Friday: Part 1, Finding the Better Me on the Other Side
I did not get a single hit from last night’s post. I imagine that it was not the right moment, and the feeling I have been sitting with is this: I am ok. I am on the way. I know where I am headed.
The last Discussion was about the process to Baptism. But first I need to meet with the Mission President for Quebec, before that can happen.
I’ve been listening to Voices of Hope every day. And they say, in our rooms that, eventually, one day, you will hear someone tell your story. After over a dozen testimonies listened to, I heard a young man tell the story I am living at the moment.
How, being Gay turned out and where that led him. Then, in a fluke of Heavenly Father prompting, he and a friend were in an Asian grocery store, in the Bay Area, and on his way out, a Missionary was walking in.
In a moment, he was enlightened to talk to the missionary. Which led to some questioning who he was, what he was, and how he could find himself, talking with a Missionary.
One conversation led to more Missionaries, which led him to Baptism.
Like myself, he got to the other side of Gay, and is working on finding his better self, through the Atonement and the Gospel and the Savior.
I needed to hear someone talk about this specific journey. What does one do when they find, that they are on the other side of Gay.
Thinking back, if I could talk to my much younger self, I would give him other, better choices to make. More options, that I did not have at the time. There was no other option for me, so I engaged in the gay community.
As my life progressed, I found less and less attraction for the gay community. I found less and less need for the community as well. Because I’ve spent the last fifteen years, living among my straight friends in recovery.
However, I have some gay friends in the room, we don’t hang out, outside the room. And I invite one of my elderly gay friends to holiday dinners here in our home, that is a tradition we have had for several years.
I don’t desire to be with other men. And I really don’t sexualize men in public. I might think, Hey, he’s cute or has a cool haircut, and that is normal. I just don’t LUST after guys like a sick puppy would.
I’ve been married for twelve years, and for the last fifteen years, I have worked on myself and have grown spiritually and soberly. Hubby, on the other hand has not. He is not interested in personal growth beyond his job and his laptop.
So two sober people living under the same roof. One is stagnant, and the other has moved farther along the life road. And now I am here.
On the Other Side of Gay.
I believe Heavenly Father is calling me to my better self.
I want to be Baptized in the Church.
Sunday I am going to church for the first time in ages. I am hoping that will lead to something I really desire.