Loving the Sacred through Word and Image. AIDS – THIS IS MY PRIDE – SURVIVAL !!! A Wordpress Production

Sunday Sundries … Physician Heal Thyself

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Courtesy: Friend on Facebook

It was a good day. hubby was away in Ottawa celebrating his brother’s 50th birthday, family, friends and a mariachi band were on tap. It was a successful visit with family he doesn’t get to see very often in the same place at the same time.

When I am home alone, I find that I don’t know what to do with myself, and I admit, that I hate sleeping alone in our bed. It is just very odd going to bed alone, and not have him sleeping next to me.

It was a regular Sunday night. We sat a nominal group and the reading lent to some raw emotions. Funny, that we come in, we begin the process of getting sober, and inadvertently, we begin to get really honest.

Our chair spoke tonight … “Where on earth can you go to hear such a diverse group of people speak about their lives with such honesty?”

We completed the reading “Physician Heal Thyself.” Which is a loaded story. We make our admission, we come to believe, and then we make a decision to turn our will and our lives to some joker, who we can’t see???

What is with that? How do I do that? Who is He and how is He going to help me? With all my complicated problems and assorted issues?

There is the word again … God

Our ma speaks about the steps, he also touches on How it Works, Page 58 in the Big Book. Several things jumped out at me during the reading.

“Half measures availed us nothing … and Nothing, Absolutely Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. The latter comes from another section of the book, but I repeated it for others in the room.

Some of my long sober friends are bent out of shape for one reason or another, and we are all living life on life’s terms, and sometimes those terms rub us against the grain. And sometimes unfair.

I’ve been relying on the book much more as of late.

“Nothing, Absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.”

Sometimes that is a bitter pill to swallow. Because at times, life is not fair and in the end whatever happened, happened, and we have to live with that therefore this line comes to bear.

I’ve said before that this time around, I did things very differently. I relied on people first. I had moved to a new place, and I was newly sober. I thought that I was entitled to a few “needs .. read: Wants” because I was back in the rooms.

God has a sense of humor. Because his reply never wavered.

No!

No!

Not Today!

Ask me later

Definitely Not …

It took me a while to get that message. If it weren’t for the folks in the room, I probably would have self imploded. I stuck and I STAYED.

In the U.S. where I once lived, at the end there, I was living below poverty. I had no health insurance. I relied on the charity of many groups to provide me with the things we all take for granted, food, furniture, assistance, etc … And at the end it was like this, I needed medication, I needed food, and I needed to pay my rent. I could NOT do all three at the same time.

When I moved here, all that changed. And over the past twelve years, I’ve learned to be grateful because I get everything I need, when I need it, as I need it. There is no juggling and having to choose whether to buy medication or buy food, or pay rent.

And the running theme lately is “Half measures availed us nothing.”

I’ve been falling into behavior that is not very grateful and appreciative of all that I have. God has provided all those things to me, and I’ve never had to go outside of the groups to get anything, within moderation.

I have everything I need, and sometimes I forget that. And I do not follow what I should be doing, when I get into, “I don’t feel like it today, maybe tomorrow or maybe later…” (reference: My medicine cabinet)

If I am in gratitude, I make use of everything that I have, and not take them for granted. How easily we forget to be grateful.

Who is God? Ask the universe. It is that which is unknowable, but he knows who I am, and He hears me. And I go to a meeting and I hear Him speak to me.

It was good to sit and listen. it was good to be able to share with newcomers, and to greet new guests, and to see friends I always get to see on Sunday night. I am very thankful.

Another week begins.

More to come, stay tuned …

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