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Posts tagged “Connections

Sunday Sundries: Remembering Ebby T.

A.A. #3 Bill D.

The month of June is coming to a close. And this evening was the last “reading” meeting of the month. Last week, June 10th, (1935) was the 82nd anniversary of Dr. Bob’s first full day of sobriety. This also marks the first day of the Fellowship of A.A.

Where it all started.

This week, I decided to go full bore and offer up Dr. Bob’s Nightmare, for the group to read. It is good to be the chair, because we get to choose what it is we will read, weekly.

The discussion went around the room, and one of my old timer friends, a man who was there at my first meeting at Tuesday Beginner’s more than fifteen years ago, spoke about EBBY T.

Not many  tend to remember Ebby T. in the grand scheme of things.

Back in the day, before the fellowship came together with Dr. Bob and Bill, Bill had his first pass at sobriety, in the guise of Ebby T, sitting in Bill’s kitchen one night.

Ebby had gotten sober via the Oxford Group. The forerunner of the Fellowship.

Ebby and Bill were talking over drinks, sitting in Bill’s kitchen. Bill filled his tumbler with drink and offered one to Ebby.

Ebby replied to Bill, “No Bill, I’ve found religion…”

Obviously, Bill did not take to that first pass.

Eventually Bill did get sober. Ebby did not stay sober over the years, but he did die a sober man.

Dr. Bob was a hopeless case. His story is quite drastic, as to the story he relates of just how bad it had gotten at the bitter end.

Dr. Bob tells the story of his activity at home. I can see that house in my minds eye, because my grandparents had a similar house that was built, back in the forties. I spent a number of years in that house and I could see, where Dr. Bob had hid his liquor.

(Read: All over the house)

My grandfather was a drinker like Dr. Bob.

Lorna Kelly talks about the night that Bill had contacted a priest, who led him, that fateful night, into Dr. Bob’s life.

Nikos Kazantzakis tells us that

“To always chose the easy path is Treason for the Soul.”

On that night, as Bill was standing in the Mayflower Hotel in Akron Ohio, his business deal had fallen through, he was broke, and he wanted a drink.

Heaven Held Its Breath, in that moment …

What was Bill going to do ? Off to one side of the lobby was the bar. A drink seemed the most logical choice. But was drinking a choice Bill wanted to make ?

On another wall, was a telephone and a church directory. Bill knew that his sobriety hinged on talking to another alcoholic. He made a number of calls, that went no where.

On his last dial, from that church directory, Bill reached a parish priest, whom he inquired if that man knew someone that Bill might speak to.

I kind of remember Henrietta Sieberling somewhere inside this rendition. But I am not sure of that. But she sticks out in my minds eye.

Dr. Bob was that other man, that very night.

Dr. Bob was a mess. His life was in the hole, but his wife, Anne Ripley Smith, had other ideas. She had been searching for a solution to her husband’s drinking problem.

Dr. Bob, quotes himself in the read by saying …”We alcoholics seem to have a gift of picking out the world’s finest women…” Admitting that Anne was a woman he was blessed to be married to.

At the start, Bill told Anne that he only had fifteen minutes to offer their visitor.

Dr. Bob writes: “We entered the house at exactly five o’clock and it was eleven fifteen when we left.” A friend of Anne’s had called Anne and told her that Dr. Bob, might want to meet this man (read: Bill) who might help Dr. Bob stop drinking.

Dr. Bob goes on to write: “Of far more importance was the fact that he was the first living human with whom I had ever talked, who knew what he was talking about in regard to alcoholism from actual experience. In other words, he talked my language.

Bill knew all the answers, and certainly not because he had picked them up in his reading.

The theme of One Alcoholic talking to another, is how we get sober and we remain sober, for our lives sake. If we don’t connect, sobriety does not work.

It is all about that most important blessing … CONNECTION.

Dr. Bob did stay sober for a few weeks. He went to a conference in Atlantic City, where he found the drink again. But he returned to Bill and on June 10th, 1935, Dr. Bob achieved his first full day of Sobriety.

The dawn of the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous began.

The very next story in the Big Book: Is about Bill D. Alcoholics Anonymous Number Three.

This photo (Above) is the seminal photo you will find in almost every General Service Office world wide, and in New York’s GSO. The photo is of Bill W., Dr. Bob and Bill D. Sitting in his hospital bed.

Bill D. was the Pioneer member of Akron’s Group Number 1. The First A.A. group in the world. Bill kept his faith; therefore, he and countless others found a new life.

Bill D. was the first successful transmission of the message of recovery, and Bill D. did remain sober and founded Akron recovery.

Bill closes his story with this gem:

If you think you are an atheist, an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what is in this book, I feel sorry for you. If you still think you are strong enough to beat the game alone, that is your affair.

But if you really and truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all, and sincerely feel that you must have some help, we know that we have an answer for you. It never fails, if you go about it with one half the zeal you have been in the habit of showing when you were getting another drink.

Your Heavenly Father will never let you down.


Blood is Thicker than Water … Or is it Really ?

Buddha with a view

For many years I didn’t understand the definition of the word “family” at all; I confused it with the word “relatives.” Your “family” isn’t necessarily blood related; it is the people in your life who want you in theirs; the people who accept you for who you are. They are the ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what. Blood makes you related, but it’s loyalty that makes you family.

We’ve all heard the phrase “Blood is thicker than water,” and I always assumed it meant that blood-related family is more important than anyone outside that circle. It wasn’t until recently that I learned the origin of that phrase: “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” It literally means the opposite of what I always thought it did! — From Chapter 4 in Faithfully Religionless


Thursday: Never Take Anything for Granted

friends-become

You never know when something you do, or something you say, will impact a life.

I’ve learned in my life, that it isn’t about STUFF, really. It is about connections, love, giving, sharing. Where in the world can you go, on any given day or night, and know, that every single soul in a particular room, has your back 100% ?

The most important job I have in this life, that I live, is to make sure, the meeting I do service at, is opened, set up, and ready to receive whomever walks through that door.

Service is a thankless job. If we don’t do service, the men and women who count on us to be there for them, will be left standing outside in the cold, with no where to be among their own for the hour they chose to visit us.

When I was young, Christmas was a family event. We all participated in decorating the trees, and bushes and anything that stood still long enough to be lit up with lights, to make sure, our house was the best LIT house on the street.

My parents provided wonderful Christmases throughout my life, until of course they found out that I was gay. Then all that good cheer went out the window. It did not matter that I was still family, what mattered was that I was a confessed homosexual.

Baby Jesus and Homosexual did not compute  !!!

I remember my first sober Christmas, this time around. It was the year 2002. I had met my then boyfriend just a couple of weeks before Christmas. He lived in the apartment we live in today. But the home we live in today, is light years from the apartment we had back then.

He was going to Ottawa for Christmas. And he gave me a set of keys to this apartment. And he said that I could stay here while he was out of town.

I never left …

We did not get a Christmas tree until Christmas 2003. Because by then, the world had shifted, and not in a good way. The mental illness roller coaster had left the station, and for the first and last time, I went home with him for Christmas. To guard his privacy and protect him from everybody else, because nobody knew the struggle he went through, and to this day, nobody knows about how hard he struggled and what we had to do to keep him safe and sound.

Christmas is an important event in our lives. For a long time, and for many years, after we first got together, Christmas was very paltry. We could not imagine participating in the holiday to the degree that the family participates in Christmas. We just did not have the money to pull it all off.

Peter’s Brother and Sister, have more money than we will ever see. Every Christmas, it is guaranteed, that we will get three sets of gifts. Baskets full of nice things. Useful things, stuff, we would not necessarily purchase for ourselves.

I remember the first year that we could spend money on gifts for everyone. All the adults, and especially the kids in the family. There are five young men and women today. Everybody gets a gift.

Christmas is a well planned event.

Over the years, we have learned the value of a dollar. We live in a very spartan apartment, so there is not a whole lot of room to put STUFF. We do share gifts together. But our lists are very short. And we get to open presents on Christmas gifts on Christmas morning.

For the last ten years, I have opened our home to friends who do not have families, locally, and I invite my friends to our dinner table, both on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is a tradition that my step mom taught us about.

There is an incalculable gift when you invite your friends to dine at your table on the holidays. It isn’t about anything but the simple gift of sharing.

Two years ago, Mama and the baby came into my life. Lu’s first Christmas was spent visiting grandma and grandpa in St. John’s. I was here, they were there. This is Lu’s second Christmas. And I am all in.

Today, the shipment of gifts I sent to St. John’s arrived. Lu and Mama will have Christmas in the best possible way. Even if I am not there with them.

I will win the best Christmas Gift EVER award this year for sure.

The most important job I have today, is making sure the meetings I go to are opened, and ready to receive.

I’ve worked in the nightclub business for a long time, when I got sober the first time, and I know very well, the lengths that people go to, to party on holiday nights. Holidays are some of the best nights in club business.

Alcoholics, in recovery, need just as much attention, as their drinking friends and family.

I’ve seen many, many people suffer through the holiday’s. I know what they are going through. I’ve spent fifteen years watching people make choices during the holidays, that were not necessarily, well thought through.

I once spoke my mind to a suffering alcoholic, at Christmas time, and we never saw her again. Where she went, or if she is still alive, is unknown.

I know today, that the best thing I can do for my friends, is to make sure that whatever room, I am in, on any given holiday night, is open and ready to receive.

The hour that people come to the rooms is sacred. You never know, 100% what is going on in someone else’s head, but we all have a idea. We are all there for the same reason.

It is in that hour that we can affect change. You never know, to what degree, an act of selfless kindness, will do for someone who is suffering or just needs a place to be themselves for an hour without judgment or argument.

The room is set up. There is coffee ready to go. And usually, there are treats on the coffee table as well. We really know how to do holidays right, in Montreal.

Spend enough holidays in the rooms, and you will see just what a difference you make in someones life, every year they return to spend an hour with you.

That is the way we form relationships with people. One cup of coffee at time.

One conversation at a time.

One day at a time.

We are called to be kind. We are called to be just. We are called to be merciful. We are called to care. And we are called to do good in people’s lives, because we must.

That is the message of Christmas.

There were no smart phones in Bethlehem. And there was not a single Big Box Store in all of Sinai.

We give because we can, if we are able.

There is so much suffering in the world today. The world needs a day where EVERYONE is kind and just and merciful.

All we can do, is what we can do, on a daily basis, for someone else, because that is what we are called to do.

Find a kindness and do it …