The Great Obsession
They said that rain was coming and that for sure the weather was going to change today, for the next few days. Last night, overnight, it spit rain enough to wet the streets, barely. We waited all day for the rain to start falling, and we even made mother nature happy by carrying umbrellas into the night, even though no rain fell on the way in OR on the way out.
There was hockey tonight … But numbers were nominal.
It was a beautiful day otherwise. I left early and sat outside for a while watching the people go by, and also the lilac bushes were flowering outside the church and they smell heavenly.
We sat 11 folks. We went the entire hour. We read from Chapter Three in the Big Book, More About Alcoholism.
“The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking” is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.
When I read this chapter, I start my thinking at “Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people…”
What, Who, Me … an alcoholic, nonsense.
Growing up I was a third generation alcoholic. I learned from the best examples, alcoholics through and through. Growing up I proved that I could drink like everybody else.
When I left home and moved out on my own, I proved I could drink like everybody else. Because everybody I hung out with, drank to excess. Not this “just one teetotaller.” It was More, More and MORE !!!
Both my bottoms were crash and burn bottoms. The first time, I was drinking every night, sometimes during the day, as during this time in my life I faced one tragedy after another. I was powerless to change what happened, except the fact that had I decided, I could have put the drink down, but I didn’t.
After getting sick, one night, I tried to drink myself into the ground, rather than face my own mortality. The man who kept a copy of the Big Book on his cash register for a year before I learned what it was, became my first sponsor.
This is a progressive disease, it only gets worse.
Going out and finding myself at the end of another drinking spree, years later, I returned to familiarity. There was nothing to deny, I was an alcoholic, through and through, and if I did not put down the drink, I surely would have died.
So here I am, working on year twelve. Carefully, eleven years and five months clean and sober, is the longest I have been clean and sober in my life. I am not going to even ponder picking up a drink now, because like I have said before, I moved here clean and sober, I did not have a drinking career here, and I don’t want to create one now.
That is why we go to meetings. Over and Over and Over.
That is why we read the books, from cover to cover, over and over.
We may have another drink in us, but we may not have another recovery in us.
A good night was had by all.
More to come, stay tuned…