Sunday Sundries – It’s Getting Cold out there
Courtesy: JamesClear Flickr
It is Sunday. And the wait is on to see who gets the forecast correct. Several sources of information do not agree on a singular forecast. But I’ve tried to forward think possible snow scenarios for the Tuesday Meeting. There are things that need to be prepared for in case things get wet and snowy.
At this hour it is (-10c/-20c windchill) … Brrrr ….
We were both up early today. And I find myself staring at my Christmas Tree, admiring it. It’s the same one we’ve always had, yet every year it is different. The baubles, the ornaments, the keepsakes. Every year it is different.
The keepsakes always get pride of place, at the top, in front. Pieces we’ve collected over the years marking time. Each year I buy at least one ornament to mark that particular year, from my favorite Hallmark store in the tunnel between Peel and McGill.
It is tradition that I always buy my keepsakes and special gifts at this store. I like the family who run the shop. They are always kind and gracious. I’ve come to know them over the years and they always seem happy to see me when I go into the shop.
It was a cold night. I departed early. And it was bitterly cold out, with the wind against me as I made my way to the tunnel.
It is the last Sunday, therefore it was a Tradition Meeting. And it being the eleventh month, we read the eleventh tradition.
“Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain anonymity at the level of press, radio, tv and film.”
This venue is a journal of my experiences as they happen. I share tidbits of life, family, sobriety and meetings. Yet I am not a spokesperson, per se, All I can do is share what has happened to me over the years.
If I can carry the message, that is my intent. If what you read here helps you in your journey, then I have done my job.
I was of a silent mind when the share came around to me, but I sputtered a few words, that weren’t very coherent. When it got round to our Matriarch of the group, she gave me the thought that I wanted to share, so that’s what will follow.
At the end of my slip, I had HAD my LAST drink. I had been praying for a little while. Communicating with the God of my understanding.
Three prayers came in quick succession…
1. That I have the hangover of death.
2. Bring me an alcoholic.
3. Get me to a meeting.
All three happened in quick succession. I kid you not.
I had had my last drink, and I got that hangover.
I was working in a small shop. A young man came in an inquired about a job, which I gave him. Several days into his employment, he began talking to me. And each day he came to work, he would say:
“I didn’t drink today. “
And I would nod kindly. And congratulate him. This utterance happened over and over again. Each day it was the same message. “I did not drink today.”
It took me a couple of weeks to gain the courage to say something about myself, and that happened on a delivery day. We were on a furniture trip and I told him that I was coming off a slip and that I was an alcoholic.
He then told me that in a few days he would be taking a year, and that maybe I would want to come with him to a meeting to see it. I did that.
Hence I had made my Second First Meeting. December 9th 2001.
I got my three prayers. God was listening. There are no coincidences.
Nothing, absolutely Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.
Had that interaction not occurred, I may not have come back. He didn’t break his anonymity, but he shared a message. That over time I became receptive to because it spoke to me, to my needs, and my spirit.
If you come here and you hear words that move you, then you were attracted to something I said. And followers would not subscribe if they thought I was not sharing something they wanted. And I have over 100 subscribers from all over the world.
Something I am writing is helpful to someone.
And if I can help one person a day to smile, feel good about themselves, and to laugh at themselves as well, through my folly and stupidity, then I have done my job.
A long time ago a friend gave me a T-shirt that said in Big Bright Letters:
“IT’S ALL ABOUT ME”
I only wore that shirt one time. It did not go over very well. So I retired that shirt to the darkness of my closet. I dug it out the other night during the purge of clothes. And I happily tossed it IN the trash, instead of the giving box. Because it’s not about me.
I’ve always said that you can’t keep your ego and get sober at the same time. Getting sober is an ego deflating exercise. I can’t do that alone, I need my fellows and my friends to keep me on track and humble.
I and some of my fellows have learned a very important lesson, that I related to a friend in a letter last night.
I have a friend in need, who is in a bad place. He gets caught in the “FUCK IT” mode far more often than he would like. And a handful of us stepped in to try and help him, in life, in school, in sobriety.
The thing is, when another fellow gives, it is usually a 100% effort. We give what we have been freely given. But if the recipient isn’t ready for that level of giving, it becomes overwhelming.
Our man pulled back. And it was apparent that he wasn’t fully in the game, at the same level we were in giving. If you try to give someone 100% of your effort and they are only 30% in the game, there is nothing you can do to get them up to 100% speed. That is up to themselves.
I can’t magically get you sober, or osmodically transfer all that is in me into your head and heart. And if I persist in this 100% effort with someone who doesn’t want what I have, and it isn’t ego, it is honesty, then I am wasting my time.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.
I have made “presence” the center of my being for months.
I put myself in situations that I could offer an ear, and my experience.
People come into and out of my orbit of space. And I reach out, slightly. I’ve been on this journey for a while now. All I am is what I have become.
I may get the odd question or thought. That’s all I have.
The way men get sober is odd. They are so different from the women.
It is apparent that I am visible and present, and that is all.
At twelve years, almost, very few people inquire further of what I know, beyond what I share at any given meeting. Which tells me I still have a ways to go and that I remember that I am not the center of the universe.
And I am not all that important.
It seems not many folks in my sober circle care for what I have in more depth than sharing at a meeting.
I am attractive only to a certain degree, and that is all.
Attraction rather than promotion.
The year end review is coming, but it is still percolating in my head right now. I’m not there yet.
That is all.
More to come, stay tuned …