Tuesday … After the Honeymoon
Mother nature is giving us the piss …
In the last 48 hours, we have gone from (Plus 24c) sunny and spring like, to today, it rained, and rained, THEN it snowed, and we are sitting at (-2c) at this hour.
It rained all day and I carried my umbrella, not sure of where we would be by nightfall, from the time I left home, until we hit the Metro on the way home it was snowing pellets and then wet flakes. Right now, it is calm outside …
It was a busy day today, lots of shopping and taking care of chores during the day, it seemed that a lot of folks decided to do laundry all at the same time, thankfully I snuk myself in between and was in and out in 90 minutes.
No power nap today, Booo !
I left early to get some food on the way out and I needed tickets and do some shopping at the pharmacy, and hit the trains. I got all the way across before the tones of death sounded. I was on the escalator and the trains were stopped.
It was a nice evening. All of our folks showed up and a couple more. I was in the chair due to the Passover holiday for one of our members.
We read from A.B.S.I. and “After the Honeymoon.”
Sometimes – for some people, when we come in and the months that follow, we might be graced with a “pink cloud” or the “honeymoon phase.” That feeling of euphoria of being clean and sober, and everything seems bright and happy.
Phases like these don’t usually last very long, a few months or so. Because eventually the world comes along and slaps us upside the head with a dose of reality. Not that we weren’t in reality to begin with, but for a time we are apart from that reality.
What do we do when the honeymoon ends?
This is an eternal question. Because married folks know what their honeymoon was like and how long it lasted, and when it ended. Really, over many areas of life, we might experience a “honeymoon” when starting something new.
I can’t say that I went through a pink cloud or a honeymoon coming back the second time. When I came back, I spent the better part of a month beating myself up and feeling sorry for myself. It was no picnic.
When I got here, I got hooked up with aftercare counselors and things to do during the day. I was hitting meetings around the clock for the first year.
I guess the closest you could say I had a honeymoon, was David.
He took me on as a sponsee. And we did everything together. Every day it seemed. We were attached at the hip. We got Very Close. Almost too close. He had a girlfriend, and I was single. And on several occasions, we were close.
I loved him, and he knew that.
But that honeymoon ended on my first anniversary, when he invited friends from the West Island to revel in his achievement of keeping me sober for a year.
(Read: He had an ego attack) and words were spoken, that ended our relationship.
I’ve seen him twice in the last twelve years, and he ignored me like I did not exist.
Life went on …
I homed. I got active. I set and Stayed. I did whatever I was told to do.
I relied on my meetings, because sobriety came first. Everything else came second.
I try to teach my guys this truth, and so far they have worked it our for themselves. However, some guys I work with cannot seem to get into the groove and put sobriety first. It is hard to watch them struggle, and have the answer, but be unable to get that answer across where it nests in their brains.
The good thing is that they keep coming back, however fucked up they are, they come back to the source, so for 90 minutes we get to see them and spend time with them in a closed environment.
I get that sacred space notion. I know for sure, that several times a week, there is someplace I can/will go to see my fellows and friends. Where I can talk and I can listen, and hopefully be able to take something away to put into practice in my life in some way. And I have done that for almost thirteen years.
And it works for me.
Life has thrown several curve balls at me and hubby over the years. Life has not been a cakewalk. We’ve had ups and downs, like any other human being. And we remain a couple, married, happy. All that shit that life threw at us was dealt with, with the rooms, the discussions in them and the people who took care of us over the years.
I’ve built my life around my meetings. It is a very simple principle. I know it works. I use it every day. It is something I learned to do in every case.
If you do this, life will ease up. If you give yourself time, space, belief, and surrender to this very simple program and the people in it, if you can, for 24 hours at a time, trust us, and learn to trust yourself again, you too can live this life.
Sadly, most people can’t surrender fully, or even partially. The human will to hold on with a vise grip, is a way of life that can be un-learnt. White knuckling it every day gets hard after while. Running on self will is tough.
Our guys are working their damnedest to live spiritual principles. And in the space of 90 minutes tonight, we had some serious discussion. All learning from one another. So we did what we came to do.
Everybody is sober another night.
More to come, stay tuned …