Loving the Sacred through Word and Image. Parliament Hill Ottawa. A Wordpress Production


Arachnids and Omens …

This is what I should be doing at this moment. I was laying in bed, minding my own business, reading Life of Pi, when I glanced over to my left, which is where my lamp sits on the floor with my other books (sitting on my bedside). We have a futon on a platform…

And what do I see scurrying across the carpet but one BIG Fuzzy spider. Lawd knows me hates them spiders. The only good spider is a DEAD spider. I took my little book and slammed it down on said arachnid and SMOOSHED it into the carpet.

Now I can’t just go back in there and get cozy with my book again. I have to make sure that that was the only one. I killed three others during the day.

So I spoke to Randall about my “situation” and I posted his reply last night. And didn’t I get an email from school saying that because of a Congress Meeting on the downtown campus for the next few weeks, ALL the downtown classes were being moved to the Loyola Campus immediately. Which translates as follows:If class begins at 9:30 a.m. on the West end, that means I have to be on the shuttle bus from the downtown campus no later than 8:45 to make it on time, which also means that I have to be up at 7 a.m. to get ready, walk all the way to the shuttle bus stop, make the bus and make it to class on time…

THIS is an omen … I don’t do 7 a.m. for anyone. So I dropped the class from my schedule. Which did not make hubby very happy, because that is a waste of money now I can’t get a refund because I am well past the drop deadline date for refund. He is pressuring me to take more classes this summer, and I need a break for a while.

FUCK … I need a job. That would solve our money issues. Not just any job. A job that would pay me what I want and be a job that I will enjoy doing.

Randall said I need to wait on God. Hubby does not wait on God very well. God does not pay the bills or buy food so waiting is not an option.

I need to sort out my student status this week. I have appointments lined up this week to see people and talk to them about what I need to do.

Time for bed, more to come, stay tuned…

Monday Madness … 5-10-10

I have been sick for the past five days. Hubby came home with a bug and it wasn’t quite long until it migrated across the bed into me. Needless to say, I have been sleeping a lot. I am hyped up on flu pills and not having the energy to do much. I skipped class this morning because I could not drag myself out of bed at 8:30 in the morning.

But I had things to do today. Like get money…  few weeks ago I went to financial aide and get a deferral so that I could register for summer classes, (this was prior to my crash and burn). So they did all the paperwork and signed off on it, and we agreed that when the check finally came (today) that they would only take an agreed amount of money towards tuition and let me have the rest.

I got up around noon. I got to financial aide soon thereafter. The check had been brought to the payment center on campus. I went to the office and waited for 20 minutes and went to pay my fees. The balance was $998.00 (which was the agreed payment). That was on file at financial aide. But fuck me, the girl at the payment center was like oh no, we are charging you everything you owe us now. They took from my $1869.00 check a sum total of $1658.00. Leaving me $211.00 for the month. I was like whoa there, just a minute, that wasn’t the agreement that I signed on. The girl was like, well, that’s what’s on file and that’s what you’re gonna pay. FUCK ME …

I left there with my $211.00 on my bank card and went back up to financial aide. I waited for an officer who knew what was going on with my file. She printed out the payment slip for $998.00 and a signature for a refund of the balance due to me.

I went back to the payment center and brought the slip to the same girl who had just fucked me without lube, and she told me that she could not help me, that I needed to go to student accounts, (in another building) to get them to settle the account.

So, I went to student accounts, and they were not helpful either. They were not able to refund any monies to me once the account was paid in full. I went BACK to financial aide and told my adviser what I had just done. Depending on who you talk to at the payment center, you may get 10 different answers. So I got screwed…

3 hours later and not happy with my little venture, I walked home and hubby was getting ready to go to campus and he suggested that I drop my other summer course and get a refund, which is what I did. That was another $311.00 in the bank.

So now my account is at zero. I am paid up for the summer. I am only taking one class this summer. I’ve been debating with myself what I want to do next. I have some appointments set for the next few weeks, people to see, things to discuss.

I am checking out interdisciplinary studies in sexuality as an option for the fall. I have to call the office and see if I can get in there. I have to have a plan B on the books in case work does not pan out.

That’s what’s happening in my world at this hour.

More to come, stay tuned…

Powerlessness …

In the end, nobody won…

What is mine?

In retrospect, I failed to do what was asked of me. I have been dealing with feeling out of the loop for a long time. Questions like should I stay or should I go? I committed Harakiri …

What it comes down to is egos and attitudes.

A student comes to class where scholars are teaching. Men who have lots of letters attached to their names. And we are told what we have to do, and by staying we accept the challenge of that task.

At the end of the Fall semester, I had already failed to make the marks. I had an entire extra semester to right the wrong. And in the end, I could not bring myself to commit to scholarly work, that was acceptable. The thoughts were already running through my head about quitting…

I was given an opportunity and I squandered it. I failed to perform up to task. I knew going in that I was not a scholar, no matter how fancy I decorated the package. I knew the odds were against me. I should never have embarked on this journey. Because scholars take it as an affront when a student does not rise to the occasion. It is downright disrespect, to know the odds and to fail those odds.

The M.A. was the next logical transition, financially. Eventually the money was going to dry up, whether it be now or later. I was just not up to becoming a scholar. And I think that killed it for me.

I was conflicted about where I was, and that has been sitting in the back of my head for months. It was more of a chore than it was a task. I was not enjoying myself. And I voiced that concern to Randall several times. The first time I said that openly, I should have paid more attention to those words …

I committed Seppuku … Plain and simple…

What does that say about me? Did I ever care at all, was I wasting precious space? I failed to perform. Was it on purpose? Or was it that I just was not cut out to be a grad student? Some people get along, and some don’t. And I didn’t … Grad studies just weren’t for me. I wasn’t “one of them.”

I knew that when Hermeneutics met for the final party, I was an outsider. I knew going in that I was an outsider, I pay attention to the little things. You know from day one, the way people treat you is the way they think about you or do not think about you.

I knew something was up the first day of the fall semester, last year. Something had shifted. I knew it. Something was just not right. And it did not change for the better. I was well outside the loop.

I knew well in advance that the odds were stacked against me. I should have had the guts to bow out then, but I didn’t. I chose to sit in my shit and let it get to my head. And in the end I did myself in.

Was this wasted time and opportunity? Did I learn anything in the past year? I was not cut out to be a grad student, no matter how hard I tried to play the part.

There were signs, people I called friends began to ignore me. The invisible walls went up after the summer last year. I became one of “them.” I was no longer part of the whole.

Oh well, it’s over now. This is my last post on the issue.

It is finished.

I am powerless over People, Places and Things. I take responsibility for what is mine, the rest rests upon them. That was today’s topic. This theme has been running in the background of my life for the past few weeks. Oh well, time to put it into action…

I don’t know if I want to study any more. I think I am finished. All I need to do is get through the summer, I just can’t sit here and do nothing, or I will go crazy.

I need the RIGHT opportunity to appear, and I need to know intuitively that it is the RIGHT opportunity.

Purple: Penitence …

Most merciful God,
we confess that we have sinned against you
in thought word and deed,
by what we have done,
and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved you with our whole heart;
we have not loved our neighbor as ourselves.
We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of your son Jesus Christ,
have mercy on us and forgive us,
that we may delight in your will,
and walk in your ways,
to the glory of your name. Amen.

Change of Tack …

My friend Karl and I spoke earlier about this predicament. And he said to me that when a door is closed at least a window is opened. I tend to agree.

Which is why I have decided to realign my studies as an independent student which would allow me to take classes outside of departmental politics. It is an option that I have to talk to my adviser about it tomorrow ( today really ).

I may be down but I am not out yet …

More to come, stay tuned …

Sometimes the answers come …

And sometimes we don’t want to see them as they come, not ready to accept the inevitable. But I’ve been praying about this situation for months. I have spoken to spiritual men in many places. And today I went to church and the sermon was all about “Change” and be able to accept it when it came.
I have known for a long time that I was not enjoying this MA career. I am not cut out to be a scholar. I emailed the director of the MA program the other day and today I got his response. The department won’t be backing me to continue, and I am a failure in their eyes. Nothing like throwing someone under the bus.
Here is the response:
Your “MA career” has depended solely on your performance. We have done everything we could to assist you. Given that you are a first case in my tenure as GPD who has done so poorly in the MA, I have to check with SGS to see what the proper procedure to follow will be. Since I had an exam yesterday and had to be available to the students days before the exam, I could not follow up on your case. But I will contact SGS tomorrow first thing in the morning and inquire about the procedure.
I don’t know what to say at this point other than we do not plan to support your continuation in the program. Of course, there are other steps along the way, including appeals, which you can consider if you feel that you disagree with our decision. The Graduate Calendar has information about those steps.
Also, I do not know if it is a good idea for you to follow the courses you plan to take starting tomorrow. I will be able to confirm that only after I talk to SGS. Right now, you are still in the program and feel free to pursue the best course of action for you at this time.
Lucian Turcescu, GPD
Theological Studies
So now I am working out what to do for money. I sent a resume through Monster to Indigo/Chapters – I’ve always wanted to work in a book store. Wouldn’t that be so cool. My resume is on the blog and I am going to put one in on Monster.com as well.
Donald said that if you aren’t enjoying what you are doing then maybe it is time to do something different. It isn’t a bad thing to find out that you aren’t cut out for higher academic studies.
I am also considering relocation to an anglophone province to find work, that would be Toronto. Donald suggested that I take a week and go down and investigate what there is to see. You never know if opportunity is waiting for you. So we will see. I need to figure out the money situation right now.
As for my MA career, it is over … And that’s ok. At least I know now I can move on and find something else to do.
More to come, stay tuned …

Quiet Saturday Night …

It was a wet day today. The rain came and went. Nothing to write home about. I got 12 hours of sleep last night, which was good for me. Today we did a little shopping. Hubby wanted some new shirts. He is on a plaid print kick, shirts in all different colors have appeared in the closet as of late.

This afternoon I did some supermarket safari and got some food for dinner, which I have yet to cook at this hour. I sent an email to my friend Donald, who is a prof at school and he has been my counsel since my arrival at the university. He gave me some advice and I am supposed to see him tomorrow after services at the Cathedral.

I sent a second email to one of my profs from this term asking for her help and assistance, she has yet to reply. I don’t know if she will, or have the entire department made a decision to let things go as they will. I know that my Fin Aide check was cut yesterday and it is on its way to the school to pay my fees from last term, I am hoping to get my hands on the rest before any academic action is taken against me. I am trying to stay out of my head for the time being.

Hubby is out with his friends and I am home alone. I get to sit here and do nothing, read some blogs, watch a little You Tube, do a little writing.

Tonight I will hit the sack a little earlier than usual to be up for 9 am to make it to church for service at 10. not much else to do at the moment and not much else to say either.

More to come, stay tuned…

Friday Follies …

I did not sleep well last night, and did not nap well today either. My brain is spinning 100 km/hr and I am not sure what to do now. I spent the morning with my spiritual adviser, Rev Joyce. We talked and that was about it. Then we prayed and I set off for the Dept.

There was nobody in the office when I got there and so I just came home. I did get my other two grades. I got an (A-) in Hermeneutics and a (B-) in Samuel – Old Testament studies.

My MA adviser did not write me back. And I don’t know how to read his silence on my request from the other night. Are they going to help me stay on or are they going to toss me out???

I don’t know.

That’s all for now. What should I do now???

Never Write in the middle of the night when the commmitte is in session …

My spirits are sinking fast. I don’t know where I stand at the moment academically. The warning signs are there, but no contact has been made in the form of punishment, but I don’t think it will be very long before it happens. Maybe someone in the department will step up and lobby for me to continue. But I am not going to lobby, it just doesn’t seem right to do that. Seeing that I rewrote those two papers on a lark and ended up with C grades…

I had complained to one of my spiritual advisers that I was not enjoying what I was doing, and the more I pray and think about it I am coming to the conclusion that a change may be in the works like the inevitable.

I’ve sent a couple of emails to several ministers in the city to sit down and talk with them about what I should do next and to see if they can help me reorient my life in another direction and put to use the 2 degrees I already have in some pastoral ministry capacity.

I am going to be canvasing the AIDS groups here in the city, I also thought about going to Toronto to see if I could find a job there, which would mean a dual household, not sure if that is feasible at the moment, but an English province is better suited to me than a bilingual province that demands bilingualism …

I also am going to check with the hospitals in the area to see if I can find a position in the pastoral ministry field at these locations. Lots to think about and ponder over the next few days.

Summer classes start on Monday and I am not sure I should show up and face someone telling me that I am no longer welcome. So there are still two days this week for news so we shall see what happens.

I know that there are jobs waiting for me in other provinces, but I can’t ask hubby to uproot when he just got accepted into the MA in Sociology for the fall. That would not be fair. But maybe I can find a good job that pays the bucks we need to be able to work where ever I want to work.

Any of you with suggestions would greatly be appreciated.

More to come, stay tuned…

The "C" Rule …

I broke the C rule … I imagine that I will be withdrawn from the program shortly. Not sure if they will allow me to stay in the program. This could be the end of my academic career…

C Rule

Graduate students who receive more than one C grade during the course of their studies will be withdrawn from the program unless continuation in the program is requested by the student’s program or Faculty and approved by the Dean of Graduate Studies. Course-based programs in the John Molson School of Business apply a term-by-term GPA requirement. Students should refer to the section on Academic Standing in their program’s calendar entry. Students who have been withdrawn may apply for re-admission (see Re-Admission of Withdrawn Students in Graduate Registration section). Students who receive another C after re-admission will be withdrawn from the program and will not be considered for re-admission. Individual programs may have more stringent regulations; students should check their program’s entry or with the Graduate Program Director.

Re-Admission of Withdrawn Students

Students who have been withdrawn from a graduate program may wish to be considered for re-admission into the program. Normally, students must have been withdrawn from the program for a minimum of five terms in order to be reconsidered. If recommended by the program, these students will then be considered as a new admission, i.e., new application, transcripts etc.

Reinstatement of Withdrawn Students

Students who have been withdrawn from a graduate program may wish to submit a Student Request form requesting reinstatement to the program. This request is to be submitted for consideration during the same term in which the student was withdrawn.

The “C” Rule …

I broke the C rule … I imagine that I will be withdrawn from the program shortly. Not sure if they will allow me to stay in the program. This could be the end of my academic career…

C Rule

Graduate students who receive more than one C grade during the course of their studies will be withdrawn from the program unless continuation in the program is requested by the student’s program or Faculty and approved by the Dean of Graduate Studies. Course-based programs in the John Molson School of Business apply a term-by-term GPA requirement. Students should refer to the section on Academic Standing in their program’s calendar entry. Students who have been withdrawn may apply for re-admission (see Re-Admission of Withdrawn Students in Graduate Registration section). Students who receive another C after re-admission will be withdrawn from the program and will not be considered for re-admission. Individual programs may have more stringent regulations; students should check their program’s entry or with the Graduate Program Director.

Re-Admission of Withdrawn Students

Students who have been withdrawn from a graduate program may wish to be considered for re-admission into the program. Normally, students must have been withdrawn from the program for a minimum of five terms in order to be reconsidered. If recommended by the program, these students will then be considered as a new admission, i.e., new application, transcripts etc.

Reinstatement of Withdrawn Students

Students who have been withdrawn from a graduate program may wish to submit a Student Request form requesting reinstatement to the program. This request is to be submitted for consideration during the same term in which the student was withdrawn.

The First Day …

I just had to use that photo…

Monday has come and gone. And these were my thoughts last night before I went to bed:

I need some prayer, maybe some advice? Maybe both and then some. i start my second semester as a grad student, with misgivings and second thoughts. I’m not quite feeling the spirit and I am a bit sad overall. I did not do so well last semester and knowing I have to rewrite all my work from last semester is hanging over me like a pall. They tell me that I wasn’t critical enough in my thoughts, and that I played it too safe – the fear of plagiarism is pervasive. Sometimes I totally miss the mark when it comes to writing papers. Especially when it comes to church history and church fathers.
I am second guessing myself more today than I have done before. I have been pondering leaving the program but I can’t do that because it is money in the pocket as long as I stay in school. I wonder if I am getting too old to do this kinda thing? I worry that that pall of “incomplete” will haunt me this semester as well.
Last semester was tough because of the walls that became painfully aware to me between the undergraduates and the graduates.
People who were my friends would not even pay me any attention last semester and that made me upset. I feel alone in this endeavor. I am not the only graduate in the program but friendships and comradery is far and few between. I’ve been feeling that feeling of alienation to a great extent lately and I don’t know where that comes from, but it is unnerving.
I haven’t been put on academic probation yet my grades are in limbo until I complete the past work again, they gave me until March to get it all done, in addition to all the work that I will be doing this term. But I am unsure of my next steps. And I am unsure of my next decision.
So I will go to class tomorrow night and see how it goes. I know my program director will want to see me – because he did not get to me before the holidays. And he will dress me down as well, ugh !!!
What should I do? How should I proceed? I know where the light is – but it seems dark at the moment. I know I should live in the moment and follow the path and I am trying to do that tonight.
I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to anyone of my friends face to face since term ended last month everybody’s been away or busy and so I’ve been sitting on these thoughts for a few weeks now and I am about to go crazy over them.

I’ve been in my head as of late worrying about where I sit in the grand scheme of things. So I put this to prayer and sent it off to one of my spiritual advisers late last night, he has yet to respond. I am sure he is praying nonetheless.

There are 4 graduate students, one R.A. and the Prof. in my Old Testament class on Monday nights. We are studying the “Divine Election and the Rejection in the Books of Samuel.”

There are familiar faces in the class from last term and new man named Trevor. They all have past biblical study, but I do not, which means that I am going to have to step up my game. I have to buy a new Harper Collins Study Bible before next weeks class.

On a totally unrelated topic, watch this video and marvel at the natural beauty of Venezuela. I’ve been watching videos from this group of bikers who live in Venezuela over the last month and the videos just get better and better. If you are a You Tuber you can check out the account [ frohwrx]…

Enduro Tachira en HD – Subiendo Las Cebollas

This is one of the most beautiful videos he has up on this series. I want to go there and see it for myself. That would be a vacation…

So that’s all for tonight.

More to come, stay tuned…

I Really Must …

New Years has come and gone. We broke out the wedding goblets to toast the new year. A yearly tradition. We watched the ball drop then moved on to other television shows. It wasn’t very exciting at all. Dick Clark is getting old and the night has become like just any another night…

The past couple of days have been quiet. The world goes back into full action on Monday with the beginning of another semester in grad school. I’ve been pondering my academic future and I have even danced with the thought of dropping out of school, I don’t know if I am tired of school or that the performance anxiety I have is getting the best of me. I have to rework my papers from last term this term on top of taking two more classes this term. I can’t quit school because that is a source of income and if I quit school I’d have to find a job that would pay me what I am making in tuition.

I just don’t know what to do at this point so I guess I should talk to my mentors and advisers before I make any decisions. I must step up my game this semester if I want to remain in the graduate program. And right now I don’t know how to do that. Study more, read more ??? I need to find that critical part of my brain. And my writing needs a boost.

Today hubby is out running errands and I set about to take down the tree and put everything away which I got done quite quickly, it is quite systematic really. It is snowing in the city today, and it is cold.

I am hoping to get to the gym more often this term. I don’t have class on Tuesdays which means I am on set up for the next few months, to get back into my weekly routine.

I made a new purchase the other day, I am working on my collection for my summer trip. I am going to Texas in July for an AA convention and I am also hoping to make a trip south of the border to visit some friends in a far away country – I am hoping to go dirt biking in Venezuela – I have to talk to my friends and see if that is a possibility. I’ve been watching a set of videos from a friend down there who has been biking through the mountains of Venezuela and the videos are truly magnificent. I would really like to travel more in the new year. Go to places I’ve never been and visit friends from far away places.

I am not going to make resolutions – I am just going to live and see where the days take me.

That’s all for now.
More to come, stay tuned…

Year End Review 2009

It’s almost over, and I think it is important to look back over the last year and see what happened over the last 12 months.

In January I began another set of classes to finish my Pastoral Ministry Certificate. It was a tough semester with Applied Human Sciences and the New Testament and my Pastoral Ministry Practicum, which I excelled at. January was a big month. It was all about Barack Obama, and the Audacity of hope that was coming to America.

My friend Sam was very pregnant with James. And his birth would come on inauguration day, January 20th. He has grown into quite a good looking boy almost a year after his birth.

Bishop Gene Robinson caused a fruckus because he was to give the invocation at the Grand Inaugural Concert – which was not shown on the HBO telecast, which caused a great deal of consternation to the LGBTQ community. Where +Bishop Gene goes, controversy follows.

On January 31st we buried a long time member of AA in Montreal, Sylvia was a fixture in Montreal sober circles and it was a grand day at St. Monica’s she was remembered well.

In February I learned that family members were on Facebook, and after several failed attempts at communication – that door remains closed. It was quite a drama for me in sobriety. That was a bitter pill to swallow.

March was up in the air… I want to share some writings from Adam during the month of March. This comes on March 29th 2009 …

Goodday Everyone,

My chemo had no effect on anything and although it died in one tumor, it spread to two new spots on my liver.  My HCG is as high as it was during my initial diagnosis and the new chemo regiment is a pill that is more about quality of life than actually beating my cancer.  I was given a timetable on my life and it was not fifty years, in fact it was not even five…two seems likely, months if it is left untreated.

I find out Monday if it would be safe to laser out the lesions (the liver is one organ they can literally burn cancer out of), then I go back on a drug I had a year ago and with good effect.  My cancer does not respond to platinum drugs, meaning all the main drugs they use to treat TC were voided.  This means I went through high dose for basically nothing and could have just had the other two with the same effects.

I am almost happy that I do not have to go through that chemo regimen anymore.  It hurt, it was miserable, and it beat me up.

I am not quitting, or accepting this, and overseas I have learned of some therapies that involve stem cells and other therapies that cure cancer.  I am looking into it because conventional medicide is just not doing the trick.  It is too strong for chemo.

This is starting to annoy me more and more, the consistant failures.  It is frustrating living like this, fighting hard and doing things right just for it to do nothing.  Well, I guess I have to take things into my own hands and research the unconventional methods.  They apparently work very well, and that is the next step.

Well, I was always unconventional…

God Bless,
Adam Frey

On April 25th 2009 we lost Bea Arthur – at age 86.

The month of May was a tough month for me, as things in my medical circle began to change and I was diagnosed with Type two Diabetes. It was quite a shock, I got real sick and began to loose my vision. After some serious doping by my doctor they got my numbers under control. My diabetes is quite in check today.

Here is a letter from Adam – from May the 17th 2009 …


You know, I think things get darkest before they dawn.  I just wish I knew how dark things would be.  Until a few days ago, I was pretty bitter. Bitter, angry, frustrated, just pissed off at the situation.  I am sure you can understand.

Then it hit me.  Who am I to hold grudges.  If God can forgive and let things go, why have I been holding grudges, some for years, some with poeple that do care about me.  Some over things that are sort of outlandish.  I had a moment in prayer and I vowed to let it go.  I got the notion that God came in right there and a calm fell.

I told him I was sorry for my stubborness and rage and that I in fact wanted to be a miracle…for surely I cannot spread hope and love in a box.  By days end I started feeling better.  I started having night sweats…which is the number one symptom of a REGRESSING cancer.  Maybe I needed to change my
goals and path to what he wants it to be.

From the little I know about you, you have been declared terminal and changed your path and seem to be doing ok.  I think I needed to change mine, and maybe I just needed to be pushed to the breaking point and past it to realize that.

Its optimism


The month of June brought a spate of deaths …

On June 25th we lost two powerhouse people, Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett. We watched a lot of tv that day, it was all about Michael. That same day was the last time we had a torrential rain/hail storm in the city.

I also applied to the Department of Theology to pursue my Masters in Theology, and was subsequently accepted into the MA Program.

In July the world lost an Icon of Television broadcasting. Walter Cronkite died at the wise age of 92.

I turned the ripe old age of 42, without pomp and circumstance on July the 31st. It was a very sedate affair. My fourties has been all about hindsight.

August 24th was the 3rd anniversary of the death of my great aunt Sister Georgette. On August the 26th we lost the a lion of the senate U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy died after battling brain cancer.

I finished my studies over the Summer of 2009 – ending my pursuit of my Certificate in Pastoral  Ministry with my massive missive of working in Task Groups for professor Bright.

With the start of the Fall Semester I became a Graduate Student in the Department of Theology. Do I regret that today? NO, but I am unsure of the future.

I started going to the gym at the new EV building something I enjoy doing and something that I haven’t done in a while because of school.

The month of September brought illness to my hubby who ended up in the Montreal General with intestinal issues. And after 48 hours spent in the ER and massive doses of morphine and being poked and prodded by this one and that one we brought him home with medication which seemed to be the ticket to good health. He hasn’t had another problem since then.

My friend Carmi lost him father on September the 22nd. The funeral was here in Montreal at Paperman and Sons. I went to pray with Carmi’s family and about 200 friends and family. The chapel was packed. His dad was well loved.

October brought another death to the world, that of Stephen Gately of the boy band BOYZONE. He was only 33 years old. So young and gone from the world.

In November the fear of Swine Flu invaded the airwaves worldwide and clinics were opened to inoculate as many people with the swine flu vaccine as possible to circumvent a world wide pandemic.  I got my shot on November the 9th.

On November the 19th the world was shocked to find out that Oprah Winfrey told us that she would end her long running television show in September of 2011. The world took a collective gasp and television stations began to ponder how they would fill the void after her television departure.

December was a very rough month. I finished my first semester as a graduate student and I did not do as well as I had expected. In fact nothing I wrote was acceptable to either of my professors and now I have to rewrite all of my papers that are due in the coming months.

Christmas came and went – it was a quiet holiday here at home. Everybody got what they wanted for Christmas and fun was had by all.

Adam went into the hospital with breathing problems and ended up on a ventilator, he died on Boxing Day at 2:21 in the afternoon. Such a bright light gone so young.


Much happened in the year 2009. I learned a lot about myself over the course of three semesters in two disciplines. Pastoral Ministry and Theology. I learned a hard lesson from my Applied Human Sciences professor. I hated that class. I worked all summer in finishing my Ministry Certificate.

I hit a lot of meetings and worked my program. I celebrated 8 years of sobriety on December the 9th. I took my cake and it was all well and good. My academic career needs to be stepped up for the next semester so that I don’t make another failed attempt at a graduate degree. I can’t afford another fail report because I will be dismissed from the program if I don’t do better this term, not to mention rewriting all that work from the fall semester.

It was a year of highs and lows. We lost some good people from show business and we lost family and friends this year. So that is a brief overview of what happened this year…

Let us close with Adam … and pray for his soul…

True to his word, Adam went down swinging. 21 months after his car crash in March of ‘08, Adam passed at 2:21PM December 26, 2009.

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
-Phillippians 4:13


After I posted this to the blog over on Adam’s site and here, I have been informed that Adam has passed. We pray God’s blessing upon him.

Adam, has taken a turn for the worse, phone calls have been made, today we pray for Adam as the journey looks to be coming to an end.

For Adam …

Now is the time to say all those things that need to be said. Now is the time to let God be God. Now is the time that we pray for mercy. Now is the time we give permission to Adam to do what he needs to do with the understanding that he is not alone, and that all of us are here with him and with you. We all live on borrowed time. And if this is Adam’s time, then Let go and Let God. He has been a champion and a fighter for so long. Now may be the time we tell him that it is ok to let go now. If we give him that permission he may hear us and the end won’t be so far away.

We pray God that Adam’s life not be forgotten and that we all may take away some lesson for ourselves. We pray that the angels will protect him and carry him to the altar of God in heaven where there is no more sickness and no more pain. We know that God is merciful and that God hears the cry of the poor, blessed be the Lord. We pray that Adam is where he needs to be and will be going to where he needs to go. The fight has been long and arduous and those of us who have walked with him over the years, like I have myself, can say that he fought the good fight. But sometimes you can’t fight disease, no matter how hard we pray. Sometimes when we pray God says – no, I have other plans, but this is a time of learning and of faith. Now is the time to commend Adam to God and to allow God’s will be done. The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want …

We pray God’s blessing upon Adam and upon his family. We pray that God will bless him and make him whole once again in heaven. And we pray for strength to allow God what he needs to do to take Adam home. This is what, ultimately, faith asks of us, to know when it is time to die and to go to that death with the ultimate knowledge that God hears us and is with us even in the darkest of times.

We love you Adam, and we have been blessed to walk this journey with you. God’s peace to you on your journey. We will not forget you and neither will God.

Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty.


Here is to 2010 may it be new, bright and exciting…

Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree …

Yes, this is it…

Hubby cut the angel off at the top. It was a good day. Everyone got up early to go shopping for goodies. I went and bought some new ornaments and a tree skirt for the tree this afternoon.

We decorated the tree and it looks wonderful. I also finished that God Forsaken Sophia paper this evening. All 19 pages of it – if that ain’t good enough then that’s too bad. I also finished my book review. It isn’t a piece of academic prowess, because I can’t use high language, but it will do I hope.

That means I only have my Origen paper to write which is due on the 9th.

That’s all for now.

More to come, stay tuned…

Rainy Days and Fridays …

It’s raining, wet and cold today. Drizzle Drizzle Drizzle … I didn’t want to get out of bed today but alas, I had that appointment with Prof. Scott over my Origen paper. I have done some preliminary reading of a text that I picked up at the library – but even Prof. Scott told me that it would do me no good. So what did he do? We checked the library for texts – none were to be found … so much for a university library stocked with all the latest books and archives.

He then perused his own personal library there in his office and pulled 4 books off the shelf and told me that he would photo copy everything that I would need for my paper… That was very kind. Some of the reading that he copied me was written by our esteemed professor of Theology Charles Kannengiesser, whom I took Trinity with last summer. So it looks like I am on track for this second paper.

We also talked about god forsaken Sophia. I told him that I thought that I had exhausted all of my sources for material and came up 5 pages short of the goal of 20 pages and he suggested that I write a 5 page critical analysis of the material that I used covering the major themes and crucial ideas. I think I can do that. So I will do that over the next couple of days. The paper isn’t due until Tuesday.

I stopped by the library to drop off all the books that I had checked out and wouldn’t you know it, the university has already put up their Christmas trees in all the downtown buildings. I noticed that many of the shops on Ste. Catherine’s Street are decorated as well. It doesn’t feel like Christmas yet, but I know that hubby wants to put the tree up this weekend… OY VEY !!!

I think that’s all for the moment…

More to come, stay tuned…