Awakenings … Day 23 of 365
After last night’s shit storm of memory and pain, I got many words from my friends since last night’s post. Amazing that people actually read what I write so this effort is not pointless…
It is cold, cold as in bitterly cold. We are sitting at (-20c/-30c w.c.) at this hour. A smidgen of heat was perceptible at the church this evening which made folks very happy. But it was a cold transit, in any case. We lucked out with a ride home afterwards.
Tonight’s Topic: Awakenings …
“Is sobriety all that we are to expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning; it is only the first gift of the first awakening. If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on. As it does go on, we find that bit by bit we can discard the old life – the one that did not work – for a new life that can and does work under any conditions whatever.”
Bill W. A.A. Grapevine, December 1957
I knew exactly where I was going to go when we read this passage at the meeting. It tied directly into what was going on in my head after last night’s fiasco. Awakenings …
I can safely say that I have had many awakenings. Sobriety is only a bare beginning. I got to do it over twice. The first time around there was definitely an awakening. Learning to trust another human being with my life “in any case and under any struggle,” all I had to do was trust, do what was in front of me as I was told, and not worry about ANYTHING else.
The First awakening …
When I turned 30, and I told you the story about what I did when I turned thirty last night, I made a life altering decision to discard the life that wasn’t working opting for one that would. In hindsight, I had no idea how that was supposed to begin or where it was supposed to take me. But I made the break, I let go of the old, and I created something new, just for me, between God and myself.
The Second awakening …
No one could have stopped me from making that huge mistake in sobriety in allowing sobriety to loose its priority, and took that jaunt to the God forsaken place that almost killed me.
But I battled back, little by slowly, taking the scenic route by the beach and the pretty beach boy approach to futility. The time was coming and there were no two ways around it. It was time to grow up or die a miserable death. I decided to grow up and get sober again.
The Third awakening…
I got sober in December of 2001. Moved country in 2002. And attained Citizenship in 2003. I stayed sober. I lived through severe culture shock and learned how to protest and to coexist with conflicted feelings about where I was physically to how I was feeling emotionally, and what I was going to do about those things. Ultimately sobriety carried me through.
The Fourth awakening …
I met the right people at the right time. I had relationships that changed the course of my life for the better. Learning that some folks are only meant to be in your life for just a season or two, then they leave you and you must find your way to new people who will pick up where they left off to carry you further, until you can walk on your own.
The Fifth awakening …
Towards the tail end of my first year of sobriety, I was walking into St. Leon’s church and (then) hubby was walking out the same door, of St. Leon’s church, two people passing at one specific moment, would be a major turning point of my life. I had not expected God to throw a man into my life like he did, but He did …
We dated a few times. We were both getting sober. I graduated from my basement bug ridden flat in Verdun to a 17th story apartment in the sky with the fabulous view of downtown and Westmount. That fortuitous moment passing in that doorway changed my life and hubby’s life.
Many trials and tribulations visited us over the last 12 years. Mental illness, work problems, 2 university careers, and a marriage were just some of the highlights.
The Sixth, Seventh and Eighth awakenings …
Working ones steps is necessary to begin the awakening. Yes, I encourage you to get warm in your chair, feel it, get comfortable in it and get used to the people you meet on any given night. Knowing full well that if you are sitting in your chair on any given night, some night, some where, your life will meet another life and that life may be changed forever just because you are there, that you invested and that is an awakening.
If I look back at my entire life as it was lived and I click any post or page on this blog, there is a life story. And in many cases, each of those individual stories is an awakening.
There have been so many more that it would take me days to write them all out. I just wanted to tell you something new, the most recent spate of awakenings.
Promises are awakenings. When we come in we get asked to read them in the hopes that if we play nicely, work our steps, diligently and honestly, to the best of our abilities, Those Promises will come true for YOU TOO.
Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, they will always materialize if we work for them.
It took almost twelve years for a particular promise to materialize for us.
We prayed for it, we waited for it, sometimes impatiently, sometimes patiently, because what can you do? You can’t rush a promise – it don’t work that way. They just come, when the time is right and you are at a point in sobriety that that (one promise) you have been waiting for will make the deepest impact on your sober journey.
Every lesson you learn in life is an awakening.
Every meaningful memory in your life is an awakening.
Every good person in your life is the possibility of an awakening.
Make good choices. Make sober choices. Make wise choices.
But before you make a choice, a decision, or a step you are unsure of, you better run it by at least one person before you do, so you don’t make the stupid mistakes I made in sobriety, that took me out and almost killed me.
Awakening … Never think with your crotch and never put sex before sobriety.
Awakening … Never allow ANYONE to dictate your life choices for you. You are in charge of your life, never hand your life to anyone unless they are spouse, partner or lover.
Awakening … Marriage is for life. If you aren’t sure you want to be married, do the fridge shuffle … Write out your vows, between you and the one you are with. Put them on the fridge and live into them.
When you can live into them, THEN marriage is possible.
Awakening … Once you speak the WORDS you can NEVER take them BACK … be careful with your words.
Life is a series of awakenings. Are you paying attention to yours???
I hope so.
More to come, stay tuned …