key things to stay sober.

1. You need to go to meetings

2. You need to work your steps

3. You need a good sponsor

4. You need to build your life around your meetings

5. You need to do service

6. You need to read the books

All these things will help you guarantee sobriety. Stay away from sticky places and don’t go into your head alone. And keep coming back, even when it hurts and when things are good. Because when things are good you can learn gratitude, and when things are bad, you have banked time to hold onto sobriety and not take that first drink.

A good night was had by all.

It’s Tuesday but Thursday’s a coming …

More to come, stay tuned…

Grey Monday …

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It is a grey day today. There is sun, it is quite blustery out there as well. Today was “D-Day” to get all the incidentals completed for Thursday’s premier.

I met my friend and we headed off to the office store to pick up my laminates which came out really nice. We had two 3 ring binders, which I was going to buy, but since we had them all was well. I borrowed format sheets from the Sunday meeting they are quite concise and neat, so I brought them home last night and did a little white out operation and now they are ours. I had copies made of the drafts and hole punched for the book.

Then we headed to Alexis Nihon Plaza for some Dollarama Shopping. Now a days, the dollar store is no longer a “dollar” store but more like, really cheap, but not a dollar… The first trip saw us boxes for kitchen stuff, coffee, sugar, stirrers, etc. Boxes for books and the notebooks. Baskets for meeting lists and pens and membership box. And a table cloth for the literature table. I was well within budget on my spending.

We checked out and set off for the church to sort and store the new stuff in the cabinet, but I forgot to get containers for the sugar packets and stirrers and a couple of composition books for membership information and to keep historical notes for the group.

We headed home after doing our sorting and I went by Dollarama a second time and then to the grocery store for Tea, cookies and lunch. In a full member meeting, men/women combined, people drink exotic teas from all over, and many different types of tea. For our men’s meeting I went with decaf green tea, earl grey, and mulled apple. Hopefully our tea drinkers will be pleased.

The cabinet is full, the shopping is done. We are ready to rock and roll.

Opening costs:

$100.00 rent – May

$ 74.00 coffee urn

$ 35.00 cabinet purchase

$18.00 laminates

$13.00 photo copies for the book

$30.00 dollarama shop

$18.00 tea – cookies groceries Provigo

$7.00 sugar – stirrers IGA

$13.00 (2) cans of coffee – Provigo

Total: $308.00 to open a meeting.

And that all came from the founders group and not from seventh tradition yet.

More to come, stay tuned …

Sunday Sundries …


We are on the final countdown for the first meeting of Changing Attitudes. The cabinet is installed, there is a coffee pot and coffee in the cabinet today.

Tomorrow I pick up the laminates and office supplies, and we will be shopping for sundry items to fill the cabinet.

Opening a meeting is daunting. There are so many things to do before we can put on a meeting. You have to apply to GSO for group registration. They approve your application and notify the D.C.M. for the area that a new meeting is opening, so that they can come and inspect the group to make sure we are following the traditions and the book.

Then you have to find a space that will allow you to hold a meeting, and that takes work. Thankfully St. Leon’s was open to our request for space on another weeknight. Now there are several meetings that take place in that space. And you need to front the first months rent to pay for the space in advance of the first meeting, which meant the founder fronted all the money necessary to pay the first months rent. And pray that the seventh tradition will carry you forwards to be able to pay rent in the long run, and keep supplies in the cabinet.

We are in the Blue Sheets for the months of May and June already, so that is a good thing. We will get press as the new sheets have been mailed out to other groups in the city.

The founders must meet to work out the details of the meeting format, discuss what we want to do in ways of format and topic. I typed up the meeting notes and all the proper readings, Steps, Traditions, Promises and the format sheet. They are being laminated for pick up tomorrow.

Then there is the inviting of the men from our meetings to come, which means traveling to other meetings during the week to publicize the meeting.

We are expecting a good showing from the folks we have already invited since the beginning of this process had begun a few weeks ago, since we had a set date for the first meeting. G.S.O. has put us in the sheets as a new meeting requesting registration and with the D.C.M. inspection, we will make it into the next printing of the meeting booklet.

I left early to get the paperwork in the process on the way to the meeting tonight, we sat a fair number of folks tonight and we read from the Twelve and Twelve, and Tradition #4.

“Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.”

Our old timers spoke on this tradition tonight saying that the opening of a new group should always be grounded in Traditions 2,4 and 9.

#2 – For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants they do not govern.

#4 – Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.

#9 – A.A. as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

We are told in no uncertain terms in Tradition Four that “We should not take ourselves too seriously.”

There are a group of men who are founders of the group. We came together to rally around the one man who made the initial suggestion of starting this new group. And my sponsor was apt to say that “If the meeting is meant to be, God will make it work.”

We all put up the funds to pay the rent, buy supplies and work out the format. It was a group effort. We all agreed that in order to make it all come together we needed to bring together a group conscience and let God do the rest. And it seems that He is with us, as we are in the final prep days for the meeting.

Where ever two or more alcoholics come together for the purpose of sobriety, they can call themselves an A.A. Meeting. Our main goal is to carry the message to alcoholics who still suffer and to be a part of our rich fellowship in the city.

The one thought that sticks in my brain is that “YOU cannot keep your EGO and get sober at the same time.” As long as you remember that and you don’t take yourself too seriously, sobriety is attainable. Egos and attitudes are problematic and will sink a ship surely, as if one drink will take us out.

Principles before personalities.

It was a good night. Lots of happy sober friends and fellows.

Pray for our men, some of which are suffering great grief tonight. And we keep him close to our hearts and in our prayers.

More to come, stay tuned…

Pleasure … Friday Night Edition …

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It has been a good couple of days. Yesterday I hung around doing nothing but took me and a friend to a meeting. Our last Thursday at St. Matthias, since our new meeting opens in less than a week. Lots of things still to do. Shopping for this and that. The coffee urn has been purchased, and I am waiting on a few guys to get back to me since I asked them for some favors.

Last night the speaker was a young lady that we know from our Friday night meeting. She has been doing meetings on the English side for a while, and we saw her on Tuesday night at T.B.’s … I’d never heard her share but it was well worth the trip. Much of what she said resonated with me. She is a lot different from our women in a certain way, but then again, she is “in the book” 24/7. It’s all about identity and commonality.

I was in bed by 2 and up with the birdies today. It was another work day with my sponsor. This time we are moving an architect from his Guy offices to his home in Westmount. Boxes, and Boxes, and Boxes oh my !!! My sponsor has been  working at this site for a few weeks redesigning the basement and building shelves and holders. We moved about 100 boxes or more, I didn’t keep a count, but they were numerous. We also moved roll after roll of architect drawings and plans to their new home.

What I noticed about this family is that they have a lot of stuff. Piled up all over the place. from gardening supplies to work benches to Christmas decorations and even set on wood train tracks that I image run beneath huge Christmas trees during the holidays. Tomorrow we are moving furniture, God Help Us, I don’t know where we are going to put all that stuff in an already crowded basement !

I got off work around 4 and came home and crashed. During the box portion of the moving I fell down a staircase, I was holding a heavy box on my right shoulder and went down on my left. Tonight my range of movement is not what it was yesterday on my left side. This will prove interesting tomorrow.

I showered and took a nap before this evenings outing to North End English. We finished As Bill Sees It tonight, with the Responsibility Statement.

The meeting was full the shares were sparse.

But you know I must say that I get a perverse satisfaction seeing certain people struggle. A certain man hating feminist is coming to that meeting. I’ve known her since she came in. More than eight years ago. And there are few words between us. She is always militant in her attitude. Somewhat self righteous, and indignant of men. Anyways, she came out a few weeks ago. Said that she was in a bad place, and WHY ??? Because she got complacent and decided that she didn’t need meetings anymore and that she needn’t be a member of the fellowship. And then her head went squirrely and she ended up contemplating the drink again.

There are just some people who know the drill, they come, for a while, and then they disappear, and she is just another tick in the box of what happens when we stop going to meetings, and turn on the fellowship. Boo Yah !!!

I said not one word to her tonight, nor did I recognize her from across the table. I guess that is my bad. Oh those character defects … They are dastardly !!!

We took a new route home, instead of walking to Parc and taking the 80 to Place des Arts, we took the 51 back to Laurier and the Orange to Green line transit across town to come home.

I did some supermarket safari on the way home for the weekend. Hubby is grading papers, and I think we need to eat soon.

That’s all for now.

More to come, stay tuned …

Master’s Managed …


What a day !!! What a day !!!

We hit the sack early last night, because bright and early this morning we were up preparing to go listen to Hubby defend his Master’s Thesis on the Tea Party.

But before that all happened, I did not sleep much at all last night, and I got out of bed around 5 a.m. because I got a bug up my ass … And I should know better than to get up out of bed to do what I thought would be easy and painless …

I’ve been singing songs from old movies lately, to myself. And I thought, why not download the tunes for my phone. So I did that. Now my SD card in my phone, a 2 gig SD, is very itchy. It is tempermental when I try to add or subtract music from it, and I should know better then to try doing this while hubby is still in bed, or when he just goes to sleep late at night.

After several failed attempts to get the two files moved from my hard drive to the sd card, my computer crashed and fucked up my sd card. I don’t know what I did to it, but it wouldn’t work. Hubby was not having any of my drama this morning because it was all about him.

He set off around 8:30 for the college and I went over about 9:30. It was a small gathering of panelists and guests. Hubby had printed out his 20 page presentation to follow. And it was a full stop SUCCESS !!! He blew his readers and his adviser out of the water. There were two rounds of questions from the panel and on the first round, one of his readers just twisted him up and was on this “Debbie Downer” trip.

Needless to say, Hubby fought tooth and nail for his defense. The second round was much better. Lots of compliments and kudos. In the end they granted his Master’s Thesis Defense. His supervisor said that he did far better work than an M.A. researcher, and it was good enough for PHD work. And after their consultations after the presentation, they accepted his thesis fully and without any needed revisions. Which is quite a feat of academia.

We were all so proud of him !!!

After the ordeal we went our separate ways, I had errands to run to drop off our rent for the month of May. It was lunch time, so I missed the secretary. But it got paid. On the way back through the tunnel and the mall, I stopped at the Telus store to try and get my sd card fixed. That was a no go. They said that I could reformat the card on hubby’s laptop, but he didn’t have a reader converter. UGH!!!

I did some sundry shopping on the way in, had some lunch and went to bed around 2:30. It was a great nap because at the end I was having this massive technicolor dream about Christmas and as someone asked me a question like, “are you coming for Christmas??” I woke up.

Actually, hubby was woken up first. Me thinks we have a ghost in the apartment. Because things happen, the tv turns on by itself, not all the time, and not predictable. So about a minute before my alarm clock was set to go off, the tv turned on by itself again !!!

I got dressed and departed for the evening event, which was a trip out to St. Michel to pick up our new cabinet for the group at the church. The cabinet is beautiful. Just what we needed. And just the right size.

On the way out I stopped by the Telus store because I had called them to see if I could buy an sd converter card for the laptop, and they said that a brand new sd card comes in the packet. They don’t sell separately. The girl that helped me earlier was still there and I asked for a 2 gig sd card, and she sold me a 4 gig sd card for the price of a 2 gig sd card … SCORE !!!

Hubby left me some directions on the way home to shop and get groceries and now we are home, he is having Chinese food for dinner and I am having Subway.

Later on, I need to reinstall ALL my MUSIC AGAIN !!! UGH Kill me now ! Albeit on a larger sd card so that should be painless, Let Us Pray !!!

All in all it was a great day.

More to come, stay tuned …

Getting Rid of Old Ideas

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Courtesy: AlexStoddard

It has been a sunny past couple of days. And the excitement is rising. Hubby finally finished writing his 160 page thesis for his Masters Defense which comes tomorrow morning. Two years of blood, sweat and tears culminates in a twenty minute presentation in front of the M.A. Advisers and his thesis readers.

We are nearing the end of the month and May is just around the corner and the dawn of Changing Attitudes. Tomorrow night we will travel up town to pick up our new cabinet and bring it to the church for installation. And the ritual filling of that cabinet will follow soon after. There is a list of things we need to get sorted and purchased for the first meeting. It is all very exciting.

I met a friend to head over to Tuesday Beginners for the meeting tonight. Everyone was happy to see me since my absence from the group. My seat that I have always sat in was waiting for me with lots of love and hugs.

My sponsor had a gift for me, which is why I went there and not to Vendome Beginners tonight. I now have a copy of the original manuscript for the Big Book. prices run in the hundreds for copies of the manuscript. There is a link in the pages to the site where it can be purchased. That will be a good read.

Our ladies took us on a journey through Living Sober tonight and the topic read was “Getting rid of Old Ideas.” I was third from the end and we didn’t get all the way to the end to get everybody in.

I heard many good things that resonated with me. Having been in for a few years, Having left safe harbor and left to my own devices, I got to the point where I was ready to allow someone else do my thinking for me. I believed that I was missing something and someone and in allowing someone else into my thoughts, I invariably put myself in danger and that facilitated my slip.

But at some point, the end of June 2000, I had had enough. I was extricated from my no win scenario and the taking back of my life began. I put down the drugs and shady behavior and I never looked back. I had been beaten almost into the floor and I needed certain help, which came.

I never picked up a drug again. I did, however continue to drink because I “thought” that that would bring me into community. I “thought” that the drink would magically make me one of many instead of just the One I had been. I was living a sad existence and I would pour my sorrows into a cup and drink them away believing that things would magically change. Alas, they did not.

I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. I finally made my way back, through the help of another member. From that day forwards I began to change the tape in my head. I divorced myself from the thought that alcohol would solve my problems, and surrendered myself to the people who helped me sober up the second time.

The running theme in sobriety for me is that I allowed sober people to help me stay stopped. Certain people in sobriety presented themselves to me, I believe, on God’s dime, to help me and help me they did. I pulled that last geographic in sobriety and left the old me where he was. I never looked back.

I learned a great many lessons the first couple years I was sober. I found a sweet spot here and the people in my life were good for me. I could stay stopped. I became confident. I became strong. I became whole. All these things did not come over night. And it took work to get here.

I still had old ideas running in my brain when I got here and thank goodness the folks here saw them and God removed all those old ideas in due time. I learned to trust God again. And I trusted my friends and fellows. And here we are going on twelve years. The longest I have been sober in my life. I have no desire to go backwards, only forwards.

A good night was had by all.

More to come, stay tuned…

Working with Others …

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It was a rather cool day today. Cool enough for a winter jacket. It has been a hodge podge of weather these past few days. A little of this, a little of that.

Today was the day Changing Attitudes got off its feet. We have settled on a cabinet that I have to pick up this week, we set the list of things we need to purchase prior to the meeting starting, and the selection of people who will be serving at the first couple of meetings. Our DCM will be making an appearance at the first meeting to make sure we are on the up and up and things are followed as per the traditions. There is money in the kitty to buy sundry items and members are set to get our coffee pot and inter-group necessities.

Our first meeting begins on May 2nd at 7:30 p.m. I’ve been drumming up support from all the young men I know at the other meetings I go to, so it should be a full house on our first night.

We had arrived at the church around 3:30, and the afternoon meeting was still in session and there was a concert going on in the sanctuary, which ended at the same time and folks were coming downstairs to use the restrooms. There was a tiff because the women’s bathroom is in the hall itself, and the men’s is out in the hallway, the group leader was not having women walking into their space while the meeting was going on, but the church has precedence over any space when an event is going on upstairs. I had to intervene with this matter.

The coffee was on much earlier than usual, but folks did not start showing up almost until quarter to six. And the chair just squeaked in prior to 6:15, he is a cool guy, and things run quite smoothly with him in the chair.

We read from Chapter 7 – Working with others. This entire chapter is dedicated to the twelfth step.

“Nothing will guarantee our sobriety like working with another alcoholic.”

We are told at the beginning to suit up and show up. But like we discussed the other night, obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. And whence we come to the point that a change needs to be made in our lives, we come to the rooms, and we soak in what we are hearing. I don’t subscribe to the throwing a big book at newcomers, they need time to sit and listen and to get comfortable with the people, the readings, and trying to stay sober, one day at a time.

I was lucky in the beginning to learn that my life must revolve around my meetings and not the other way around. I rooted and I have been able to maintain that ritual routine for almost twelve years now. I do service, I show up and I am just there. People need to come to on their own, but it is always good to just be there to listen, make coffee and to just be present.

I try each day to be of service to someone in one way or another. Once you begin to attend meetings you begin to fill your sober bank. In order to give, you have to live. Because it is in living that you learn what to give, when to give it and how. Even if you have a day or a week or a month, when we show up, by commonality, when others show up – you can be of service to others.

It was a good night.

More to come, stay tuned…

A Vision for You …


Courtesy: Mattnstuff

The days have been bright, and kinda windy. It was very blustery last night on the way to St. Matthias. The skies were darkening as we began our transit across town for our Friday meeting.

We are reaching the last pages of As Bill See’s It. And today’s reading was taken from page 164 in the Big Book. A vision for you.

When we first open the book, and begin on the blank page, there is actually a first blank page in the book. This reminds us of how blank our lives are, now that we have reached this point, and we are prepared, somewhat, to make some serious admissions and get into the program. The illness of body, mind and spirit are laid out for us and we read about the disease of alcoholism.

The book is laid out :

  1. The Forewards
  2. Bill’s Story
  3. There IS a Solution
  4. More about Alcoholism
  5. We Agnostics
  6. How it works
  7. Into Action
  8. Working with Others
  9. To Wives
  10. The Family Afterward
  11. To Employers … and
  12. A Vision for You

The first 164 pages of the book contains all you need to get the job done. We read and learn about the steps. We read the book, And we set out to clean up our side of the street, to the best of our ability, After a few readings of the book we come to learn that there are 182 promises in the book. And this last chapter, a Vision for you, is a recap of the 12 steps in short form. What we have read and worked on is reintroduced to the reader, once you complete the book work.

Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask him in your morning meditations what you can do for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others.

This is the great fact for us …

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellow. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you until then.

Imagine 75 years ago when A.A. was in its infancy. The book was fresh off the press and began to be disseminated amongst groups and individuals scattered all over the United States, Canada and farther afield in time. Imagine what it must have been like to see the first peoples getting sober and coming to this page in the book. This was all they had before meetings grew and became organized.

Sobriety does not come over night. One day at a time. And I spoke on the line that says “Obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got …”

There are things that have to happen in order for you to be able to talk the talk, once you begin walking the walk. It is like collecting puzzle pieces and putting them in your tool box. Every meeting, Every share, Every reading and every day we don’t take a drink, we collect bank time. Every opportunity to learn something is bankable. In order to give – you have to live …

And from that living bank, we get to give it away because it was freely given to us. All those men and women who are long sober have given of themselves in opening meetings, sharing and talking, listening and being present, we learn from them.

Obviously, I cannot tell you things that I do not have experience with. otherwise I am talking smack or talking out of my ass. Every word I write comes from my heart, based on what I know and what I have learned. Every meeting I go to I get to experience a little more sobriety from someone else. And in turn I can return home and tell you what I learned.

Tonight it rained on us. We got soaked on the way home. I did not think to carry my umbrella – not that I like carrying an umbrella. But we made it home in one piece.

A good night was had by all.

More to come, stay tuned…

A Dubious Luxury …

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Courtesy: Enoemos

It rained today. But more sun is on the way for tomorrow and much warmer temps by the end of the week.

The FLU has been a formidable foe here at home. It just won’t go away. And I’ve been plying hubby with pills and trying to get him to eat every day. I’ve been shopping for foods that he will eat and be able to keep down. I cooked for us last night and have left overs for tonight’s dinner. He asked for Indian for dinner tonight so I bought him a couple of meals that hopefully he will eat.

We’ve been hitting the hay earlier than usual for the last week. Which has totally thrown my schedule off – but sleep is something we need. My nightly ritual has been chopped to death and my body is not responding with proper working.

I was up early today because I had to drop labs for my HIV doc today, seeing my appointment is on May 15th, it takes a month to prep my labs. I marked the testosterone box on the lab sheet just to see where my numbers are, seeing my body is doing what it wants to do, and not what I want it to do !! UGH !!!

I walked over to the stop for the Cote de Neiges bus, and another bus was sitting there in its place. I got on. The bus pulled away from the stop and up Guy towards Sherbrooke. Instead of continuing up the hill he turned left and I freaked out. Where was he going? As the hill was blocked off because of construction and we ended up at Atwater to go up the hill the other way to get up the hill and cut across above the construction and to the hospital. Crisis averted…

I stopped by the diabetic clinic to get my appointment and lab sheet, I thought my doc would want to see me sooner that six months from now. He was out and the nurse said he would see me in six months unless my sugars were high, which they are not. They’ve gone down considerably on the double Glyburide.

I crossed the hall to the test center, the room was packed to the rafters. usually Tuesday early is a good day to drop labs because there aren’t so many people, usually. That wasn’t the case today. I took a number. I pulled a 53, and the number on the wall sign was on 20.

I had time to kill. So I prayed.

A couple of recitations of the Serenity Prayer worked its wonder. They ran the numbers and I got right in.

The phlebotomist, I think she was green, because she kept looking for a vein for about five minutes. I have good veins and I said to her, if you can’t get the needle in the first time, please find someone who can. She hit her mark, and nine vials later she let me go. I made it to the 144 stop with a few minutes to spare until the next bus passed by.

I came home and farted around while hubby built up some steam to get out of bed and I decided to take a nap and he followed. Sleep is good. I’ve been using my alarm clock frequently, and it seems that I set it and don’t use it because I get up just prior to it going off naturally. I sorted myself out and got ready to travel for tonight’s meeting.

It was a good meeting. I saw a bunch of friends I need to see often, because they are kind and I feel better when I am hanging with them. The topic was ANGER !!

Anger is a dubious luxury that alcoholics cannot afford to have. People are angry. Everyone is trying to navigate their feelings. Our emotions don’t just go away when we get sober. They are stronger without medication and inebriation.

Coming from the home I did – with all the mental, physical and spiritual abuse that was heaped on me – I always find it amazing that I never returned the favor. The older I got, I put distance between myself and those angry people.

It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with AIDS that anger took over my life. I was all over the place with emotions. I was spinning out of control. Trying to drink my feelings away until I took my last drink.

I learned a lot of lessons during that time. Working in a bar while getting sober was just what I needed to keep me busy. Todd kept my mind focused on work and my sponsor kept my sobriety in check. I had to learn how to harness my anger and turn it into useful energy, rather than a destructive source.

Do you know how much power negative emotions carry? If left to their own devices they will destroy you. Anger seeps into your soul and your heart. It bleeds power from your t-cells. When the body is in conflict, so the body goes.

Learning how to turn negative energy into healing energy took a long time. But I learned how that worked. Anger is wasted emotion, because in the end we are powerless over people, places and things. The more energy you waste on people that don’t matter – the farther down the ladder you get. We need to rise above our anger – pray – and let it go. Anger hurts us from the inside.

This is a tough lesson to teach newbies. They have to live into this way of life. And the only way we can transmit these lessons is to suit up and show up at as many meetings as is necessary for them to leech from us how it works.

We had two cakes at the end of the meeting. A 24 and a 27 year cake. Our man who took his 27the year cake has changed so much in the last year. He was hopeless for such a long time. And I’ve been seeing him on Tuesday nights regularly. He is 185 pounds lighter than he was a year ago. He has come a long way, and we all love him dearly because he is kind and gracious.

A good night was had by all.

More to come, stay tuned…

Living in Ten, Eleven and Twelve …

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“What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.”

“Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.”

It is Sunday. And it seems that we have run our course with flu. After a week of sniffling and coughing and sleeping and not eating very much, because let’s face it, when we are unwell the last thing we want to do is cook full meals. I’ve tried to eat something good at least once a day. Hubby is feeling better today.

I had errands to run on the way out and arrived at the church on time. For some reason the coffee pot seemed slow in perking. I don’t know what’s up with that, but eventually we had good black coffee.

We had a good showing. And we finished reading Into Action and steps ten and eleven. The next chapter is totally devoted to Step twelve in Working with others.

This week was a study in how to be of service to others. Namely hubby. When push comes to shove and I practice these principles in all my affairs, it seems that everything works as it should – because I am not in the way of God.

It has been a very fluid week. Actively working my daily inventory for the house and for myself it is the action that matters. There were plenty of opportunities to meditate and pray as we spent a great amount of time in bed.

It is good we are reading through the book, and we get to hear other folks talk about how they understand the reading and how it applies in their lives.

If we ask God to direct our thinking at the beginning of the day, and we live in God’s will, our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

Take good thoughts in a send good thoughts out.

It was a good meeting. Everybody was happy. We took caravan home.

More to come, stay tuned…

It’s All About Justin …


Courtesy: CBC.CA Online

Newly elected Liberal Party of Canada Leader Justin Trudeau took to the stage before a crowd of over 1,000 supporters with a message of unity and hope with an eye to the next election in 2015.

Trudeau acknowledged expectations are high and in an effort to rally Liberals of all stripes said, “I don’t care if you thought my father was a great or arrogant.”

“It doesn’t matter to me if you were a Chretien-Liberal, a Turner-Liberal, a Martin-Liberal or any other kind of Liberal. The era of hyphenated Liberals ends right here, tonight.”

Trudeau was elected through a preferential ballot based on a points system that gave each of the 308 ridings in the country 100 points for a total of 30,800 points.

Trudeau, the eldest son of former prime minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, was elected on the first round with 24,668 points — he only needed to obtain 50 per cent plus one, or a total of 15,401 points.

Well Done Justin.

Take Nothing for Granted …


How do you participate in your marriage? Are you the shopper, the cooker, the laundry doer, or the go to work-er, the eater, the player, what role do you play?

Here at home we have the roles down pat. Hubby takes the lions portion of work on a daily basis. He is also the breadwinner, the student, the teacher, the bill payer and house cook. And when the roles changed when I finished school he stepped up and took control of the every day routine of the house.

I come and go as I please, I shop for what I need at the store that he doesn’t buy, and I eat, sleep and sit here on the box.

But when necessity changes and he goes down, as he has been down all week with the flu, somebody needs to step up and get on with home care. It started with doing the daily grocery shop, the pharmacy runs for medications and elixirs, and taking care of hubby. And also do loads of laundry. I haven’t done laundry in a while, so it was something to do this week. One needs clean towels and underwear !!!

I had forgotten how much money it takes to confidently run a home from start to finish. I’ve been running every day, shopping and sorting out our needs and tonight I changed the sheets, cleaned the bathroom and cooked some dinner for us.

Taking care of house and home is a fine science. And having ample cash in the bank is crucial to the proper working of home. And we are finally at that stage of our marriage and relationship that money is there. And we don’t spend one unnecessary penny.

I just wanted to state that maybe I take him being the one in control for granted sometimes, having to step up and be the doer is quite a challenge. But it is rewarding because I still got it. I can be accountable and responsible. I know how to take care of us in all things. It is not an easy job. That’s one of those things you learn about when you get married. How to make it all work, well…

Hopefully we are at the end of this flu experience. At least that’s what I hope. I’ve had enough hacking and sneezing and sleeping all hours of the day and night.

More to come, stay tuned…

To Grow up …

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“As we grow spiritually, we find that our old attitudes toward our instinctual drives need to undergo drastic revisions. Our demands for emotional security and wealth, for personal prestige and power all have to be tempered and redirected.”  As Bill Sees It …

It snowed today. Big Wet Snow that piled up on street corners and on sidewalks making getting around very dicey. But we soldiered on to meet a fellow ay Laurier Metro, we were needed to be present and so we were. To support our chair and our fellows at the meeting. People come for fellowship and honest discussion. There was plenty of that for sure.

The reading was a warning … that life does not remain static, that everything changes and we must roll with changes and grow when it is called for. We can’t all remain seventeen or twenty when we are in our thirties, fourties and on and on.

As life changes, we change. The way we see the world changes over the years we remain sober. Because when we get sober, we do not do so to remain woefully miserable, but to become happy. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

It doesn’t come over night, and it doesn’t come easy. Life is challenge and we must work for every crumb we get.

Lots of friends at the meeting and blessedly a ride home. I had to shop and take care of house errands and grocery shop for us. I’ve been doing things that hubby usually does when he is well. I can be accountable.

More to come, stay tuned …

Harbinger …


It is a doctor kind of week. And they say here, unless you are dying, never go to the hospital aside from your appointment day, because you would sit in the E.R. for 2 days before a doctor would see you…

Yes, that happens here.

So a little visitor came to me over the past week or two. It appeared as a little pimply thing on my left lower lip. I picked at it and paid it no mind. I surely was not feeling sick, and didn’t have it in mind to get sick. But the damned thing was persistent. It stayed and the flu came to our home.

Hubby got hid blindsided, and if he gets it, I am surely gonna get it. And it is brutal. I have pain in places on my body that I never feel pain at. A cough that keeps me up at night. But today I finally found a pill to make it stop long enough for me to sleep a few hours, earlier today.

Hubby is nailed in on finishing his readers papers for his final M.A. defense on the 24th of this month. But sickness has prevented him finishing it up. I’ve had to step in to shop, cook, do laundry and go to the pharmacy to stock up on exotic pills and potions to take care of ourselves.

We have been sleeping a lot. We’ve missed late night radio all week having gone to bed before midnight and having turned the radio off when we get to sleep eventually.

God damned it that cold sore … If it appears. You will get sick.

That little harbinger of things to come, I thought I could ward it off with all the pills I take on a daily basis, but having an already compromised immune system makes me far easier a hit for a cold or the flu.

I rested up today, after doing two loads of laundry, a trip to the pharmacy and two trips to the supermarket, had my disco nap, where I actually slept.

I was up on time and prepared for my Thursday night meeting. And it seemed that folks were a little off, so the whole meeting was a flight by the seat of our pants. The chair thought she was chairing next week, instead of this week, so she chaired tonight. She went into the crowd and found a victim (read: Speaker) to speak and appointed readers, thankers and the lot.

Never say no. I read the steps tonight.

It was a good share. Lots of warning of what will happen if we become ungrateful or take our will back or stop going to meetings. Even that little thought that “aw, I can do it myself, I don’t need you !” Maybe I can drink normally now I’ve been sober a while. NOT !!!

The message was well received. And the warnings were heeded.

Very soon, the Thursday night meeting will begin … May 2 2012 … And we won’t be attending St. Matthias any more. We are still looking for a cabinet or some box like thing to hold our stuff. But we have some time still yet.

That’s all for now.

Gonna head to bed soon. Friday night is another meeting. And I said I’d go and support the chair, and to bring along a new friend.

More to come, stay tuned…

Attention …

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Lifted from: In Dodd We Trust

I recently read a book about relationships that advocated following the Five A’s:

1. Attention [to the other person, what they say and do]
2. Acceptance [of the other person, even if you do not understand]
3. Appreciation [of the positive qualities of the other person, even if there are also faults]
4. Affection [shown in an appropriate and clear manner]
5. Allowing [the other person to be who he/she is, even if you do not agree with everything]