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Tuesday: I Don’t Give a Fuck !!!

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Today was a really great day.

I take an hour, every day, to watch a Ted Talk, maybe Two, maybe Three, if I am on a roll.

I am still working to figure out what has happened to me, over these last number of months. I need to own my feelings. I need to tell you that you hurt me. I need to tell people that I no longer give a fuck, anything about them.

The rooms are not what they were years ago. And people are not who they once were either. That is disheartening. Because, isn’t the purpose of a room, to grow up, learn responsibility, accountability, and knowing one’s self ?

I got Fucked Over by friends. Or at least I thought they were friends.

They aren’t.

I’ve grown up some more. And I own my feelings and emotions. I am no longer going to bury my feelings and smile at you and say … Oh, it’s all right, and I’m ok. Really !

FUCK THAT.

I think we all need to own how we feel. And I think brutal honesty is good. I also believe that true authenticity is what I want of my life right now.

I know who I can trust today. I can name those friends quite easily.

Today was brought to you by: I Don’t Give a Fuck, and The Fuck It List.

Both of these thoughts came from Ted Talks I watched earlier in the day before I headed out for a commitment I made to a friend on Friday, last. I gave a talk on Step 11 to a new group, I’ve never been to before, and I heard a beautiful story from a beautiful young lady, I know as well.

I am continually learning about life and about myself. I’ve spent countless hours watching Brene Brown talk about Trust, Vulnerability, Shame and Guilt.

I feel raw and vulnerable. And I own that today. And now, I can look my fellows in the eye and say, NO, NOPE, Not Gonna Do it.

FUCK IT.

Some of my friends are now on the Fuck It List.

My Time, My Talent, and My Treasure are no longer going to be wasted, on people I don’t need in my life. Doing work for people who take advantage of my good will. And I am not doing anyone, any more favors, just because I am SOBER.

A friend I have, is in my life, because nobody else wants her. And I bent over backwards to help her over the last month. Time I did not have to give, yet I gave it any way.

She asked me to do something for her. Rent a moving truck, because I had time allotted to her. So I rented that truck, based on information SHE gave ME in a prior discussion.

I did rent that truck.

And she was not happy because she accused me of not hearing what she actually said, but I have notes to the contrary. And she scolded me for not getting it right.

FUCK IT.

That reservation is being held by MY credit card.

Today she did not call, but texted me the directions for the meeting, begging off that she could not meet me like we had previously arranged.

FUCK IT.

I have been spinning my wheels with anger and resentment at a handful of my friends because they are total DOUCHE BAGS.

FUCK IT.

I am De-cluttering my mental barn. I am giving myself permission to be certain of what I want in my life, who I want in my life and just what I am going to devote my time, talent and treasure to.

So FUCK IT.

  • If you are doing for others because you feel obligated … Fuck It.
  • If you are working a job you hate, that does not bring you joy … Fuck It.
  • If you have people in your life whom you really don’t like … Fuck It.
  • If you are doing shit, that you don’t like doing, WHY ??? Fuck It.
  • Anything you don’t need to do any longer … Fuck It.

Your Time, Your Talent and Your Treasure need NOT be wasted on Assholes and Elbows.

Find your words, re-order your life and your priorities.

Just Say … I Don’t Give and Fuck any more.

FUCK IT !!!


Tuesday: Making a Better Me

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I spent an hour, listening to Brene Brown talk. And I took notes.

  • Courage – The Ability to TELL your story and LIKE who you are in the process of doing that.
  • We are WORTHY of love and belonging
  • To have a RESILIENT spirit
  • Is to to be TENACIOUS
  • While being able to live in your story, we get to rewrite the endings of our stories, if we are willing to walk into them and OWN them
  • I never realized that I am living a SHAME based life
  • Always thinking I am Less Than or Not Enough or Unacceptable
  • JOY is Vulnerable Discomfort
  • You have to be able to FEEL Discomfort in order to feel JOY
  • JOY is as prickly as Grief and Shame
  • To be Vulnerable is to be Beautiful
  • Those Vulnerable parts of us make us beautiful
  • THE THINGS THAT GET IN THE WAY ARE THE THINGS THAT CAN SET US FREE
  • People Never want to talk about those things that are in the way
  • It is all about talking about those things that are in the way
  • People always want EASY, BREEZY and LIGHT
  • In ADDICTION research – An intensely JOYFUL experience is as likely to cause a RELAPSE as an intensely NEGATIVE experience
  • Joy can be uncomfortable because it is Vulnerable
  • WE CAN DO HARD THINGS
  • Too many of us live in a world where we always need Positive and we never talk about the negative, or the failure, or that something is difficult
  • I’m Imperfect, I’m Vulnerable BUT I AM ENOUGH
  • I am Worthy – and Live a WHOLE HEARTED LIFE
  • Hope is NOT an emotion
  • HOPE is a Cognitive Thinking Approach
  • It’s not how we FEEL, it’s how we THINK
  • HOPE is 100% Teachable – Goals, Pathways and Agency
  • Set Goals, Cultivate pathways to achievement, Achieve your goals
  • Agency is simple … I believe I can do it
  • HOPE is a function of Struggle
  • People with high levels of Hopefulness have these prerequisites: Perseverance and Tenacity
  • THE PEOPLE WITH THE HIGHEST LEVELS OF HOPE HAVE THE MOST EXPERIENCE OF FAILURE
  • Dreams DON’T work unless we DO

**** KETO DIET UPDATE ****

I went to my Weigh in yesterday afternoon. I began at a weight of 180 pounds last Fall. Yesterday I weighed in at 145 pounds. That is a weight drop of 35 pounds, and I still have a month till I am seen at the clinic. Hoping to drop even further, before then.

I’ve never felt so good and so alive as I do right now. Even amid the turmoil I am CRUSHING it with physical beauty that I thought I would never find again.

But I have …

I Love My Life Right Now !!!