Loving the Sacred through Word and Image. Prayer and Meditation. A Wordpress Production

Pray your Resentments Away … Thursday

tumblr_mpbpmk3oUO1rnykcvo1_500 scottmalfoy


It is Thursday and it’s a little bitter out tonight.

We are sitting at (-8c/-15c w/c) There was a brief flurry this afternoon, like a single cloud wafted overhead while I was cleaning and flake was falling. It did not last very long …

The Big Snow totals they were forecasting never materialized. The storm kind of just fizzled out before it really got started. There is snow on the ground but not very much, and it will be colder in the coming days.

Hopefully, we will get more snow on Christmas. It is a cheerful event waking up on Christmas morning to snow falling.

Part two of the great Purge of 2013 took place today.

In the morning I went and did some safari and filled my cart with all kinds of goodies and stuff we needed. I got my coin, came back and did laundry.

One of my friends, (well my only friend) that speaks to me from the building does his laundry on the same day I do mine, so we get to chat over laundry on Thursday’s.

I started working on the closet and the bedroom. It was amazing. I did not realize how much SHIT we had amassed in the closet. It was FULL of clothes we don’t wear. I filled 4 leaf bags full of clothes to go to the Salvation Army on Monday.

I know I should stay away from them because of their stance on LGBT issues, but they are around the corner and they pick up and someone can use what I am getting rid of.

So the haul they get is 4 bags and 2 boxes full of clothes. Someone will have a Merry Christmas.

I tossed a couple more bags of trash away. My bedroom looks like a bedroom for the first time since we moved here. And all of the clothes I kept are now hanging in the closet instead of sitting in piles on chairs and the work out bench. It has been a very freeing exercise.

When we eventually move from here, (a long term goal) we won’t have all this crap to shlep along with us.

I was ready to go early, and seeing I had to make stops along the way, I left early and the mall was crawling with people. Tomorrow is Black Friday and I want to go shopping downtown – I know what I want and where to get it so it would be an “in and out” event. I am staying away from large box stores and shops.

We don’t have huge lists for each other. Christmas is a very simple affair.

We spend more on food for my holiday dinner than we do on ourselves, and we have a guest for dinner every year. The Holidays fall on Wednesday’s this year, so there are no meeting to go off to or to attend. Wednesday’s are the off day for me.

However We will have meetings on Tuesday’s at NDG which means Christmas eve and New Years Eve. Hopefully the bump in numbers continues into the holidays. It is good to have someplace sober to go after having to spend time with drinkers and family.

If an event is toxic or a particular event will be too much to handle, change your routine. There is such a thing as saying no. But there will be the one who will say yes, and go, and drink … it happens every year.

We had a good showing tonight. And our business meeting was another success. There was no blood, or anger, as someone joked. Our simple group of men are very docile.

We read from the Big Book – Page 552 … Yes, go look it up !!!

Resentments are a luxury we cannot afford.

This morning I got a text from a friend who gets quotes on his phone and he sends them to me each morning. Funny this was today’s quote:

“Resentments are like eating poison, and hoping it kills your enemies.”

Nelson Mandela.

And tonight’s topic was resentments.

I don’t have many. At least none that are fresh and recent. I stay away from situations and people that may cause them. And the people I spend the most time with (all around) are safe, sane and sober.

I am a nostalgic man. Who loves to nurse old pain. There are a few resentments in there as well. Things I am totally powerless over.

I am where I am today. I can’t change people or situations. I have come to accept the hand I am dealt. However certain people have hurt me in the past, I get it. I’ve prayed it away. And every year around now as I prepare to write my Christmas cards, I have to pray some more.

However terrible people treat me, I have to remember, But for the Grace of God, I could be them.

I am of the mind that “There is a redeeming quality in every person.” I don’t remember where that came from, but it is true.

And if I remember that – then it is out of my hands, and belongs to God.

I’m really thankful for my friends. And the family that still speaks to me.

In the coming week I will write my cards out and send them to people who contribute to my life, and those people I call family.

We all matter. And our lives have meaning.

Don’t let anyone tell you different.

So they say, well the book says, that two week prayer on a given resentment praying for all the wonderful things you want for yourself, should be pointed in the direction of the person who gave you that certain resentment.

“I want you to have every good thing. Love, Peace, Joy, Fullness and Serenity…”

However hard that may put a lump in your mouth, Do it. We should always try to send light instead of darkness. Because if we send darkness, darkness will consume us, inside and out.

Sobriety is about light. Not darkness.

Life is too short to be hung up on people who bring you pain and strife.

Ditch them, get rid of them, just walk in the other direction.

You know, family in my life, chose their stance. And they spoke words of pain. And my father was apt to say to me, whenever I said something rife, that “Once you Speak a Word, You Can’t take them back.”

I think they forgot that when the last conversation I had with my mother 13 years ago was “if I or your father died tomorrow, nobody would call you and no one would tell you where we are buried.”

We haven’t spoken since.

How fucking heartless.

But for the grace of God.

15 days until my anniversary. December 13th.

And there are 27 shopping days until Christmas …

Dinner is here. And Lady Gaga is on tv.

More to come, stay tuned …


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