Thursday … Finding Your Spirit
“Every Day is a Great Day …” Who said that ? Mark E. Miller
Things are looking up. The weather is holding. Still a bit chilly, and I am hot or cold, as to wearing an extra layer, because of the chillness in the air. Next week we will see double digit teens, hopefully, we have seen the end of Winter …
Let us pray
This weekend we send one of our number out to the bush in B.C. for her tree planting season, but not before celebrating her One Year clean and sober on Saturday.
Hopefully we have done our jobs, in filling her with what she will need for the next little while, out there in the bush.
I received some rather sad news the other night. After almost a year living in Montreal, and raising baby LuLu, Baby Mama made the call that it was time to go, Baby Mama and LuLu will return to Newfoundland, in a months time.
I visited them on Tuesday night and she broke the news to me. What could I say ? And what was I supposed to do, convince her to stay ?
I am terribly sad. On Wednesday night we had a heart to heart and she admitted to me that there just wasn’t enough of me to go around. I’ve spent the better part of two years, being a friend, being the only man in their lives, besides grand dad, and helping to take care of the baby.
But there is only so much I can do. I have to let them go, no matter how heartbroken I am, that they will be gone in a few weeks time, and there won’t be any more dinners, and trips to the park and swings, and laughter.
Every human being needs at least three people in their lives to create a stable “unit” of family/friends.
The other people who had, at one time, stepped up to be accountable, failed in that manner, honestly, quite miserably.
We as a group failed a friend.
We are powerless over people, places and things. I am just sad how people just walked out of the relationships, they, at one time, called the most important relationships in their lives.
I guess they weren’t really.
So that is a thing …
Tonight, was standard Thursday fare. And our speaker was a woman I know very well, because she comes to our Tuesday meeting. At twenty six years, the message was poignant.
- You can’t reap rewards for anything where work is required, if you don’t do the work required.
- I.E. You can’t benefit from meditation, unless you learn how to meditate.
- You can’t benefit form the Steps, unless you WORK the steps.
- You can’t live sober, in the NOW, if you are constantly mired in the PAST.
- Just because we put down the drugs and alcohol, doesn’t mean there will be sunshine and roses every day, but we learn to live Life on Life’s Terms.
Every day is an opportunity to learn something new, or to hear a reading or listen to a teaching, again and again. She says that the goal of sobriety, for us, IS
Finding our Spirits…
Last week, I talked about How it Works, and the 4 ideas of
Sitting with me tonight, was one of my guys, whom I get a few hours with on Thursday evenings, and we heard a woman read How It Works.
It goes on, that this reading, depending on the reader, at the Thursday meeting, or any meeting for that matter, is rattled off, like machine gun fire … Batta, Batta, Batta ….
Rushing from beginning to end, like a speed reader.
Then there are those who enunciate, using the pauses and nuances of the written word as it is on paper. We don’t often hear the spoken word version of How It Works, tonight, we did.
I had spoken to my guy before the meeting about reading, and studying, he was reading a textbook, and finding no joy in it, but I encouraged him to keep reading and studying.
So the meeting started, and How It Works was read, patiently, honestly, thoroughly, and thoughtfully.
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path …
It begins with this sentence. And when read, with thought and intention, an entirely new understanding of How It Works emerges.
It really gives meaning to the depth of this reading, as it applies to every one of us, man or woman, just what we can and should do, once we get here and start the journey of sobriety.
If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it – THEN you are ready to take certain steps.
Some of us tried to hold onto our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go ABSOLUTELY.
I’ve spent the better part of fourteen years parsing words, doing the work, and living in the NOW. Every time I run my steps, I look at what is on the table, and for a very long time, every time I did look, All I saw was The Past.
Over and Over again, I flogged myself with the Who, What, Where and Why, only to come to the conclusion that, and I heard it tonight from our speaker …
You can’t get sober, and live in the now if you are saddled in the past. At some point, you have to let it go, heal what needs to be healed, let Go and let God, (her words not mine) forgive, move on, and get on with the present.
Instead of telling us stories, the usual routine, she spoke about the NOW.
And I realize, something that has come to me recently, that I am done with the past, I no longer care to fret or ponder all that was. Nobody in the past gives a shit about me in the present, nobody cares… I no longer have to reside in this place any longer.
This realization, gives me a sense of freedom.
I don’t have to give my time and talent to shit that does not matter any more.
There are too many people who need me right now, to allow my brain to be saddled in the past.
These realizations don’t come over night and they take work on our parts to know when the time is right, when we have learned all there is to learn about something, but IS there a time, when we have learned all there is about anything?
No there isn’t.
Life goes on, and we learn every day, but it is our choice to remain teachable.
All I have is what I have today, to be able to do what I need to do, for those people, I need to do for, at any given moment, based on what I have in my bank, and that takes time and WORK.
The WORK continues.
Because we are never DONE, until we take our last breaths.
A good night was had by all …