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Kathy Reichs

Drill it Down … What’s Done is Done … Act as If

tumblr_md2lb5P8Ep1qenwdto1_1280 laurenmarekCourtesy: Lauren Marek

It was a very productive day today. After having a nightmare that ended just as my alarm clock went off, this one, was new. Feeding off the manic experience I had on Sunday.

Sometimes, we should never act on or say words we might regret, even in the heat of the moment, or wanting to be heard. I read something the other night that said:

“We should be ok living alone, because it is a waste of time chasing people who really don’t care about you.”

The other one came from a friend:

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” – Jack Kornfield.

I got up, and half decided to go do something that I wanted to do, but the urge to hibernate was very strong. I got into the shower and that did the trick. I got dressed and headed out for the mall.

I wanted to get the next two books in the Temperance Brennan series, by Kathy Reichs. The collection at Indigo is getting slim. I’ve about completed buying their entire stock of books. They only had one of the two books I wanted.

I had some lunch and came home. I logged into the Indigo website and ordered two volumes of the collection, which were in stock. Indigo/Chapters takes major credit cards, but they also take Pay Pal, which is as good as cash.

At the moment, I have 4 books running at the same time.

At the retreat I picked up another biography of Pope Francis. This one is a lot more complete as I am reading it presently. I am still reading Tim Winton, I am wrapped up in Tempe, so I started another book last night, and I bought one today, and two are coming in the mail. Which brings me up to two final volumes in the series that I will buy or order in the coming weeks.

Last week I got my health card renewal slip in the mail, which means a trip to get photos taken, then bring them to the CLSC (read: public health clinic) to get signed and validated with the form that came in the mail.

I’ve done several circuits of the neighborhood today. (read:walking in circles)

I killed a couple of hours before I had my Step appointment at 5:30.

I printed out my post from Sunday evening and brought it with me. I sat with my sponsor and read it to him. He took six pages of text and whittled that down to a sentence of ten words.

It comes down to simple things, first, we are powerless over people, places and things.

The past is the past. What’s done is done. If I want to move forwards, why am I living in the past, (read:revenge,words,feelings,emotions)

I am better off walking away from what is haunting me. What happened happened. But really, for all intents and purposes, just how much power am I giving the past to affect my present? It seems to him, that I’ve given it too much power.

I don’t need to keep bringing certain stories up in community, that certain stories should only come to mind when there is a situation or other human being who is in the same boat, then share the story. I can put certain stories to bed, unless they are necessary.

He mentioned the weekend. And made comment to some things I missed in social cues, and reminded me how hospitality works in sober circles. He also said to me, after reading my sheets, was that I spent way too much time worrying about what people think about me.

But that did not change the fact that I had “this” particular experience.

Human beings are in many ways the same. We want to be loved. We want to be appreciated, We want to be accepted, and We want to hear that spoken. In many cases, that is the norm. When it comes to assholes and attitudes and Egos, these can be difficult.

I tell the lesson about “approval.”

Do what you do well, and master that. You don’t need my approval any more. But one day you might find yourself working for someone who may not appreciate you or the job you do, so you need to be certain of what you do, how you do it, and then do it well.

I am told, that beyond my skewed perception, that people on the weekend had no problems with me and that from what he heard, what I thought was really not the case.

Some people are just not good at some skills of communication. Especially alcoholics.

We are all crazy, we are psychotic, we have personal expectations, sometimes that are unrealistic. Which begs “we should just be gentle with ourselves” and realize that we are not the center of the universe. And that just being … should do us just fine.

I also tell the lesson about “What people think of me is none of my business.”

When it comes to certain people, I had mentioned in my writing, I am reminded that sometimes we have to step up our game of tolerance and acceptance.

I know what my limits are with certain people. And the less I see of them the better.

What do I want removed ?

  • I need to distance myself from the past.
  • I need to accept who I am in the moment, in any moment.
  • I need to not worry so much about what people think of me.
  • I need to get on with the present and stop my addiction to the past.
  • In the end, do I really care about them, or do I just want to get even?
  • The sick side of my brain says, Exactly !
  • The sober side of my brain says, maybe I just need to keep my thoughts clean and my mouth shut.

I guess I am ok with the discussion.

My sponsor agrees that I have grown up a bit more, and that clarity did happen, and that everything is alright. I am progressing forwards.

I think that’s it for the moment.

Mischief Managed …


Wednesday … The Move is On … And Other Assorted News of the Day !!!

muhcThis is the Brand New, Not quite open yet, But coming soon, M.U.H.C.

The McGill University Health Center…

This build project began years ago. And is in the final stages of prep for opening next month.

It is ONE MASSIVE MONSTER of a Hospital building.

You might not know that Montreal has hospitals scattered all over the city. They serve both the French and Anglo populations. There are two concurrent builds going on, One for the French sector and one for the Anglo sector.

This project is going to consolidate the major hospitals into one location. The Children’s hospital which is located right up the street from home, is being moved as we speak. Many departments that were situated on other sites are being moved here as well.

Things did not go to plan, as some departments that I need to visit were moved to a secondary site, for 9 months, prior to coming to the Glenn site. It was good that my main HIV doctor has an office off site that I get to go to instead of having to do the trek to the Glenn.

The trek would involve either a one train solution, Orange from Home all the way to Vendome, or the two train solution, which is Green to Orange and over to Vendome. It all matters because there is a tunnel involved in the trek which I hate walking at any time of day or night.

On the way out, I jacked my card with tickets for the days travel.

I knew many months ago that the I.D.T.C. (Immuno-dificiency Clinic) was being moved. And the dentistry office was closed as well. We’ve been to the new dentist office recently. I decided to NOT go to the satellite site where the I.D.T.C. is now, rather go to see my doctor directly at his private office.

That is where I want to go for now. But all that changed this morning. After being sick for a week, I never drop labs when my system is down. I waited for the first day I was feeling normal again to go do that, which was this morning. Common sense said, “oh, go early, you’ll be in and out in twenty minutes …” WRONG !!!

I got there before 8:30 in the morning. The place was packed. I looked on the wall counter to see what number they were at, (that would have been # 8) I took my number. I was holding #40 !!!

Thank God I brought a book to read. Because I was there a long time.

After my labs, I was told to go to the Diabetes clinic, to see what their status was, because my next appointment is in May. Today they found out this morning, that they too were being moved to the Glenn site next month. A massive number of departments from the General are being moved to the Glenn site.

Over the past nine months, I have seen three doctors. Two brothers, and a Son. Each of them have given me things to do, pills to take, and other assorted information. It’s complicated.

Sometime soon, I need to take a field trip over to the Glenn to scope out the new hospital. I’ve seen it up close, but I haven’t been inside, and have no idea where to start. Which is the same deal for every other Montrealer, who didn’t get to the Sneak Peek some time ago.

So that is a thing…

I had several things I wanted to do today. And having taken my time dropping labs, that ran me up to almost lunch time. All my other stores would be open now, all I had to do was get there. I waited for a bus down the hill, and got on the train to the village.

Yes, the worlds Sexiest man was working when I got there. And yes, I bought what ever he showed me – sometimes you just can’t say no !!! We spoke about my last purchase and the refund that was given in stead. Rubber and Latex are not my friend.

I shopped and got back on the train and headed for Indigo Book Sellers for some light reading.

I am on a Kathy Reichs run as of late. Having read two books over the last couple of weeks, I needed the next two from the series, as they are listed. I had time to kill and wasn’t in a hurry to go home yet, so I browsed a bit. A friend gave me a couple of titles to look up and that was fun.

You have book shelves with books on them. Then along side those book shelves are what I like to call IMPULSE book tables. Stacks and Stacks of books just waiting to be picked up. And if it was up to me, I’d never have a bored moment ever again…

Books cost money – they do !!!

I was walking around that end of the store and I happened upon a book. It was just lying there on the table. There was only one of them. All by itself. There were no other books written by the author of said book, on said table. Someone must have just dropped it there, having pulled it off a shelf, considered it a moment or two, then just put it down where ever it landed.

It is called “EYRIE…” A novel, written by Tim Winton. “The internationally best selling and twice Booker Prize shortlisted author of Breath, The Turning, and Dirt Music.”

The blurb on the front of the book reads: “A superb novel of disillusionment and redemption, loss and beauty, the taking of responsibility and the overcoming of disappointment.” The Guardian.

That got my attention.

The turn the book over and it says: “Tackles myths of prosperity and success in a way that is not always comfortable but that stirs deep thought. It is rich in compassion and affectionate toward the unlovely. It has a strong belief that no journey ends at the halfway mark. Eyrie is a novel for which our culture has been in urgent need.” The Age …

I wondered why someone would put this book down, after reading blurbs like these?

I am a fussy reader, the book has to jump off the shelf or I was looking for a particular book.

For a moment, I considered putting the book down where I found it, but I held on to it. And now I had three books to read. I was heading for a fourth, but decided against that.

Sometimes a book says … READ ME !!! I got that feeling when I picked it up off the table.

I then headed to Micky D’s for some lunch. When was the last time I took me out to lunch?

I headed for home after eating and did some supermarket safari on the way home so that I did not have to go out this evening. I had other plans.

It was a very productive day today.

More to come, stay tuned …