Snow is falling on our fair city tonight. Lots of decorations up, twinkly lights, and lots of real Christmas Tree sales points are open.
With all my weekly chores done, today was a lazy day. And I took full advantage of it.
There has emerged a theme to this week, as it went. One Word, “Trouble.”
My relationship with my sponsors answering machine continued today, day three. It wasn’t until I arrived at the Friday meeting, that I found someone who knew why he was M.I.A.
“You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille …. ”
I’ve been feeling a little out of my league as of late. Second guessing myself, and wondering if what I have in my bank is worthwhile, and if the words I have used as of late, have done the job, I intended them to do?
As a writer, I study lots of things. People, Books, Speeches, Ted Talks, you get the picture.
I have said in the past that I am an amalgamation of everyone I know, and you could also say that some of the words in my bank, came from other people, along the way, and little snippets of advice or teaching, come from various places. (see above illustration).
Working with others, is our greatest defense against that next drink, or any drink for that matter.
And my guys keep me on my toes.
I have something intimate in common with each of them. Each for a different reason. In 47 seven years of life, I have collected a wealth of information. Language, Culture, Faith, the Common substance abuse issues, a University Education and 13 years of Sobriety to offer (well, 21 years if you count the first time and the time in between).
With my sponsor out of reach for the time being, what I have from him, in the bank, is what he has taught me, and what I have learned about myself in the past year, working with him.
When I cannot talk to him, I rely on others to fill that void.
If you don’t know what to do, in times like this, call someone else you trust, or just go to another meeting, where, as it always happens, the right topic goes to the table for people to talk about, which was the case tonight.
You never know the challenges that people are facing on any given night. Which translates to the thought, “Always be kind to others, because you never know the burdens they carry.”
Which also leads to “be careful the words you use, because one slip up can destroy a human spirit.”
I’ve had to really trust in my ability to choose words wisely, and even then, I second guess myself sometimes. When another human being relies on you, it isn’t about me or my ego. And if I ever forget that, I just think of David. (long story)
Some sponsors let power and ego go to their heads, which always ends up in disaster.
We sat a fair group. Not a huge number, sufficient for the hour. We welcomed friends home for the holidays, and that will continue for the next week or so, everybody will be in attendance by next weekend. Our Christmas Party is set for the 19th.
The Friday meeting is very special. People from all over the city come. Folks you don’t usually see at our meeting have been showing up, for various specific reasons. Even in sobriety people have tough times, and our young people keep it green for them.
Tonight’s read relates to the Fourth Promise …
“No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.”
It does not bode well, if I second guess myself, when giving advice to someone, who is doing that same thing themselves. Sometimes we shoot ourselves in the foot for no good reason. And sometimes in sobriety, we are our own worst enemies. When we second guess, we think we are less than, or not good enough, we defeat all the progress we have made to this point in time.
I find myself returning to my bank for words. My collection is vast and comes from many places. In a ten year education career, I have studied various things, religious and theological. My library of books, here at home, is massive. I have more than a hundred books that I have read over the years. Many subjects, many traditions, such a so forth.
And I find when I don’t have words, that I know where to get them.
In the end it all comes down to two basic thoughts, in every case.
ONE – Where ever you are on your timeline, at what ever point on that time line, you are right where you need to be and right where you are supposed to be, at any given moment.
“Nothing, Absolutely Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.”
TWO – When it comes down to brass tacks, If you did not drink to day, it was a good day.
“Acceptance is the KEY to ALL my problems.”
We all have troubles. In sobriety we learn how to rank them, sort them, then deal with them properly, and that takes time and lots of work. Which is why the Friday meeting is so important. because I never leave that meeting without learning something from someone.
Edit … much later
The literature rack in any meeting is the least used item in the room, on any given night. We put it out at every meeting. We also encourage folks to take some, and subtly leave them around where someone who might need them, find them. We pay good money to stock our literature racks with plenty of stuff to read, that for the most part, goes unread.
Tonight I was on the train coming home and I was sitting in the front car, off to the left side against a window, as is usual for me. I did not notice it when I boarded the train, but when I got to my stop, I looked down to the floor, to the left of the door, and there in French, was a piece of literature, left on the train for someone to pick up. I smiled to myself. Some crafty member found some place to leave something for someone to later pick up.
At least someone on the French side makes use of literature !!!
More to come, stay tuned …