Thursday … “Either / Or “
The weather is NOT working in our favor. We are sitting at a tremulous ZERO at this hour, but it is a WET and DAMP cold outside. The rain, freezing rain, snow, more rain, cycle has been going for the past few days. Yesterday it rained, the city flooded and power was knocked out for tens of thousands of homes in the city.
Last night, amid pouring rain, sleet and snow, I ventured out to have dinner with baby mama and the baby. It wasn’t the best night to go out, by far, and I had my duck boots, so I was good to go, even if I got soaked on my transit.
It has just been miserable.
This morning I did ALL the laundry, including the Winter Gear.
Today, it was misty and piddled rain and snow all day. I had plans to go out and get chips for my guys, which is a train ride across the city to the Montreal Stade Olympic, (read: the closest, most recognizable, landmark) on the way to the intergroup office, on the East end.
It was a come and go event.
On the way back, It was wet and puddles. At one point, I was waiting at an intersection to cross the street going towards the Metro. I was wearing clean, DRY, laundered clothes.
As I stood there, in front of a puddle that was a foot deep, the light had changed to green, I spied a car coming towards me gunning the light, and the driver blew through the puddle AT FULL SPEED.
The wave came up, and drenched me head to toe, I had stepped back, forseeing this catastrophe, but still, I was happy with clean, DRY clothing. Now I was sopping wet.
I got back on the Metro and came home, and crawled back into bed for a few hours before the evening event.
In many stories we hear the “What it was like…” and for some, what it was like was bad, then there are others, who’s what it was like, is biblical in proportion. Tonight, we heard a real “jackpot story of biblical proportions.”
For some, it is just alcohol, but for many, in today’s world, DRUGS factor in a great deal.
At some point, in our lives, we get to certain markers in time. One of those markers is the EITHER / OR circumstance.
A back story is necessary to set the scene for you.
Enter, young girl, barely making it at nineteen. Stuck in a haze of drugs and alcohol and organized crime. Bartending for less than savory clientele. But successful, nonetheless, until she hits the Either / Or.
She says that: When NOTHING runs out, you never realize there is a problem.
After the final night of partying, she is done, fried, finished, Kaput !!
She wakes up to find a friends wallet left behind, knowing that friends pin number, she goes to the bank and steals ALL of her friends money. A few hours later, a very calm friend comes to her, and very quietly says:
EITHER You call daddy, and get my money back, OR I call daddy and get my money back !
I felt the chill of FEAR run down my spine when she said this…
Cue, secrets, lies and deceitful behavior over months and years, and a daddy that does not need to know the fine minutea, of addiction and theft. Because our young woman is “daddy’s girl” and needs not know …
So begins the slow march out of hell.
Young people who come in, in their twenties, don’t stay. We see this over and over. They just can’t get past, “I’ll never be able to drink and use again, how will I live my life, what will my life look like if I am in my twenties and how will my friends deal with that truth, my life is OVER and how will I get by?”
There are two routes into the rooms.
- From the bottle and drugs to a meeting (or)
- From the bottle and drugs into REHAB then to a meeting
Some of us were never given the choice of rehab, or volunteer to go there on our own. But there are some, who realize, within the haze, that there is only one way out of hell, and being locked up for a series of months to “clean up” will do them some good.
Then you do your time, and come to us. Shy, quiet, wanting to do it “her way” coming to meetings, but leaving the heart and mind at home. Thankfully, the first people she was introduced to welcomed her, and let her be, in that, she had a place to go and people who were REALLY looking out for her.
She, at least, did one thing right, she kept coming back.
Deciding to clean up the outsides first, did not do her so well, but that’s the road she chose. The only problem is, the rooms are an INSIDE job. She wasn’t ready to even ponder, the insides.
Eventually she got there.
And finally, the people who welcomed her, and kept an eye on her for all that time, when she came and went on her own speed and at her own drive, turned into just the right people she needed to get started on THE WORK.
Sometimes you find love where you least expect it.
We applaud everyone who makes it in. And the greater lesson for those of us already here, is that after you put down the drugs and alcohol, the inside job begins, the hard part is, not allowing sobriety to go to your head…
Hence: Right Sizedness…
You cannot get sober and keep your ego.
It just does not work that way, I’ve seen too many people get sober, gain some time.then it goes to their heads, and they have what I call, “The EGO attack” and they go back out, or just plain disappear. And you never see them again.
Been there, seen it, lost very good people to the Ego Attack.
Alcoholism and Drug Addiction are all or nothing propositions.
Not an Either / Or, proposition.
When your supply, never runs out, you don’t realize there is a problem, until your addiction (read: Secrets and Lies) are staring you in the face.
Grateful for small mercies, our woman tonight, cleared away the wreckage of her past, gives freely of what she has found, and she joined us.
She has a family AGAIN, and she is a WHOLE WOMAN.
Inside and Out.
You never know where your speaker is going to come from.
Hit those speaker meetings ladies.