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Touched by an Angel

Page 1 of 365 … 2014… In the Beginning

2014-new-year-in-the-space_72147488206 crop

Today, we all have 365 blank pages to write about our lives.

What is it that you will write this year ???

*** *** *** ***

The year 2013 went out like a lion. Much of Canada is under a dome of frigid cold across the board. Tonight we are sitting at (-20c/-28 w.c.) at this hour.

Today is the day we get to hear all the stories about what happened to most folks last night, how much they drank, and how hung over they are today. And we also will find out very soon, just how many folks make that admission/realization and come to the rooms, looking for sobriety, whether it be by their own choice, or by a spouses encouragement.

We will be here to welcome anyone who crosses our doorways.

*** *** *** ***

We bid goodbye to 2013 very quietly last night. And it turns out that in the past year many good things came to pass which set us up for a hopefully prosperous 2014.

We finally surmounted and conquered “Fear of people and of economic insecurities will leave us” after waiting almost twelve years to see that promise come to fruition.

It was a year of learning, and trusting. I came to know, trust and love my friends in new ways. They carried me when I couldn’t stand. And for the love of my friends, changes were made to insure that I would have quality time with each of them on a weekly basis.

Marriage is defined in how much you loved your hubby/wife/partner. It wasn’t the best year, but we attacked the bad and we succeeded.

This year I vowed not to let us sink into the mire of U.S. television again. There is just too much that rots the mind, and kills the spirit out there, and if it doesn’t have to do with living here, we don’t need to feed on it any more.

In the year 2013, I hit more than 200 meetings.
That is a total (roundabout – 2,496) meetings over 12 years.

I have grown up in many ways. I’ve learned how to be more assertive, yet, carry myself humbly. I’ve worked very hard at making my little world a little brighter for my friends and fellows. It has been a strong year for us here in Montreal.

We ended the year in a meeting, and we all went home to our families for the festivities. Aside from Party programming, there was not much else to watch. We un-boxed our wedding flutes for the midnight toast. And we toasted the New Year, and by 12:05 a.m. we were done with tv parties.

New Years has become such a non-event. Without all the friends I had as a young person and the dinner/party/parade event that was the Orange Bowl Parade and Dick Clark to ring in the New Year, it just isn’t the same.

Those times are long gone. But on the good side, all of those people who were there then are still around to celebrate on Facebook.

The day was quiet. Hubby is home from work today and we’ve just been farting around online. I did my laundry for the week, and it seemed many others had that idea as well. Which happened a random act of kindness to a neighbor I had never seen before. Everything is closed today, including some meetings, so no meeting tonight. But there will be one tomorrow.

Not a lot going on today. It is way too cold to be out and about on this frigid day. And that frigid is supposed to last for a number of days.

*** *** *** ***


And for the start of 2014 we get this reflection for today …

“I am a Miracle”

The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.B.B. pg. 25

At 4 p.m. today we watched some Touched By an Angel and the Petey episode. It is one of the most special episodes I have ever seen.

I always loved the annunciation…

“I am an Angel sent by God, to tell you that God loves you very much.”

For many years during the darkest time of my life, Touched by an Angel was my touchstone. And became participant in how I would live the rest of my life, where life decisions were concerned.

May your lives be filled with Love, Respect, Joy and Peace.

All my hopes and wishes for this the first day of 2014.

Oratory … 2 Days …

Courtesy: Flickr Vishal Sharma 2006 c.

This is the altar of the Basilica at St. Joseph’s Oratory. Isn’t it amazing. Although this picture does not do it real justice, you have to actually stand in this massive Basilica to wonder at the grandeur of it all. It is so immense.

Wednesday is usually my off day to do nothing. But earlier this afternoon I got a call from a fellow who is in our step group saying that he was coming to pick me up in 15 minutes. So I went right from bed to shower and hurried my ass out the door to meet him at our pick up point.

We drove up to the Oratory and met a third fellow from the step group. It was a great afternoon of prayer and reflection. The tour of the church proper starts in the lower church in the building and the candle room where there are thousands of candles to be lit for prayers and the crypt of Brother Andre, who is pictured down on the sidebar here on the blog —>.

They have updated all the historical displays in the Basilica as per his canonization as a saint in 2010 by Pope Benedict XVI.

This actual photo resides in the display at the Oratory. It is a screen grab from the actual Canonization Mass in 2010.

Saint André Bessette, CSC (French: Frère André; August 9, 1845 – January 6, 1937), born Alfred Bessette and since his canonisation sometimes known as Saint André of Montreal, was a Holy Cross Brother and a significant figure of the Roman Catholic Church among French-Canadians, credited with thousands of reported miraculoushealings. He was declared venerable in 1978 and was beatified in 1982. Pope Benedict XVI approved sainthood for Blessed André on February 19, 2010, with the formal canonization taking place on October 17, 2010.

Wikipedia Entry.

It has been many years since I have visited the Basilica. And it was great taking time to pray in such a hallowed space. There are rooms with historical collections from the life of Brother Andre. A museum and the pinnacle of the tour is the grand basilica at the top of the building.

The basilica proper is just HUGE ! It must seat more than a thousand people. We spent a good amount of time in the Basilica praying and being quiet. On the way out we stopped by the main shop at the Oratory to pick up some odds and ends.

I found two prayer card that had prayers on them, one for Mother Teresa and one for John Paul II. I also found a book that I had never seen before in the shop called: John Paul the Great – Maker of the post-conciliar Church.

On the way up to the Oratory my friend was telling me a story about his night last night and that he got up in the middle of the night and put on Touched by an Angel – the Petey episode, the three episode arc. And I almost fainted. He brought the dvd to give to our other friend to watch. It was a sign. A sign from God. Who knew we had this little faith nugget in common and that he was sharing that with our men. I was like “Get out of here, you got to be kidding me right?”  But he wasn’t. I did not know you could get those episodes on dvd. I will have to check them out.

On the way home we stopped by 5 o’clock shadows for the meeting. We read from the Big Book. And since we got there a bit late, we just sat and listened.

So a very spiritual day to be sure. Just another gift from God, on the way to my anniversary on Friday. I am all prayed out for the day.

Now to nap for a bit. More to come, stay tuned…

Testify to Love

testify to love

Life with God, a Faith Journey

Micah 6:8

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

In writing about the past in my last entry “diagnosis” I wrote a reflection on a book that I had finished reading, but if you were not looking for it specifically, you might have missed one crucial aspect of survival in my writing of that entry and including the text that I had read, that crucial missing element is God.

When you read some of the early AIDS writers there is one alarmingly missing part of the puzzle. Nobody speaks the name of God, nobody invokes the power of God, and nobody is going to church to pray. This is a specific aspect of my story that I did not forget to write about – but as I read my spiritual text “Life with God” as I lie in bed, I am remiss to let this go without addressing it here.

There is no doubt that the Christian Right has much to answer for for its treatment of the sick when it comes to people with AIDS, be they children, men or women. And there is no doubt that the “Church” with a Capitol “C” plays their own role of hatred as well. And we must also cite the evangelical preachers across the board for their fire and brimstone direct condemnation of people with AIDS as being “Punished by God, for their acts of sinful behavior.” And then there is the family unit of those who were sick who unleashed their very own brand of religious condemnation when it came to denying their own children when it came to AIDS and death. I would be remiss if I did not mention these specifically by name because you are all guilty as charged.

I never had issues with my faith when I got sick. Even when the world turned their backs on so many, when it came down to the nuts and bolts of survival, I truly believe within a shadow of a doubt that a Power Greater than myself was taking care of me. And I know that because when I got sick, I got sober at the same time, having daily contact with a power greater than myself in that precise time in my life paid out dividends. I prayed, my friends prayed, my community prayed. We all prayed.

Never once in much of Paul Monette’s writing does he mention church or prayer, although Paul and some of his contemporaries were involved with Ma Jaya in Los Angeles and in Florida. She was the leader of a community of people who did great things for people with AIDS, and she did for me as well. I would be remiss if I did not mention her here because I spent time on her ashram in Florida on several occasions after my diagnosis. She was very big on tv when on a particular late night show she would be seen speaking to a pair of parents who abandoned their son when he got sick and eventually died of AIDS and Ma was seen shaking a vial of ashes in front of them saying “how could you do that to your son?” That was what got me to seek her out and to know her because I too had been abadoned by my family.

Faith and Faith in God was a huge part of my life, my story, my recovery, and my survival. I must have done something right after all these years, to still be talking about this subject some fifteen years after the fact and I am still alive. Someone up there loves me enough to plead to God on my behalf. None of this goes unnoticed. I just thought it was important to talk about that part of my survival, because you just cannot survive on drugs alone. Because you can stuff yourself full of medication, but unless there is some conscious or unconscious action behind them, those pills are useless. If one does not put some power of grace behind the act of taking a pill, why take the pill to begin with?

There is a definite correlation between what the brain tells the body, the body eventually follows. So if you are sick and you bombard yourself with thoughts of death all the time, death is what you are going to get. And for some, death was the only conclusion to life and illness. There are just some things that happen that cannot be countered. Everyone is going to die at one time or another, and I know that God sees each and every one of us who suffers and he works to end that suffering, and sometimes, the end to suffering is death. No matter how much one prays or believes, if illness overcomes you, and for many it does, death is a foregone conclusion. But I lived…

When I moved to Miami in 1995, I returned to my roots of Holy Mother Church. I sought out the fathers of the cloth. I returned to the church of my upbringing, yes I was gay, I was sick and I was waiting to die. God had other plans for me. And I firmly believe that. I also firmly believe that Nuestra Senora Caridad del Cobre prayed for my soul, I firmly believe that Jesus walked with me, and that Mary prayed with me, and that God saw that I wanted to live because I was activly living my faith in the direst of situations. Death was imminent. I was supposed to die. At least that’s what the medical establishment told me, either they got it wrong, or God had other plans.

In moving to the Mercy Hospital Immunodeficiency clinic, that was a very Catholic institution. Because we lived in a very “Latin i.e. Cuban” religious and secular system of care. Many, if not all the women who worked in this circle were good church going, God fearing Catholic Women, who all had God’s ear. Not to mention the men and other doctors they served under they were quite the team of spiritually prepared warriors for God’s poor, downtrodden, and sick.

There was a faith component to our care. There was no denying it, there was no avoiding it, there was no disrespect, there was no question. Even the sick went to church, and when the sick could not get to church, they were visited by the Church. Now you couple sobriety and a power greater then myself, which I choose to call God, to this day, with prayer and sacramental living, you have one powerful energy machine for healthy living. And I know on those days when I found it difficult to speak, others were praying for me day and night.

Hell hath no fury like a group of faithful Cuban prayer people. We recited the rosary daily in any language you chose. We went to mass daily, and we received the sacraments. We were visited by holy men and women, we were even treated to spiritual retreats by holy men and women on the grounds of the Church of Our Lady of Charity, Caridad del Cobre. God saw us come, he heard us pray. And for many, they lived.

The one important thing I have to say for myself is that I lived.

I remember when I went to my church of my upbringing and I told the priests that I was sick and that they doctors has said that i was going to die, I remember holy men weeping, and telling me confidently that ONE, you will come to church, TWO, you will pray, THREE, you will see the face of God. They believed for me when I could not believe for myself.

I often tell the story of Father Jeff, a priest I met one Sunday who had MS, and he walked with crutches in and around and out of the church. He had no use of his legs, but he did have the use of his faith. And that day i watched him say mass that one Sunday, i knew I would never complain about being sick ever again. I would never become as jaded and cold to faith as many did before me. Many of my friends went to their graves cursing God because of what they had witnessed themselves in human beings who became animals, they, those cursed Christians who had not one word to offer the sick, but their vitriol of condemnation.

Still to this day, on this very blog, I get the odd Cursed Christian who thinks that I listen to their hatred and self righteousness. That I would even consider sharing their cursed comments with this readership. how wrong is that!!!

For many years, on Sunday nights, I would rush home to watch Touched By an Angel, and I have to say that I believe to this day that there are angels that walk the earth and that I am not alone, and neither are you. It would come to pass that this little show that could could be attributed to my good health. Because I believed and I prayed and I listened to a few angels who said, God loves you.

I guess that the spark of God never left me, even as a child, when my grandmother Memere presented me to God, that day in that church when I was just a boy, had a lasting affect on my life, even to this very day. Now, you want to talk about blind faith, mention to God the names Camille and Sister Georgette. They are both long since dead, Sisiter Georgette died two years ago August here in Montreal, Memere died a few years after I was diagnosed. They are two women I know have God’s ear.

I wanted to share this bit of text with you from “Life with God” pg 134, Foster writes:

“Life with God is an ongoing, ever changing, relational adventure. It is not a matter of being driven through life, stopping every now and then to get out of the car and see the surroundings. God invites us to climb into the landscape of our journey, to breathe deeply with full lungs, to feel blood pulsing through muscles doing what they were made to do, to experience the wonder of having a body with which to see and hear and smell and taste and touch of this astonishing world.”

We have the opportunity to incorporate the Streams of Living Water into our daily lives when we stop to ponder these sic paths together:

  • The Contemplative tradition, or “The Prayer filled life”
  • The Holiness tradition, or “The Virtuous life”
  • The Charismatic tradition, or “The Spirit-empowered life”
  • The Social Justice tradition, or “The Compassionate life”
  • The Evangelical tradition, or “The Word-Centered life,” and
  • The Incarnational tradition, or “The Sacramental Life”

I have discussed these six traditions with you last term when I studied Christian Spirituality, each of these traditions have their own entries on this blog, if you are so adventurous to go seek them out. Suffice to say that there is no life, without faith. And there is no faith without life. There are no words to speak to God in gratitude for all that He has given us, fortunate are we to share some time together here, in order that I might share my faith journey with you.

One of the things that mystifies my doctors today is my reliance on faith, when doctors who run by the book and by the numbers who are faced with patients that believe in God and have stock in faith, that seems to throw my doctor off the deep end. You can’t convince a scientist or doctor that faith plays a big role in the longevity of the sick. They say, what ever works, and for me what ever works.

May God bless you,

may his light shine upon you
and may the Spirit of God rest upon your heads and hearts.

Fear Not !!!


Luke 2:8-14

“And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”


I feel good tonight, I spent the last two days Christmas shopping and for the most part I am finished, but there are a couple more gifts I need to get out in the next week. Gifts are not such a big deal for us, because really, what do we really need, that we cannot get any other day? So the Christmas challenge each year is for both of us to create a special gift from scratch. This gift [or gifts] cannot come from our lists, but it has to be original.

This is where I take a page out of my mother in laws play book. I find a pretty basket from a local store and I fill it with little things from here and there. Each gift in the basket is wrapped separately and usually, for me, runs on a theme for that year. I spent the better part of Wednesday and Thursday combing the underground city for trinkets and goodies. It was a great success…

Yesterday, which would have been Thursday, I went back to the underground city to complete my mission. One of my nieces wants a “Webkin!”  What did I know about webkins, so I happened to my little Gold Crown Store where I buy most, if not all of my “special gifts” for people every year. I know the shop owners, and every year the wife of the owner calls me when she gets her collection in and I shop like a mad woman on a Charge It spree… This year did not disappoint.

I got a webkin for my niece. This webkin I found out was a little animal, sort of like a beanie baby, but in pet form, and you can purchase cards with internet codes on them to buy things and clothes for your virtual pet online. [who knew??] I bought her an adorable little blue dog and a handful of internet cards and a set of trading cards, which itself holds codes for more online purchases.

While I was there on Wednesday I bought a box of Christmas cards because Blinky was in the mood to write cards, [what you’ve never heard of Blinky?] Blinky is Santa’s head elf at the North Pole and he visits Montreal every year and wreaks havoc throwing snow balls at people on the street. He’s a little mischievous.  I came home and methodically wrote out all the addresses on the envelopes and Blinky did the writing. All of my Christmas cards are in the mail now, and Blinky has taken my lists to the North Pole…

At this time of year, I check my reads for their wish lists. Blinky has a tradition of sending Christmas gifts to people every year, so if you have a wish list, please let me know and I will forward your link on to Blinky!! You never know if you will get a Blinky gift from the North Pole.

I am almost done with my last paper for Celtic Christianity, it is due on Monday. I have the rest of the weekend to finish it, and I have 6 pages written already, so anything more is icing on the cake, so to speak.

There are 18 shopping days until Christmas…

Sunday the 9th of December, is my [6th sober anniversary] YAY!!!


China frees 3 Canadian activists after Tibet protest


Canadians, all from British Columbia, were demanding China pull out of Tibet

Three Canadians arrested by Chinese police following a protest at the Great Wall against China’s presence in Tibet have been released.

Melanie Raoul of Vancouver was arrested Tuesday in China.

Melanie Raoul of Vancouver was arrested Tuesday in China.
(Courtesy of Freya Putt)

The British Columbian activists — Lhadon Tethong, Sam Price and Melanie Raoul — left China after their release on Wednesday and flew into Hong Kong.

“It was draining, exhausting, psychologically traumatizing, although we weren’t physically hurt,” Raoul, 25, told CBC News from Hong Kong.

Raoul and Price, both of Vancouver, were arrested Tuesday after they unfurled a 42-square-metre banner reading “One World, One Dream, Free Tibet 2008” in English and Chinese from the Great Wall.

The banner adds three words — “Free Tibet 2008” — to the official slogan of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, which began their one-year countdown on Tuesday.

Tethong, 31, was arrested Wednesday. She was not involved in the Great Wall protest, but she spent her time in China writing a blog and posting videos and photos online about what the group calls China’s “propaganda campaign” leading up to next year’s Olympic Games.

Five other activists — two from the U.K and three from the United States — were also arrested and released.

All the activists are part of Students for a Free Tibet, a New York-based group for which Tethong serves as executive director.

Tethong said the group knew their actions on the Great Wall weren’t legal and that arrests were a possibility.

Lhadon Tethong, one of three Canadian protesters released by Chinese authorities, is seen at a Buddhist temple in Beijing in this undated photo.

Lhadon Tethong, one of three Canadian protesters released by Chinese authorities, is seen at a Buddhist temple in Beijing in this undated photo.
(Beijing Wide Open/Canadian Press)

“We knew that was the most likely scenario, but it’s not like it was the goal of what we were doing,” said Tethong, a Tibetan-Canadian who was born and raised in Victoria, but now lives in New York.

“The goal was to raise the issue.”

“Some people might think that’s sort of extreme, but we would say China violating the fundamental human rights of Tibetans and their own people and the cultural genocide of Tibet is extreme.”

Police surrounded Tethong in front of an Olympic merchandise store in Beijing and demanded to see her passport. They brought her into a police station, where they showed her printouts of her blog.

“They definitely took jabs at me for being Tibetan,” Tethong said. “They were saying I have an an accent like a Chinese and I have blood from China.”

We were scared for her
Tethong’s sister, Deyden Tethong, told CBC News that she and her family were scared while Tethong was in custody.

“It was nerve-racking for us,” Deyden said at 12:15 ET, about 15 minutes after learning that her sister had boarded a plane out of Beijing.

“We were very scared for her, but at the same time she keeps saying, ‘I have a Canadian passport, so I know people are looking out for me.'”

Sam Price, 32, was one of six activists arrested Tuesday in China.

Sam Price, 32, was one of six activists arrested Tuesday in China.
(Courtesy of Freya Putt)

Deyden said she was surprised her sister was detained, since she was not part of the group of activists on the Great Wall.

“The activists that were taken off the Great Wall, that made sense,” Deyden said. “It was pushing the boundaries and it was illegal, but my sister, all she was doing was blogging about her feelings … and talking about what she saw and what she felt.”

Raoul’s mother, Valerie, said she is excited to see her daughter again.

“We don’t know when they’ll be coming back to Vancouver, but they know they’ll get a really big welcome,” she said.

Harper Promised to Help
The incident drew international attention, with videos of the Great Wall protest posted on YouTube. Prior to news of the activists release, Prime Minister Stephen Harper said Wednesday that his government was working to gather information.

“We’ll be doing everything we can do to help and of course pointing out to the Chinese government — as we’re entitled to do — that such expressions of opinion are a natural part of the human rights that Canadians do expect in this country,” Harper said.

The Students for a Free Tibet group wants Tibet freed from China and say the Chinese government is using the Games to gain international acceptance.

The group also wants the International Olympic Committee (IOC) to push the case for Tibetan freedom.

China invaded Tibet in 1950, and in 1999 declared it to be an “inseparable part of China.” In 2004, a government policy paper said Tibet had always been part of China, and before the Chinese imposed direct rule, Tibet was “even darker and more backward than medieval Europe.”

With files from the Canadian Press

Just beneath the Surface …


Do you see it?
Can you feel it?
Do you ever think about it?

M O R T A L I T Y !!!!

I started my day in a church. Do you know why I did that? Why it was important for me to receive the sacraments today? To have a minister pray with me and for me, to bless me and absolve me,

Almighty God,
to you all hearts are open,
all desires known,
and from you no secrets are hidden,
Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts
by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit,
that we may perfectly love you,
and worthily magnify your holy name;
Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

The older I get, the more serious is my thought about Mortality. We all will face it one day, but I can’t help but ponder this subject in greater detail, because unlike many of you, life could take a turn very quickly and I could die, the last time this happened was in 2006 when I was testing new medications, and I got severely ill and I remember saying to myself one particular night that “I thought I would die.”

On my birthday I was sitting in the room at the meeting, the church above us I spoke about the fact that none of us know when that appointed day will come, but for me I have been waiting on it for some time. I fancy God sitting up in his heaven, with a sly look on his face, holding strong to one corner of the carpet that I am standing on and he yanks it up and I fall, the end comes crashing down around me.

Nobody wants to say the words, but I know that many of my friends are wary of mentioning the word “death” so they speak in hushed tones using words like “I’m so proud of you”, and “that I am a miracle” and “that God has blessed me with long life,” to date. The best line is this one “He looks so good, that unless you knew or asked – you’d never know he had AIDS!”

I work very hard at avoiding or talking about the obvious strain on my mental health, yet I do not dwell on death, but I have a healthy fear of it for sure. You’d never know I was even gay, from the outside. You’d never know that there was an ember burning quietly and strongly beneath the surface. That person sitting in the same place as you had a date with death several times in his life, and he avoided the reaper.

I remarked to a friend that I was afraid of what was ahead of me after the meeting, and for some they cannot fathom this fact, but my friends did. Some of the men told me that I should go on with my life and not think about it, but how can I Not think about it?

I just wanted to remind you that Mortality is an issue that I deal with every day now. Each day that passes – I thank God for life – which is why I went to mass and I think in retrospect, that is why the Reverend Canon laid hands on me and asked God to bless me and keep me healthy. I heard the urgency in her voice – the necessity that God grant that prayer – right then and there. To guarantee me a place “in community” for as long as God would permit.

I do not know how long my body will continue to take the pills I push upon it daily, or how long these new medications will continue to work – we are only a few months in and things look very good on paper, my body seems to like these mew medications and I haven’t had any great bodily changes. The look of death has not come over me – that gaunt AIDS look that most men get at some point in their journey, those you know are marked for death.

I remember my spirit and I pray daily and I attend mass when I can, and I spend time helping others because as long as I keep the focus off of me and on someone else, I can avoid having to look at the cold hard truth for very long. But I must tell you that I have had that “conversation with God” this week, and I made a deal. I think he agreed on the deal, as long as I served Him – and did my best every day – and I stayed in my day and not expected to die – that I would live a long life.

Religion, what is it? Is it a comfort to help us on the way to our graves? To give us something to focus on in death? A loving God, a forgiving Christ and a Spirit that loves us to fill the soul of man with hope that on that appointed day we would stand with our maker and be granted eternal life!

Is religion a cop out? The easy path?

I don’t know what to think – but I do believe – and for me that simple kernel of faith saves me. I know that nobody wants to think about it, so I write and remind you of the ever present fact that we all will face our mortality, some sooner than others. I’ve studied death and dying in my undergraduate career.


For many years I held on to the visual of Monica, the Angel from “Touched by an Angel” who said those simple words “I’m an angel sent by God, to tell you that God Loves You.”

I have seen every episode and I have a collection of hundreds of episodes here at home. During those years that I was so sick and I needed something to hold onto this little television show was my salvation, a second helping of God every Sunday after returning home from an evening mass. I kind of fancy that Andrew would stand here with me on that final moment to carry me to God in heaven.


It was easy to let go and let God, because of my faith in God and this little show that confirmed to me in visual form that there were angels and that I wasn’t alone, sitting in my apartment, sick as a dog. They even touched on the “aids” stories and the fact that even people with AIDS had angels. I believed that and I still do. Now in syndication, on Vision TV I can watch TBAA at night here in Montreal. And at Christmas I can watch the special shows that were created over the years while the show was running.

I find it funny the lengths I went to to maintain my spiritual beliefs when everyone around me was worrying that I was going to die, I was worried about that and the fact that I had no idea how I was going to survive another year. These memories are found back in 1998 and 1999.

When Christians were condemning us, my family included there, the angels were there to tell us that God loved us and still loves us today. That faith worked, because I lived another ten years and now we start another decade with stronger faith and a few angels here and there…

I’m fully aware of my mortality and that scares me.

Ironies of life


  1. Americans bitch that they don’t make enough money
  2. That they don’t have adequate health care
  3. They can’t pay for medications and eat together
  4. That they can’t pay astronomical hospital and doctor bills or maintain health insurance at the high rates they are at
  5. Seniors go without, people are homeless and on the street
  6. Some are poor and could not even afford to ponder the thought of buying an iphone
  7. That they don’t have everything that they need
  8. Houses are being foreclosed, credit debt is sky high
  9. And our children go without things they so desperately need
  10. Some kids go without meals, clothing and proper school supplies
  11. The need for the material has well eclipsed rationality and mindfulness of the difference between what is necessary and rational And what is extravagance and irrational
  12. Food prices are rising
  13. Housing costs are rising
  14. Not to mention insurance for cars, homes and persons
  15. Gas prices are through the roof and people are still driving cars that guzzle gas
  16. And they complain that they can’t afford to drive so much any more because of those rising prices all the way around

And now people have lined up to spend upwards of 559.98 to 659.98 PLUS the calling plans additional for a freaking cell phone, oh wait, and iPhone!!

What is wrong with this picture?

ATLANTA and CUPERTINO, California—June 26, 2007—AT&T Inc. and Apple® today announced three simple, affordable service plans for iPhone™ which start at just $59.99 per month. All three plans include unlimited data, Visual Voicemail, 200 SMS text messages, roll-over minutes and unlimited mobile-to-mobile calling. With everything else already included, iPhone customers can easily choose the plan that’s right for them based on the amount of voice minutes they plan to use each month. In addition, iPhone customers can choose from any of AT&T’s standard service plans.

iPhone goes on sale at 6:00 p.m. (local time) on Friday, June 29 and will be sold in the US through Apple’s retail and online stores and AT&T retail stores. iPhone will be available in a 4GB model for $499 (US) and an 8GB model for $599 (US), and will work with either a PC or Mac®. All iPhone monthly service plans are available for individuals and families and are based on a new two-year service agreement with AT&T. Individual plans are priced at $59.99 for 450 minutes, $79.99 for 900 minutes and $99.99 for 1,350 minutes. All plans include unlimited data (email and web), Visual Voicemail, 200 SMS text messages, roll over minutes and unlimited mobile-to-mobile and a one-time activation fee of $36. Family plans are also available.

You Do the Math!!!

Stop the Genocide in Darfur


On Tonight’s Democratic Debate from New Hampshire, questions were asked about Darfur and ending the genocide. The answers were interesting. ONE major suggestion from the panel was to BOYCOTT the Summer Olympics in Beijing China and force the Chinese to stop doing business with Sudan. Since they obtain large amounts of oil from Sudan, this is an important issue. China has repeatedly been called on their record of Human Rights Abuses.

Democratic leaders feel that China could get involved in the issues of Darfur/Sudan and stop the Genocide – by ending their huge demands and their use of huge amounts of Sudanese Oil. They are not the only country who could do something today about Darfur, the world needs to sort out its priorities.

Should we (the World) take that great step and Boycott Beijing in 2008? For more than one reason?



The Olympics in Beijing, China

The Games of the XXIX Olympiad…

Summer 2008 to stop the genocide in Darfur?
Should we hold China accountable as a World Participant
and should we as well, hold world leaders accountable
for their inability to stop World Genocides
all over the Earth!!!

Taking care of me …


I double dipped tonight. It was a good day. I started off on the right foot, and took time to remember my spirit. I had some time before I left the house to watch some “Touched by an Angel,” Psalm 151, my favorite episode…

I got ready for my evening and set off. All is well.

Today’s meetings were great. I met some new folks and shared some experience, strength and hope, which is always good. I am getting reconnected again. It is time for me to get back out there and do some footwork. Sobriety cannot be had sitting ones one ass, in order to put time in the bank you have to get out there and do your banking.

After the 6:30 meeting I was talking to some people and I was asked to sit in on the speaker meeting at 8p.m. And I have to say that this young lady did not take a breath during her entire share, it was like the energizer bunny had gone off at the table.

Oh My God, she made me anxious sitting there listening to her rattle off her story at a mile a minute interspersed with “you know” and “like” and she kinda reminded me of an angsty Avril Lavigne… bejeezus… take a breath for Christ’s sake…

I was all relaxed and ready to hear some great testimony and afterwards I felt like I had just run a marathon in less than 30 minutes…

In the end I gave the “beginners chip” sermon, which was nice after so long an absence.

Time to have dinner and hit the books. I have some reading to do for a reading assignment due tomorrow. Hey PB I am reading the Kierkegaard text “Fear and Trembling” for my LAST term paper of my Undergraduate career. Holy shit I can’t believe it, the last undergraduate term paper assignment. Just a few more weeks to go and we are finished with the undergraduate portion of my studies. Can you believe it? For those who have been on the train since the beginning. I don’t think there are many of you out there who were readers way back when, I know of ONE (Eric).

I feel much better, I am centered and I am sober.

I will be hitting a few more meetings this week that were pointed out to me IN my own neighborhood, who knew!!

see ya later…

God gives Inspiration…


Man gives “information” but God gives “Inspiration,” when we have no words God puts “Into our spirits” the words which would not necessarily come from our mouths…


That phrase that saved me, “I am an angel sent by God, to tell you that God loves you.”


Testify to Love

All the colors of the rainbow
All of voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out
That reaches out to find where love begins
Every word of every story
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation lives to testify

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I’ll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

From the mountains to the valleys
From the rivers to the sea
Every hand that reaches out
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy
Every step to kingdom come
All the Hope in every heart will speak what love has done

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I’ll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love