Loving the Sacred through Word and Image. Parliament Hill Ottawa. A Wordpress Production

Sunday Sundries – Fear and Giving Up

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Courtesy: Minhos 21

It was a miserable Sunday. Rain clouds are gathering right now, as rain is in the forecast for later tonight. But it was pissing little rain here and there, and I decided to carry an umbrella, even though I did not need it, and got a ride home after the meeting. If it was only a bit colder, we’d have snow.

They are hinting that we might get some flake later on in the week.

It was a gangbusters meeting tonight. Early on one of my friends showed up early and remarked that we might be low in numbers, but I said that it was a toss up. It is either feast or famine. In the end we needed an extra stack of chairs for all the folks who showed up late, but came nonetheless.

We read from the Big Book: The Man who conquered Fear …

Lots was said, but we didn’t get all the way around the circle. But fear and the getting over of said fear was the common theme.

And I was sitting in my seat thinking about fear. I never chalk up fear as a motivator but over time I could see where it played out. As a young person, were talking junior high, I used to leave the house hours early to get to school to hang out just to get out of the house.

I spent a great deal of time living at friends houses, weeks at a time, just to get away from my alcoholic father. never knowing when Jekyl and Hyde would appear. My father still had it out for me growing up, that didn’t stop when I grew from a child into a boy.

In both instances – my first last drink – I was fearing death … and my Second last drink – I was fearing growing up and not being able to hang on to my youth, I had to grow out of that fear in order to come to and begin the process of change.

I was alive – I lived, but I didn’t know how to grow up, I had no touchstones, nobody to show me the way. If it wasn’t for Troy at the end there I might never have made it back. But his calm, daily thought that “I did not drink today…” gave me courage to identify and to speak to him about my slip, brought about another recovery.

Fear doesn’t go away. And shit happens. Life is going to come, and it may get scary, and things may get shitty, and life goes on whether you/we like it or not. But within the rooms we find commonality, and we learn that we can survive this life, if we apply basic principles of I can’t – He can – so I will let Him … A little prayer (strategic prayer for some) helps.

At the end of the day, if I did not take a drink or use a drug, it was a good day. And that is sufficient.

I would ask for your prayers for one of my guys.

He is in Fuck It mode. After I spent good hours tutoring him and talking him up for exams this week, instead of calling and saying that he was in difficulty, he just threw in the towel and did not call. But after several attempts to reach him, he texts me before I left to say that “he had given up and that he did not want to talk about it.”

What is it with this Fuck it mentality ???

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.

At least he did not take a drink.

So that was the day.

More to come, stay tuned …


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