Loving the Sacred through Word and Image. Prayer and Meditation. A Wordpress Production

Sunday Sundries – That’s What She Said Edition …

tumblr_l7taerA6SZ1qany6lo1_500 altxy

Courtesy: Altxy

All the rain they promised us – did not materialize. However hard it tried to spit rain over night. Enough fell to wet the streets and douse the trees with a little moisture, but significant rain did not fall.

It has been chilly on the side of cold, cold enough to warrant a hoodie on top of a shirt, because I was cold wearing only a sweatshirt this evening. We stuck to the tunnel to transit from here to the church and back.

We arrived at the church and the hall was a mess of people, tables and chairs all over the place and people were coming and going hastily. We learned soon after that the great St. Joseph’s Oratory Choir performed at the church this afternoon, hence all the people.

We sorted out tables and chairs, and stacked the piles of chairs and put the ones we did not need back in the store room. Clean up took a few minutes and then we sorted out the room for the meeting that followed.

We sat a fair number of folks, and finished our reading of Chapter Seven, Working with Others. The final passage we read deals with family and relationships and how to navigate sticky places in new found sobriety.

The best I can be when working with others, is just to be present. And usually God will direct the scene as He sees fit. That’s why we have the twenty minutes prior and twenty minutes after guide. Because that’s when we got to work with others. Presence, the greatest gift you can give to your fellows.

*** *** *** ***

It is a parent day today. And navigating them is pretty artful. This is where I get to Debbie Downer a bit.

The last time I saw my mother was for twenty minutes on New Years Day 2001, when my parents arrived on my doorstep for an impromptu visit deigned by my father, but not long enough to create a “sticky memory” I don’t remember the substance of the visit or the words said, but I do remember the defiant “NO”  I got from my father as to hosting a lunch for the three of us before they headed back on the road to Sarasota.

End of that thread …

Honor thy Father and Mother … The bible says so. I don’t see the logic in honoring someone who does not deign to recognize or honor me.

Being Gay and HIV+ were always the kickers in our relationship.

But I thought that when children grow up and become adults, they should be able to make decisions for themselves hopefully good ones that will help them prosper and grow further.

I made two decisions in sobriety – the first and second time, that served me. I took my right to exist and to move on from dire straits and was punished for making  adult decisions. It was far better to be resentful and angry, rather than support a child in his decisions about his life. Fuck me …

My move to Montreal was fraught with anger. How dare I piss on my American heritage and dishonor my father by taking a birthright that was mine to take and leave all that I knew for a place that I would make my home.

Ohhh the anger …

My father spoke family gospel and what he said was the end all be all of any argument. And so it went. I spent a year, a calendar year, trying to salvage a relationship with my mother.

I wrote, called, sent packages, etc … to no avail.

My parents were so put out by my decision to move North that silence and punishment was their only recourse. But of course that was their modus opperandi.

The last conversation I had with my mother went this way … And I quote …

“If I or your father ever get sick or die, You will not be contacted, ever !!!”

That conversation took place more than 11 years ago. Fuck me …

Faggots do not get respect, nor dignity. AIDS ridden children get nothing but scorn and indignation. When the chips fell where they did people scattered, including my family. I had no choice or say in the matter.

I was fucked from the word Go !!!

So happy Mother’s day to you all.

How do you pray away the ache the rises in the heart about things you cannot change nor do anything to make better ???

I still don’t have the answer to that question.

It was a good day. Friends, fellows and a meeting. It can’t get better than that.

More to come, stay tuned…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s