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Posts tagged “Buddhist Boot Camp

We are the Victims of Our Own Choices

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Where we are today is a direct result of decisions we’ve made as far back as ten years or lifetimes ago, and as recently as last night.

We have a tremendous personal responsibility for the way our life has turned out, and an equally important role of steering it into the future. Although we constantly make decisions, we’re not always mindful of their far reaching consequences.

Here is the catch: the path of LEAST resistance will often take you farther from your destination than the seemingly more difficult one, but an easy trek in the wrong direction is ultimately far more exhausting and devastating than the uphill climb toward euphoria.

Instead of looking to blame others for your dilemma, look within. Any circumstance (no matter how devastating it may seem), is not only caused by a past event, but is actually a blessing if we gain wisdom from it. History doesn’t have to repeat itself if we can learn from our mistakes the first time around.

Treat every living being, including yourself, with kindness, and the world will immediately be a better place.

Buddhist Boot Camp pages 17,18…

If you really want to do something,
you will find a way.
If you don’t, you will find an excuse.
E. James Rohn

I’ve been dealing with another round of rage and anger. The book says I need to pray for those I resent and are angry at. I say No to that idea, categorically.

I will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER utter one word of prayer for my father, my mother, or my brother, in no uncertain terms. I don’t care if it eats me alive. As long as I don’t drink over it, so be it.

I will never offer God my words of prayer because of choices they made in my life. I would never ask God to give them ANYTHING, EVER. That would be a waste of my good prayer life, my prayer energy and my values and morals.

God knows what needs to be done about this situation.

Twenty years ago, I made one decision about my life. I never thought about the far reaching circumstances that would arise from that one decision.

Sixteen years ago, I made a second decision, which brought me here to Montreal. The only goal I had in mind for myself was the better life I wanted for myself. I never imagined that it would get this good, or that I would live this long to see it happen.

Now, in hindsight and a little Buddhist Boot Camp, I see just what circumstances befell me in making those two critical decisions in my life and where they took me to date.

Fifty is just days away now …

Gratitude really matters.

That which makes your heart beat, the name you give it, isn’t as important as the appreciation you have for it.

Let go the need to know.
Is my behavior in line with my values ???


Friday: Trying to Maintain …

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The world has turned upside down. Thankfully, I am still sober. I know what I must do to maintain. Perfection is but an illusion. Imperfection is the truth. The answer is within as long as one can be quiet enough to hear it.

This week has not been easy at all. I don’t remember the last time someone said to me that they were sick, and were in a hospital, being diagnosed with a virulent strain of PCP Pneumonia. An opportunist infection, indicative of a sero-conversion event, that has resulted in a flat AIDS diagnosis. This did not happen just Once, it happened Twice.

A very good friend, and his equally familiar husband, have BOTH been diagnosed with AIDS over the past few months. Sadly, an email I did not receive months ago, came to me last night, and I learned of these two diagnoses.

My one friend, had his pneumonia and his doctor told him that he was very sick, and that she would no longer be his doctor. Thankfully a Nigerian doctor took over and began the arduous job of trying to keep my friend alive. Last night we also learned that he has Lymphoma. What type of Lymphoma will not be know till next week.

Sadly, Had I known this information months ago, when the email was first sent to me, we may have been able to avoid what is going on right now with him.

Another friend, is preparing to receive a very serious guest here in the city, and the planning of mental healthcare has begun for him.

Things had been stable for a while now, and it seemed, it was just prep for the shit hitting the fan this week, all at once, and all at the same time.

I’ve come to the point in my journey right now that I need to sit back and be quiet. I need to listen and I need to stop taking on people and situations that are just not good for me, for a myriad of reasons.

With that in mind, I have turned my attention to the Buddhist Boot Camp, and Timber Hawkeye. I need a little direction and some simple spiritual truths at the moment.

I can’t help anyone, if my bank is empty. I need to empty my vessel, so it can be filled. I need some serious sleep, because I have not been sleeping well at all. And I have been agitated beyond my comfort zone with people in the program, locally.

I am too agitated to sit in certain meetings right now, seeing I walked out of a meeting, prematurely on Sunday last. Something I don’t usually do, ever. Now I know, why I am agitated, and I know what to do to calm myself.

There is no perfect solution to sobriety. Because there are no perfect examples in my sphere of friends. I need to stick to certain routines and meetings and people.

We may loose some people … And I know this intimately.


Blood is Thicker than Water … Or is it Really ?

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For many years I didn’t understand the definition of the word “family” at all; I confused it with the word “relatives.” Your “family” isn’t necessarily blood related; it is the people in your life who want you in theirs; the people who accept you for who you are. They are the ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what. Blood makes you related, but it’s loyalty that makes you family.

We’ve all heard the phrase “Blood is thicker than water,” and I always assumed it meant that blood-related family is more important than anyone outside that circle. It wasn’t until recently that I learned the origin of that phrase: “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” It literally means the opposite of what I always thought it did! — From Chapter 4 in Faithfully Religionless