Business … It Ain’t that Bad …
The week is coming to an end. And overall, I am pleased with the way things panned out, in the end.
Tuesday I had my mini blow up. And on Wednesday I had an appointment with my doctor to “clear the air” and try to find new ground to move forwards.
It was good that I was reading “The Camel knows the Way” and Lorna’s storytelling about Mother Teresa. After reading the book, I actually finished it sitting in the exam room, waiting for my doc to show up, I was reminded about humanity, that I should see Jesus in every person I meet, and that compassion and understanding should be applied to all things.
That tempered my attitude and my responses.
We had a discussion, contrition was made. Peace was offered and in the end, it was all good. So it was a happy ending. I don’t need a new doctor. I just need to stay alive and drop some weight and take my pills. I see the cardiac doctor next Wednesday morning for another stress test … UGH !
I have until September to make headway into the goal of shrinking my body mass to something more manageable.
Today is Thursday. And it was the last Thursday of the month, hence our first business meeting of the new group. We survived our first month, there is money in the kitty and rent is paid for June. All the jobs were assigned and it went very well. All of our guys are amenable.
Tonight we read from the Big Book and Chapter 5 How It Works, and page 62. About selfishness and self -centeredness.
“And it goes on to say that our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible…
… This is the how and why of it. First of all we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our director. He is the principle; we are his agents. He is the Father, we are his children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.”
As a child my troubles were not of my own making. Because I lived in a house with a Jekyl and Hyde alcoholic. In our world, alcoholism existed, nobody talked about it, and this was our lot in life so suck it up.
I can’t say that I drank because of anybody. Was there fear? I suppose so. But drinking was just something I was raised to do. It was part of regular existence. But I know when I reached my twenties, I was a drunk who was stuck in true self will run riot. I knew not from responsibility. I was that tornado they talk about running rough shod through people’s lives without impunity.
And by the time I took my second “Last Drink” I was delusional. I was deluded by the thinking that I needed the drink, that it would magically make me part of, pretty, buff, and one of Many, instead of just one of one.
And by the time I took that last drink, I had accomplished steps One, Two and Three. I had spiritually turned it over to God, before I set foot back in a room when I got sober this last time. I prayed for God to move in my life, and He did. And I got sober. Nuff said.
I am amid an experience that I cannot explain. And I am in search of someone to help me through it. That is in process. So we shall see what happens.
More to come, stay tuned…