Loving the Sacred through Word and Image. AIDS – THIS IS MY PRIDE – SURVIVAL !!! A Wordpress Production

Sunday Sundries … Seventeen

tumblr_lbjo5wnWGX1qcncq1o1_500 cryptoray

Courtesy:Cryptoray (special archives)

Another week begins. It was a blustery and cold day today. There are piles of snow all over the place, as the plows are working in my neighborhood tonight. They say it will take four days to clear all the snow that fell.

I arrived at the church and the radiators were on once again, so the room was nice and toasty. Set up went quickly and we sat a good size group.

Our final Big Book reading for the month … “A chance to live.”

How many young people make it to the rooms? Not enough. Why don’t young people come to the rooms, Because they believe they have a whole life to live yet, with or without alcohol.

For those who do come in, we are all in awe of them, because they came and we hope they stay.

How can I go on with my life – from a teen-agers perspective – if I get sober as a young adult? What happens to the rest of my life?

So many of us started drinking early, but many, never get to the door until they are well into adulthood. However, there is a crop of young people in the rooms as we speak. We work very hard to make them feel comfortable and welcome.

And we encourage them to stick and stay.

Our young writer of tonight’s story came in at seventeen. She had a short drinking career, but from the get go, it was drink, get drunk, black out and throw up … It is a familiar tune.

Many people picked up on seventeen, and where they were in life and where they were on the drinking time table. I was in high school. Which is where my drinking picked up and took off.

I just barely skated through my senior year, and graduated because I told the truth to one of my teachers, and he passed me.

I took the S.A.T. three times in high school. (standard aptitude tests)

By the third run, I was fed up with taking this damned test. The night before we had a party, and I drank until I fell down. I remember my friends driving me home drunk and almost passed out, and my mother just putting me to bed, as we said it was nerves for the test the next day.

I was SO HUNG OVER, my test site was the school library, which was in the biology wing. Thankfully there was a bathroom just outside the library. As each module would begin I would have to hurl, so I ran out to the bathroom and get back to just barely finish that module. That took place several times. I actually did better the third time.

Needless to say, I had a drinking problem in my teen age years.

But nobody said anything to that effect, ever.

At home, we Never spoke about alcoholism. It was an acceptable evil. It existed and we learned to exist around it. There was an elephant in the room, but nobody saw it.

My drinking career got off to a good start because I was primed and ready to drink big, when I left the nest. My drinking became a real problem the older I got. And nobody said anything. I am sure my parents still harbor resentments because of the shit I did.

The book says that: Nothing Absolutely Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.

Which means that I had to walk the path I had, in order to get here. And I muse this thought, had there been one significant change or intervention at any time on my time line, I wouldn’t be here.

The way that final year of my drinking panned out and how I ended up in Canada a few months later, was all divine intervention. It all happened like clockwork. Divinely.

If one aspect of the timeline had been diverted or changed, I would not be here right now. And I probably would have ended up in a sorer state of living, living on charity, in a dead end life that had no meaning.

But I imagine I would have stayed sober, where ever that would have led.

At least I know that had I stayed where I was, there are still sober people who helped get me sober in Miami.

Many young people, and older people as well, in the beginning, feel shame that they lost control and ended up in a meeting. Having to admit to themselves that they are indeed alcoholics and need help.

That is one reason people stay away until the pain gets too painful and/or  the bottom comes sooner or later.

Many of us old timers, wish we would have found the solution earlier, and lament that we had to get piss ass drunk and hit rock bottom before we sought out the solution.

We do what we can for our young people. And that’s all we can do.

There is a solution, no matter what age you are. If your drinking is out of hand, and your life is becoming unmanageable, there is hope.

If you can’t just have One, and you suffer from the disease of MORE, you may be one of us.

I began with more, and lived into MORE, until MORE took me down in a blaze of painful pitiful incomprehensible demoralization.

It doesn’t have to be that way for you.

You are not alone any more.

More to come, stay tuned …

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