Page 5 of 365 … You Never Know
Courtesy: Dark and Chaos
It was a very mild day today. A mix of weather is on tap, but as of this evening we are skating through with little precipitation. But that may change. They always say that:
“If you don’t like the weather here, wait twenty minutes.”
I left early to get the booster on, not that the booster makes much of a difference, but it is heat nonetheless. I was cranking out set up and finished before anyone arrived.
We sat a full compliment. Numbers are well up, lot of new faces, and some returning faces from the year past. Prayers were said, and it seemed tonight, the answers came. My buddy said to me at one point, see what happens when you pray?
Today’s theme is Acceptance. Total Acceptance.
“He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.” B.B. pg. 152
Today’s story “The Missing Link” talks about a man who had many problems. But it took a very long time for him to divine what the source of his problems were … his alcoholism.
And we might even say once again that:
Acceptance is the Key to all our problems.
Part of the mantras I repeat daily is the acceptance statement. It is the way I can live my life fully and without reservation. I am well far from my last drink, but once again we repeat that, the farther you are from your last drink, the closer you are to your next drink.
Last night I spoke about decisions, making them, sticking to them, and fulfilling your responsibility. Well, I wrote and God said tonight, Look, someone made a decision. you never know if something you have said or done, that made an impression on them, so that one day they might return.
In today’s reading people identified with many aspects of the story. Hitting the sauce early, finding ones self in jackpot after jackpot. The lies, the cheating, and scheming just to get that next drink, and keep it going on and on, until oblivion.
I’ve shared before about skating through my twenties. Locked in the embrace of alcohol, to the end. I did not know from responsibility. And I got a rude awakening. I lied, I cheated, and I schemed. I am not proud of it, but what else did I know? I did not think I had a problem, at least not then. In hindsight, I was severely outmatched by the drink.
All I knew how to do was drink. It was a way of life. It filled the void inside me, it made me part of. And becoming part of was the whole point, because that’s what I was told to do: To become part of you must drink.
So I drank …
I was thinking tonight, after hearing a friend say that we alcoholics are seekers. We are always looking to find the missing link, that which would make us whole. And the answer is simple, had I not thought of it myself, that the missing link is not outside of us, it is inside of us.
I spent years looking for the divine answer. But I found it in the rooms, with my friends. The divine is in each of us. We carry that spark, it comes from the universe. it is what makes us “US.” Stardust…
You came from dust, and to dust you shall return…
Is the prayer we hear on Ash Wednesday every year at the beginning of Lent. It is when we stop looking outside, and we stop and learn to get quiet and go within that we find that missing link.
It did not come over night. And it didn’t come easy. I have to, you have to, work for it. It is in the journey to find it that matters.
At this stage of the game, the question I ask is why?
People make decisions, and they proceed on a path. Then children come and populate the path. And they become unintended targets because of decisions people made, that had possibly, nothing to do with them.
I would like to square decisions. I want to know why?
People made decisions, and I made decisions. I spoke words, and people spoke words, and I am reminded that “Once you speak a word, you cannot take it back.”
Sadly or maybe fortuitously, I did not speak words in the end. Words were spoken to me from the same mouth who said that Once they are spoken you can’t take them back. And the table was laid.
Nobody won. And people are living with their decisions. And I want to know why? I am tired of being punished for the decisions I made, because they saved my life, they gave me a life and one I would not change for all the money in the world, or all the family in the world.
And I want to know why ???
I am old enough to know that I am not going to get those answers. I’ve learned that over the years. part of looking for the missing link, is getting the answers to questions I have that need answers. But in the end would it really matter? No …
I’ve lived my amends. And that is all I can say.
The missing link is within. It is me. It is you. It is Us.
Day five of three hundred and sixty five. Keep it up. You can do it.
More to come, stay tuned …