Page 417 … Acceptance was the Answer
The weather is heating up. it is warmer than it has been in some time. And freezing rain/rain is on tap overnight and into tomorrow. I arrived at the church and the heat was on. And a new security system switch box had been installed in the church. That was a pretty penny or two…
I set up and I waited. We sat a good size group. Coming off last Thursday’s post, I posed a question and tonight we fleshed that question out in Double Jeopardy !!!
The Topic : Rhetorical Questions for $500.00
The questions such as, if only someone said something to us earlier on in our lives, considering our “problem with alcohol” what would have happened? “If only” is a popular lament in certain circles. But we cannot or should not live in “if only’s or what if’s.
I told a story about me during a pivotal time in my young life. Being a full fledged drunk. Ruining a trip across Europe, and coming back home, one very angry and resentful young man.
Family, Friends, coworkers. All adults. Not one of them ever intimated to me by word or deed, that I had a problem. i could have been stopped well before I did all the damage I did in my life.
We all had to walk our walks, our paths.
God is up there, weaving a pattern. We look up and see loose threads, but no picture, but God sees a picture as He weaves.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.
Which means, that everything happens for a reason, maybe even predestined.
Another said this … I had to walk this journey, and I had to hit my worst rock bottom, and become devoid of any will, and then God says, “now you will do my will.” Because your will did you no good. Look where it got you?
It wasn’t until I turned 25 and met Todd, did my drinking career begin to end. It took a a year, my very first sponsor got sober a year to the date that I got sober. He kept his Big Book on his register at the bar, and I would ask him “what that Big Book was” and his response never varied …
“When you are ready to know, I will tell you!”
It took my mortality and death to get me to stop and ask for help.
Because my attempt at liquor suicide did not work after deciding that dying from AIDS was not an option I wanted to entertain.
If Todd did not step in when he did, because he could and he loved me, I would not be alive today, most likely…
But I got sober, in spite of all the assholes who attended meetings at the Lambda House in Fort Lauderdale.
That sober journey wound around, and on my slip I had to loose everything in order to be ready to begin rebuilding my life from the bottom up.
It all happened as God planned it. I stepped off the path of His light and took back my will and paid dearly for that detour.
At the point that I had that next spiritual experience, the rest they say is history. I am here today. It was all God inspired.
I can ask all the rhetorical questions I want, and they will remain unanswered. All I can do is chalk all this up to life history.
If only someone stopped me sooner, I would not be living the life I am living today. But would it have been worth it?
I don’t know.
More to come, stay tuned …