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Archive for July 14, 2017

Friday: Trying to Maintain …

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The world has turned upside down. Thankfully, I am still sober. I know what I must do to maintain. Perfection is but an illusion. Imperfection is the truth. The answer is within as long as one can be quiet enough to hear it.

This week has not been easy at all. I don’t remember the last time someone said to me that they were sick, and were in a hospital, being diagnosed with a virulent strain of PCP Pneumonia. An opportunist infection, indicative of a sero-conversion event, that has resulted in a flat AIDS diagnosis. This did not happen just Once, it happened Twice.

A very good friend, and his equally familiar husband, have BOTH been diagnosed with AIDS over the past few months. Sadly, an email I did not receive months ago, came to me last night, and I learned of these two diagnoses.

My one friend, had his pneumonia and his doctor told him that he was very sick, and that she would no longer be his doctor. Thankfully a Nigerian doctor took over and began the arduous job of trying to keep my friend alive. Last night we also learned that he has Lymphoma. What type of Lymphoma will not be know till next week.

Sadly, Had I known this information months ago, when the email was first sent to me, we may have been able to avoid what is going on right now with him.

Another friend, is preparing to receive a very serious guest here in the city, and the planning of mental healthcare has begun for him.

Things had been stable for a while now, and it seemed, it was just prep for the shit hitting the fan this week, all at once, and all at the same time.

I’ve come to the point in my journey right now that I need to sit back and be quiet. I need to listen and I need to stop taking on people and situations that are just not good for me, for a myriad of reasons.

With that in mind, I have turned my attention to the Buddhist Boot Camp, and Timber Hawkeye. I need a little direction and some simple spiritual truths at the moment.

I can’t help anyone, if my bank is empty. I need to empty my vessel, so it can be filled. I need some serious sleep, because I have not been sleeping well at all. And I have been agitated beyond my comfort zone with people in the program, locally.

I am too agitated to sit in certain meetings right now, seeing I walked out of a meeting, prematurely on Sunday last. Something I don’t usually do, ever. Now I know, why I am agitated, and I know what to do to calm myself.

There is no perfect solution to sobriety. Because there are no perfect examples in my sphere of friends. I need to stick to certain routines and meetings and people.

We may loose some people … And I know this intimately.