Saturday – Conversations
Sobriety, when it begins to work for you, may lead you to places you might not expect, and the one thing a friend said tonight, that
“I am learning to let go the process, and learn to live on a spiritual timeline and not my own.”
When I realize that I came to this place of my own volition, and that decision served me well, and continues to serve me well. I know I am in a good place, with good people, who support me and lift me up and contribute to who I am, and i contribute the same back.
The theme of “Turning up the heat” continues.
I’ve never closed the door to growth, because I’ve learned that growth happens when needed to, on God’s timeline. You never know who you are going to meet in a room, whatever room that is, and what you are going to learn from someone that you might not know very well, but you are in the same room, for either an extended period of time or a short period of time.
I met a man on the M.A. side this month. He is a long time member of our room, and he lives on the Prairies for most of the time, but he comes back to visit.
After my Mother’s Day meltdown we spoke and he turned me on to the Toxic Parent’s Book. We are both reading, and studying the book. I bought that book and read it in a few night’s time.
I called him yesterday and lined up a conversation, because I thought it would be good to talk to him about his take on the book, what his story is, as well as my own. I take very serious, suggestions by friends in the rooms. This was a good choice.
I got a great deal of understanding as to my story and how it played out, as I listened to my friend tell me his story, and how that played out.
In the end, I’ve done some serious work. And so has he. Working on issues of toxicity, and family is serious work, and for some, could lead to destruction. I think, at certain times, that it is useful to have several sets of eyes, to look at work, to see what is there, and to offer counsel when necessary.
The residual anger that exists in my life is there. And I spoke about that anger as a “flash forest fire.” It comes quickly, burns very hot, and is totally consuming and destructive.
I have another book to read on the topic of anger. So that is on the front burner.
Visiting old pain, must be changed. I’ve eliminated toxic people from my life. And now the job is to eliminate the residual energy that they still exert on me, invisibly.
For the time being, right now, I just need to sit here and reflect.
To acknowledge the work I have done, and the distance I have covered in the last week, and to be proud of where I am, and to be grateful for the people in my life.
I have to learn how to be transparent in all my affairs, to take care of me, have healthy boundaries, and know when to say No.
And I need to have the courage to say, when asked, how I feel, give an honest answer and not give the stock answer: F.I.N.E.
I’m glad that I have the friends I do today.