Sunday Sundries – The Relationships you have …
The weather has been hot and steamy. We have been under heat warnings for days now.
People have been marching in the streets calling for Government action on the refugee crisis in Europe. However we all want our politicians to do the right thing, for the right reason, nobody seems to agree on just how that is going to work.
We want open borders. We want the red tape to end. We want to help. I think that is the main goal of these actions, that we, as Canadians, are strong and reliable people, and when we see people who need help, our people, North, South, East and West, English, French and everyone in between step up and do what we have to do until the job is finished.
Our Prime Minister believes that there are several things we need to do.
- First we need a combat strategy to fight Isis, militants and enemy combatants
- We need to eradicate them off the face of the earth
- We need to find a way to end the Syrian conflict
- We need to find a way to end the conflicts in Iraq, Afghanistan and throughout the Middle East
- Once we figure out what we need to do, we can act on that intelligence
- Then comes the humanitarian crisis; what to do with all those displaced.
- Where do they go, how many do we bring here, and/or send them back home
Conflict zones are no go zones. Have you seen what these conflict zones look like? For many of these human beings now on the move, even if we thought to send them back, there is nothing to return to. Cities, towns and villages have been decimated by bombs and combat.
It would take decades to rebuild critical infrastructure to be able to even think about repatriating people back to where they came from.
The emergency measures that opened up borders between Hungary, Austria and Germany are going to be slowly curtailed. They won’t last much longer, and refugees will have to abide by the U.N, resolution as to the first country they entered for processing, which means, those in transit need to make that transit quickly and without pause.
Those still stuck behind them, might find themselves in registration camps, if they don’t start moving in the next 48 to 72 hours.
Bringing souls from conflict zones to North America is fraught with difficulties.
- First, there are security issues with National Defense, they say
- Bringing people to Canada, they need sponsors to get them sorted out
- They need proficient language skills to enter certain Canadian provinces
- They need money to bring with them, because that is something the government does not provide. That is where churches and N.G.O’s and the public come in.
- They need homes to move into.
Pope Francis posed a very serious challenge today.
He called for all Christians, and their churches and parishes Europe wide, to open their houses and give shelter to refugees. I think he wants open doors for those that need them so badly.
Since the four party leaders are at odds with just what to do, and in what order to do it, and how that is going to play out politically, we don’t see much movement coming very soon, or quick enough to make a dent, the numbers they tell us, they will move, is a paltry number, based on a several year plan for immigration.
The European Union is going to have to come to some agreement on just how Everybody, all the E.U. Member states, are going to attack this humanitarian crisis on their doorsteps.
There is no magic bullet and no quick solution. This is going to take some time and serious discussion between governments and their leaders, not to mention their citizens.
Muslims moving into mainly Christian countries is going to be problematic. That solution is going to take some work on everybody’s part. In the end, and from the start, these refugees are Human Beings first. If we remind ourselves of that main point, then we have a starting point.
My final thought is this … Conflict need to end.
That’s what we need to do.
Stop the killing, and stem the bleeding, get rid of them once and for all.
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The Relationships you have today, are a direct result of the work you put into them, to begin with. Who your friends are, in whatever circle they are in, who your spouse is, and the depth of that relationship, is, right now, the direct result of whatever work you put into them.
It is a fact, that people don’t necessarily put the same effort or “investment” into everybody they know. Family is the same way. Whatever you invest, you get back in that specific connection.
I’ve learned a great deal about people in sobriety.
I’ve learned the crucial role that “presence and investment” plays in my relationships.
Marriage is a constantly evolving organic relationship.
Friendships are the same way. Some friends are close, others even closer, depending on the need of the people involved.
Over the past 3 years, I have worked very hard at my friendships. Outside of my daily ritual, and my marriage, my friends come in a close second, as to the amount of time I put into them.
We learn, in the rooms, the importance of the telephone. Some have learned this lesson, and others could not be bothered by it. Most just don’t care to be honest. But people need friends, one way or another, that’s how we do this thing …
Over a year ago, baby mama went back to Newfoundland to have the baby. In her anxiety and haste, she thought it better to go home, because she did not trust those around her to do the job she asked of them. She needed care, she needed trust, and most of all she needed someone to be in the room with her when LuLu was born.
None of her so called “friends” would rise to the challenge, so she left us.
I had her phone number.
We did not know each other well enough at that time, that that connection might have been fruitful to the point that I could have started there, instead of where I started here.
I made a phone call, and had one conversation. And I did that without fail, consistently.
Over the weeks and months, one call a week became several calls a week.
And I did that without fail, consistently.
A year would pass, and her plans to come home were hatched. We worked them out. We talked about how that would sound to her family. We scripted conversations until the day that she got on that plane with the baby this past July.
Had it come to it, had she needed me to, I would have gone to get her, to make sure she got on that plane without fail.
Over that year, I encouraged her friends to invest in her.
I did that without fail, consistently.
The relationships they have with baby mama, is a direct result of whatever work they put into that specific relationship. I did not interfere, but calmly and quietly encouraged them to be present and accountable, consistently.
Sadly, today, they have not risen to the occasion to the degree I had hoped they would. And that has cost Baby mama a great deal.
I believed that if I wanted to be her friend, I was going to have to step up and be accountable and trustworthy, every day, consistently.
And I did that.
Before she moved back, there were chores to do, and I wrote about every step of the way to get her off that plane and into her condo. When I asked certain people to step up and do just One Job, they did that admirably. But that was that.
When she got here, we spent time with her and the baby, forming bonds and a family for her.
I can only be in one place at a time. And I am only one man.
But I resolved a plan of action that was consistent.
I talk to her every day. I see her several times a week. One night a week, I bring dinner and I cook for her and the baby. Consistently. Without fail.
Today, “our” friends are not happy with me because of the depth of my friendship.
Every time I talk about her to the others, or talk about my progress with the baby, they call her and mock me, and are snarky and from what I am told, they are jealous. Rage jealous.
This has been an ongoing problem.
But I return to my original thought. I asked them to step up and be counted. I encouraged them to build their own bonds with her in their own ways. They did not. So what they have today is a direct result of half assed efforts to be friends.
I’m not sure why they are jealous. They had their own opportunities to build meaningful relationships, and they failed in that effort.
That is not my failure, it is theirs.
A text is not a phone call.
A phone call is person to person, direct and in person.
You can’t expect a text relationship to flesh out into a full blown relationship, it just doesn’t work that way. I use my phone, I only text when I can’t get a human on the other end.
This is all bullshit and I need to call it out. Soon !
But this was on my mind tonight. So there it is.
More to come.
Stay tuned …