Loving the Sacred through Word and Image. AIDS – THIS IS MY PRIDE – SURVIVAL !!! A Wordpress Production

Page 4 of 365 … Begin where you are

tumblr_l5ddbvDdeT1qzfjmqo1_500 oriental tiger

Courtesy: Oriental Tiger

It is the fourth day of the first month of the new year. It is markedly milder tonight than it has been in as many days.

Did you make resolutions? And if you did, are they attainable?

Some folks make resolutions that are so overblown that attaining them is impossible. And others make them and fail to put enough energy into working towards them, therefore resolutions turn into failures.

One true fact to consider is this … One begun, better finish.

I’ve learned a few lessons over the years about finishing or the attempt to get there at least.

One day, long ago, in a city far far away, information was given to me. Woefully unprepared as I was to receive it, it came nonetheless.

I had two problems.

One I was going to die, and two I had a drinking problem.

For many focusing one’s attention to living is usually unspoken. We are all alive, and we are going to live a long time, so we usually don’t pay a second thought to our lives (read:Mortality).

But the fact remains, we are all going to die. One Day !

The first thing I had to learn was to put one foot in front of the other and walk forwards, no matter how fearful I was. It was good that there was one man there to point me in the right direction and kept me focused on living (by working) and not focusing on dying.

Getting sober is the same route. In Month one of the year, we focus on Step One. Having attacked this problem twice in my life, learning to live one day at a time, and to stay in my day was tough.

I wanted things on my time, and in my expectations.

I learned that time is in God’s purview.

Time is not ours to dictate, no matter how much money we have or how many things we have collected in our lives. It just doesn’t work that way.

In the book it says … “Half measures availed us nothing…”

If you’ve made a decision to do something, whatever that may be, plan your attack, and make sure you keep the energy flowing in the long term, so that whatever you are attacking, you will be victorious.

We usually start out with gusto and keep it going for a few days, or maybe for a few weeks, then things begin to ebb and sooner than later the energy drops off and we stop.

It’s a good thing that I have checks and balances to keep me on the path. I have a book to refer to and people to talk to when I feel like I am standing still or I am not sure where it is I am supposed to go next.

It has been more than twenty years since doctors told me I was going to die, and I am still here. My days are book-ended by pills. I worship the medicine cabinet several times a day.

With the way technology works today, if I skimp on my program my doctor can tell from a simple test I call the “Half Measures Test.”

It is a nice little tool doctors have to see if I am really taking my pills on a daily basis. There is no sneaking around this responsibility.

Every day I take my pills, if I don’t, I am only hastening my death.

It took a very long time for me to reach equilibrium. In the beginning my numbers were not very good, and it took a long time to work them into where they are today. I had to decide I would go to any length to stay alive. And let me tell you that trying to work on living, while the specter of death hangs over your head is quite the challenge.

Getting sober carries the same warning. For us, to drink is to die. Having failed once at this work made life a challenge. “Coming to” the second time was a decision I made because I was surely going to die had I continued drinking.

This is the first month of the year. And we focus the entire month on step One. When most people come to the point of surrender, we have thought to ourselves, I’m done, I can’t do this, someone please help me …

There you have steps one, two and three …

or maybe you say sooner or later … I can’t, He can, so I will let Him.

Another route through One, Two and Three.

My prayers are on my computer. So that I see them every day. They are a reminder of what I need to do every day. There is no reminder in my bathroom, the cabinet is there, is it my choice whether I am going to open it or not.

Now you might think that that decision is easy? It isn’t.

You don’t know how sick I get sometimes about taking handfuls of pills every morning and every night. But that Half Measures Test is right there spurring me on.

In life, you have two decisions. You either want to live or you want to die.

And if you decide that you want to live, then you have also decided that whatever energy you have within you, you ARE going to point all that energy in the direction that will keep you breathing.

One Great Lesson I learned long ago is this … Negative Energy is the strongest kind of energy you have within you.

When you take toxic negative energy out of your head and heart, and you point that energy inwards, that is like taking a GIANT BOOSTER shot.

We all have shit going on in our lives, nobody is free from pain, sorrow and negative energy. But if I can teach you how to harness that energy and to use it to help you instead of tearing you down day after day, I have given you One Great Gift.

The New Year has begun. And for what it’s worth, whatever decisions you made over the new year, now is the time to get started.

Once begun, better finish…

You made a decision.
You know what you want to do.
How are you going to achieve it?
And where will you get the store of energy to do it?

From Within. Every day, One Day at a Time. For as long as it takes.

Plan ahead. Know your limits. Tomorrow is not here. All you have is today. And today is almost over. So we begin again in the morning.

Failure is NOT an option.

You can do it. Believe in yourself and your abilities.

That is all for tonight.

More to come, stay tuned …

 

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