Page 417 … You know what to do !!!
We are down to 5c. at this hour. It’s getting closer !!
Environment Canada is calling for 60 percent chance of FLURRIES next week. That’s if it doesn’t happen before then, because the temps are just right and there is little rain in the forecast … a little mix, a little this, and a little that and voila SNOW !!!
Hey You – You know who you are. You read this stuff. I hear you miss the meetings, (which is code for – I’m not going to meetings)
Get thee to a meeting !!!
The week is almost over. And the end of the month approaches.
I left early for the church because I wanted to spy what they are doing at the mall, and the new floor is going in on the mezzanine white tile as on the ground floor.
There are displays and clothing out and Target is coming close to completion. There are little spy holes in the roll door that one can look through if you are adventurous. Coming down the escalator gives one a birds eye into the store.
Work on the newly enclosed spaces on the ground floor is ongoing. They are working on the space closest to the Metro tunnel where they have the staircase and doorway completely blocked off. They must be putting new store fronts in there. And I wonder if the build walls up on other areas of the ground floor are just hiding a Big Reveal, or if they are still unfinished ?
The mall isn’t finished by far. And like all reno projects, they will probably run right up to the reveal before they get it all done.
*** *** *** ***
We were a founders group plus two tonight. Small intimate and quiet.
And the chair read the Acceptance Statement:
“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
NOTHING, Absolutely NOTHING, happens in God’s world by mistake.
Until I accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to changed in me and in my attitudes.”
Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.
And everything is as it should be at any given moment.
That is why we read things over and over and over. Because there will come a point that the words on the page take on new meaning as we grow up, as we get sober, and our lives begin to change.
I spoke this evening about life. And how I was forced to accept things as they happened to me. I found myself in certain situations in early – early sobriety. there was no changing the situation or the outcome, but survival was paramount in the face of certain death.
When people scattered and it was just me … I had to accept. They could not deal, but I had to deal, with the hand dealt to me.
That exercise, I believe was all about others, and not about me. I had to learn.
And over the past twenty years of life, I have faced a series of situations in life. And in many of those situations, it was acceptance that was the lesson. Even before I set eyes on my Big Book the second time I got sober, God was already throwing situations at me that I had to get right or die.
I had to accept the I was an alcoholic.
I had to accept that Growing up was necessary, however not having certain guideposts or mentors to teach me, I took the choice and walked.
At one time I was living in a No Win Situation that had to change, because I had accepted that had I stayed there, I would be sick, poor and living in H.O.P.W.A. (Housing for People with AIDS) housing somewhere in the hind end of space.
Because I have a friend still alive where I was, who lives in the hind end of space, because they wouldn’t pay for proper housing in a proper neighborhood. They force you to live at or below the poverty line.
I chose the geographic and a new life instead.
And that’s when I hooked into the vein of growing up. I had finally met some good men who took me for the ride and taught me what that meant and how it would change me.
I am powerless over people, places and things. And you know the good thing about this … this came to me earlier … Do I need to waste time thinking about someone, something or somewhere ? Do I really need to expend energy on you when really, I could care less if you were dead or alive?
All that time, I spent opining, and hurting over unrequited emotions.
UGH ! What a nightmare. Do I really need your approval or love ???
Will it make a difference in my life if I rent space in my brain to you for FREE ???
What People think of me is none of my business.
What a revelation. Even today at almost twelve years, My brain is a drama free zone. My brain is at full occupancy. I can’t offer you space, because rental space is way too expensive for you to afford, in my brain. And I am not paying the rent any more.
They say, in the rooms, that we may not like everybody we see in a meeting. And therefore, you don’t have to stay or go to a particular meeting where people make you feel inferior or bothered.
There are particular people in certain places that over the last few weeks, truly give me the opportunity to see just who they really are.
At this point in sobriety, I’ve realized that I am getting better at watching people, what they say, how they act, the faces they make, all those little things we might overlook in the beginning. I see them now. And in some cases, I don’t like what I hear, or what I see or even what I feel …
BEING GAY and HIV + has its perks.
Because we learn early on how to “read” people. To watch your faces and study your actions. I can call bullshit at 50 paces. And you just know, when someone looks down their nose at you, that they have a problem that is pointless to entertain.
I invest in a handful of people. My friends, who care about me. I don’t have time to waste on people who don’t care about themselves or don’t care about me. You are either part of the Solution or you are the problem. I don’t need any more problems. I have enough, personally !!!
Where ever you are in your journey,
You are right where you need to be at any point in the journey on any given day.
I accept I am not perfect. And never will be.
I accept that not everybody wants to be my friend or participate in my life.
And that’s ok.
I accept all the good things in my life today. Because without gratitude, I have nothing …
It was a good night.
More to come, stay tuned …