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Tuesday – Anger and Resentment

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Courtesy: Special Archives

It is a fact, Winter has arrived. We are sitting at (-4c/-11c windchill) at this hour. Where there is open space, and wind, it is cold !!!

Once again, today, pain got me out of bed. I only use medication when I go to sleep for the night, and not afterwards, or during the day. My back doesn’t bother me when I am up, walking or standing. But I get cranked when I lay down in bed. And the pain is excruciating.

My doctor is out for the rest of the week, and going to the clinic to see someone else is pointless. So I have to wait until he returns. I was hopeful that this would get better and not worse.

I left early to (1) check out the mall, (2) to listen to some new music on the way (3) to sort out the coffee situation… Hers’ how that panned out:

Christmas decorations are up in most areas of the mall. They are new this year. Instead of the white snow on red icicles there is a swoosh of white and falling icicles also white. In the atrium there are stars hanging from the ceiling.

The passageway into the tunnel is finished. However the far side approach is still closed as they are still building one last store front on the end of the ground floor closest to the tunnel.

New shops have appeared on the mezzanine and the one vacant space that has been refurbished is almost ready for occupancy. The reveal of the glass elevator and new stair-casing is still covered up.

I bought some new music last night – Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. Katy is getting great reviews for this album, it is catchy. However, Lady Gaga took a couple of listens before it started growing on me. The critics have not been kind to mamma monster. The word VAPID appeared in the review of this latest album. You either love her or you hate her.

I left later than I usually do, because the key holder doesn’t arrive at the church before 5:20. I got on a packed train and headed out. It was a quick transit and I arrived at the church around 5:10, which meant I had to wait in the cold for him. I’m thinking of asking him for the keys so I can open earlier and not wait outside for him to get there.

We own a 100 cup urn. And we serve probably 12 cups of coffee. it is a waste of coffee and water to fill that urn and try to get it to perk good coffee, so the week prior I used anothers smaller urn, and the coffee was undrinkable. There are several other coffee pots that are 12 cuppers. Many groups use that room. Tonight we used one of them for our coffee and we didn’t serve an entire pot. I guess we will be using the smaller pot from now on so we don’t waste coffee.

It was a small and intimate group. The same faces. We have become a men’s meeting and 1 woman. With the weather changing, I think folks have chosen where they are going to go for now. Which has cut our numbers down low since the move. We’ll see what the future holds.

We read from Living Sober: Watching out for Anger and Resentments.

Hearing from folks newly sober, sober a little while, and finally the few of us with lots of sober time gives perspective.

Most alcoholics have anger issues. And most alcoholics suffer from fear in one form or another. And depression is anger turned inwards. Fear can be debilitating.

I can count on one hand how many times I have gotten angry in the past 7 years. The last time was over assholes and egos.

I don’t often get angry. I might get upset or perturbed. But I don’t let it get to the point that I need to act out. I only associate with folks who are in the business of life and friendship and goodness of heart.

I can spot an ego at fifty paces. And I steer clear of those people.

The other thought that crossed my mind was this …

It was a good thing that I was not an angry violent young boy. I never lashed out. And you would have thought I would have seeing the years I spent being abused by my father. My brother once jacked him up a wall one night when he was on my mother. And we always had loaded guns un the house at all times.

That could have been a disastrous ending.

Anger is a wasted emotion. If someone cranks you up that badly, you need to get away from them. I work on communication skills and find more diplomatic ways to say …” I am angry and this or that needs to change.”

It was a good night.

and there are more to come,

Stay tuned …

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