Loving the Sacred through Word and Image. Parliament Hill Ottawa. A Wordpress Production

Introspection – A Day Later …

tumblr_l8yig0qgFp1qbsveko1_500 billypazionis

Courtesy: BillyPazionis Flickr

I would first like to thank all of you who responded to my post yesterday. All your advice was well taken. Since yesterday was a holiday I could not make any headway into information until today.

Last night I filed a grievance with the Administration of the hospital where I am being treated. And I also filed a complaint with the ombudsman who emailed me to say that they would be contacting me.

I am going on with my life because obsessing over dying is not fun.

I was up and around to get out early for the meeting and we took the 90 bus to Vendome. It wasn’t raining but the sky was dark.

The topic was Growing up from As Bill Sees It.

And this is what came to mind.

I was diagnosed about a month before I got sober in 1994. I had to fight tooth and nail to survive because there weren’t dedicated doctors to care for the sick and no social system to engage to get care.

I was forced to grow up quickly and without question because it was just me, save for my crack assistance team who cared for me. Everyone else had scattered.

I had to be hyper-vigilant with my health care providers and I held them up to severe scrutiny and high expectations because this was my life we are talking about. You did not lie to me and you sure as shit did not fuck with me in any way.

If you said something or said you were going to do something for me – you did it and if you didn’t I made life hell for you until you made your word. I had to do that because people are human and sometimes they talk shit.

When I moved here, I got into the clinic at the hospital where I have been. The top dog was my doctor and I released my stranglehold on people opting to trust blindly what I was told.

I laxed my grasp and my hyper vigilance.

I trusted a man without question. Now he has eroded that trust with the way he seems to be treating me. You don’t tell someone you are going to die without proof or FACT. End Point …

Now we wait to see what they administration will do with my case. I will be on top of this as the days progress.

Your prayers and advice are always appreciated. Please keep in touch and I will be in touch.

More to come, stay tuned.

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